Limit or Preference

Limit or Preference (Full Version)

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imthatacheyouhav -> Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 12:37:09 PM)
To the BDSM community here thankyou...its been a pleasure so far, and Y'all have helped me in more ways than i can count I would beg for your indulgence yet again...i have a couple of things on my mind... One i would like feed back on(because i've already made up my mind, so i don't really need advice)...The other i would like advice and or suggestions on please #1 ... I have decided that i would like to ask Master if He would indulge me in some extreme (well extreme to us anyway)play the next time Him and i are together for atleast an overnight...if He agrees i would beg His indulgence to allow me to suggest a senerio. If Master allows that i would suggest Him beating me..bound...not bound...both...it matters not, but to get me to the point that i say my safe word...He is very leary of playing too rough...He vocalizes this and i can tell by His body language and expressions...i would like to show Him where i stand as of now with my pain threshold. So Master will know where it is instead of "wondering" where it is ...and if He chooses to build on that then of course he can... #2...Master would like to see me with other men...He has described this to me and definetly wants it to happen...oddly...before He had a chance to tell me this...i had told Him how that kind of thing really bothers me. You see i have issues with "not being wanted"....i am and have been working on that its better than it ever has been but is a process. so when He said He wanted to "share" me...i was like...oh great!... another man who doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself.... He says thats not even close to what He is thinking when He envisions sharing me... He says its like He has this great Corvette and He wants to see other men drool over it or whatever ...LOL so...Master is not pursuing this because of my hang up...i feel really bad about that...He has wanted this kind of thing for a long time...i think He wants to "change my mind" about the .."oh great another man that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself" before He were to have me actually be with other men.....Master seems to view it as a limit ...i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling...because i am bringing Him pleasure by obeying Him...so whose limit is it anyway? because like i said...i'll do it.....and is it really a limit ?.....

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 12:58:35 PM)
Limit for me means simply "not going to happen" or "if this happens, I will be damaged and it will take me away from myself" Anything else is "depends on the context." So I don't do the hard/soft thing or whose is whose- mine are mine, theirs are theirs, in most Ms situations, the slave simply accepts those of the masters because theirs are so well aligned and it's not an issue. Stop feeling bad about being true to yourself- your master doesn't want to damage the relationship and puts that priority over his little kinky idea. Your guilt is useless and selfish and unnecessary. I understand that won't stop you from experiencing it, but maybe can help you discard it.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 1:06:44 PM)
Alright then...it certainly isnt my intention to be selfish. I just don't want to be the cause of Him holding back is all....

truesub4u -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 3:21:27 PM)
I've found..within myself.. what I will NOT do with one... I WILL do with another. It's all in the name of do I want to with this one. I find no one can give advise on IF you should or not should not do something. This is you... and you were accepted for who you were when it all started. But with some people.. things change. People grow together. What is a limit when you first start out together... and time go on... trust.. everything else taken in... minds get changed sometimes. Once there.. it's discovered if it's a change for the better, or prefered not. Won't know till you decide if you want to stick your big toe in that water and test it out before jumping in. I don't see it as being selfish either. Think on it.. discuss it further... you'll know for sure. Just like he'll know for sure about beating you to your safe word.

