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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 7:08:20 AM

earthycouple

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Damn and I was just about to start a thread asking for help with my barn raising.... *S*

That was fun to read...I've not heard that saying in years!

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 7:14:53 AM

bipolarber

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I used to be a part of the Denver community, helping to found and run a couple of the pansexual play groups that served the new members coming from the 'nilla world, during the '90's. We served as a sort of "gateway" organization, letting people experiment a bit before deciding to take the plunge into the scene, and joining the more serious groups.

During those times, I had to put up with an incredible amount of rudness, and clueless behavior. Not just from the new folk, but also from long time members of the so-called "community." Funny how they all had opinions on how to run a group, but when it actually came time for them to do something akin to work, they were never to be found. (I call it the "Dr. Smith" effect, after Johnathan Harris' character on the old Lost in Space series.)

Sure, there were good times: more often than not, on any given party night, there would be scenes I would either be privlidged enough to watch or even become a part of. I also met a TON of wonderful, sexy people! But in the end, the labor involved, and the near lack of any kind of "thank you" from anyone, for any of it, pretty much burned me out. Now I just attend the parties, do my best to not get involved, and let the next generation of bright, young, eager leather folk do their stint.

It used to be that the BDSM scene comprised my friends and support. But, since I have moved to Arkansas several years ago, that is no longer the case. Arkansas has such a small scene (and what there is, I've found to be pretty lame) that I just don't bother.

I've gotten back into ligit theatre, and found the people there to be much more of a family than BDSM ever was. The BDSM "community" is more like a set of competing dog packs, each vieing for superiority over the other. Add to this the pretension, the Goth and Gor BS, the vast numbers of fakes and poseurs... It becomes a drag.

I just look for, and play with, individuals these days. I'm much happier. At most, I'll go to a major event/convention. More to catch up with old friends than to learn anything. Usually, by the end of that sort of weekend, I'm more than ready to stay away for another year or two.

(Well, you asked...) :/

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 7:24:54 AM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Jay Wiseman coined a term for running groups, he calls it "organizational masochism" and I think it fits quite well. There is a woman who has spent tens of thousands of dollars running a local play space over the years and the people who hate her and there are many always whine about her running a business. The fact that she charges $20 for an event and then lays out a full dinner buffet of pretty good food AND rents a house specifically for these events plus the labor and expense of holding a party and cleaning up after ensures that she loses money every time escapses them.

The scene is a good place to spend time when you are starting out, it broadens your horizons but like many things, some people move on and some find a home.

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 9:28:05 AM

SirDominic

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I think too many people want or need to be able to pigeonhole themselves and others. It really boils down to how social somebody is, for the most part. It is the social ones who regularly attend munches, play parties, etc., people who are more private are less likely to get involved, or only be involved peripherally.

For instance, I have attented enough functions that I am fairly well known by the local groups. But I am not a regular by any means.

Whether one is a "lifestyler" or not, to me, is really superfluous. It's not like you get a nifty decoder ring or anything. Hey, that may not be such a bad idea!

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 12:56:27 PM

stella40

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From: London, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Are you not considered a "lifestyler" unless you are part of the community?What makes you a part of the community -- attending munches and play parties? If you never attend any of these things, are you still a member of the BDSM community?

I feel what makes me 'lifestyle' is that I'm open about who I am, I have friends into BDSM, I have a BDSM relationship with my Domme and BDSM is a major part of my life. Presently I don't attend munches or play parties, but I feel part of the BDSM community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Do people ever mix their communities? If you have a close set of friends that are from a hobby group of some sort, do you tell them about your bdsm community friends and vice versa?

Yes. I'm also part of the LGBT and Transgendered community, it all intermingles with each other. I'm 100% open about who I am, I don't see being interested in BDSM as something to be ashamed of.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
If you had a wedding, could all your friends from all communities attend together, or do you keep them separate?

Yes they could.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Is the BDSM community your main circle of friends and support? What about online community? How many communities do you consider yourself a part of, and how accepting are they?

No it isn't. Nor is the online community. First and foremost I'm part of society, I tend not to label or classify all the communities I'm involved in. People are people, they're individuals, each has their own interests, it's all down to mutual respect and acceptance of each other.

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Post #: 45

RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 2:09:54 PM

dovie

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greetings,

avoiding all the definitions and just saying:
i attend munches, play parties, (public and private), classes, presentations and events.
BDSM is a big part of my life but not all of it. imo a person does not have to attend an event to be "a part of" the BDSM "community" a former Master of mine hated the "scene" for some of the reasons already cited by bipolarber and others. as such, i stayed home. if i had a wedding, i would invite my friends from all the different dimensions that make up my life. the premise being if you are invited to the wedding, you have a personal relationship with me. i don't share everything with everyone in my life. i pick and choose; sort of a need to know basis.
AAkasha, thank you for this question. i realized of the friends i talk to on a daily basis, most of them are BDSM affiliated.
fascinating!
be peace, be well,
dovie

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 2:52:37 PM

RavenMuse

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I've been a 'lifestyler' for the last 26 years. My main relationships, My live-in partners, My secondary relationships... ALL have been D/s to one level or another. The way I live My life, ergo lifestyler.

However, until recently, the last year or so, I had no interest in nor need for 'the scene'. In fact after My first venture into what it had to 'offer' 20 years ago I rather distained it.

Luckaly a young lady persuaided Me to finaly take a look at what was out there here in London and I am enjoying it rather a lot. Still don't 'need' it, nor consider it a core part of the lifestyle, but it makes for an interesting diversion (Plus the occassional inspiration and you learn new things from time to time if you keep your mind open too)

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RE: Are you part of the "community"? - 5/19/2007 2:53:55 PM

thetammyjo

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bipolarber, I completely understand where you are coming from.

I have always made it part of my job as an attendee to any munch, party, or event to thanks those who did the work and to not bitch about things because I know how much time and effort it takes how much it can hurt to not even hear one simple "thanks".

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Post #: 48