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RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 8:18:41 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Sandy and slavedesires,

When I respond to topics on these threads, I am aware that occasionally I come across as stating that 'my way is the only right way.' I apologize for the appearance of such - it is not my intention. Furthermore, I have nothing but the utmost support for your opinions and pursuits, because in the end only you know what makes you happiest.

Having said that, I still stand by my original statements: that in general terms, the 'kind' of submissive who is seeking a couple does not seem (to me) to inherently carry the same weight, depth, and breadth of relationship that typical monogamous relationships carry. As I said, I have nothing but the utmost respect for those involved in poly relationships - and under the right circumstances, I would certainly consider such a relationship myself. Rather, I was simply trying to illustrate the reality that indeed, not only would one hundred, but literally hundreds of letters may be necessary just to meet one sub/slave - and even then it's a crapshoot if the sub/slave is compatible with the pre-existing couple.

For my part, as a single Dominant, I have met probably close to 10 or 11 subs and slaves from the internet, from various formats. Each and every one did not work, ranging from mildly irritating to downright catastrophe. While I certainly carry a portion of the responsibility, it is safe to say that under the most ideal circumstances the internet is a difficult place to actually meet anyone in reality. A post made a few months back by a couple in florida illustrated the exact same sentiments - where the couple spent literally two years at a few nights a week for a few hours at a time 'looking' for a third sub/slave, only to finally give up out of frustration. I believe this to be the rule, not the exception.

Of course, I could very well be wrong and within a week the 'perfect' sub/slave may respond to one of the letters and be on her way to your house within the month for a happily ever after story. I am only suggesting that the likelyhood of this happening probably is not very high.

As a different topic, I believe there is a strong difference between sharing 'activities' participated in at BDSM munches and events, and sharing the emotional connections and bonds that make up a D/s relationship. Of course, this is only my view - but for me, the 'activities' are only enjoyable because my partner(s) mean more then just a casual toy to me. I don't take pleasure out of administering a flogging to someone I do not know, or someone I do not particularly care for. It is the intimate relationship that she and I share that gives the exchange of power value to me. This isn't a jibe against casual players - because in the end whatever floats your boat is what you should be doing, so long as it doesn't infringe on anyone else.

I hope this clarifies my statements a bit more

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 11:32:43 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Fascinating thread.

But I still wish I understood slavedesires' purpose more.

I have questions: Are these rude subs contacting slavedesires because of her profile, or are the subs responding to slavedesires' unsolicited inquiry? Maybe slavedesires randomly contacts anyone in her area calling themselves slaves? Surely the responses would often be less than polite.

Near as I can tell, at this point, desires is looking for a play-poly-bi-girl gift for her mysterious master. No long term-relationship, there. No obvious effort to hammer out a safe meeting with a stranger plus his slave. Two people to trust without any information. A very small subgroup of the play-poly-bi-girl kinks who would be interested in that, I would think.

When her master actually gets involved isn't specified. Or did I miss something? Maybe he makes himself known only on the play/scene date? And does what? slavedesires' profile is not very revealing--no link to master's profile, either. Just her desires.

There are a lot of people who think there is a kind of inherent nobility or holiness in desiring something. Nope. It's just something you want.

So as far as my "input" (same as my opinion) goes, I hope the messages slavedesires sends to these subs is selective, and discusses the issues I've described. Otherwise, if her correspondence is as vague as her posts, what she's doing is creepy.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 7:30:04 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

Master is way too busy guiding, mentoring, teaching and training me to find another girl for an occasion of play/scene. i am sure all Doms know how difficult it is to find their one.
if He wanted a vanilla fuck, hell, He'd get that easy enough.
it has taken me countless hours, times of frustration and times of accomplishment to find 2 incredible subs to be my gift to Master. He spends time on me rather than on another "play toy" which says something about who He is in relation to me .... He is committed to me and i to Him and i will do whatever it takes as His slave to bring us our desires.


Now see, from a submissive point of view.....if I received a mail from another, inquiring about me and asking if I'd like to play or be a gift, and was also met with the quote above......though I'd not be impolite, I'd tell the one who wrote that I was not at all interested in taking up space with her dom while she was busy.

