RE: collar of protection (Full Version)

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meticulousgirl -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 6:45:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Some people do not think they are 'fake'... they believe they are doing to right thing!  Who is anyone to say who and what is fake?
 
Why do people think anyone needs protecting and that people cannot protect themselves?  Do people need someone to walk into a pub holding their hand?  What about all those 'poor new dominants'?  And why does anyone need training and mentoring by anyone else other than the person they are submitting to?  Why is there no clean slate?  What is the point of entering a relationship where a person has been shaped already?
 
Peace



My definition of fake are those Doms that are out there being abusive.  It's not easy for a sub or slave to define that when they are in the middle of it, you cant tell me that I'm not right.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 7:12:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Texy
When I stated I'm learning to take care of myself and be responsible for myself, I'm not talking about my life outside this lifestyle.

What put the idea into your head that it's different???  It's not.  That's the issue- taking care of yourself and using good judgement works EVERYWHERE, bdsm or Ds has no special rules for that, we're all still the same people, the same issues.

quote:

 I would have referred to that as most do with some vanilla reference. I'm talking about being single and uncollared And participating in real life parties and muches and interacting with people in "this" lifestyle. Personally, I've never been to a swingers club where they suddenly announced that they were going to adhere to RISK or SSC, why? this lifestyle isn't vanilla.

True, but you've probably never heard of GFE either or NRE- and that's not because it's "not vanilla" but because every subculture has its words and jargon special to itself.

That has nothing to do with actually being safe.  Personally I think SSC is a nifty slogan that is completely useless in the real world, people use it to bludgeon others they don't like and want to separate from in fear.

You can't just accept words or concepts- you have to examine them, see if they are true for you, see how YOU want to make them fit into your world.  I also think safe calls are pointless and do NOT recommend them to people.  But it sounds like you just accepted it wholeheartedly without really thinking it through foryourself.

And THAT is the problem- not that it's bdsm or vanilla or whatever, but that people aren't using good judgement for themselves.

If you want to talk about kinks, yeah there are some skills to be learned there.  But that's true of mountain climbing, or diving, or cooking, or nursing, or biking. 

There's absolutely nothing in forming relationships in the bdsm/ds culture which requires ANY skill not already expected and taught in the "vanilla culture."  The sooner people figure this out, the better we'll be.



aSlavesLife -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 7:22:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

The next time someone takes a shot at you, or stalks you, harasses you, etc then you ladies can come and talk to me. I take a LOT of personal responsibility, I have guy friends who took on the role of 'protector' on their own; I'm glad to have them look out for me and for my son. Why the term 'protector' because its an accurate term for them, most of the time they are called 'big brother types.'

Since NONE of you have the right to judge, you aren't sitting behind a bench, look at yourselves. If you were stalked, etc YOU would want someone to look out for you as well. I just lucked out to have guy friends who care that much for me.

Grow up, ladies. Everyone is as lucky as you are to have avoided trolls and stalkers.


Gosh honey, after all the ruckus you have caused in the past, I would think that you would be the last person to go preaching to others about judging. If memory serves me, you were doing quite a lot of judging about this time last year. Weren't you calling dominants that wrote you predators? I read your blog offsite, and many of the letters you received were polite and well written, The only fault to be found in the authors was writing you, and " POOF ", you dubbed them predators then and there. And now here you are preaching that we don't have the right to judge? Lets see if I can find the thread. Oh, here it is!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_405259/mpage_14/key_outing%2Cmembers/tm.htm

And speaking of being stalked, harassed, and shot at... has it crossed your mind that maybe, just maybe, some of those dominants are people you claimed were predators? Just because they were stupid enough to write you a polite letter doesn't really qualify as predatory behavior, you know, and slander tends to breed malice. After all, you were OUTING people from here on VANILLA  BLOG SITES as well as on your journal here. This is going to piss some people off, and it stands to reason that some of those people are going to quite justifiably seek revenge. Maybe if you would learn to curb your own judgmental behavior you might not need to dupe men into protecting you. Just a thought, sweetie.







KatyLied -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 7:26:01 AM)

To paraphrase Mrs. Gump:  drama is as drama does
If a person is surrounded by drama they need to look at their behavior and how they are contributing to it.



SimplyMichael -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 7:29:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To paraphrase Mrs. Gump:  drama is as drama does
If a person is surrounded by drama they need to look at their behavior and how they are contributing to it.


BINGO!



dawntreader -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 8:25:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

To paraphrase Mrs. Gump:  drama is as drama does
If a person is surrounded by drama they need to look at their behavior and how they are contributing to it.


BINGO!


ABSOLUTELY!!
We are totally responsibly for what we bring into our lives, good, bad and even tragic. Once i realized that, i felt totally empowered to accept what i must and change what i can~



SireKane -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 9:34:59 AM)

I've never heard of a collar of protection, but your mentor story is pretty common. Many dominant men use the guise of mentorship as a ruse to get their hands on you.  It usually end up that the submissive needs protection from her protector. Wake up, smell the coffee and have a nice day.

