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Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/24/2007 12:44:11 PM

Aliet

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Joined: 5/24/2007
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Well, I had my first domme-from-the-start scene last weekend and I've been thinking about things.

My ex and I were both rather dominate switchs. I had no problem being dominate as hell with him (and he was quite the painslut), and it wasn't that I wasn't dominate with my new pet... It's just... I found myself holding back. He wasn't complaining (and he didn't want pain, he wanted to be humiliated), but I just couldn't unleash on him the way I used to my ex.

Is it stage-fright? Is it that I knew my ex could take as good as he gave? He is just, overall, a nicer, more submissive guy. Aggressive, dominate guys turn me on--and getting turned on makes me aggressive, too! It's not that I top-from-the-bottom. I don't want to control things, I enjoy being dominated. It's that my brain goes: dominate = power = can take it, where's my whip?

What the hell is wrong with me? Is there anybody else like this?

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/24/2007 12:58:51 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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It could be the first time playing with a new person jitters. It could be that you know he isn't a painslut and you don't want to hurt him. Do you think that possibly your a sadist and inflicting pain upon your subject is what feeds your aggressiveness? You may want to mull that over. I know I can do humilation and quite well, but when there's pain involved I am even more evil and aggressive. It may take a few more sessions for the pair of you to learn each others play style and then from there it may blossom into something more to your liking.

~Lashra

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/25/2007 5:45:28 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aliet

Well, I had my first domme-from-the-start scene last weekend and I've been thinking about things.

My ex and I were both rather dominate switchs. I had no problem being dominate as hell with him (and he was quite the painslut), and it wasn't that I wasn't dominate with my new pet... It's just... I found myself holding back. He wasn't complaining (and he didn't want pain, he wanted to be humiliated), but I just couldn't unleash on him the way I used to my ex.

Is it stage-fright? Is it that I knew my ex could take as good as he gave? He is just, overall, a nicer, more submissive guy. Aggressive, dominate guys turn me on--and getting turned on makes me aggressive, too! It's not that I top-from-the-bottom. I don't want to control things, I enjoy being dominated. It's that my brain goes: dominate = power = can take it, where's my whip?

What the hell is wrong with me? Is there anybody else like this?

First please consider learning the definitions of "dominate" and "dominant" because your posts are going to be difficult to understand otherwise.

Dominate is what one does; dominant is what one is. I am a dominant woman who dominates men. Easy, yes?

Now as to your question..... I can't ever recall taking on a scene with someone new that I didn't "take it easy" to me this is simple intelligence. I believe in going a bit easy on my bottom, slave, sub the first few times to guage reactions and response so I know what to expect when I get a bit heavier. If someone says "you can do more" I ignore that because I, me, Donna needs this learning time. If he never comes back for more because I was too "easy" on him then I didn't want him anyway. If my explanation isn't good enough then so be it. I do what I do so I can be the best I can be with each partner. I rather leave them wanting more than running for the hills because I frightened them (I can be quite sadistic).

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/25/2007 7:54:11 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Don't be in a rush. Doms all have different styles and preferences. This might be yours, or it might simply be what you're used to. Give yourself a chance to explore and try things on for size before you make decisions or freak outs.

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/25/2007 1:03:20 PM

MissSCD

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Alliet:

I hate to burst your bubble, but there is no way you can both be dominate switches. It is Dominant. Dominate is the verb.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/25/2007 4:44:39 PM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

Alliet:

I hate to burst your bubble, but there is no way you can both be dominate switches. It is Dominant. Dominate is the verb.

Regards, MissSCD

MissSCD I hate to break the news to you, but you are wrong. Why can't two switches together be both primarily dominant???? Both can dominate and both bottom, just not at the same time. There ARE no absolute.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/25/2007 6:52:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Earthy- I think she was teasing on the bad usage of "dominate/dominant" and not suggesting such a combination of people couldn't exist.

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/26/2007 1:13:47 PM

earthycouple

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Earthy- I think she was teasing on the bad usage of "dominate/dominant" and not suggesting such a combination of people couldn't exist.

Opps...my apologies then! I read it again...and you are right LA....damn verb/noun confusion!

< Message edited by earthycouple -- 5/26/2007 1:14:38 PM >

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Dominating-dominate-guys fetish? - 5/26/2007 2:14:53 PM

ToysAndTies

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Joined: 5/20/2007
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Perhaps there's something to be said for the power play. You mentioned playing previously with another dominant switch like yourself, and that this was your first "domme-from-the-start scene". It could be that you're not used to being Given the dominant role, as opposed to taking it. Just my two cents.

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Post #: 9