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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 9:19:57 AM

imthatacheyouhav

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella40

Q. What do you call a dog without any legs?
Cigarette....and then you take him for a drag every morning *LMAO*

A. Anything you like, it still won't come to you.

Q. Why did Jesus die on the cross?

A. Because he forgot his safe word.

sorry i couldnt help myself...

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 9:53:14 AM

philosophy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Eldritchdancer

Q: What do you call the black stuff between an elephant's toes?

A: Slow natives.

....and what do elephants use for tampons?
......sheep.....

...and what do elephants use for vibrators?
...epileptic pygmies.......

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 11:47:42 AM

Musicmystery

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Once, a man of little talent somehow became Music Director of a professional orchestra. No one could believe it--but the controversy jumped into high gear when he was STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!

News crews rushed to the scene, but when they arrived, they found the man already on his feet, getting into a car and headed home. "Doctor!" the reporters asked as they clamored for an explanation, "What happened? How can he be OK?!"

"Well," the doctor explained, "He was such a poor conductor..."

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 12:05:56 PM

Mercnbeth

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Why do dogs lick their balls?

Because they can.

(It's interesting to note that, if this is told in a mixed group, usually only the men laugh.)

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 12:48:19 PM

MarkMinette

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From: Fredericton, New Brunswick
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One of my friends told me he had actually said this: He was sitting in a pub one night and heard a woman at the next table making slurrs about a particular group of people. He had gotten her name after overhearing most of the conversation. He called over to her and asked "Excuse me. Can I smell your feet?". After repeating himself a couple times, she replied "No, you can't smell my feet!". So he said back her "Oh. It must be your pussy that stinks, then.". It made her get up and leave the table.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 12:50:55 PM

favesclava

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a rabbi a priest and a wiccan go out to the middle of the lake to talk about their religions. after a while the rabbi hears the call of nature , excuses himself and walks to the shore , when he gets back the wiccan has to go, so she walks to the shore. when she returns the priest states he needs to go and steps out of the boat and promptly sinks. the rabbi looks at the wiccan and says "you think we should have told him about the rocks?" the wiccan replies, "what rocks?"

the collar is stronger than the ring

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 8:43:25 PM

Marc2b

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After a night at the local tavern with some friends, a man is walking home. He passes near a cemetery when he hears some familiar music coming from one of the tombs. DA DA da DUMMM!!! It is Beethoven ninth symphony! And it is coming from the tomb of the great composer himself!

Curiosity overcomes fear and the man walks closer to the tomb. DA DA da DUMMMM!!!!!, comes out of the open door of the tomb, followed by a strange "scritch, scritch" sound. Even more curious, the man walks into the tomb. Inside is a grand piano, Beethoven himself seated at it. The man watches fascinated as Beethoven flips a page of music and then plays. DA DA da DUM, DA DA da DUM, DA DA da DUMMMM!!!!!. Then Beethoven picks up a pencil and with a "scritch scritch," crosses out a line of music.

The man watches as Beethoven repeats this process three times. Finally, the man clears his throat. Beethoven turns around and stares at him. "Forgive me for intruding, Mister Beethoven," says the man, "but I couldn’t help but wonder what you are doing?"

"Isn’t is obvious," says Beethoven, "I’m decomposing."

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/20/2007 11:23:53 PM

DragonNphoenix

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Two men walked in a bar.... you would have thought that the second would have ducked

I know... bad very bad

1st girl Phoenix

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/21/2007 1:42:44 AM

stella40

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We have an elderly man in hospital, hooked up to IV drip, heart monitor and oxygen mask. A nurse comes into the room and takes his temperature, recording it on the clipboard at the bottom of his bed. He calls the nurse back to him.

"What is it Mr Jones?" she asks

"Are my testicles black?" he asks anxiously. The nurse walks away disgusted.

So he waits a while but then decides to call another nurse over. Another nurse comes over and he asks her the same question. She walks away horrified. The same happens with another nurse.

Then the ward sister comes to him. "Mr Jones what seems to be the problem?" she asks.

"Are my testicles black?" he asks.

