Suleiman -> RE: Why are we wrong? (6/27/2007 4:12:26 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LotusSong It would be unkind to keep him in my collar and insist he choose one (SUB or DOM) over the other. I'd be a poor partner. I don't think submissively and I can't fake it (for me, I would HAVE to fake it- do not take this as me saying switches fake it). Neither are a "role" for me. I can't drop one and be another. I'm a control freak, plain and simple. Then you concede that in fact there is perference, and then there is the way a person is? From your earlier posts, I rather had gotten the impression that it was all a matter of preference. Isn't that your objection to switches? To me, everything is simply a role, a fact which I have stated time and again. As I said before, I don't truly understand monosexuality. Except as a role-playing experiment, I can not concieve of being locked absolutely into one mode of being. I am who I am. I can not deny my nature any more than you can. What offends me is the bull-headed insistance that I occasionally encounter that I am not in fact wired this way, that it is a choice, a preference. Now, please keep in mind, I do not use the term role to signify unreality. More often then not, if someone is offended by my perspective, they appear to think i have somehow declaired what they do, how they live, what they feel and experience to be 'fake'. It is an easy mistake to make. I try to use very precise semantics, but the nature of the English language is intrinsically imprecise, utilising poetic allusion rather than technical description. I simply reiterate, time and again, that the role is not the person. In my peculiar and chimerical state of being, whom I relate to is far more important that what the nature of the relationship is. Relationships change. Given a long enough span of time, all things change. I am a control freak. Personally, I feel it makes me a better submissive - although, of course, the nature of the submission does not appeal to all. Nothing any of us do appeals to everyone, as you yourself has stated. I am strong enough, sufficiently in control of myself, that I can will myself to do things that are distasteful. I am strong enough to serve, even if my dominant is too weak to command. By the same token, I have had so many long term relationships with dominants who were, by my perspective, intrinsically weak, incapable of controling themselves, that i feel I am now a very good dominant, if perhaps not so exemplary as a sadist. I am very good at reinforcing another person's emotional state, lending them the strength and security they need to do whatever it is that is required of them. Once again, it is not a style that appeals to everyone, but it works for me, and it works for my partners. The argument that irks me more than anything else is the insistance some monosexuals cling to that I don't know who I am. If I did, they posit, I wouldn't keep switching sides. It's a very monosexual viewpoint. I have encountered similar arguments from gays who claim I'm really straight because I'm married, or who claim that I'm in the closet because I'm married. Straight people say I'm confused because I occasionally snuggle up with guys, although thank god no one has been sufficiently gauche to claim that it's just a phase recently. I think the few strands of grey in my mustache and hair disabuse them of the idea that it is a passing fancy, so the only other equation they can come up with is that I don't really like girls at all, but I'm too scared to come out of the closet yet. This difference in perspective is, I think, at the core of the OP's initial comment, and why your initial insights were met with some antagonism, both from myself and others. For the most part, I have no problem with other people being convinced that I am confused, or that I am lacking in self-awareness, or that it is just a phase, or that I'm just some party boy out for a good time. I have no problem with these attitudes because I'm not going out and trying to get laid. I don't need validation from the rest of the local community. I'm quite happily set up and don't expect that to change any time soon. For many of the people who come here to complain about the lack of support they recieve in their community, they do need that support, and they do need that validation. Even if you've made a conscious decision to fly your freak flag openly, it still is a hurtful thing to turn to what is supposed to be your peer group and face rejection and possible ostracism, unless you toe some indefinable line and cease to be yourself. You can't switch. I can't fix myself in one state of being. I don't mind your lack of interest, but I do mind if you tell me that I am wrong for being who I am. thick skin or not, no one likes that sort of rejection.
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