abuse

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

abuse

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> abuse

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

abuse - 5/14/2005 9:19:38 PM

tieme

Posts: 5
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

I have this friend she is seeing her master an he is very UGLY to her at times/ He treats her like a dog he gets mad her all the time will not listen to what she say he yells too / I have tryed to help her in many ways but she wants some help before leaveing the master / I would like your thinking on this please Help !!!

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: abuse - 5/14/2005 10:54:21 PM

MsSilvie

Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

You can't help her decide to leave. She has to make that decision herself. You can support her decisions, but they have to be hers.

(in reply to tieme)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: abuse - 5/15/2005 12:11:41 AM

straykitten

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Detroit, MI
Status: offline

While it's good to be worried about a friend, I don't know if I would be as frantic as you are. The fact that he's not physically abusive means she's in no immediate danger; it sounds more like they aren't compatible. After all, I bet at least one person is reading this and thinking "Lucky bitch..."

As such, I don't think she needs to be worried about repercussions for leaving.

But otherwise, I agree with MsSilvie...it's her call.

(in reply to tieme)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: abuse - 5/15/2005 4:59:06 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I bet at least one person is reading this and thinking "Lucky bitch..."

If even one person read that and is thinking "Lucky Bitch"....they need a consult in a psych department.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to straykitten)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: abuse - 5/15/2005 9:27:59 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

I have tryed to help her in many ways but she wants some help before leaveing the master

so help her pack.......what other sort of "help" is she looking for?

quote:

She has to make that decision herself. You can support her decisions, but they have to be hers.

MsSilvie is correct. No matter how good your intentions, ultimately it is her decision to make.

quote:

The fact that he's not physically abusive means she's in no immediate danger

she could be, if his verbal and emotional abuse reach an intolerable level, she could be in danger from herself....

(in reply to tieme)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: abuse - 5/15/2005 10:24:01 AM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

You can't make her leave but you can at least make sure she knows the options - maybe get her some info on shelters and such.

Being a good friend these days isn't about giving advice but picking up the pieces after it's all over.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: abuse - 5/19/2005 7:34:57 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

You can't make her leave but you can at least make sure she knows the options - maybe get her some info on shelters and such.

Being a good friend these days isn't about giving advice but picking up the pieces after it's all over

i completely agree with both statements.

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: abuse - 5/19/2005 2:50:43 PM

DrkAngl

Posts: 145
Joined: 4/9/2005
Status: offline

I am a former abuse survivor. The abuse was from my, now late, husband. I left, took the baby and ran, spent a month in the local women's shelter. Three months later, he passed on.

Anyways, what I'm thinking is your friend lives in fear of this person. That's very common in abusive relationships. That's why a lot of married women don't leave their husbands.

What most will tell you is if you have a car, keep a bag packed in the trunk. That way if you have to suddenly leave then you will have what you need.

Also, find the number to the local batered women's shelter in her area. They are great help if you need a place to suddenly go. And it's very protected there. The one I went to also offered counceling as well as food if you didn't have the $$ to provide some for yourself.

The best thing I can think of is to leave while he's not at home. That way he can't threaten her. And be prepaired for the "I'm sorry, it won't happen again" routines. Because that usually happens. Then the cycle starts all over again. If she's going to leave she needs to stick with it and not go back.

All you can do for her is to support her emotionally. All the talking in the world won't help if she herself isn't truely ready to leave, but let her know there is a safe haven to go to....the batered women's shelter.

(in reply to tieme)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: abuse - 5/22/2005 8:49:14 PM

LadyTigana

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: straykitten
The fact that he's not physically abusive means she's in no immediate danger; it sounds more like they aren't compatible. (...) As such, I don't think she needs to be worried about repercussions for leaving.

Nonsense. Mental abuse is as bad if not worse than physical abuse. Ever hear of stalkers? Just because a victim is not being beaten up physically doesn't mean they're not being hurt.

Also, mental abuse can escalate to physical abuse without warning. ANY abuse is dangerous.

Anyone who leaves an abusive relationship will experience repercussions, whether they come from the abuser, or from their own guilt and fear.

Either way, this girl needs professional help and counselling. Even if she leaves her abuser, she will end up with another one if she doesn't get help.

I know all this because my ex husband who mentally abused me for years, one day picked up a rope in our bedroom, came up behind me and tried to strangle me to death. There was no warning. He went to jail. I went into a spiral of depression and guilt, and almost committed suicide. Those were my repercussions.

Thankfully I got help, and I hope the girl with the abusive "master" (not really a master of anything) does too.

(in reply to straykitten)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: abuse - 5/22/2005 9:40:01 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

yes, not really a master of anything, just because one wears the title of Dom, doesn't make them dominant-- it s a far cry from domineering to dominant, yet a very fine line--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to LadyTigana)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: abuse - 5/27/2005 12:35:40 PM

masterforyorlove

Posts: 18
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

Tieme, perhaps your friend would have an easier time of saying goodbye to her abusive Master if you woul find her a new one????

(in reply to tieme)

Profile

Post #: 11