"We can't have you asking the nurses rude questions," said the sister," but we'll check." So the ward sister pulls the curtains round, pulls back the bedclothes, pulls down the patient's pyjama bottoms and checks.

"They seem quite normal to me," said the sister as a doctor walks up to the bed.

"Ah Mr Jones how are we feeling today?" asked the doctor, "You're looking much better. I think we can take you off the oxygen." The doctor asks the ward sister to disconnect the oxygen.

"Thank you doctor," said the patient after his oxygen mask was removed," I'm fine. I keep asking the nurses, and I'll ask you, are my test results back?"

Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/22/2007 1:13:59 AM

SDFemDom4cuck

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Marc2b

If you get this one, it will date you...

Some cows and some bulls were grazing in a pasture. A strong gust of wind came along and all the cows fell over, but the bulls just stood there and wobbled until the wind passed. The cows struggled to their feet and everybody continued grazing. Another strong gust of wind came along and again the cows fell over while the bulls just wobbled. A little peeved, the cows again struggled to their feet. The gusts of wind keep coming and the cows keep falling over while the bulls just wobble. Finally, pissed off, one of the cows says, "what gives! How come we cows keep falling over while you bulls just wobble?" To which one of the bulls replies, "we bulls wobble but we don’t fall down."

And now, just to gross everybody out...

Did you hear about the mathematician who had constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. Playskool!

One of my favorite clean jokes.

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She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/23/2007 8:34:07 PM

Musicmystery

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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/24/2007 1:29:37 PM

Eldritchdancer

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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two... but don't ask me how they got in there.

Master Darkmoon

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/24/2007 3:41:42 PM

Saratov

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Stolen from another site: How many maintainance people does it take to change a light bulb? How many are on the clock?

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/24/2007 4:28:45 PM

MsStryker

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I knew a wonderful woman who loved corny jokes and these are the only ones I can remember. She also had 2 cool songs...

joke..
how do you catch a unique rabbit?
you neek up on it!
how do you catch a tame rabbit?
the tame way!

song 1..
Be kind to your parents though, they dont deserve it. Remember the grownups, a difficult stage of life. They're apt to be nervous and often excited, distraught by the turmoils of life!

song 2..
I am a little co-co-nut, sit-ting under a coconut tree, eve-ry-body steps on me, I'm as crazy as I can be.
I'm a nut (click tongue twice) in a rut (click tongue twice) and I'm cra-azy!
Called my-self on the tel-e-phone, just to see if I was home, asked my-self out for a date, said be ready by half past eight.
I'm a nut (click tongue twice) in a rut (click tongue twice) and I'm cra-azy!
Took my-self to the pict-ure show, sat right down in the very front row, put my arms a-round my waist, got so fresh I slapped my face!
I'm a nut (click tongue twice) in a rut (click tongue twice) and I'm cra-azy!
Well I can sing and I can dance, I wear ruf-fles on my, whoops boys take another guess, I wear ruf-fles on my dress!
I'm a nut (click tongue twice) in a rut (click tongue twice) and I'm cra-aaa-azy!!

Wierd the things that stick with us.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/24/2007 4:54:26 PM

MsStryker

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ok so I finished reading the pages, and domiguy already did my rabbit one so.. heres another groanable offence..

How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice, pour a can of peas around the hole.
When the bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/24/2007 11:02:52 PM

HypnoticDan

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Q: What do you get when you hit a baby in the head with a frying pan?
A: Aroused.

Q: How do you make sure your woman scream during sex?
A: Wipe yourself off on the drapes.

To make up for those horrible jokes, I suggest you google "Steven Wright". He's an undersung genius of comedy. Best thing about his humor? I've never heard him make a single joke that involves whining, complaining, or insulting.

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/25/2007 5:35:36 AM

Musicmystery

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Wright won me over when he looked down at his shirt and said, "Oh-oh. I'm missing a button hole."

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 6/25/2007 5:36:10 AM >

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RE: Favorite Silly Jokes? - 6/26/2007 12:51:34 AM

HypnoticDan

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I remember the time the candle factory burned down.

We all just stood around and sang "happy birthday."

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