Kane



darkinshadows -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 10:01:02 AM)

There are abusive people everywhere, not just within the dominant context.  I don't see people outside wiitwd under collars of protection or needing to label someone as their protector.  Who is to say who is an abuser, save the one who is on the end of the abuse.  And a high percentage of the time, people do know they are abused - so yes, I will say you are wrong (ie not right) because I can tell you exactly what I believe. But 'protecting' someone from abusive people is nothing but an empty gesture.  People will repeat the same patten over and over unless they are made responsible for their own actions and want to escape abuse and not repeat the same mistakes.
 
Peace



meticulousgirl -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 10:50:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

There are abusive people everywhere, not just within the dominant context.  I don't see people outside wiitwd under collars of protection or needing to label someone as their protector.  Who is to say who is an abuser, save the one who is on the end of the abuse.  And a high percentage of the time, people do know they are abused - so yes, I will say you are wrong (ie not right) because I can tell you exactly what I believe. But 'protecting' someone from abusive people is nothing but an empty gesture.  People will repeat the same patten over and over unless they are made responsible for their own actions and want to escape abuse and not repeat the same mistakes.
 
Peace



Honestly I'm really sick of the potshots and who the are you to be taking them at anyone? 

Darkinshadows, do not take this as a pot shot because if you read my entire post you will clearly see what i am talking about.  You are a Top and a bottom according to your profile.  which indicates your kinky in the bedroom and no where else but being a Top and a bottom is not why i'm saying this.  BDSM is a hobby to you and not a lifestyle, your profile clearly states that.  It is a lifestyle that i lead everyday 24/7 whether i'm kneeling in front of my Dominant or 1800 miles away from Him (which isn't the case anymore) many who come to seek advice are seeking advice in the lifestyle sense one way or another, you practice the kinky and romantic side and that is it so you could not possibly understand where everyone is coming from as everyones situations are different and i will be the first to admit that i have made false accusations in the past and i am not always going to understand everyone because not everyone is at my level of submission, nor does everyone have the same mentality and feelings as i do, which is more than ok because i know better than to think that everyone would.  

What the OP needs to understand is that everyone of our "relationships" has issues every now and then but my original issue stood and still stands with the fact that this Master has claimed her when that wasn't in the original agreement.  From what i can tell by the Original Post is this Master just used a collar of protection to say everything goes through me now, and you'll do exactly what I say when infact she never consented to that, infact she never even knew what that collar of protection (or form of) meant until recently. 

To me this lifestyle no matter what form of it you lead needs to remain 100% consensual and in the OP's situation it has not, I'm not saying she needs to walk away, but I am saying that she needs to discuss this with Him and find out where the miscommunication came from.  None of us can answer that for her, and I'm not even going to attempt to try because for the millionth time we all practice this lifestyle differently and I do not see where anyone is right or wrong, it's just one person's opinion compared to others. 

I'm not interested in replying to this anymore and really it would be respectful to the OP if we all just stopped this nonsense and got back on the original topic, i'm not hear to fight, i'm hear to share the truth with others, and give my opinion when i feel it is necessary.





mistoferin -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:01:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

Some people do not think they are 'fake'... they believe they are doing to right thing!  Who is anyone to say who and what is fake?
 
Why do people think anyone needs protecting and that people cannot protect themselves?  Do people need someone to walk into a pub holding their hand?  What about all those 'poor new dominants'?  And why does anyone need training and mentoring by anyone else other than the person they are submitting to?  Why is there no clean slate?  What is the point of entering a relationship where a person has been shaped already?
 
Peace



My definition of fake are those Doms that are out there being abusive.  It's not easy for a sub or slave to define that when they are in the middle of it, you cant tell me that I'm not right.


And how do you define abusive? I think that what may be abusive to one will not be seen as abusive by the next. I would venture to guess that most people, regardless of whether or not they are sub, slave or vanilla, realize when they are in a relationship that they consider to be abusive. Whenever I hear someone asking "is this abuse?" in regards to their own relationship, I feel pretty confident that they are asking because on some level they feel, suspect or know that it is and are looking for validation. People who are blissfully happy don't ask others to analyze their relationship for possible signs of abuse. It's also not any more difficult for a sub or slave to objectively look at their relationship than it would be for someone who is vanilla. So yes, I am telling you that I don't think you are right.



darkinshadows -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:33:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

There are abusive people everywhere, not just within the dominant context.  I don't see people outside wiitwd under collars of protection or needing to label someone as their protector.  Who is to say who is an abuser, save the one who is on the end of the abuse.  And a high percentage of the time, people do know they are abused - so yes, I will say you are wrong (ie not right) because I can tell you exactly what I believe. But 'protecting' someone from abusive people is nothing but an empty gesture.  People will repeat the same patten over and over unless they are made responsible for their own actions and want to escape abuse and not repeat the same mistakes.
 
