Whats the difference between a bottom and sub?

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Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 6:47:15 PM

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I have been wondering this for quite a while since I don't really know if I can live as a sub/slave and I still enjoy all the kinks in the bedroom I was just wondering what exactly a bottom is and how it is different from being a sub/slave.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 8:54:03 PM

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Zindy,
you will probably receive 100 different responses about what the difference is, in fact, i truely believe in a community that tries to bond together, and respect each others kinks, values, and lifestyle choices that can't even come up with simple definitions to clarify what it is, is one destined to always have prejudices....

This is but my opinion on the differences,...
I believe a bottom to be more of a role. Something that everyone does from time to time. This is more of a giving control over to another for a brief period, and enjoying the benefits of it.
Submissive is a quality, style and life choice one has. A submissive is a bottom, but a bottom may not be a submissive. For example a Dominant can "bottom" to another dominant learning how to single tail and feeling the sting of a strike for that moment in time, to learn how to handle the whip, and become one with the whip.
A submissive is someone who actively chooses to be the bottom role, and has a service oriented mindset to please the one whom they percieve as a "top", "Master" or Dominant.

A slave is an extreme view. A slave must be owned by a dominant/Master. (Gorean view-Not a slave unless owned) A slave is property. Simple as that. Slave is owned. You can have obedient slaves, or outride rude and disobedient slaves, any attitude shown by a slave is a direct reflection of their owner and their power, will and control the owner has over there slaves. Anything the girl/slave does is through the eyes of their owner.

Hope that gives a perspective of what i believe the differences are. If i may give some advice that i found helpful. Don't try to spend too much time figuring out what "lable" you are be it sub, slave, bottom ect...instead enjoy what it is that you are doing for yourself and for your partner, and ultimately if you choose the path of slavery or servitude, it will be your owner or dominant who tells you what to lable yourself..
Take care, wishes you well
Sincerely
Melanie

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 9:11:44 PM

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Well, we are having trouble deciding what feels right for me....I guess I am too stubborn or whatever to be a sub or a slave..I don't feel comfortable giving complete control over 24/7...I can for certain periods of time and I have to be in the right mood to give control over even for limited amounts of time. I have tried for a while to give control over 24/7 and for some reason I can't. So, I know I still like a lot of the kinks we have tried and I still want those kinks I just don't think I am sub/slave material. I know I shouldn't worry about what label I am...and I am not...it is just hard to explain what a bottom is exactly to my husband/Master whatever he is to me...and I am trying to figure it out so I can do my best to explain it to him. Thank you for your reply, I found it very informative and helpful.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 9:16:11 PM

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A somewhat different view....

A bottom is someone who engages in the receiving play of something 'like' painplay. Receiving a spanking, flogging, whipping, caning, etc. Could also be the 'receiver' in a bondage scenario. In general, this is during a period of time construed as 'play'. Unless you're being whipped 24/7, it has a beginning and an end.

A sub or slave is thought of in combination as a relationship 'role' or 'persona'. Decision-making, choices, surrender, what have you. There 'can' be periods of time when bottoming is involved, or not.

Some people would call bottoming an 'activity', whereas being a sub/slave is more about 'identity'.

Jeff

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 9:17:30 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

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subs don't have heavy artillery

(i need to stop watching "Good Morning, Vietnam")

LOL

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 9:19:47 PM

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Back in the day kiddo there were no bottoms or tops. Those two terms as much as any have been accepted by the kinky internet community as meaning in a general sense...top is first a sadist and a botom is first...a masochist. Then it has been shall we say, adjusted to also mean...top is a dominant and a bottom is a submissive.

When one tops another as determined by the bottom who has been topped...it is usually in terms of their pleasure in the BDSM and other kinky sexual pleasures. When one dominates another it can be 24/7 and/or in the bedroom only. Topping can be for a scene...dominating is often a personality and as well...submitting can be for a scene or a life.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 9:28:05 PM

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A sub submits to a Dominant giving her/him authority in certain areas. A bottom is someone who likes to be the receiver of pain, pleasure etc without giving up authority. Many Dominants like to bottom sometimes and they do not give up their authority, they just want to receive sensation from someone that they trust, usually their sub.

~Lashra

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 10:18:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

I have been wondering this for quite a while since I don't really know if I can live as a sub/slave and I still enjoy all the kinks in the bedroom I was just wondering what exactly a bottom is and how it is different from being a sub/slave.