Noah -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 4:59:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav To the BDSM community here thankyou...its been a pleasure so far, and Y'all have helped me in more ways than i can count I would beg for your indulgence yet again...i have a couple of things on my mind... One i would like feed back on(because i've already made up my mind, so i don't really need advice)...The other i would like advice and or suggestions on please #1 ... I have decided that i would like to ask Master if He would indulge me in some extreme (well extreme to us anyway)play the next time Him and i are together for atleast an overnight...if He agrees i would beg His indulgence to allow me to suggest a senerio. If Master allows that i would suggest Him beating me..bound...not bound...both...it matters not, but to get me to the point that i say my safe word...He is very leary of playing too rough...He vocalizes this and i can tell by His body language and expressions...i would like to show Him where i stand as of now with my pain threshold. So Master will know where it is instead of "wondering" where it is ...and if He chooses to build on that then of course he can... #2...Master would like to see me with other men...He has described this to me and definetly wants it to happen...oddly...before He had a chance to tell me this...i had told Him how that kind of thing really bothers me. You see i have issues with "not being wanted"....i am and have been working on that its better than it ever has been but is a process. so when He said He wanted to "share" me...i was like...oh great!... another man who doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself.... He says thats not even close to what He is thinking when He envisions sharing me... He says its like He has this great Corvette and He wants to see other men drool over it or whatever ...LOL so...Master is not pursuing this because of my hang up...i feel really bad about that...He has wanted this kind of thing for a long time...i think He wants to "change my mind" about the .."oh great another man that doesnt think i'm worth keeping for himself" before He were to have me actually be with other men.....Master seems to view it as a limit ...i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling...because i am bringing Him pleasure by obeying Him...so whose limit is it anyway? because like i said...i'll do it.....and is it really a limit ?..... Thanks for a wonderful thread topic. I think it is entirely worthwhile for us to examine the way notions like limit and preference intersect and interact, individually and as partners. One step in your own investigation might be to let go for a while of the whole matter of "is" or "isn't" X a limit. This might very well be the last step in the process. Deciding that you have come to some conclusion about a question like that usually seems to boil down to deciding what use you want to put word limit (or preference) to. More important is that--whether or not you ever decide whether this "is" a limit, you get in touch with how the matter feels to you, what aspirational and operational positions you want to adopt toward it. Also more important than deciding the "is" question, in my view, is communicating about this in the way and to the degree that suits you and your partner and your relationship. And hey, if he's into sharing you for sex, maybe he'd loan you out as a punching bag, too. I'll have the girl check to see whether there are any openings on my calendar, or in the cistern, for that matter.

Sinergy -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 5:15:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Noah And hey, if he's into sharing you for sex, maybe he'd loan you out as a punching bag, too. I'll have the girl check to see whether there are any openings on my calendar, or in the cistern, for that matter. ^Listens to the breathless sighs and pounding hearts of those aching to have an Everlast tattoo on their forehead.^ Sinergy

asubmissiveheart -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 5:18:21 PM)
Hard limits are lines and area's that I will never be willing to cross. If you are willing to do it, it is not a hard limit. I also agree with LA, if my hard limits were crossed I would be damaged. I will not be in a relationship with someone who would want to damage me. Anything else is a soft limit or no limit.

LadyHeart -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 6:33:39 PM)
With regard to your wish to be pushed, this, which I posted to another thread, might be relevant to you: "Before I play with someone, I have an in-depth conversation about safe words, stressing the fact that I consider them just as important, if not MORE important, around emotional pain as physical pain. This comes as a revelation to most subs. I give the sub the safeword "Mercy" but make it clear that I will also pay attention to "No!" Stop!" and "Safeword!" since subs sometimes lose it when upset. Additional to this, I actively elicit their state of mind/body. I ask: "what colour are you?" from time to time during a scene. Green means great; I like it; more; I'm comfortable etc. Orange mean I'm getting uncomfortable; slow down; something's not working here. Red means I don't like it; I am close to safewording. This helps to identify areas of play that are causing problems, but nevertheless some things only do come out later, by way of feedback. At the time, it isn't always possible to analyse feelings. I always feel that until a sub has safeworded on me, I am not fully comfortable with them. I can't trust that they are not doing some macho bullshit thing. I like to push till it's out of the way, and then I know we have real honesty between us. " :)) LH

Joseff -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 6:56:48 PM)
Has your Master practiced loaning of a slave in the past, with former slaves? Allowing a 3rd person into any relationship can have unexpected consequences. I don't want to add to your concerns, but I have seen jealousy spring from unexpected places, and people. This is not something you want to do lightly. Joseff

robertolapiedra -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 9:14:13 PM)
Hello imtatacheyouhave. Let's see, you want your dom to do something he does not like? and you are "willing" to do something you do not like (limit) to please your dom? To what purpose? To show him how much physical pain you can take until the point you cannot take it (crossing the limit), to actually cross the limit to know where your limit is? Ok, I would say no in an instant but if your dom "acquieces" to your request... The other, you want to do something you don't like to please him? or is it to see how much psychological pain you can take? I would say no, especialy if this is what "I" wanted. I hope your dom see's through your "fake" smiling. I wish you good luck, and hope everything turns out well for you. RL.

