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RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/7/2007 4:51:12 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

It might be that he doesn't really know what a munch is, and being a Dom (chuckle) is reluctant to admit his uncertainties. We send this out to prospective members of our group. Perhaps you could adapt it accordingly, and "educate" him?

There are probably a few people on the list who want to ask this
question, but are afraid to ask in case they seem foolish. A Munch is
a chance to meet other group members socially, in a public location,
in this case a hotel. There are no implements of torture in evidence
(apart from the karaoke machine) and everyone keeps their clothes on.
Damn!

If you haven't been before, how will you recognize us? Well, we'll be
the ones having the most fun! Seriously, we'll have some balloons on
the table (hopefully, black ones, but red ones if black are sold out)
and if you click on our profile, you'll see our picture. And you can
always ask the hotel staff to point you in the direction of "the
Internet group".

What should you wear? Well, you don't have to wear anything special.
Many of us favor black clothes, but not everyone will be in black.
Just wear something suitable for "a night at the local."

If you've been reading horror stories on the Internet, forget them!
And if you're really shy, post a message asking if someone would like
to meet you beforehand and go with you.

Although you will hear a few conversations about floggers and
safewords and the best places to buy needles, for the most part
people talk about their jobs, their children and all the usual stuff -
so come along, and have a great night out!

Good luck!

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 21

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/7/2007 6:44:03 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

before i get on with my point i would like to say that if this has been discussed before, i must be crap at finding it using the search feature...
I have this problem, and it encompasses many topics but i will try to be brief...i have been approached by a few Dominants in my local area that said they wanted to get to know me so i said, great, come to a munch and we will talk - its public, its face to face, i am surrounded by people that if are not friends, would atleast back me up if someone was acting inappropriate, its in a family restaraunt's private room, and basically i feel safe meeting someone at a munch - but these are also the reasons i see that they go ack! and run away...i had one guy tell me that because of his work situation he couldn't be seen at a lifestyle event...my thought is that if anyone knows its a lifestyle event they are there for the same reason...another guy didn't even respond...
so my questions?
Am I doing something wrong?
Is there a better way to approach this?
What is so scary about a munch?
If you don't attend munches, for any reason other than financial, why not?

Thats all for now
chelle
House Infernus

I have met one man who was a pastor. He and his wife were into BDSM. They were not involved in the local community. They didn't go to munches. There are some professions you choose knowing they will limit your lifestyle and if it's worth it, then it's worth it and you go with it.

I had never been to a munch before I met my Dominant. He essentially ordered me to go to my first one. I was really nervous and shy, but it was fun. I am more of a listener than a talker, but my Dominant is very talkative and made sure to include me in the conversation, plus there were many more friendly understanding people.

However, I thought it was going to be a horrible embarassing experience where people just looked at me and wondered why I was saying nothing. Or where everyone was cliquey and ignored me. I just thought it would be horrible and I think many people who have never been probably feel the same. This is why I wouldn't want to meet a Dominant at a munch, because I would feel like the third wheel. I wouldn't want to meet at a bar with all of his friends. I would want one on one time with him, just like I would with a first meeting with a vanilla guy.

If your approach works for you, you shouldn't change it. It helps you weed out those who are acceptable for you and those who aren't. There's definitely nothing wrong with you.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 22

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/7/2007 6:50:49 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

I have no desire to ever go to a munch. It just doesn't fit my personality in that I absolutely hate being surrounded by and having to socialize with a group of people that I really don't know. I'm only comfortable around people I've known for a long time and even then I'm not truly comfortable in a large group. I'm much better when meeting someone one on one. I'd have to turn someone down if he only wanted to meet at a munch.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 23

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/7/2007 8:36:12 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Why do you automatically think you are the one doing something wrong?

I am a firm believer that if a whole bunch of stuff goes "wrong" or doesn't happen and the only common denomenator i can find is me, then i need to look at what i am doing and it helps to have outside points of view...

thanks for all the responses...

oh and not sure where but someone said something about the "back up" statement...i mean they won't let him force me out of the room at gun point hidden in his jacket....as someone who was raped 4 times in less than a year, i think i have a right to be cautious and err on the side of paranoia...i am determined not to be a victim again

chelle
House Infernus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/7/2007 8:42:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well that is generally a good route to take so kudos for that.

But really, when you're dealing with online, a great majority are total flakes. Stick to your guns. If, in a few years, you still aren't making progress, then do some serious re-evaluation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 25

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 12:26:31 AM

CirclMastr

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline

I'm going to my first munch on Saturday, and while I generally don't enjoy largish social functions, I figure it's the best way to get my feet wet.

_____________________________

Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly at first.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 26

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 12:45:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I don't find a thing wrong with your approach. We live in the real world, where real things happen. What better idea than to meet at a group event, when being introduced for the first time? There are a lot of advantages to this.

For Myself, I have a whole list of criteria when meeting someone. Even as a Dominant female, there are a lot of concerns. Not everyone is who they appear to be, and safety always has to be of the utmost concern. There is safety in numbers. Plus, if it isn't a wonderful experience meeting this person face to face, you still have a whole room of people to mingle and talk with, should it not pan out.