This could help:
http://www.westom.com/leather/nine_degrees_of_submission.htm

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/28/2007 11:25:09 PM

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Of course there's also the fun part that a person can be a slave AND a sub AND a bottom- all in one.

Zindy when will you stop worrying about labels? Stop rushing things and just see where they go.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 12:06:30 AM

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I agree with LA when a person restricts themselves to a label, it is my feeling that you'll find many doors are closed to you, and the openess needed for growth and development does not exist.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 7:42:35 AM

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Yet another take:

In my world, a bottom sets the state, the limits and is in charge. A top who wants to be invited for an encore performance plays in the venue and within the limits. A good top pushes the limits, but then begins to push the definitions too (grin)....

In my world, "submissive" is a reaction to subtle dominance. Truthfully, I prefer the active "surrender" to what I perceive as the more passive "submit." There just isn't a good noun form of "surrender": "surrenderer" just doesn't roll trippingly off the tongue.

In my world, slave elicits one of two reactions: "Slave? Sure, I'm a slave to my UM, the mortgage company and to the feline herd" or "Call it what you like, if it works for two people, in their world, that's great."

Bottom line? If what you're doing works for you, that's fabulous. To the OP (and in absolute agreement with twistedkytten): at 21 all of your doors are open, the world is your oyster. Don't let anyone close those doors!

< Message edited by BesameMucho -- 7/29/2007 7:43:31 AM >

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 9:13:23 AM

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i'm a submissive, but only to a few select people; the rest i bottom to, and i prefer it that way; this way i'm still able to feed my need without surrendering, unless it's to the right person and for the right reasons.

(in reply to BesameMucho)

RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 10:08:05 AM

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Well, I know that I am young and that I should explore what I can....I want to submit fully to my husband but I feel that I can't for some reason I don't know if it is my personality or what but I just can't give up control like I want to. I still want the kinks we have I don't want vanilla but I just don't know if I can submit fully to him. It is hard to explain this to him....most likely because I don't want him angry with me over my choice of words. I just hear alot about bottoming, and how people distinguish it from subbing. Was wondering what the most common reason for that was. I am looking for a term that I can give him and the definition of what it means...and from what I am hearing it seems that is what I am wanting. Mostly I guess a bedroom submissive but equal the rest of the time....I hope this makes sense.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 10:42:49 AM

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My 'throw a dart at the board and watch where it sticks' impression is that ultimately there might be a gap in trust. This could be why it would be difficult for you to 'let go'.

For what it's worth.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 10:45:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

Well, we are having trouble deciding what feels right for me....

Why do you have to decide? Why not just be who you are and be happy with it?

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/29/2007 11:42:25 PM

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Well, we are but it is hard to convey to him what I want, and what I can't be. For now I can't be a sub/slave but I still want some aspects of the lifestyle in the bedroom.

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Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/30/2007 12:14:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

Well, we are but it is hard to convey to him what I want, and what I can't be. For now I can't be a sub/slave but I still want some aspects of the lifestyle in the bedroom.

Then be a bedroom submissive. You talk to him and set down the limitations, write them down if you need to. So that everything is crystal clear and you both feel comfortable. Please whatever you do, do NOT agree to be a fulltime submissive/slave if your not mentally prepared and committed to it in your heart. You will be doing you both more harm than good.

Good luck,
~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/30/2007 5:53:17 AM

StellaByStarlite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zindyslave

Well, we are but it is hard to convey to him what I want, and what I can't be. For now I can't be a sub/slave but I still want some aspects of the lifestyle in the bedroom.

I guess what it might boil down to is.. how secure is your relationship in the first place? Maybe I'm just WAY misunderstanding the "tone" of your posts, but you seem pretty stressed out over the the whole thing.

From a totally pragmatic point of view.. you can just look your hunka hunka burnin love right in the eye and tell him in no uncertain terms that you want dominated, controlled, beat, fucked silly in the bedroom. And take it from there. ;)

a couple's intimate life is ideally supposed to be enjoyable on any level. =) I guess I'm just wondering why exactly you're having trouble communicating this to your man. This isn't a judgement by any means.

But you can read the advice from a thousand posters here and you'll still have to get your hands dirty, figure it out either on your own or with your man.

(in reply to zindyslave)

RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/30/2007 6:05:37 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

subs don't have heavy artillery

(i need to stop watching "Good Morning, Vietnam")

LOL

I am frantically cleaning my keyboard this made me spit my coffee

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

RE: Whats the difference between a bottom and sub? - 7/30/2007 6:14:11 AM

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sub is a sandwich and a bottom is what you poop out of.

Ron

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