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RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 6:36:44 AM

kossack

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I don't think anyone thinks screen names are 'real' in the majority of the time (although, I did think yours was, Bita Trouble--even looked up Trouble in the phone book....;) but I'm talking about a name when you sign e-mails. In the past I've given my first name out at the 'let's move from e-mail to phone stage.' I don't know if I'd lose my job if I were outed--I do know it would make my job infinitely more difficult in perpetuity. I started out paranoid, became more trusting as time went on, then went back to paranoid after a really creepy situation.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 21

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 7:27:58 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kossack

So, would you care if your were talking with someone and didn't find out till a 2nd or 3rd date what her real name was? Would that feel like a lie to you? Is that paranoid?

In the past, when asked for my name, I usually say "Solome (or whatever) will do for now." When pressed, I explain that I am not comfortable at this point giving out my real name but will be glad to if it is decided that there is something that clicks between us. Usually though, no one presses the issue, and seems satisfied that it will come in due time.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 22

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 7:28:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Depends on how much you identify with your "scene name" personally and how deep the relationship gets. I still have old friends from chat rooms who call me Em as my name there was EmeraldSlave. I've got no problems with people calling me Lucky or LA if they have met me here- it's the name they have come to associate with me and it is mine.

I'd say if it was getting to the point where I was spending the night at their place on a fairly regular basis, then I'd want to know their "real name" and contact info in case of emergency. Even then, if I'd been calling them by another name, I'd continue to use that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 23

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 7:58:47 AM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

If you are called by your "scene name/nickname" often then to me that's not a lie. I mean Prince isn't really named Prince is he?

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 24

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 8:00:53 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

If you are called by your "scene name/nickname" often then to me that's not a lie. I mean Prince isn't really named Prince is he?

Yeah, actually. His name is Prince Rogers Nelson.

_____________________________

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 25

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 8:29:01 AM

MistressCass

Posts: 80
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline

A Lie? Hmmm.....well, for me I answer to my log on/nick/handle in real life. My family knows when the phone rings and they ask for MsCass or Cassie it is an online friend and they hand the phone to me. So I guess I have 2 names.....the one on my birth certificate and the one I gave myself when first faced with inventing a "pretend" name for online use. "CAS" happen to be my real initials, so Cass seemed natural all those years ago.

Now if you ask about giving my surname, I would have a different answer. After several online aquaintances finding me offline because of my own stupidity, I guard my surname like most guard gold. I have subs who have served me part time for years that don't know my last name......they know where I live, have even visited on a semi-regular basis, but unless they were really nosy and checked my incoming snailmail while I was in the bathroom they still don't know my real surname. I don't think I am being paranoid, I just think a person needs to be careful who has access to information about themselves when there is an employment morals clause involved.

I also answer to "Queen Brat" and "Safety Queen"......but that's another story.

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 26

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 8:53:56 AM

Tannie

Posts: 134
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

I only use a fake name when baiting a troll. Otherwise, I use my real name.

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 27

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 10:40:59 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Sir and i have been talking since febuary, he claimed me as his in march.

friday, he heard my given name for the first time. i dont use it, i hate it, and only go by nicknames if its at all possible. i'm cat to everyone, kitten as a diminutive to that.

there are very few who call me my given name.

kitten, who can be stubborn about a few things.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 28

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 10:45:54 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Depends on how much you identify with your "scene name" personally and how deep the relationship gets. I still have old friends from chat rooms who call me Em as my name there was EmeraldSlave. I've got no problems with people calling me Lucky or LA if they have met me here- it's the name they have come to associate with me and it is mine.

I'd say if it was getting to the point where I was spending the night at their place on a fairly regular basis, then I'd want to know their "real name" and contact info in case of emergency. Even then, if I'd been calling them by another name, I'd continue to use that.

that sounds REALLY familiar.....i might have known you from chats. *smiles*

kitten who has been LadyTwnks on other forums forever, but its got NOTHING to do with BDSM at all....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 10:55:59 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Well, the one advantage that women have in this situation is that we have (usually by age 30ish) a given name and married name (s). Men do not have that option (unless they have changed it).

Full name in this case, a woman can give without prejudice if she uses alternate names for certain 'web-based activities',

for example, I can give out my full name here, yet on univeristy or legal/govt web sites I use my other (also real) name. I would never mistake or mix the two. It would be impossible to find me, I would never make the mistake of using or mixing up a 'play' activity such as this with REAL life occupation/studies/published works/political activity/views.