(in reply to CirclMastr)

Post #: 27

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 12:47:24 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

I think, at least in some areas, this may be more of a "male" thing. I also invite boys who are interested to meet Me at a munch, and most of the time they do not show up. There is always some reason they can't get there. I will also meet for coffee or lunch in a public place where I feel safe, and during the daytime,mostly, but a munch is always the most preferable venue for Me.
If they are refusing, chances are they are someone you probably wouldn't be interested in, in the first place. It is more important to be safe than to take a risk with a different kind of meeting.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 28

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 2:19:24 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

Munches are great, but actually can be very nerve recking. Meeting one new person is already alot...then meeting a group...goodness. LOL

I love munches, and as LA said i don't really have time to go out individually at times.

The rules i have always lived by when meeting for the first time...
1) I need to know their phone number, and know it works because i have called them on it.
2) Keep the meeting in a public place, and let my friend know where that will be.
3) Also give the dates number to my friend, and have the friend call my number and check on me.
4) Never play on my first date...period! No alone time! That is what the second date is for.

When meeting at a play party for the first time, that is different since i am surrounded by others, so light play is fine.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 29

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 4:24:23 AM

kitchendisco

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline

I see a munch as a very safe option. But not quite 1:1 enough.
I really liked the coffee in a public place. Im going for that one.
Id like to couple that with prior written communication. On line to real life.
not searching at the moment, but when i am, ill bare this thread in mind.
kd

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 30

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 4:42:43 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Stick with whatever you feel comfortable with. I too for the most part ask people to meet me for the first time at a munch and find that probably 1 in 5 people (if that) who initially wish to meet me take me up on this offer. I don't think you are asking for something unrealistic.

_____________________________

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(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 31

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 4:58:41 AM

BIllCT

Posts: 160
Joined: 9/14/2004
Status: offline

While I never seem to find time to go to munches, I do prefer coffee clutch meetings in a public place with the ground rules of a public place and no touching unless allowed or asked for. Besides on a frist meeting it should be to discuss common interests and possibilities only!

(in reply to LadyHeart)

Post #: 32

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 6:54:50 AM

tawniessam

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

Hi, all.
I am the #1 slave of the Mistress who established the fresno munch and our local group, The Group in Fresno. As far as I know, we are the only munch in Fresno.

This slavesrosebeauty is living in a dream world. In our nine years, we have only had one accusation like hers against an attendee. We investigated that matter throroughly and the accused member is now an ex-member and is not welcome at our events. We have an official, written procedure for handling such issues and have found it works well.

Not only has slaverosebeauty not made accusations against a male dom from out of town who occasionally attends our munches, I don't even recognize her. I don't think she has ever attended our munch, or told anyone in our group that we have an unsafe player and stalker in our midst.

And don't just take it from me. We now have over 200 card-carrying members of our group who will tell you about the steps we take to make sure that our group does all we can to encourage the safe practice of BDSM.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 33

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 7:22:18 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for clarifying.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to tawniessam)

Post #: 34

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 7:32:08 AM

kinkypooh1019

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: Fresno, CA
Status: offline

This really ticks me off. I've tried several different so called groups in and around the Fresno area that were just shit. They were either total frauds and just guys trying to get laid, people who had no clue what was going on, or psycho's. TGiF is seriously The BEST group in Fresno that I've run into. The mistress that runs the group busts her ass making sure that shit like this doesn't happen, and has a board of members under her who try their best to insure a safe environment for all concerned. Every member knows that if some thing like this happens that it's ok to bring it up to her or any of the other senior members. I haven't found a group yet to come close to matching what this one does. Just grrrr

/rant off

< Message edited by kinkypooh1019 -- 6/8/2007 8:05:38 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 35

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 8:31:37 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

For what it's worth....I don't know if it will make any of you involved with that group feel any better about it but, those of us who have been here long enough to have witnessed some of the sordid history of this poster probably have not attached much credibility to her words. I would also think that those who have come more recently would also be able to see many indicators that would have them questioning.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to kinkypooh1019)

Post #: 36

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 8:37:44 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Munches aren't always awesome places. I've been to two different groups. If someone demanded that I meet him at one of those munches, I would take a pass and not meet him. For different reasons these were groups that I choose not to attend for a second time.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 37

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 9:04:13 AM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline

I'm with Aileen on this one. I have no particular desire for any group to know my disposition and prefer to acknowledge it on a one-on-one basis only. Meeting in highly public places is as easy as pie, and with a few other safety measures no more or less risky than meeting in any other venue (except alone, at the base of the old windmill on the hill on a dark and moonless night, with no-one knowing where you are.........). Being overheard is not an issue either, as I refuse to discuss anything to do with BDSM on a first meeting, except in the most superficial manner if there seems to be some good vanilla compatability.

On the other hand, if being "out" as a couple is important to you, and you are seeking someone to play publicly with, then for sure you need someone who is going to be comfortable in that situation - so your search criteria are important and must be applied. Don't feel bad about it!

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 38

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 9:14:27 AM

tawniessam

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline

Well...Yes. That does make me feel better. Thanks for the comments, mistoferin.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 39

RE: meeting at a munch? - 6/8/2007 5:19:57 PM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Flashbacks to trying to attend my first munch last month.

I showed up at the designated resturant at the designated time. And, being new to town, I recognized no one. I had hoped to spot a group at a table to try and meet some people.
Damn, there were five such groups there!
I considered going from table to table asking, "Got Rope?" but reconsidered.

In the mood I was in, I just HAD to order the "Black and Blue Salad" for dinner.

I think I figured out who the much table was by the end of dinner. Next time, I'll email my picture to a couple of people on the mailing list where I found out about the munch and ask them to introduce me.

Stefan

(in reply to tawniessam)

Post #: 40

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