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Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 8:42:22 AM

pleasingpj

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/13/2007
Status: offline

Are there any subs out there who like to or do Top from the bottom in a Ds relationship? If so, what does this entail? Do you do it consciously or unconsciously? i have been told that i have a tendency to do this and was curious to find out if there are other subs that have this quality. All responses and insights would be appreciated. Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 8:47:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Yes. Sometimes it was on purpose and used as a way to help train a dom.

Most of the time topping from the bottom is a sign of insecurity/frustration/lack of communication, or just a dom trying to guilt a sub into being quiet.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_779482/mpage_1/key_topping%252Cbottom/tm.htm#779640
Are you guilty of topping from the bottom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_556153/mpage_1/key_topping%252Cbottom/tm.htm#556372
Is this topping from the bottom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_553744/mpage_1/key_topping%252Cbottom/tm.htm#553800
Topping from the bottom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_427745/mpage_1/key_topping%252Cbottom/tm.htm#428489
Topping from the bottom...

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 2

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 8:50:55 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

This morning Sir said "yes boss" to me. eeeeek!!
I was telling him to get plenty of fluids cause coffee dehydrates and he loves his coffee and he has had a bit of heat stroke these last few days.
When it comes to taking care of him I tend to get a bit bossy I guess. Is that still topping from the bottom?

I consider topping attempting to take control and while I do not do it consciously, there are times when I can be so concerned, I just want to do something. I had learned to NOT do anything. So I bury my head, have a good cry for a bit and go on with patience.

I never top during any sexual activity.

Sir's property

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 3

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:08:57 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I Top from the bottom for sex, although I don't identify as a submissive. Bottoming, for me, is simply a physical role. As for the mental and spiritual, I'm a Master. But, I like to have things done to me for sex. Bite me here...hold me down now...take me in this positon...Yummy. ;-)

I have also bottomed in order to serve friends. These times have been either pure non-sexual service or BDSM service. I've also served someone for spiritual purposed (mostly mine...I felt lead to do it).

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 4

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:14:44 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Topping from the bottom is an interesting concept. If you are worth your salt as a dominant, how the fuck does someone top from the bottom? While it does happen I think the concept is one that is beloved of the online/chat community because it sounds simple enough for them to throw around.

The ONLY way someone does that to a decent dominant isn't by talking, it is by keeping secrets out of fear of topping from the bottom.

I don't want to "top from the bottom" so I won't tell him it is that time of month and my pain threshold is lower.
The words he is using to humiliate me aren't erotic and he is fucking me up emotionally
I am terrified of knives but if I tell him I am going to have nightmares for a month that would be topping from the bottom.

I think that "topping from the bottom" is a beloved concept of beginner doms because it is an easy way of enforcing their will and or pushing past boundaries they don't like.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:18:15 AM

persiphone

Posts: 288
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline

I have seen those that do top from the bottom, verbally and emotionally. I will say this, in my view the dominant is weak and often more of a top than a dominant. The submissive is often more a switch than a submissive. One manipulating the other.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 6

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:21:59 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Generally when I hear the phrase topping from the bottom is being used from a put-out dominant who doesn't want to hear that a submissive has any hard limits or from a put-out submissive who is annoyed that another sub/slave gets more freedom.

I think it's overused and applied much the same way as the label "fake".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to persiphone)

Post #: 7

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:28:02 AM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I really cannot stand that term "topping from the bottom". I was told this a week ago by a Dom I met here in person. Why? Because I kept asking him if he could talk to me during the scene. He would not do it. (ps. I asked him prior to meeting in all our phone calls if he was verbal, did he enjoy it, blah blah blah and he assured me that he was an expert in verbal and after so many phone calls, he knew my triggers verbally).

So afterwards, he asked if I had a great time and I told him not really. When he asked me why, I told him the truth, that I need to hear words spoken to me to connect and that I find it erotic to be listening to my partners words. Silence to me during a scene takes away the mental aspect, which is the key to it all.

And while this guy was experienced, he still said to me that I must "not really be submissive" and that I was "topping from below" simply because I answered him honestly about my needs.

So my take on it is that anyone who says you are topping from below is really saying that your needs do not matter and if they do not like your reply, why ask the question.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to persiphone)

Post #: 8

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:35:39 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Fox almost get livid when he hears the phrase "topping from the bottom" or "getting uppity". I think he sees it as an attempt to belittle the input, needs and desires of people on the bottom side of the equation.

For me it's a matter of intention and attitude. Someone giving me information or an opinion is not trying to top from the bottom. Something directing the action while they are on the bottom side may in reality just be a bottom and not a sub at all. Absolutely nothing wrong with being a bottom and not a sub as long as you both know what is good for your individual dynamic.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 9:42:42 AM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

Interesting phrase - topping from the bottom. Once again, my opinion is, it's perspective. Communication is critical and so is honesty and not just honesty about things like are you married, are you bi, are you poly, but as another poster mentioned here - "are you verbal"? Agreements need to be honored or they can lead to what's called topping from the bottom. Chairman and i enjoy different styles of play and so there are times when i am more "challenging" to Him. This could definitely be perceived as topping from the bottom. But W/we both enjoy it. i tend to agree that a Dom or Master can only be topped if they permit it. If i get feisty with Chairman and He's not in the mood, the ultimate agreement is i will please Him and obey Him, so i am free to be who i am, do what i feel. He will tell me if He's not happy. i can't know in advance what mood He's in, nor do i believe discussing it is all that erotic - i think sometimes i just have to take a chance and let Him decide if what i'm doing is what He wants or not. Everything is written out, preplanned, guaranteed and known. So i think yes, there's always the risk of "topping from the bottom" or at least appearing so.

