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"Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 7:51:24 AM

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     I am a considerate , and well mannered human , and I prefer me that way .     That said , certainly not always - but sometimes , I find myself adding a 'please" or "thank you" to a command , and subsequent compliance , of a sub .   After mulling it over , it seems those niceties are out of place in the D/s arena - from a Dominant point of view , and somehow will dilute the impact of what I feel should be a command - not a request .    Though I'll say I've never had a problem with getting immediate response from a sub , regardless of the words chosen - as I've been told the changing tone of my voice carries much impact .

    Those little courtesies can always return in the rest of life .

     So - I'd love to hear from both Dommes and subs/slaves alike - have you ever done this yourself - or not ?   What are your feelings regarding the delivery of verbal commands ?

    And what might it be like to be on the receiving end of a "sugar coated" command ?   Is it then , any less compelling - or perhaps more so , depending on context ?

                           Thank you all !

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 7:55:46 AM

lippyangelicsub

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hi tornaway
I personal would jump to it quicker and always do when manners are used, i grew up in a household where manners where used and expected, it didn't make the request/command from our parents less, but i do find myself raising an eyebrow and thinking 'yeah right' when am requested to do something and no manners are used.

(in reply to tornaway)

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:04:03 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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This is a nice point...my Master is by nature a very kind and considerate man. He opens doors for me...says please and thankyou... will get me something to eat or drink if He is getting something...and there are times He has spoken to me and not said please...and i did it anyway...LOL...as a rule, good manners are just that....but sometimes...in a given situation He will not say please or thankyou...

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:05:19 AM

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I prefer saying "please" and "thank you" to saying "Now Bitch Boy". There are of course times when you are in a role playing situation or using key phrasing or tone for effect.

Day to day when I want my drink refilled, help around the house, or my feet rubbed I state things like: Robert get me a coke, please. I do say thank you once task is complete and sometimes at recognition that I need something done. I ask for the coke, he answers "sure" I say "thank you" then I'll say "thank you" again when received said coke.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:08:50 AM

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Hi there tornaway,

Yes, I'd be very similar to yourself in that respect, and would mostly deliver an order accompanied by a: "Please" and followed by a: 'Thank you".

My boy appreciates that what he is being asked to do is appreciated and valued - key components of his willingness to obey.

It works for us but I have in the past spent time with submissives uncomfortable with my style - mostly, it has to be said, those new to the lifestyle seeking a more stereotypical cold, cruel Bitch/Goddess type.

The main exception I can think of is sexually. When we play together, I simply order, probably because degradation and humiliation scenes are often intertwined with more sensual, loving play. In those circumstances - and obviously, I'm speaking in broad-brush terms - it wouldn't even cross my mind to say "Please".

I've often said "Thank you" however, after a particularly toe-curling orgasm, probably because I'm not thinking about it and too busy trembling in the afterglow. It's a very intimate time.

(in reply to tornaway)

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:14:52 AM

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IMO, I do not find obedience to be lessened by manners at all. I use please and thank you extensively.
Given the context of the situation it varies, for example.
1."Will you bring me a cup of coffee please"?, Thank you.
2."Present yourself"
Certainly each carry with it a different voice tone and presence when spoken.

(in reply to lippyangelicsub)

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:25:59 AM

MistressLorelei

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If using please and thank you feel like a comfortable way to issue a command then that's the right way to do things. I am by nature, polite. I think manners are a sign of class that some people just never 'get'. When I am in 'Domme bitch' mode, I don't think please and thank yous come across overly much... but if they did, that would be okay too.

As a parent, I think manners are important as a role model. In my past marriage, my habit of using manners towards others (though likely not as much towards him, lol), not swearing like a sailor, etc. were picked up by my ex-husband. Many, many times, people I know (including my ex-husband, a sub I have known for a year and half, etc), when a curse word slips out... they apologize to me. It feels like a form of behavior modification, and it amuses me, because there are times when fuck, slut, ass and cock are just flying out of my mouth.

By the way.... I think there is something sexy and very "Domme" about sitting on a couch doing your own thing... and calling a male over to "please fetch me a drink at once", followed by a "thank you, good boy". If a male knows that your comment is an order... the 'pleases' are irrelevant.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:32:43 AM

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I agree with szobras. I use both please and thank you in "normal" life and D/s. I forget sometimes in both. It doesn't make Me weaker. Even when I ask all parties know I am not really asking. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet

(in reply to szobras)

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:43:04 AM

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I say please and thank you when giving commands. When I say "COULD you" or "can you" it means the sub/slave has a choice. When I say "please" it means manners, not that it's optional.