If your Master is "way too busy guiding, mentoring, teaching and training me to find another girl for an occasion of play/scene", then how can he possibly have time to find out my own needs and desires, my own limits, my own tastes? In my opinion, it takes time to allow two people to know each other even to the point of trusting for one scene. And if he doesn't have the time to get to know me, how can he possibly have the time to provide aftercare, etc?

"He spends time on me rather than on another "play toy" which says something about who He is in relation to me".....yes and it says something about the 'gift' you'd give him as well. That she means little. Why would I want to spend time with someone who I meant little to? Would it not be more benificial for me to be alone, than to offer myself in some way to someone who had better more important things to do and people to spend time with?

Perhaps.....the responses you have received have not been because of the inquiries, but rather because of the way your inquiry is worded, or the way your tone comes across. " he's mine, hands off, except when he wants to play because I'm busy".....

it's just the way I see it...

indigo

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 7:30:43 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		hi January .....

i received email today from another slave girl that knows exactly what i "desire" and she has been encouraged to set up a website for us girls who seek desires that are difficult to find....

may i take the time to answer some of your questions?

i did take the time to look at your profile and i want to congratulate you if you no longer look for you have found your hearts desires and they runneth over.

i too have found my One and He completes me fully, as i do Him.

Let me clarify for you................
i am interested in hearing from slaves, subs mostly but the input of the Dom might be helpful for those of us who are put to the task as Master has done ..... finding Him a Gift.... and that gift will be for whatever i desire for Him at any particular time.
Maybe some Doms have been gifted a girl by their submissive. Maybe a girl has sucessfully gifted to her Dom.... i would be interesting in hearing from such wonderful people.

W/we are not poly at this point in O/our D/s relationship, it might someday go that journey, but that is a destination W/we know nothing about. W/we journey today, not 2 weeks or 2 years down the path. Why? W/we are not promised O/our next breath, the next day or the next full moon... W/we are promised the here and now so W/we live fully in the present.
Now mind you.... these are Master's words NOT mine, but they have become mine like the breathe i breath!
And becasue of who W/we are and what W/we desire .... yes another word for desire might be need, want, hunger, passion, pleasure ...but it is more than sexual many times for the intoxication of desires can fully enlighten O/one and give boundaries and limits wings to fly!!

If you wish to call my emails unsolicited then so be it. I am more than willing to give you an example of one of the dozens of personalized thoughtful emails i have sent subs who spark an interest in me somehow as to their openness and eagerness to "expereince the lifestyle and learn" but give no specifics.
i have never solicited for a poly relationship for to do so would mean that Master is a poly Master, but i have with great reference to who i am and who Master is, asked, would they be willing to play with Master while i am absent from Him. Most respond with curiosity and i give more detail.... and will include pics.... the dance is long, but i do make friends.
Master reads all the respond posts before i do and always edits my emails before they go out..... so yes, He is actively involved from the start. Sometimes He finds a sub first and says, shy, what do you think about her?

You see. this is my GIFT to Him. This is what i think you do not have any understanding of January. i am assuming.
My profile stated what Master and i are all about..... it clearly stated O/our desires but not who W/we are, for i do that in emails. Notice the past tense. i will have to admit, before i came back to the forum, i wished it to read differently based on a conversation between Master and i. He likes it when i use my brain to change and make things ~desires~ better, fresh and new.

Master is intensely private as many Doms and Master's are .... maybe that is why they have their girls do their footwork for them... and yes, there are other reasons some have illuded to and i have also mentioned.

i appreciate your opinion as i do Voltare's and everyone who has replied. Your opinion is yours as your desires are yours.

i would NEVER approach a female sub's profile that had nothing in it like yours.... hugs girl! i do have some smarts and instictive intuitiveness.
If you or anyone wishes to know who the mysterious Master is? He is in me and of me and i will be more than happy to point out one of several sites you will find His profile... which are all exactly alike!!

thanks January for the inquisitive reply..
slavedesires, Master Damian's shy

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 7:50:04 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		Indigo wrote.....
then how can he possibly have time to find out my own needs and desires, my own limits, my own tastes? In my opinion, it takes time to allow two people to know each other even to the point of trusting for one scene. And if he doesn't have the time to get to know me, how can he possibly have the time to provide aftercare, etc?

shy replies....
if you were my gift to Master, i get to know you well enough to know all this and more!
for instance, favorite color, passionate pasttime, child's name, fun sopt to hang out..... this is far more complicated than you might think....ask any girl who finds such a gift for her Dom. i am learning in the last few days, such girls are out there, but maybe not reading forums.