The only time i am truly topping from the bottom is when i resist Chairman's decisions. It's not deliberately, just the challenges of learning my own slavery. i think oftentimes people can be just too caught up on words and phrases and forget we're all only human and it's called power EXCHANGE not power TRANSFER.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 10

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 1:21:33 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

To me "Topping from the Bottom" is a referring to manipulating to get the Master/Dom/Top to do what you want. In a purely play scene outside of a relationship, I don't think it's possible since your scene should be negotiated so that you are both getting something out of it. Inside a relationship, communication is important and I don't think communicating your needs should ever be considered "Topping from the Bottom." However, insisting or whining about them being met NOW is.

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 11

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 1:28:19 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

"Topping from the bottom" is another phrase that can be used and interpreted both constructively and negatively. In reference to instructing a new Dom, it's a good thing. But I've heard it used as an insult, along with "fakes and wannabes", submissive "brats" and SAM's (Smart-Assed Masochists).

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(in reply to LadyPaige)

Post #: 12

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 1:32:46 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Topping from the bottom is an interesting concept. If you are worth your salt as a dominant, how the fuck does someone top from the bottom? While it does happen I think the concept is one that is beloved of the online/chat community because it sounds simple enough for them to throw around.

The ONLY way someone does that to a decent dominant isn't by talking, it is by keeping secrets out of fear of topping from the bottom.

I don't want to "top from the bottom" so I won't tell him it is that time of month and my pain threshold is lower.

The words he is using to humiliate me aren't erotic and he is fucking me up emotionally

I am terrified of knives but if I tell him I am going to have nightmares for a month that would be topping from the bottom.

I think that "topping from the bottom" is a beloved concept of beginner doms because it is an easy way of enforcing their will and or pushing past boundaries they don't like.

Ditto!!!!

Magik's slave who hates the term "topping from the bottom"

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 2:28:02 PM

Phin

Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

as someone that is learning the ropes I request feedback, especialy from any bottoms that I am playing with that have had alot of experience. to others it seems like topping from the bottom, to me its being sure that they are well and things are going appropriatly.

I have recently started playing with a beautiful sub that goes nonverbal during scenes. this is forcing me to look for other cues. also a good thing...

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 3:30:33 PM

texaskristy

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

Thank you everyone for the great explanation. I had only read negative explanations for topping from the bottom; namely that the sub was trying to control the scene and the Dom.

Kristy

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 15

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 3:44:42 PM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

The only time I've ever heard the phrase "Topping from the bottom" was from someone on the outside of the two or more people involved in the M/s... D/s...etc... and has always struck me as having a tattle tale tone more along the lines as if to say.... "Oh your doing it wrong".

kittin

(in reply to texaskristy)

Post #: 16

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 3:50:36 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

There are bottoms who like to direct scenes. In other words, there are people who like to get tied up or get spanked, and who want to be tied up or spanked in precisely the way they request. They're called "dominant bottoms." They get along well with "service tops," or "submissive tops." It's not bad, fake, or wrong at all, regardless of the experience level of the players involved.

"Topping from the bottom," however, has pejorative connotations--and it's also a misnomer, as "topping from the bottom" would literally mean hitting oneself (or something close to it). Most people who like to both bottom and direct the scenes don't particularly like the phrase--and many others don't like the phrase either.

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 17

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/18/2007 4:09:18 PM

texaskristy

Posts: 23
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

PairofDimes,
I didn't realize there were dominant bottoms. So dominants sometimes like to be tied up and/or spanked too?

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 18

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/19/2007 4:19:31 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Probably every sub I've known has technically "topped from the bottom" at some stage and I don't see it as a bad thing at all. I freely admit to a fondness for a sub with some humour and mischief about her, which inevitably leads her to overstepping on occasion. And being a sarcastic prick myself, I usually pull her up with something like shyinini's example - "yes boss", etc....

I don't see the average sub as being vindictive or malicious etc, nor do I believe the ones I've known have even done it consciously. Mostly I reckon a bit of TFTB is nothing more than her checking in on me; maybe she got away with something I missed and is just testing the waters.

I would imagine any D/s relationship where the sub regularly tops from the bottom has both a Dom/me and sub generally miserable within their dynamic.

Focus.

(in reply to pleasingpj)

Post #: 19

RE: Topping from the bottom - 6/19/2007 4:43:43 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Topping from the bottom is an interesting concept. If you are worth your salt as a dominant, how the fuck does someone top from the bottom? While it does happen I think the concept is one that is beloved of the online/chat community because it sounds simple enough for them to throw around.

The ONLY way someone does that to a decent dominant isn't by talking, it is by keeping secrets out of fear of topping from the bottom.
I don't want to "top from the bottom" so I won't tell him it is that time of month and my pain threshold is lower.

The words he is using to humiliate me aren't erotic and he is fucking me up emotionally

I am terrified of knives but if I tell him I am going to have nightmares for a month that would be topping from the bottom.

I think that "topping from the bottom" is a beloved concept of beginner doms because it is an easy way of enforcing their will and or pushing past boundaries they don't like.

Thankyou Michael- I have always said that I take 'less' that week of the month...
as for 'topping' from the bottom...I have only been accused of that from on 'wannabee' dom that admitted in an email that he has trouble keeping control of a 'scene' ...I asked my friend that has been Mastering for over 30 yrs if he thinks I top
from the bottom, he replied "No, you don't mind letting someone else do the driving, as long as they know where they are going" so if one truly does top from the bottom, I would imagine there is a question of total trust there...JMHO

_____________________________

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*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 20

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