RE: Topping from the bottom

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RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/19/2007 8:56:41 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasingpj
Are there any subs out there who like to or do Top from the bottom in a Ds relationship? If so, what does this entail?

I top from the bottom on occassion, its not always on purpose, but it does happen. LA said it well, its how to 'train' a top-type. Thats why I did in the beginning, then I got bored and it sucked. Now, I try not to 'give instruction' or 'top from the bottom.'

quote:

Do you do it consciously or unconsciously?

It can be both for me. I try to resist the urder, with MJ, He will call me on it, if I did it. I may try to do it to see how much attention He is paying, but , I woudl choose my 'moment' to do that very carefully so that it was taken well and NOT seen as trying to take control, more of a 'playfull' thing.

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Post #: 41

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/19/2007 10:00:53 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
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Hello slaverosebeauty. In my relationship (24/7 D/s) "topping from the bottom" is not allowed. If I get a little topping in a "scene" I usually ignore it.

But in a couples dynamic, topping from the bottom is slow poison if it is non-consensual. I wonder if there are a lot of submissives in the 24/7 context that could tolerate for long a dom who whines, cries ("real tears") or "pouts" you into the "proper" submission? It is nonsense.

Would you really like to have unconsented, dissonant and ambivalent behavior in your relationship? Of course not, and prudence is a sign of intelligence in this matter. Play is play, living together is serious stuff.

When I see topping from the bottom, I stop everything. I don't need that manipulation. I refuse to have anyone "communicate" that way to me. I will never consent to this.

Like I have said a few times before, either you do or you don't (D/s). RL.

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Post #: 42

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/20/2007 12:46:56 AM

ocilla

Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PairOfDimes

There are bottoms who like to direct scenes. In other words, there are people who like to get tied up or get spanked, and who want to be tied up or spanked in precisely the way they request. They're called "dominant bottoms." They get along well with "service tops," or "submissive tops." It's not bad, fake, or wrong at all, regardless of the experience level of the players involved.

"Topping from the bottom," however, has pejorative connotations--and it's also a misnomer, as "topping from the bottom" would literally mean hitting oneself (or something close to it). Most people who like to both bottom and direct the scenes don't particularly like the phrase--and many others don't like the phrase either.

I concur with the reworking of the lexicon to dominant bottom and submissive top - this was a regular desire of many men in other forums - not as knowledgable as this one. As a new Domme who just found her way here it took me 2 such experiences to learn the difference and that it was not what I was seeking. Being collaborative is one thing - and helpful to a newbie - but directing a fantasy is something else and not much fun. Another "pejorative" term that comes to mind is the "do me queen". Any clarification on that one from the experts who roam here?

< Message edited by ocilla -- 6/20/2007 12:51:27 AM >

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Post #: 43

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/20/2007 7:12:46 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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I'm no expert, but the 'do me' syndrome (as best as I understand it) is simply where the bottom approaches the situation with a set agenda in mind. They have specific desires or fetishes they wish fulfilled, and have little or no interest in any sort of 'exchange' with the Top. As a Top, I like to try different things to see what works, and there are certain activities that I enjoy more than others. Constantly hearing 'no, I want you just to keep pulling my hair' or 'can you just use the crop more?' doesn't mean they are topping from the bottom. It's more representative of the 'do me' mentality. If it wasn't me doing it to her, it would be someone else. The added pressure comes with the feeling that if I'm not doing exactly what she wants, it could very well be the last time I play with her.

I've learned that's fine. I don't play casually very often, as the specific activities aren't my motivation in the first place, but rather the relationship that prompts the activities in the first place.

I'll add that it's ok to encourage your partner to do something you really like; that's part of communication. The trick is avoiding being overly selfish about it, or ignoring the interests and desires of your partner in the process. Communication really does mean 'two ways.'