Indigo writes....
yes and it says something about the 'gift' you'd give him as well. That she means little. Why would I want to spend time with someone who I meant little to?

shy responds....
the Gift is of great value to me and thus of great value to Master for she is an extension of myself.
a Gift is a treasure, a special offering of love and respect and trust.
like i told January, i am assuming you do not undesrstand the nature of a gift and understand the process of gifting, i know it is difficult to understand.

Indigo wrote....
but rather because of the way your inquiry is worded, or the way your tone comes across. " he's mine, hands off, except when he wants to play because I'm busy".....

shy replies....
would you like to see some of my well thought out well written personalized kind and polite requests?
a gift is worthy to be gifted and when gifted, is gifted unconditionally and never with an attitude of superiority.
if i were to gift a girl to Master with the attitude you assume i do so, then she is not a gift but a slut. i wish to gift a worthy girl, an extension of myself and i will never be too busy to get to know this girl and her desires and who she is in everyway possible.

does that help Indigo?

slavedesires, Master Damian's shy

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 8:07:01 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires
..... this is far more complicated than you might think....ask any girl who finds such a gift for her Dom. i am learning in the last few days, such girls are out there, but maybe not reading forums.


Hey Indi, you and I aren't worthy!


I'm just teasing, slavedesires.

Thanks for your reply desires; I was wrong to worry that your e-mails to potential gifts aren't thought out. I do see now that you are very serious about this. And you're right, I don't understand gifting all that well. I don't relate to objectifying well either, which gifting, in my mind, is related to. By the way, I was not accusing you of being poly, or sneering because you and your master aren't poly. I was refering to the future encounter between the three of you as "play-poly". You know, like poly during a scene.

Anyway, we board posters are a pretty analytical yet imaginative bunch, and sometimes we flail around when we don't know the entire life history of the poster... or their problems... but we have a lot of fun getting off track.

Hey, good luck. And yes, I have found my hearts desires and every one of my hearts do runneth over!

Jan

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 9:59:54 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello,

I apologize if I took the post incorrectly (thinking it was a troll), I was merely sharing what I took it as when I first read it, and did not mean to insult the poster.

Regards,

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/18/2004 10:49:21 PM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline 		no offense taken Sir

Master Damian's shy

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/20/2004 8:29:55 PM   
indigo302


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/28/2004
From: Delaware
Status: offline
quote:

if you were my gift to Master, i get to know you well enough to know all this and more!
for instance, favorite color, passionate pasttime, child's name, fun sopt to hang out..... this is far more complicated than you might think....ask any girl who finds such a gift for her Dom. i am learning in the last few days, such girls are out there, but maybe not reading forums.


Yes, I understand all of this, but unless there's something you haven't stated....you expect a girl through getting to know you...to willingly step into a scene with your Master, whom she does not know and has never met....for a fun time only while you are away. And what happens when you return? His time is totally taken up with you and she's cast aside?

quote:

the Gift is of great value to me and thus of great value to Master for she is an extension of myself.
a Gift is a treasure, a special offering of love and respect and trust.
like i told January, i am assuming you do not undesrstand the nature of a gift and understand the process of gifting, i know it is difficult to understand.


Actually being an intelligent woman, I am understanding your feelings and your Masters....but what I'm not understanding apparently is the feelings of the submissive who would come into a relationship like yours as a short term substitute for you.

(in reply to slavedesires)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: respect in regards to desires, esp Gifting - 6/20/2004 9:55:19 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I debated getting more involved with this string, but I think I might be able to help here.

What I see (and I may be totally wrong) you asking is about the *long term* feelings of the submissive they are playing with. Why does the person they are looking for as a *play partner* HAVE to be looking for something long term?

Some people are looking to *just play*, or *serve* without long term commitment. If that is not what you are looking for, then clearly you are not what she and her dominant are looking for. If you are, then they are allowing you a chance to submit or serve while looking (or not) for whatever you want in the long term.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to indigo302)
Profile   Post #: 30
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