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sub mentor required - 6/27/2005 3:17:43 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

I should like to have a submissive mentor. I do not want a Dom/me mentor as there is often another agenda when ive tried this before.
I would like my mentor to be a sister submissive, rather than slave, as that is my headspace, and thus, more empathetic to my situation. Perferably, someone within a monogamous relationship, and their current relationship, be not just in the bedroom.
(cor i dont want much do i lol).

Does anyone feel that they could help me with this, either by generously offering themselves in the role, or suggesting where i should go?
I have gained a great deal from this site, in helping work through issues and finding alternative suggestion of dealing with issues, but feel i may benefit more from something more personal. So perhaps, latches or similar, is not quite what i seek. Beside which i cannot log on to such sites for some reason.

Post #: 1

RE: sub mentor required - 6/27/2005 3:24:17 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

pandoravampire,
I am not exactly sure if you are looking for someone who can personally meet with you or not, but if you are interested in someone you can discuss things with and use as a sounding board, I would be willing to help in any way that I can. You can check out my profile and see if it comes anywhere near your mindset.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 2

RE: sub mentor required - 6/27/2005 3:33:50 PM

stormsfate

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

You may do better by choosing someone to ask based on the posts they have made and whether or not their viewpoints are in line with yours. You might find someone who is more compatible with you in that way.

Best of luck!

regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 3

RE: sub mentor required - 6/27/2005 4:11:03 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

You are right stormsfate, i will of course do that, once someone replies, to check compatability. But thought i would ask if anyone wanted to, rather than perhaps felt obliged to respond to me contacting them directly.
Feeling obliged is something submissives are very good at, its hard to turn this switch off sometimes.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 4

RE: sub mentor required - 6/27/2005 5:02:38 PM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline

One other route you might try, pandora, is to look into local BDSM groups. I know this isn't possible for some, but if it is, a r/l friend you can call for a coffee date when you're all mixed up is the best thing in the world. Just a suggestion - hope you find what you're looking for!
~shiv

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 5

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 8:59:55 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Why pick a mentor? Use the whole forums as a guide, compare it to your inner values and make the best choice for yourself (which you will have to do no matter what you choose anyway).

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 6

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 11:27:54 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

You may do better by choosing someone to ask based on the posts they have made and whether or not their viewpoints are in line with yours. You might find someone who is more compatible with you in that way.

I'd have to agree 100% with Storm on this. Mentors do not pick you. You choose them. Those who do pick you, well I'd run the other way. They generally have some other agenda...like they want a playmate and use a mentorship as a way to find one.

A mentor should be someone you look up to. Someone you respect. You aren't going to find that on a profile though.

(in reply to stormsfate)

Post #: 7

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 3:31:04 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

I think sub4hire (Gloria) would make an excellant mentor.

She has the knowledge and experience. She won't bullshit you or sugar coat things. Completely trustworthy. I vote for Gloria.

(runs and hides)

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 8

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 3:36:53 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I think sub4hire (Gloria) would make an excellant mentor

I disagree. Where I do mentor other's I am not a predator nor do I need more people on my plate right now so to speak.

(in reply to feline)

Post #: 9

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 4:26:06 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

I am not a predator

That's what makes you so perfect!

quote:

nor do I need more people on my plate right now so to speak.

Aw come on . . . you can scrape some of those other people off your plate.

Ok, so maybe you're a little busy

but you could at least offer some kind of assistance. Maybe? Before one of those "predators" who doesn't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground volunteers.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 10

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 4:44:48 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Aw come on . . . you can scrape some of those other people off your plate.

Ok, so maybe you're a little busy but you could at least offer some kind of assistance. Maybe? Before one of those "predators" who doesn't know their a$$ from a hole in the ground volunteers

Anyone ever notice what a pushy bitch feline is? First off, you are not the one asking. Second of all, I don't have time. Well I can go on and on.

Perhaps she should choose one of the self proclaimed intelligent people here who clearly lack intellect by their posts.

(in reply to feline)

Post #: 11

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 4:57:01 PM

feline

Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Anyone ever notice what a pushy bitch feline is? First off, you are not the one asking. Second of all, I don't have time. Well I can go on and on.

aw I'm hurt now.

Stop being such a big chicken!!! You have time to post don't ya?!

quote:

Perhaps she should choose one of the self proclaimed intelligent people here who clearly lack intellect by their posts.

Oh I see . . . . . . let her become another lost soul. Oh that is so not like you. I'm so disappointed.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 12

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 4:59:17 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

let her become another lost soul. Oh that is so not like you. I'm so disappointed.

I disappoint people so well.

The thing with mentor's are....you have to want them as your's. Also, I'm sure she has had her fill of applications already. Lot's of people out there want fresh meat.

(in reply to feline)

Post #: 13

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 7:19:01 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Neither here nor there, but I think Gloria -is- a mentor in the best way--inadvertantly. She just presents a good example to people, they get to choose whether or not they want to follow it. Works for me.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 14

RE: sub mentor required - 6/28/2005 9:27:58 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

She just presents a good example to people, they get to choose whether or not they want to follow it.

Exactly and that is what a mentor is. However, newbies especially have raging hormones and it isn't always easy to keep them safe. If you take what you are doing to heart...it takes a little piece of you away each time it happens.
Why could'nt I get through to them?

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Post #: 15

RE: sub mentor required - 6/29/2005 4:39:58 AM

FuriousAngel

Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

I am inclined to agree with the wisdom shared here, pandoravampire. I do not have a 'mentor', but I do have a group of individuals I've 'surrounded myself' with over the course the past two years.

