Lashra
Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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Ladies, I could not find the website but I did have the questions. You have a series of questions and you both answer them, then exchange papers so you can read each others answers and discuss them. You do this over a period of time so that you can think and reflect upon what it is you really want to say. The key to these exercises is to be honest, detailed and to think about what it is you really want to say to this person.
I know this is hard to read but I cut and pasted it and I couldnt get it to come out right and I have to run to the jobsite. Good luck!
~Lashra
COMMUNICATION EXERCISE
The following is a communication exercise. Complete each sentence with a maximum of 5 statements concerning your family member/significant other: Often there are problems in a relationship because what is expected of each partner is not clear. Complete the following sentence with a maximum of 5 expectations you have:In our relationship, I expect of/from you . . . . . Assumptions also prevent effective communications. When we assume something about the other person or assume she/he knows something about us, we base behavior on something which may be incorrect, or in a state of changing. Complete the following statement with no more than 5 assumptions you have about the other person. I assume you know . . . . . When communications become strained, many topics are avoided. We keep "secrets" for may reasons but they can be very destructive to relationships. Think of some topics that you avoid talking about, or feelings that are uncomfortable for you to discuss. These are some topics I hesitate to bring up with you: . I have difficulty sharing these feelings with you: Complete with a maximum of 5 statements: I feel distant from you when . . . . I feel close to you when . . . . . Improving a relationship requires both people making a commitment to work on the improvement. Abstinence does not solve all the problems. Think of some behavioral changes you can make to improve your relationship: In order to improve our relationship, I am willing . . . . Getting recognition for things we value in ourselves is an important part of our relationships. Sometimes we "assume"(see #2) those close to us know what we like about ourselves. Think carefully about your positive traits and share them with your partner. These are traits I value in myself . . . . . . Just as we assume others know about us, we often make the faulty assumption that we don't have to say positive things about them that they already know. Think about what you value in your partner and share these things with him/her. These are the things we need most to hear from each other and yet we often say the least. These are the traits I value in you . . . . .
Rules For Good Communication Let the other person know that he/she is important. Their feelings are important. Avoid name calling and demeaning the other person, which will only make the other person defensive. Don't criticize a person; discuss specific aspects of his/her behavior rather than criticizing. Talk in a manner that is clear and specific. Ask for clarification and feedback. Avoid saying, "You always........," or "You never.......,". Be direct and honest. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't tell the other person what he/she is thinking or feeling. The only way to know is to ask. Stay focused on one issue at time, and work through to resolution. Don't bring up past issues. Try to let go of past issues. If you want to revisit old issues, focus only on one issue at a time. Work towards understanding how your partner feels, share your honest feelings, and work toward compromise and building future trust. When differences arise, look for compromises rather than right-wrong, good-bad categories. Work towards solutions. Present ideas on how to improve the situation or how to make things better. Resolutions are often a matter of give and take. Use "I feel" messages instead of "You are" messages. For example, say, "I feel hurt when you ignore me!" but do not say, "You are selfish and inconsiderate for ignoring me." Understand that we have different perceptions of the same event or experience. Therefore, don't waste time arguing over who is right or wrong. The task is to understand the other person's perception and to work towards solutions. Should the discussion escalate and become destructive, either person may suggest that the discussion be stopped and resumed at a later date and time. You must be specific about the date and time to resume. Deal with problems as they arise, or set a time to deal with the problem. Don't allow the problems to build until there is a major blowup. Write a list of rules that feel right for your relationship. Have them handy when you are problem solving or having a heated discussion.
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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”
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RE: Written assignments for ongoing education..? - 
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