RE: Relocating?

RE: Relocating? (Full Version)

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meticulousgirl -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:36:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERHAWG I believe the Dom should have the say in where a submissive/slave lives. THEY ARE MASTER/MISTRESS and in control, not the other way around. I choose to make the committment because I couldn't take getting on the airplane to go home wondering if it would be the last time..... Of course the Dominant should have the say if it is serious but how many subs or slaves are going to make a committment when they really havn't gotten any form of a committment from the Dominant? Keep in mind many are just out there to get into ones pants, or up her skirt whichever you personally prefer to say. Many Doms will say and do anything to make the girl believe whatever it is that they want her to believe....I'm not saying every Dom is like that but some are. Committment is just that, why should the subs be the only ones who do it? ~meticulous~

DrkJourney -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:36:59 PM)
I hear ya on that one. I think I'm about to make it a requirement to consider locals only....I had made that rule in the past and moved away from it. There is just too much hassle. I am going to see how what I'm in now plays out, but if it doesn't work...I'm officially drawing the line. My opinion on relocating, is the same as if you were married, both had carriers, and one was offered a job in another location. Who has the better deal? What is best for the couple? I don't expect anyone to up and move to me...but they should expect it either....especially meeting someone online....it is more likely to "not" work out than work out. Then what happens to the person that moves to a strange city with no family or friends, and not enough funds to return? To each his own....but I'd be very careful

Mystique567 -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:46:13 PM)
This is so much more than the Dom/sub relationship at this point though. I think that all things need to be considered, talked over and either kept or discarded as a reason why someone cannot relocate. Someone that has a job that cannot move and they cannot financially afford to make that move is a good example. Is the Dom who insists that the sub has to move going to foot the bill? I am really also considering the local only relationships, LDR is way too hard.

losttreasure -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:49:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn i've talked to a few where they were either a Dom/Domme and it shows "willing to relocate", but than when talking to them they say no thier not and that their sub/slave has to go to them. My guess is that often those dominants take the phrase "willing to relocate" to really mean "willing to consider relocation". Of course, there's a huge difference between considering something from a "fantasy" frame of mind and facing the very real challenges of something as significant as relocating. I would suspect that when push comes to shove, the importance they place on being close to the person they are interested in just doesn't outweigh the inconveniences they would face by moving. Edited for punctuation gone missing.

MASTERHAWG -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:50:07 PM)
Sounds like you're loaded with "material" things. Why would you even run a profile? You're obviously the "ruling" force in your life. But, not EVERY sub is in your successful situation, Maybe some of the others would like to achieve such things, too!

OsideGirl -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 4:54:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERHAWG I believe the Dom should have the say in where a submissive/slave lives. THEY ARE MASTER/MISTRESS and in control, not the other way around. It's a real life decision. It should be based on facts and what is for the best. Not based on who's on top. It's also something that I would expect to be negotiated before collaring or ownership.

AquaticSub -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:01:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERHAWG I believe the Dom should have the say in where a submissive/slave lives. THEY ARE MASTER/MISTRESS and in control, not the other way around. Are you saying the dom can't decide that he wants to move to relocate to his sub?

Archer -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:01:23 PM)
There is a control issue at hand when it comes to relocating. is the dominant supposed to move into YOUR home?????? I kinow that's not the way you put it or even thought it but it is a valid perspective non the less. The person who in the legal vanilla sense of the word holds the lease or owns the home has a level of control. Now if you are looking for "Equality" then the obvious solution is to have both parties move to neutral ground. Far less than practicle but it certainly has equality. Each person who is resistant to relocating has their own reasons for being so, it doesn't make them evil bad but it does mean they are being selfish in a fashion, they want it their way so that they are the one remaining in their "comfort zone". Some times we can look at it and agree that it is realistic positive selfishness other times we can look at it and see it as unreasonable selfishness. I'm not willing to relocate because I have a home and my first slave and custody arrangements of her two UM's. However I did leave TX and mobve to GA to retain the M/s relationship a year after she moved for her custody arrangement. I accepted that we would have an adjustment period where the houseing was in her name and later that would change. But there was an underlying power/control element in my moving. I dealt with it and it has been dispatched.

AquaticSub -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:03:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERHAWG Sounds like you're loaded with "material" things. Why would you even run a profile? You're obviously the "ruling" force in your life. But, not EVERY sub is in your successful situation, Maybe some of the others would like to achieve such things, too! What the hell? Since when are friends and family material things? And since does knowing what you are and are not willing to give up making a bad sub? Obviously the dom for her needs to be someone who wants to be where she is.

BabyNyla -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:04:42 PM)
In the past I have said I am willing to relocate ... but it doesn't mean to anyplace in the world ... in order for me to be able to relocate I have to be in a place where I can find a job ... and myh degree limits that a lot. So I understand the frustration one of the Doms expressed earlier ... about people saying they're willing to but then when talking they say they can't relocate after all (to that Doms area) ... like everything else in life, it's so dependent on the current situation.

AquaticSub -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:07:13 PM)
Archer, sometimes it isn't selfish but practial. I am currently in college. If I had moved to WV to be with Valyraen, I would have had to transfer all my credits. Because my college gives four credits a course (and other reasons), my school's credits don't transfer well at all. Not to mention, if I transfered just to be with Valyraen my parents would probably stop paying for my school. Since he was just out of school and working a bad job, he couldn't afford to send me to school for the extra years it would take to get my degree and he is insistent about me getting my degree. Because of this, he never allowed the idea of me moving to him to even be considered.

