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ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

But you are bitching about it...

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It was you that entered & remained in a marriage where you were unfulfilled. It was you that fell into a grove & traveled it for X amount of years & now...

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all of a sudden you jump out of this rut & suddenly you expect immediate gratification of having your very own dominant & curse the subs who have their own?

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The D/s world doesn't owe you back wages for time served in the vanilla world.


Many of these girls spent the last 11 years (or more) actively looking for their dominant & they have every right in the world to carry on about how wonderful life is with their partner.

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First tip... dump this shoulda, coulda, woulda attitude & live in the present.You can't change those 11 yrs & if you continue resenting them & yourself for existing in them...

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you'll carry so much negative energy around that you will repel any dominant you encounter.

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You are accountable for your actions & choices.

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I have been aware of my role for 20 yrs now. In all those years I have not had one sub after another... I spent many years single. Yeah, imagine that... a non-pro, fairly attractive, female dominant who isn't into financial or material gain was completely single for several years because I couldn't find a submissive that matched me in those special ways that so many like to talk about.

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So while I was single I continued to work on improving myself. I built friendships. I did many things & had many wonderful experiences that I wouldn't trade for an instant & then one day... I finally met someone to share all that I had become with.

You may not want to hear it but it is the one thing you need to hear & apply to your situation... be patient. SO there... you didn't hear it from

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yet another happily collared sub

you heard it from a dominant.

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ORIGINAL: justheather

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ORIGINAL: octavia





And this bitch-about-it-inaction thing is something you attribute to women in general?

 
No.... I was responding to a specific question.  I was asked if I was male or female.  I replied. Im a girl.  And then i elaborated on why i posted what i did. 

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Perhaps Im not getting the gist of your meaning, but it seems like you are saying "Im unlike other women in that I prefer to take action." That, coupled with this last statement suggests you are saying that "women bitch about things instead of taking action". I just want to understand your implication.

I would also caution against equating "having patience and working on yourself" with "not taking action". In my own experience, and under certain circumstances, I have found them to be about as dissimilar as possible.

I agree.  It isn't that I am not doing the things I need to be doing.  It is that doing it can be a hard, lonely road some days, and a little encouragement can go a long way to help me keep my focus.  hence the name of the thread. 

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Being still, present in the moment and remaining open may not seem like a "doing" (and there is certainly something to be said for stillness and presence as intentional non-doing) but it can be, especially for those who don't find this sort of being a naturally comfortable thing, quite a feat.

(in reply to justheather)

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied
And in the process I've found that by focusing on things that are important to me it has made me a calmer, more controlled person.  If/when an awesome person steps into my life.....I think I'm ready.

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ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied
And in the process I've found that by focusing on things that are important to me it has made me a calmer, more controlled person.  If/when an awesome person steps into my life.....I think I'm ready.

I've been working on more self discipline and focusing on smaller things myself - it seems to help even when being in a relationship.

Regards,
EO

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You are probably refering to something else but this brings to mind my martial arts and meditation training.

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Im a girl.  Was mentioning that i like to take action.  Not a real fan of bitch about it, then bitch about it when nothing changes. 

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Talk to the munch organizer ahead of time, ask them to introduce you so you won't be so much of a fish out of water. Instead of just filling out a profile, and waiting for the perfect man to read yours and contact you, why don't you be proactive? Read profiles and write to people who interest you.

For that matter search other sub profiles for unattached types in your area and start up a friendship. Then the two of you could walk into the munch together or arrange to meet there. That way you would be less nervous.

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ORIGINAL: Faramir

octavia, since you asked for advice, here you go:

1.  If you ask for advice and people give you a ration of shit, w/ or w/out advice, don't respond back.  It just makes you look bad.  If you asking for advice opens the door to someone criticising your values, rather than offering advice, just take it.

2.  All that shit about "Don't worry about meeting someone, enjoy your life, cram roses up your ass and smile!"--feel free to fucking ignore it.  Some people do not hunger for intimacy the way others do.  Some people can take time, let things come to them, and be satisfied in other relationships, other pursuits. For some people, not being in  relationship is a relief--it gives them space to do other stuff. 

For some of us, and I'm guessing your space is similar to mine, to not be connected in intimacy, to be hungry for that kind of closeness and not have it, is terrible.  It is literally an unmooring.  My slave asked for her relaease on Dec. 18th of last year.  I am no longer whole in the way I was.  I know people who don't need another person in eros to be whole--fucking A for them.  If you're like me, and need that closeness to be whole, it isn't ok.

It hurts.

3.  That being said, feel free to feel however the fuck you want.  Feel low and discouraged if you want, because it sucks to have life suck.  Do NOT force a relationship from loneliness, because as sucky as it is to be unmoored in intimacy, fractured intimacy, a ruptured, wrongly joined BDSM relationship is damaging.  Dont do it.  You have no choice but to be patient.

4. Put up pics of yourself.  Check--you've done that.

5.  Be hot.  Check--you've done that.

6.  Add to, or re-write your profile to include a picture of your intimacy framework, and your space within BDSM.  You asked how to find a Dom, and like it or don't, this isn't Match.com.  You have described some of your personality characteristics, and soemthing of your current condition.  I think because your profile gives no clue if you are a masochist, interested in bondage, service oriented, etc, it's got to be off-putting to some men.  Maybe as a tabula rosa it is inviting to some--they can project onto you or hope for what they desire.  But for a person who knows they can only connect with a masochist, or who knows they are moved by service, or who is so enthusiastic about bondage that it needs to be a key part of the relationship, they very well might not write to you.

If you write down, I dunno, that you need a strict, forceful Daddy type who can be very loving to you, but also punish you when you break rules, and give direction, maybe there wil be some chamleon whose like "ZOMG I'ma  Daddy Dom what a coinky-dink!"  But you will also have the man who self-identifies that way know you match him.

Good luck.