I have about fifteen people I've 'surrounded myself' with, which I admit is a rather 'high' number to consider as 'mentors'. (I use that term loosely). The reason is that the majority are couples involved in r/t 24/7 relationship. I did not set out with intent to surround myself with couples, but I'm glad that it's unfolded that way. I have the best of both worlds in that I do have Dominants I can talk to without ever feeling they have an agenda. I am able to pose the same question to couples and enjoy the feedback from each side, which is always interesting and extremely helpful. I also get a great insight into a variety of r/t relationships and how each one is different, their views, what works for them, etc. All of these are things that leave me much to think about and allow me to form my own ideas of what will work for me in the future.

One of the best aspects is that it's left me open for a variety of new information that might not have been possible if I'd limited myself to one source. As we all know, everyone is so different within this lifestyle, and I've been exposed to ideas, interests, etc. that I'd never even imagined. I've also had my eyes opened and fears removed by stumbling across people who are into things that I've always found scary. It's made me want to try new things, and add to my list. By limiting yourself to one person, all you see is their views and ideas of how it should be. Combine my 'network' with forums like this, reading, and yes, getting out to a meet in the near future? I feel armed with knowledge right now.

It's so easy to befriend people in this community. stormsfate had great advice about observing others and approaching them yourself. Some of my network has been formed via just watching people on this board over time and sending them a polite note letting them know I enjoy what they have to say. One person in my 'network' I stumbled across creative writings on a website he had and sent a note telling how much they touched me. He has proven to be an invaluable resource of information that I'd never even considered asking, and all it took was two minutes of my time with no motive at all other than to be kind. One of my most cherished submissive friends reached out to me upon seeing me in distress when I first came online.

I can also relate to sub4hires thoughts about helping newbies and mentoring. I speak that as a submissive who is guilty of such behaviour and like many, crashed along the way. I imagine it was difficult for the woman who had tried so very hard help me sit by and watch helplessly as I made mistake after mistake, only to have it all come tumbling down in the end. I don't know how I'd feel if it was me watching a submissive I'd tried to help be in pain despite all I'd said ..... For what it's worth, I learned to listen! :) pandoravampire, please consider keeping your options open. It's worth it!

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 16

RE: sub mentor required - 6/29/2005 12:37:09 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I speak that as a submissive who is guilty of such behaviour and like many, crashed along the way. I imagine it was difficult for the woman who had tried so very hard help me sit by and watch helplessly as I made mistake after mistake, only to have it all come tumbling down in the end. I don't know how I'd feel if it was me watching a submissive I'd tried to help be in pain despite all I'd said ..... For what it's worth, I learned to listen!

Exactly, the biggest thing I tell people is to listen to other's. They tell you so much about themselves just in the way they talk.
That is why I am so hard on liar's here on the boards. I've talked to people who will tell me..."I like so and so, so much because they are straight up." Yet if you read their posts they contradict themselves to many times. They are pathological liars. A liar is nothing less than a predator. Telling you some story to gain your confidence to use it in some way against you at a later time.
The lifestyle is the way I live my life. It is not a joke to me. I take it very seriously. It bother's me when I see people just using it to get what they want.
There are some very good people here on the board's but a lot of very bad people as well. It's just sad that people don't take the time to read what they have to say to be able to see it for what it is.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)

Post #: 17

RE: sub mentor required - 6/29/2005 7:17:29 PM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
Status: offline

personslly, i think mentors should ask the hard questions...makes another think.

allow them their own conclusions, but be willing to stand by and accept their decision even if it isnt what you might have liked.....

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 18

RE: sub mentor required - 6/29/2005 8:18:52 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

personslly, i think mentors should ask the hard questions...makes another think.

allow them their own conclusions, but be willing to stand by and accept their decision even if it isnt what you might have liked.....

There you go, your perfect mentor then. Now you know what to seek out.

(in reply to cumslutcockwhore)

Post #: 19

RE: sub mentor required - 6/30/2005 12:10:32 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

cor blimey, this seemed to stir some people up a bit.
chill ladies, im sorted thanks as i knew i would be from collarme.

Why not ask ppl in general? well thats good, but you know those posts where you get some description of a difficulty, ppl respond to the thread, only to have to be told, 'well, the other thing is that i didnt mention............' Well, i sorta thought, that if i got to know someone, and visa versa, then lengthy accurate scene setting wouldnt be required each time.

Plus, ive got a shocking memory of people, and tend to concentrate on certain peoples posts, as they are the people that share my perspective. From a general thread, you get all perspectives, there is merit in that, and its not something i shall stop doing when i want a cross section of answers.
But i particularly wanted someone in a D/s long term monogamous relationship, as that for me, is where the advice is more valuable to me.

I dont play with ohters, i dont mix with others from this community. I like my anomyninity that the internet provides. Im not denegrating those that do, its great - for them, not for me. My life is private to me and mine. So the usual luxury of sharing with others is not open to me as a consequence of my privacy, hence the wanting a one on one mentor if that makes sense to you all.

The one friend i do have, that is also a lifestyler, is a ex, and i find their opinions to be awfully biased toward getting me to Domme again, rather than 'pretending to be a sub'. Its that 'other agenda' thing again.

But thankyou, its interesting to hear others perspectives.

And sub4hire, our view points differ too greatly as our experiences are vastly different. You are not going to have any pressure from me love. I can see that you would however, fullfill this role wonderfully for others, and have learned a lot from your posts. I can see why your name was bravely given by another, nothing quite like being volunteered is there lol.

Maybe years down the road of this journey, ill change my mind on all ive just spouted, but for now, i like my privacy. There are times, when i have read my old posts in forums and cringed at my mistakes, id like to delete them, but dont, as it shows me where i have come from, and how far i have come along.

And for the anal retentives out there that are cringing at my spelling, i dont give a rats arse

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 20

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