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Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 1:28:38 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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Hi ladies I'm having one of those times where everything seems to be going wrong !! I admit I feel quite isolated because although my friends know about my lifestyle they dont really get it lol and after another night of sitting up all night spinning things round in my head I got wondering who do you talk to about things? Little problems and things all to do with bondage I've never had a problem posting about (although sometimes it's hard to when you see people bitching). But at the minute so many complicated confusing matters get involved its not reallt relevenet to this site. So my question is who do you turn too? Domost of you have good friends (real time and online) in the lifestyle whose ear you can chew off? Do you work it out yourselves?
I guess the point to my post is do you sometimes feel alone when you run into fuddles because of your lifestyle choices?

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 2:11:57 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I am unlikely to write about close personal matters on the forums. There are people I know from the forums and from my local scene whom I regard as level headed and with whom I connect at some level. For matters more personal and more involved, I would go to these folks.

I feel gratitude towards a domme from the local scene who lent me an ear and advice a few years ago when a relationship matter had me greatly troubled.

Yes, it is harder to find that ear about BDSM matters because the number of people you can talk to becomes limited.

Good luck :)

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/16/2007 2:14:22 AM >

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 2

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 2:34:11 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Thanks Sea , I have posted before about matters like getting domme drop for the first time and having no idea what was happening and feel fine about posting about that kind of thing but matters of a more personal nature I woudlnt post about.
I was worried I was on my own feeling a bit out of it

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 4:12:24 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Anyone needing a rant just drop me a line. i dont think it hurts to be able to talk to others that have an undertsanding, however slight, of the pitfalls of the lifestyle.
The "payback" may be that one day i need to rant too....

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Post #: 4

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 4:43:02 AM

ScottishRose

Posts: 31
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline

left you a message on otherside

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Post #: 5

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 6:41:56 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I could not advise you to talk about really personal or complicated stuff online. If you get close enough to someone online that you feel comfortable talking to them, then maybe.

I just never feel that comfortable with someone I know only online.

Your dilemma is part of the reasons I liked getting involved in local groups. Over the course of time I could feel like I made close enough friends to discuss things with. However most of them do not do 24/7 so I have a leathermen master-slave couple I am close enough to talk with via the phone and emails -- I've known them for over 6 years now and we've done several conventions together.

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 8:11:56 AM

MamaDomme

Posts: 283
Joined: 12/28/2006
Status: offline

I have close friends nearby that have been involved in the scene almost as long as I have......... both Domme and submissive....... I go to them when I need to talk about personal issues. I can't bring myself to post something personal and open it up to possible ridicule from someone that knows nothing about me in real life.

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Post #: 7

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 8:23:14 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Part of the solution to that problem is an active connection to a community that is into your lifestyle but isn't actually playing with you. One of the things I'm so thankful for in my life is that at one point I made an active commitment to becoming part of the bdsm community in my area (well, the San Francisco area, which is a bit further from where I am, but close enough that I can still manage to keep in touch and current). When I have problems or concern, I have a strong network of people who are willing to listen. Because I have been part of that network and have proven to be a good listener and a pretty good sage of advice giving when called upon, I have managed to connect with some very knowledgeable people who I am proud to call friends. There's nothing like the feeling you get when you have a submissive quandary and you can turn to a domina who has twenty plus years of experience who will sit down and listen to you, give you advice, and not actually be trying to see how she can use this to her benefit. At the same time, I have often been the sounding board for dominant women I know because they have come to realize that when they pour out their hearts, I'm not going to somehow try to integrate this into my own fantasies and desires.

But that takes time, and I think a lot of people live in little pockets of their own surroundings, when massive communities may exist all around them, but they never managed to let them in.

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 8:58:57 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I have "my consigliere", a close friend both IRL and in the scene who lends me his ear and his good advice when I'm confused or hurting. After this past year, I don't know what I would do without him -- and yes, when discussing relationships, he becomes my war consigliere. I like to think that I am as good an ear for him as he is to me.

Whatever is happening in your life, I hope it gets better. It's not a deep thought, but it is sincere.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 9

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 9:11:34 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I have one friend and mentor in the lifestyle with whom I share deeply personal issues, and since he is a lifestyle Dom of the M/s variety, we often share many of the same problems even though the gender perspective is reversed.

It's very difficult to feel isolated ... Find a friend or mentor who's opinion you respect and get to know them.

I've been fortunate to have known my mentor for over 30 years now. Those kind of frienships can last a lifetime: you'll have to find a local munch or other activity where you can start building your network of mentors.

Feel free to email me on the other side, I'll send you My direct contact info. Perhaps I can connect you with an experienced Domme or Dom who can share some of their experience by lending you some support.