Archer -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:08:15 PM)
The difference is who is willing to give up that control? If I took on someone as established as Geekgirl with the house job family freinds etc who's in control? Her house Her freinds Her support system, Her family and "Me the outsider". What if something happened? applies both directions lets not forget that the person who relocates takes risks that the one remaining does not. That is the control issue. It is something that has to be weighed measured and ballanced against the potential of the relationship.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:09:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Why does it seem that most Doms want their potential sub/slave relocate to them and not the other way around? Why can't some Doms/Dommes be willing to relocate to where ever their sub/slave lives? Some of us do. I did. I am in Nashville now, where Angel lived when I met him. I was in Vegas. I was MORE than willing to relocate, was looking to get out of there ASAP DV

beautyImurDaddy -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:09:40 PM)
I relocated to be with my Dom because the timing was just right at that moment. My daughter had went off to college, I had retired from my job, and all of my family (what little there is of it) lived in another state already and I rarely saw them. I think the individual situation needs to be looked at. Before retiring there is no way i would have given up that many years of hard work... and my retirement... to go be with someone else. If they can't respect that or appreciate it, then i don't need to be with them anyway. Before relocating, Imur made sure that I had a fund in place both for my daughter to be taken care of and that i would have funds if things didnt work out. This would seem the responsible thing to do whether sub or Dom. There are no guarantees just because you relocate that things will work and failure on either party to impliment a safeguard if that should happen is irresponsible. (in my opinion of course, for whatever thats worth)

BabyNyla -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:12:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MASTERHAWG I believe the Dom should have the say in where a submissive/slave lives. THEY ARE MASTER/MISTRESS and in control, not the other way around. This is a bit of hogwash ... because the Dom or Master does not always have the better or easier situation. If it were the case that I had to relocate to my Daddy then I would have had to move into his room at his barracks ... nto so sure the military would have approved. It made much more sense for him to come to me, since I have the 3 bedroom house that's partially paid for. Just because he is on top and in control of the situation doesn't mean everything has to go his way or in his direction. D/s is like vanilla in that it's a relationship ... and to be successful there are always times when there needs to be give and take. If that means he moves to me, so be it. Doesn't make him any less of a Dom or a Master. Just makes our life easier and financially stronger winks

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:12:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl It's a real life decision. It should be based on facts and what is for the best. Not based on who's on top. It's also something that I would expect to be negotiated before collaring or ownership. I believe the one who's on top should be making the decision based on the facts at hand and what's best for all.

AquaticSub -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:13:52 PM)
This is true. If something happens the person who moved can be out of luck. But that is why I think it's important to have money put away, in case something happens. When Valyraen moved in with me, he had friends here who he could crash with if something happened with us. I think whoever moves should have a backup plan. I also just don't think it should automatically be the sub that moves. It should depend on the situation.

BabyNyla -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:14:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer There is a control issue at hand when it comes to relocating. is the dominant supposed to move into YOUR home?????? I kinow that's not the way you put it or even thought it but it is a valid perspective non the less. The person who in the legal vanilla sense of the word holds the lease or owns the home has a level of control. Now if you are looking for "Equality" then the obvious solution is to have both parties move to neutral ground. Far less than practicle but it certainly has equality. My Dom moved to me ... but I put my house in his name after he did so ... so I don't view him moving to my house as an issue of control ...

Archer -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:14:31 PM)
Let me see if I can show you what I'm looking at as "selfish" (read this twice, remember there is in my world good selfish and bad selfish) quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Archer, sometimes it isn't selfish but practial. I am currently in college. If I had moved to WV to be with Valyraen, I would have had to transfer all my credits. Because my college gives four credits a course (and other reasons), my school's credits don't transfer well at all. Not to mention, if I transfered just to be with Valyraen my parents would probably stop paying for my school. Since he was just out of school and working a bad job, he couldn't afford to send me to school for the extra years it would take to get my degree and he is insistent about me getting my degree. Because of this, he never allowed the idea of me moving to him to even be considered. And you chose to not sacrifice the considerable hassel rather than make the move I rate that as Reasonable selfishness you chose your self interests. I respect and even agree that it was the wisest choice, but lets not forget that your choice took away options from your Sir. He may even have agreed that the choices were the correct one weighed and measured against the resulting consequences. The decissions still held more benifit for you than anyone else directly.

AquaticSub -> RE: Relocating? (7/8/2007 5:18:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Let me see if I can show you what I'm looking at as "selfish" (read this twice, remember there is in my world good selfish and bad selfish) quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Archer, sometimes it isn't selfish but practial. I am currently in college. If I had moved to WV to be with Valyraen, I would have had to transfer all my credits. Because my college gives four credits a course (and other reasons), my school's credits don't transfer well at all. Not to mention, if I transfered just to be with Valyraen my parents would probably stop paying for my school. Since he was just out of school and working a bad job, he couldn't afford to send me to school for the extra years it would take to get my degree and he is insistent about me getting my degree. Because of this, he never allowed the idea of me moving to him to even be considered. And you chose to not sacrifice the considerable hassel rather than make the move I rate that as Reasonable selfishness you chose your self interests. I respect and even agree that it was the wisest choice, but lets not forget that your choice took away options from your Sir. He may even have agreed that the choices were the correct one weighed and measured against the resulting consequences. The decissions still held more benifit for you than anyone else directly. I disagree. He benfits from this because me getting my degree is what he ultimately wants and, really, he wants it more then I do and he has delagated the authority to make the best decision regarding my education to me. However, I will ask him to share his opinion.

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