Peace



Honestly I'm really sick of the potshots and who the are you to be taking them at anyone? 

Darkinshadows, do not take this as a pot shot because if you read my entire post you will clearly see what i am talking about.  You are a Top and a bottom according to your profile.  which indicates your kinky in the bedroom and no where else but being a Top and a bottom is not why i'm saying this.  BDSM is a hobby to you and not a lifestyle, your profile clearly states that.  It is a lifestyle that i lead everyday 24/7 whether i'm kneeling in front of my Dominant or 1800 miles away from Him (which isn't the case anymore) many who come to seek advice are seeking advice in the lifestyle sense one way or another, you practice the kinky and romantic side and that is it so you could not possibly understand where everyone is coming from as everyones situations are different and i will be the first to admit that i have made false accusations in the past and i am not always going to understand everyone because not everyone is at my level of submission, nor does everyone have the same mentality and feelings as i do, which is more than ok because i know better than to think that everyone would.  

What the OP needs to understand is that everyone of our "relationships" has issues every now and then but my original issue stood and still stands with the fact that this Master has claimed her when that wasn't in the original agreement.  From what i can tell by the Original Post is this Master just used a collar of protection to say everything goes through me now, and you'll do exactly what I say when infact she never consented to that, infact she never even knew what that collar of protection (or form of) meant until recently. 

To me this lifestyle no matter what form of it you lead needs to remain 100% consensual and in the OP's situation it has not, I'm not saying she needs to walk away, but I am saying that she needs to discuss this with Him and find out where the miscommunication came from.  None of us can answer that for her, and I'm not even going to attempt to try because for the millionth time we all practice this lifestyle differently and I do not see where anyone is right or wrong, it's just one person's opinion compared to others. 

I'm not interested in replying to this anymore and really it would be respectful to the OP if we all just stopped this nonsense and got back on the original topic, i'm not hear to fight, i'm hear to share the truth with others, and give my opinion when i feel it is necessary.




First - You read my profile wrongly and have portrayed it here incorrectly.  Nowhere does it say I am a bottom.
Also - if you take that my profile indicates that BDSM is a hobby - you are also wrong (and yes, I can say that again).  But that's how your read it - sobeit!  Are you suggesting that even if I was a bedroom pervette or a bottom - that my understanding of BDSM is lesser or more worthless than someone else - maybe those 'twue submissives' know more?  That's bullshit.
Your false accusations aren't just in the past - [;)]
 
Secondly - Yes- it would be great if subjects stayed on topic - but the reality is they do not.  And you made a statement that I responded to.  If you don't like people disagreeing with you, that's just life.   And I do not see how what we are discussing (not arguing or fighting) is off topic.  Abusive people are all over, not just in BDSM - and the OP took on a protector, the question I would suggest she could be asking herself is why?  Why do I need a protector?  Why am I unable to make my own decisions?  Why can I not look after myself and in what capacity?  Why am I absolving myself of my personal responsibility?  Why am I entering BDSM which basis is consensual activities, when I need someone to consent for me?
 
And you can tell people what to do - just don't expect them to bow to your desires.
Why do you feel the urge to tell me what my relationship is - even when you do not know me or read my profile correctly?
Why do you feel the urge to tell the OP what she needs?
Why do you feel the urge to tell people what they can and can do?
 
A collar of protection doesn't mean anything - other than what is discussed between the people involved. 
 
Peace and Rapture



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:34:57 AM)

Give it up Dark, you're just too much of a loser to know better *pats head*



darkinshadows -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:39:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Give it up Dark, you're just too much of a loser to know better *pats head*

quote:

(Sprechen sie Deutches, baby)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(Know what I'm sayin'?)
Beck
 
[;)]
Peace and Woof



mistoferin -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:39:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Give it up Dark, you're just too much of a loser to know better *pats head*


LA...you're such a bitch! She is not a loser....she's just doesn't really understand this lifestyle cuz she's not really in it.



stef -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:48:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

LA...you're such a bitch! She is not a loser....she's just doesn't really understand this lifestyle cuz she's not really in it.

As if a wannabe like you could tell!

~stef



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:49:00 AM)

Switches rule and subs drool babes!!!  Suck it!



darkinshadows -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:49:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

LA...you're such a bitch! She is not a loser....she's just doesn't really understand this lifestyle cuz she's not really in it.

Now erin - don't go making me get all Toppy wit ya...[sm=tongue.gif]
 
Peace



mistoferin -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:56:12 AM)

[sm=lol.gif]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 11:57:09 AM)

We're not a clique, are we?  Cuz people might think we are.  I don't want to be in a clique.  You guys suck!



mistoferin -> RE: collar of protection (5/31/2007 12:07:29 PM)

Nah...I'm pretty sure none of you want to be around my clicks...they are generally followed by a pretty loud bang. [;)]



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