mistoferin -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 9:24:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav #1 ... I have decided that i would like to ask Master if He would indulge me in some extreme (well extreme to us anyway)play the next time Him and i are together for atleast an overnight...if He agrees i would beg His indulgence to allow me to suggest a senerio. If Master allows that i would suggest Him beating me..bound...not bound...both...it matters not, but to get me to the point that i say my safe word...He is very leary of playing too rough...He vocalizes this and i can tell by His body language and expressions...i would like to show Him where i stand as of now with my pain threshold. So Master will know where it is instead of "wondering" where it is ...and if He chooses to build on that then of course he can... I don't think that this would prove the result you think it will. The only valuable information you will both walk away with is that you found where your tolerance was on that particular night, in that particular environment, in that particular headspace, in that particular energy flow, in that particular scene. All of which will most likely be irrelevant on a different night, in a different environment, in a different headspace, in a different energy flow, in a different scene.

mistoferin -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 9:37:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling... Does your Master value honesty? Does he wish for you to be honest with him? Do you feel that would be honest?

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:07:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav i will do it if He tells me to...and when He tells me to....but i won't like it...Master will not know that i don't like it, because all He will see is me...smiling... Does your Master value honesty? Does he wish for you to be honest with him? Do you feel that would be honest? yes...thats honest...Master already knows how i feel...but i will do it because i want to please Him and by obeying Him and pleasing Him...that in and of itself will bring me pleasure and satisfaction...so no...He will not see displeasure in my face ..or anything resembling it...because it dosent belong there.

mistoferin -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:17:57 PM)
I'm sorry, but I believe that feigning a non existent emotion or "putting on a happy face" in order to obscure the real emotion is a form of dishonesty.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:19:58 PM)
I understand. You have the right to feel that way...indeed you do.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:33:07 PM)
And here my Dominant refuses to share me, and I am disapointed. quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav #2...Master would like to see me with other men...He has described this to me and definetly wants it to happen...oddly...before He had a chance to tell me this...i had told Him how that kind of thing really bothers me. You see i have issues with "not being wanted"....i am and have been working on that its better than it ever has been but is a process. so when He said He wanted to "share" me...i was like...*oh great!... another man

mistoferin -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:42:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav I understand. You have the right to feel that way...indeed you do. Well I don't know about right, it's just simply the way I feel. I didn't mean any offense by it, I guess I was more trying to explain why that particular line in your post caught my attention.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 10:50:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav I understand. You have the right to feel that way...indeed you do. Well I don't know about right, it's just simply the way I feel. I didn't mean any offense by it, I guess I was more trying to explain why that particular line in your post caught my attention. oh geez...i'm not offended at all and i think it was very kind of you to take time and respond to me....

aparootsa -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 11:00:31 PM)
While I agree that the pain limit tested here will only be the one for that particular circumstance, I still think it could be very valuable to do, for a couple reasons. First off, in this case her Master is very cautious, so he may never even have come close to her limit. Doing so will give him a general idea of where her limit lies, and it may be much higher than he thought. More importantly, though, as LadyHeart pointed out, going through that as a couple (and then coming down together and recovering/discussing) can be a very heady experience and can (not will, but can) help a couple grow closer because of their knowledge of each other's behavior at the limit.

mistoferin -> RE: Limit or Preference (6/16/2007 11:14:27 PM)
I disagree that doing so will help him in any way to determine where her limit lies on a consistent basis. It will only help him determine where her limit was that time. Depending upon a multitude of extentuating circumstances a Dominant may scene with me one night and find that he can beat me with a baseball bat for an hour before I was to limit out. Now he may think that gives him a good perspective about where my limit lies. He would be surprised however if the next time we played I couldn't tolerate more than a heavy flogging. While I can understand how doing so as a couple may have benefits for some couples, I can also state pretty matter of factly that it may have detrimental impact on others. I know that if I were to use myself as an example it certainly would. If a Dominant began play with me with the intention of not ending the scene until I limited out, it would very effectively have a negative impact on our relationship....and most likely would make it necessary for him to seek emergency dental care.

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