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Are you asked - 5/26/2007 5:00:32 PM

Kitte9

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Does your Dom/me ask you to switch or are there other, more subtle clues that let you know when to?

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RE: Are you asked - 5/26/2007 8:46:54 PM

earthycouple

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When I switched with my partner we just made a natural progression. No big "to do's" about it...just sort of happened.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/26/2007 10:20:51 PM

JpnsTigerrrlily

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It has been the same for me as well. We just flowed pretty naturally.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/26/2007 10:28:12 PM

HutchGarahl

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I once had a sub ask to switch one night. I will never do it again.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/26/2007 10:59:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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When we don't know, our code phrase is "So, how are you feeling?" with a particular tone to it.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/26/2007 11:00:30 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
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I have had switch boys ask me if I would. I wont, but it doesnt stop them from trying.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/27/2007 1:04:24 PM

Mikal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

Does your Dom/me ask you to switch or are there other, more subtle clues that let you know when to?

Hmm... may be just me, but it sounds like you are assuming that switches are automatically submissive, and 'switch' when the Dominant wills it... and that is not necessarily the case for everyone. But, I'll assume (yes, bad thing to do, I know) that you are talking about you, and want to know about others... so:

For me, I find that I tend to be in one 'role' as it were, for the majority of the relationship. It really depends on how I've connected with the person I'm with. Some people seem to have a vibe about them that I react/respond to - if that vibe is submissive, then I feel/become more dominant; likewise, if that vibe is dominant, I feel/become more submissive. *shrugs*. During play/sex... I just go with the flow. If it feels right, it's right. Also, it depends on my mood *grins & laughs*... I know, sounds like a cop-out, but its true. I've gone to parties, fully intending one thing, only to have my mood shift and do something completely different.

Basically, I'd say go with what feels right at the time. And if you are a submissive switch, do what your Dom/me tells you!

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RE: Are you asked - 5/28/2007 7:35:44 AM

Kitte9

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mikal

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

Does your Dom/me ask you to switch or are there other, more subtle clues that let you know when to?

Hmm... may be just me, but it sounds like you are assuming that switches are automatically submissive, and 'switch' when the Dominant wills it... and that is not necessarily the case for everyone. But, I'll assume (yes, bad thing to do, I know) that you are talking about you, and want to know about others... so:

For me, I find that I tend to be in one 'role' as it were, for the majority of the relationship. It really depends on how I've connected with the person I'm with. Some people seem to have a vibe about them that I react/respond to - if that vibe is submissive, then I feel/become more dominant; likewise, if that vibe is dominant, I feel/become more submissive. *shrugs*. During play/sex... I just go with the flow. If it feels right, it's right. Also, it depends on my mood *grins & laughs*... I know, sounds like a cop-out, but its true. I've gone to parties, fully intending one thing, only to have my mood shift and do something completely different.

Basically, I'd say go with what feels right at the time. And if you are a submissive switch, do what your Dom/me tells you!

Spot on, Mikal. I was asking in reference to myself, sorry for any confusion.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/28/2007 10:15:27 AM

Mikal

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitte9

Spot on, Mikal. I was asking in reference to myself, sorry for any confusion.

*grins* No problem... somedays I'm easier to confuse than others

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RE: Are you asked - 5/28/2007 9:06:06 PM

Evanesce

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I don't switch with the Kaptin.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/29/2007 8:26:05 AM

HeavansKeeper

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A curious thought I had, what if two swtiches both wanted dominance... Wouldn't that be a fun bit of (I guess it qualifies) foreplay for the night? It'd be like two lions pitting for the Alpha male position. And then one gets spanked. I'd love to see that one day.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/29/2007 10:33:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper
A curious thought I had, what if two swtiches both wanted dominance... Wouldn't that be a fun bit of (I guess it qualifies) foreplay for the night? It'd be like two lions pitting for the Alpha male position. And then one gets spanked. I'd love to see that one day.

On the rare times we've both been on the same side of the slash, we just go do something enjoyable together rather than play. Oddly enough when I want force or primal play, I want to know who's going to win in the end.

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RE: Are you asked - 5/29/2007 9:40:38 PM

Elorin

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From: San Antonio, TX
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M doesn't switch. We do, however, talk before we go to a party about whether I am up for playing with him, if I want to top someone else, or if we want to try to do both in the same night. It's a protocol we set up after I went to 3 parties running and didn't get to top anyone because I waited all night for M to play with me...and found out at the end of the night he had been waiting until after I topped someone before he scened with me. We hadn't spoken at all and I didn't get to play on either end of things. Made for a very cranky Elorin.

Now we talk about it first, and he lets me know if he wants to play early or late, so I can schedule my other playing around it.

~E

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RE: Are you asked - 5/30/2007 2:54:18 AM

DagnyTaggart

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

A curious thought I had, what if two swtiches both wanted dominance... Wouldn't that be a fun bit of (I guess it qualifies) foreplay for the night? It'd be like two lions pitting for the Alpha male position. And then one gets spanked. I'd love to see that one day.

Personally this is one of the things I live for and it usually doesn't end with a spanking (though that is where it might start...)

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RE: Are you asked - 6/2/2007 3:49:06 PM

arayofsunshine55

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Daddy and I don't switch either. Now when we have played with others I am everything and anything which works in the moment. All at once. He likes that.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Are you asked - 6/2/2007 7:45:27 PM

justbambi

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On the occasions that we do switch it's something not quite so subtle like him putting the cuffs on my side of the bed or my simply pulling the cuffs out and grabbing his wrist when I'm feeling particularly dominant.

Only a handful of times has it become like HeavansKeeper said, where it's like two lions pitting for the alpha position. Those are the times that I'm feeling the need for the really forceful play and pushing of limits in my domme side. Just as a side note, we've both won those matches before....ultimately one will give.

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RE: Are you asked - 6/3/2007 7:31:39 PM

RaynaSub

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I have a new play partner that is a switch and is encouraging me to try switching.
I am willing to try switching, and I just changed my profile to switch today.
I used to think you had to pick a side, but now I realize with the right person, you
don't have to pick a side.

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RE: Are you asked - 6/4/2007 4:34:52 AM

MiGTeK

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my (very) inexperienced 2c worth:

I like to go with the flow. It's how i live my life, in the moment.

If the moment feels right for me to top, i'll top. And if it feels right for me to sub, then i'll sub.

I'm just finding myself feeling more right subbing recently.

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RE: Are you asked - 6/4/2007 4:43:20 PM

aparootsa

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Of course you have to pick a side . . . some of us just pick often

I tend to play off the other person a lot - at mingling parties I start in obseravtion mode and see whose style and personalities I mesh with, so I tend to switch throughout the evening when I'm single. In relationships I switch with other switches, sub for Dommes and Dom subs... works out well thus far

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RE: Are you asked - 6/5/2007 12:45:02 PM

HornyToadsMI

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I love to spank the idjits I work with (I am the D at work, or Queen B), but i am Toad's little s at work and at home (we work together). So, depends on the situation. I love thinking that I would eat the guys at work alive......

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