During a scene or a situation heavy with D/s, I generally leave off please and thank you. The marked difference between that and my daily delivery makes a point.

Sir says please to me about half the time he asks for things. It endears him to me because I know that I would do it with or without the "magic word" - but the magic word is a sign that he is a man with manners and consideration, which is part of why I love him. That little reminder just helps me love him more.

~E

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 8:48:07 AM

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For me it would be more compelling. Knowing she had absolute control over me, and have her ask or say please, would seem to make her all the more alluring. I once had a girlfriend who would ask me to do some things, but I could tell by her look, or the tone of her voice if non compliance was an even option.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 9:21:16 AM

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I am always polite and use manners. "Would you mind getting me a drink, please" is the same as "get off your ass and get me a drink, bitch" I just choose to be polite. I've never had an issue with manners being mistaken for anything less than a command.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 9:53:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tornaway
it seems those niceties are out of place in the D/s arena - from a Dominant point of view , and somehow will dilute the impact of what I feel should be a command - not a request

I don't think niceties are at ALL out of place in a D/s or M/s relationship. Master is a very kind, considerate man and, in all the time we've been together, I have never once heard Him raise His voice or be inordinately rude to me or anyone else. I think people oftentimes have the belief that to be dominant, one has to be an overbearing, demanding, forceful jerk. This is so not true in our relationship.

And what might it be like to be on the receiving end of a "sugar coated" command ?   Is it then , any less compelling - or perhaps more so , depending on context ?
It is wonderful. I wouldn't call them "sugar coated," I would call them polite. For instance, Master will often phrase requests like this: "I would like it if you would....." or "Why don't you..........?" To me, this has as much if not more force than Him screaming "Do it now, bitch." Why should He have to raise His voice, be harsh, or demand? His (whispered, polite) "requests"are my commands....slave luci

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 10:01:14 AM

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I can say please and Thank you in a tone that certainly leaves little if any doubt that it is not really an option.

There was a saing we used to have in the Military that said " A request from the Company Commander is as good as an order"

There are times when I have to say "I'm sorry, did you think that complying with my request was optional?????"

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 10:44:50 AM

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My blanket statement is always...just because I ask I'm not really asking...the first time I may say "please"...I'm being nice...the second time its a verbal command...and the third time...its a physical request...ie....twisting balls to reaffime My request. I can honestly say...with My boys...a polite request get what I want. I was rasied a Lady first....they learn quickly that they don't want My undivided attention...but then again...I don't mind the tears at all...so long as they aren't in My drink...
Z

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 10:54:29 AM

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Everyone else has already expressed how I feel. I am a big fan of "please" and "thank you". They are not sugar coating at all.

Just because I say "please" does not mean you can say "no".

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 11:07:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justLady
My boy appreciates that what he is being asked to do is appreciated and valued - key components of his willingness to obey.

So true.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 11:13:29 AM

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I always add please and thank you, however it does not mean that command is negotiable---when I ask would you mind--that is when they get the chance to decide---and that is not often----My unmentionable will tell you, you do not want to see Mamas eye if you do not comply--- and there is something to be said for long red nails pinching just a tiny piece of flesh under the upper arm---heh--adding please of course.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/4/2007 11:15:48 AM >

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 11:22:12 AM

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i always see " would you mind " as a trick question, maybe im just getting wise.

Personally its nicer to hear a " please " but i can take or leave that, whats nicer is to hear a " Thank you " or other positive comment. Letting me know i have fulfilled my task.

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 11:23:33 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

i always see " would you mind " as a trick question, maybe im just getting wise.

Hehe, too true that... answer wrong and the spankings could well ensue..

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RE: "Manners" incompatible with commands ? - 6/4/2007 11:32:08 AM

slaverosebeauty

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It would depend on the situation. If he wanted a soda or something like that, then 'please' and 'thank you' are approprate; if its in the heat of a sceen/play then 'grab your ankles' works for me; no please required. If the mood was 'playfull' I might make a smartass comment like 'not unless you say the magic word' but for the most part, I think its dependent on a given situation. Manners are important; its a rarity to find people with manners. I say 'thank you' if a Master opens my door, or even when he tells me to cum, an it was unexpected. Manners are like most other things, a two-way street.

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