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Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 6:55:16 PM   
winterlight


Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline 		Is it a good idea for two newbies to enter a relationship when neither knows about the Lifestyle but can learn together?
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:04:42 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		In the horse world, we have a saying:

"Green plus green, equals 'black and blue' ".


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"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:16:12 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

In the horse world, we have a saying:

"Green plus green, equals 'black and blue' ".



Yes but black and blue can be a good thing in this lifestyle.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to GeekyGirl)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:17:49 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		Well I'm talking the bad kind of black n blue...the kind where you get injured 

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to proudsub)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:23:44 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

Is it a good idea for two newbies to enter a relationship when neither knows about the Lifestyle but can learn together?


That depends on whether it is a good idea for the two to be in a relationship in the first place.  My Lord and Alandra started a relationship about 20 years ago and they both had no experience.  They learned together and built an incredible bond on a lot of shared "firsts".  However, they were right for each other from the beginning.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:27:02 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Worked for me.
Joseff

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:27:37 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

That depends on whether it is a good idea for the two to be in a relationship in the first place. 


Very Well Said!!!   It pretty much says it all  for me.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 7:34:21 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		It'd work out ok, but they might want to join a local group and get some good advice.

Then it's all practise, practise, practise.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 9:06:51 PM   
LadyPaige


Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There are so many ways to explore and learn.  I don't see why their being inexperienced should matter if they are careful.  What a wonderful way to grow together.

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/23/2007 9:12:18 PM   
PairOfDimes


Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		Of course! It's not exactly rocket science. Granted, as Kyra wrote, a particular relationship will likely succeed or not because of reasons outside the partners' discovery of BDSM, but I don't think that the abstract idea of newbie + newbie is a recipe for failure. It can be a recipe for awkwardness, I'm sure, and it can be a recipe for novel excitement, too.

I wonder, if you're both new to BDSM but not wildly new to sex and relationships, would you have a better chance of building the kind of relationship *you* want rather than "a good BDSM relationship" as externally defined?

When I first combined pain, power, and sex, I did it with a person who had never combined pain, power and sex before, but neither of us knew then that other people had thought of it before us, and even had named it, ran groups about it, and made porn depicting it. We took some foolish risks, but nobody got seriously harmed from it--the worst things that happened were some emotional wounds (which likely would have happened regardless of the kind of sex we were having) and the sort of mild infections that Neosporin takes care of. And, too, you have heard of organized BDSM, seeing as you've found Collarme, so you're already better informed than I was. I don't know exactly how it works when you discover BDSM as something other people enjoy and conclude that you should give it a whirl, but I can't imagine it alone could destroy you or your relationship. Read BDSM fiction and non-fiction, read basic anatomy and physiology books, read histories of torture, negotiate, experiment, debrief, and repeat until fun is achieved.

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 3:56:51 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I really get irked when people hold knowledge of D/s or BDSM as some sort of sacred, ancient ritualistic traditions. 

There's no reason two newbies can't learn the lifestyle together, provided there are other factors drawing them together (mutual interests, romantic interest, etc.)

The best advice for newbies is if it feels wrong, don't do it. If it feels right, go for it.  Beg, borrow, or steal some common sense and use it.

Stephan


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Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 4:10:28 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight
Is it a good idea for two newbies to enter a relationship when neither knows about the Lifestyle but can learn together?

Yes it is, just take it comfortable and sane pace and do your research in getting to know what you are doing.  It can be a reward experience for both of you at the same time!


(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 4:15:25 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Why not?  Take it slow, discuss what you're doing and have fun.

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 4:43:40 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		You can get someone to train you both and learn together.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 4:47:55 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Go for it.  If your relationship as a whole is a very good one, adding an element of something you both want, and can learn together from the start I think is great.  Good luck to you both.

_____________________________



(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 4:54:45 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see why not

However, I suggest getting active in the local scene.
Go to munches which are abundent in San Diego
Go to a seminars and demos on activities you think
you'll like so you can learn safety protocols and what NOT
to do.

Don't be embarrassed for being new, Everyone you meet
was in your shoes at one time.

Check out Greenery Press for good reading such as SM101
by Jay Weisman and the Loving Dominant by John Warren.
Anything by Midori is good for rope bondage.

Check out the Society of Janus based in San Francisco.

Don't rush things. As Jay says, "lighter than light, slower
than slow" when trying new activities.

Enjoy your journey


_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to winterlight)
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RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 5:41:46 AM   
spiral23


Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		yes....lots of communication is needed....but its bundles of fun learning and exploring together...

(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Two newbies learning.. - 6/24/2007 7:07:51 AM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		My Master and I met at a munch. Neither of us had ever played before, although we had read quite a bit. The first time he hit me with a flogger I got a fright, jumped, and squarked, he thought he'd injured me and fell to his knees apologising, then we collapsed into each other's arms laughing our heads off. It's one of my fondest memories. Our very first "scene" LOL. We learned together and it it's been a great ride. Now we are married and still learning (I hope!)

The young always think they invented sex. They also think they invented BDSM I suppose. Truth is, two newbies can be a great combination. Experience isn't always a guarantee of success. It's all about attitude and willingness to learn.

:))
LH

< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 6/24/2007 7:09:50 AM >

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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

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