Stephan

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Post #: 44

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/23/2007 7:59:49 AM

KMsAngel

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Joined: 4/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Shyini,

I would love to know what forum you were reading, my guess would be CastleRealm since whatever you read is largely full of shit.

sorry SimplyMichael, that may have been too subtle. can you rephrase that? lol, i love reading your responses, not just for their educational value, but for your ... subtlety

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Post #: 45

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/23/2007 8:10:45 AM

KMsAngel

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as a complete novice to this, can i ask if this is a "problem" mostly with new Dom/sub couples or play only partners? If, as some of the Doms mention, they will look for cues and signs from their subs/bottoms and know them well enough to adjust play however they see fit, does it even happen at that point in the relationship?

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Post #: 46

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/23/2007 9:09:06 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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There's nothing wrong with allowing My sub to top from the bottom.

It only happens when I allow it, and when it amuses Me to do so.

TexasMaam

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Topping from the bottom is an interesting concept. If you are worth your salt as a dominant, how the fuck does someone top from the bottom? While it does happen I think the concept is one that is beloved of the online/chat community because it sounds simple enough for them to throw around.

The ONLY way someone does that to a decent dominant isn't by talking, it is by keeping secrets out of fear of topping from the bottom.

I don't want to "top from the bottom" so I won't tell him it is that time of month and my pain threshold is lower.

The words he is using to humiliate me aren't erotic and he is fucking me up emotionally

I am terrified of knives but if I tell him I am going to have nightmares for a month that would be topping from the bottom.

I think that "topping from the bottom" is a beloved concept of beginner doms because it is an easy way of enforcing their will and or pushing past boundaries they don't like.

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Post #: 47

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/24/2007 7:17:05 AM

PairOfDimes

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Joined: 7/20/2006
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quote:

PairofDimes,
I didn't realize there were dominant bottoms. So dominants sometimes like to be tied up and/or spanked too?

Yes, *some* dominants like to be tied up and spanked. Some dominants even prefer directing someone to tie them up and spank them to directing a scene in which they (the dominants) tie up and spank someone else. Power orientation and sensation orientation are quite different, independent things.

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Post #: 48

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/24/2007 8:55:52 AM

GhitaAmati

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I think there is a distinct difference between a sub trying to control a scene while in the middle of it, and good, honest commuication before a scene about what both partners are expecting, enjoy, would like to try, really dont want to have happen, and so on. Being honest with your Top is alot different than trying to control the scene.

Lately, Ive done alot of topping from the bottom so to speak, as ive been working with a very in-experianced Dom, im not trying to control what he does to me, only trying to help him by giving my input like he has requested.

ghita amati

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Post #: 49

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/24/2007 11:16:17 PM

HypnoticDan

Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
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Hrm. Here I always interpreted "topping from the bottom" to mean a sub that is made to act like a dom. For example, a relationship of two subs. Neither wants to be on top so they take turns or something. Forced switching, for lack of a better term.

I mean if a sub asked me "please do x" I'd probably go for it - after all, she's been a good girl. If, on the other hand, she just said "do X!" I'd point out to her (then, or later) that she forgot to say please and come up with a suitable punishment.

My point being that, safety concerns aside, I don't see how they're ever really in control of the scene. The only way she's going to get near topping is if I cover her in whipped cream.

(note to self: take a break between the humor forum and more serious debates.)

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Post #: 50

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/25/2007 2:50:31 AM

wwwkevinww

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Joined: 7/15/2004
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I think communication is valuble, if I'm told something that I didn't know, then I appreciate the extra knowledge. I find it irritating to be told something I already know though.....

If I'm doing a new BDSM activity, I'd rather learn about it from an experienced sub in a non-erotic/scene type setting.

If I have a set activities to do and plan to go thru with them, I'd not appreciate a woman coming to me with her own agenda of things she wanted to do that evening (contrary to the plan).....

I think there is a definite difference between telling someone what you enjoy than demanding a master be submissive to your fantasies and fulfill your desires at your whim...I also think that both sides should be enjoying any given activity.....

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Post #: 51