TexasMaam

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 9:35:43 AM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

I have my partner who helps at times, except when it's about him, then i have my one formerly r/l now o/l friend (because she moved) who i can chat with everyday. She is a sub, but actually that helps sometimes more than talking to another domme, since she gives me the other perspective and then i can kinda work it out better for myself.

Because of where i live there is no truly local scene(yes balt. & dc are only 2-3 hours away, but being a single mom, that's a lifetime sometimes). I have gone out of my way to make friends with people on here who i click with on that level but who we will unlikely ever have an opportunity to actually play together. It's nice having them as friends. We don't know each others personal details (name, address, etc...), so it's unlikely they could really do anything to mess with my life, and besides, we are friends, so i don't fear that.

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 11

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 9:44:34 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: canupleaseme
So my question is who do you turn too? Do most of you have good friends (real time and online) in the lifestyle whose ear you can chew off? Do you work it out yourselves?
I guess the point to my post is do you sometimes feel alone when you run into fuddles because of your lifestyle choices?

Right now, I am learning to turn to MJ and to lean on Him, its a struggle at times, yet I am trying. I also lean on a few close friends in lifestyle {online and real time} and a few close vanilla friends who seem to understand; plus I will blog about something if I need to get it out and at times friends or those who read it will help me and show me a path or something I have not seen. I have basically learned my lesson about posting things when I have a problem; answer, don't. I am use to working things out of my own, I still do at times, yet, I know I cannot always do that or its not the right path or decision.

At times I do feel that being in this lifestyle can be a bit isolating, thats why I turn to places like cm and bondage and even myspace. People on those sites know what its like to go through similar things and if not, a decent number are inclined to listen and give feedback.

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 10:37:59 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Ok how sad is this...i "talk" to Y'all....yep thats it...and Master when i can but thats not very often...Master and i dont really have long conversations, He dosent have time...and i have MANY feelings and thoughts going on ...and i have not got anyone at the moment in real life to talk to. i'm not doing the oh poor me thing just stating a fact....it does get lonely being by myself in my head sometimes(ok THAT may have been a "poor me")

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 3:23:50 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Yes, at times I do feel alone, but not isolated, I have seven best buds that I can go to, all online but also realtime one in the UK---<smiles>, one in Arizona, one on the west coast, one in Wash state , one in Atlanta and one here and one in some obscure city in NC <smiles jess>-----I can pour out My heart, they can pour out theirs, AND they have at one time or another, kept Me, hmmm sane--if that's a word--from hurting Myself emotionally when I was already hurting emotionally-----

I always say, get in the car and meet some of these people---if you are in an area where there is someone you have been chatting with that you have built a friendship---go meet them---you build a bond quickly---

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 6/16/2007 3:24:54 PM >

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 8:27:21 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

We all feel isolated at some point. That is why it is so important to try and locate someone in your area to help you.
That is what I did, and we are building a group. It has taken about four years, but it is working out. It was difficult. I had to let some friends go, and rearrange some things, but all and all it was worth the trip.

Regards, MissSCD

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Post #: 15

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 8:28:41 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline

For times like this...even though she is very fresh in this lifestyle...I have a wonderful girl in Mass that I can talk to about anything at anytime.

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Post #: 16

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 9:58:54 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I dont post about private matters of that nature.

I tend to be the type who has to fix everything Myself,its a control issue.
Sometimes I will ask an opinion,but that doesnt mean I follow it.
I will ask friends,I ask Punk 1st and then move down the line.

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In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

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Post #: 17

RE: Where do you go ? - 6/16/2007 11:39:41 PM

LadyHeart

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I have several close friends in the scene I can talk to, so I am lucky. But I know others are not so lucky, so I always lend a listening ear to those who reach out to me for support. For those who use email, it's not the same as a comforting hug or a morning spent over the coffee cups, but it's better than nothing. Some of those I talk to simply identified me through my posts as a person with whom they felt a rapport. If you can't find anyone real time, you are probably aware of people you've seen post to lists or forums whose emails struck a chord. Perhaps you could start building your support network that way.
In the mean time, virtual hugs
:))
LH

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/17/2007 12:17:59 AM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

The great thing about friends in your local scene is that you can talk to them about anything. There's no need to constantly censor out the rude bits the way we have to do every day at school, work, church, bridge club etc etc

of course every scene loves its gossip, so be careful who you trust. Find a respected confidante of same gender and orientation (assuming you are not gay) who can give you genuine care without trying to get into your pants.

Just a tip from the world -weary!

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RE: Where do you go ? - 6/17/2007 8:22:47 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Thankyou all for your replies. It feels sad to find confort in the fact that I'm not alone in this. I have started being active in my local community and am looking forward to making some good friends in the lifestyle. I'm certainly not knocking those that do post it when they are having a rough time but its certainly not for me. I'm sure all thats happening for me at the minute will passor work out. Thankyou for the kind words

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