Yes, women have that legal advantage. If married 3x, even more lol.

(in reply to adoracat)

Post #: 30

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 11:16:42 AM

Viridana

Posts: 754
Status: offline

I wouldn't consider my screen name fake in the bad sense of the word. Screen names are used by most internet users instead of their real names and people usually assume that one's screen name isn't their real one. So I don't think there's any clear desception going on. Having a screen name doesn't mean that I have an internet persona that's different from my real life but I do like to keep my private life and online life seperate and a screen name is very good for that purpose. If communications are going well then I might let my real name out but in all honesty I don't see the necessity to. I am me, regardless what you call me. It's actually funny to say that in my local munches people usually refer to each other by their screen name. I've known few of my close friends for months now and even though they once told me their real name I still use their screen name and in some instances I don't even remember their real names.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 31

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 1:10:27 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear kossack, Ladies and Gentlemen;

The issue of when or why people use false names have been around and mulled over for years now.

Before BDSM was more tolerated, in my community it was just standard behavior to identify with a different name for a sense of security as well as to separate ourselves from one another. For example, we're blessed with approximately ten men who have real names as Ed and five women who are Susan. It really adds to the confusion when trying to figure out which person is being spoken of. With scene names, it adds to the unique identity that thwarts the confusion--especially if it is a common name.

There are those in the scene who are known just by a 'Scene' non-de'-plume. One being Midori and one who has already posted a response-- Pandora. I've been known as Hugs for a very long time myself. Not until I got my first personal computer in 1998, did I add Lady. Not because I wanted to but, Hugs was already possessed by someone on Internet Service Providers. However, it does distinguish the separation between me and others. My family knows me as Hugs --so it is as much as my identity as any individual who has a nick name.

That said, in order to be a 'lie' it would have to be with the spirit of intent to do negative acts, to decieve and or to deprive others of their wealth, health and or welfare. Those who use multiple screen names in order to create problems, to hurt others--are those to whom I deem the liars and fakes. In my mind's eyes I see --it goes back to the spirit of intent of the use of fake names.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 32

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 2:43:44 PM

gentlethistle

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

I used a 'fake' name when I started communicating with people here. But before I actually met up with someone I told him that it wasn't my 'real' name.

Unfortunately, it turned out he rather liked the name I'd been using...so now I've got stuck with it, and it's what he calls me all the time. The moral of this story is...if you're going to use a pseudonym...give it some thought, you may have to live with it.

Laura (not my real name)

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 33

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 2:56:01 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Whether it is a lie or not depends on the situation.
If I told someone to call me Vampire, then thats obviously not my given name. It isnt exacty a lie, it is one I go by. But it isnt my "real" name either.
Slightly different if I am involved with someone and told them my name was Gertrude simly becasue I didnt want them to know my real name. That is a trust issue and a major one, and yes, a lie. People know a scene name is not necessarily a real name. But when you mislead someone into believing a name other than your one is yours, thats lying.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

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VampiresLair

(in reply to gentlethistle)

Post #: 34

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 3:32:16 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ

If you are called by your "scene name/nickname" often then to me that's not a lie. I mean Prince isn't really named Prince is he?

Yeah, actually. His name is Prince Rogers Nelson.

Not hijacking, but that's not true, that's a misconception that he created. His father's group was called the Prince Rodgers Trio. Prince used that for his bio as that being his real name. But his name on his birth certificate is, simply:

Roger Nelson

Not even Rodgers :)

< Message edited by DarkDaddyZ -- 7/30/2007 3:35:36 PM >

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 35

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 3:59:01 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My name's not juliet. I identify with it though and most people who know me, know me as juliet. I answer to juliet as easily as I do my given name.

And frankly, I could care less whether people think me using a pseudonym is a lie or not. I get to live my life in the manner - and by the name - I see fit. I even get to do this with absolutely no justification for doing so.

That being said, my Master calls me by my given name.

And know what? I've never heard my given name sound so sweet.

So, to all of you, I'm juliet. To him, I'm the name on my birth certificate.

It's all good.

juliet

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 36

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 4:12:56 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

Many people use scene names. It's acceptable in this subculture to do so--indeed, it used to be weird to use your real name, or even to use a scene name that could have been your birth name. I don't know whether it's a lie; it's an established (sub)cultural practice, and it's often unwise to debate the essential morality of culture. Just as when a very distant acquaintance automatically asks "How are you?" and you say, "I'm well, thank you," as a polite response, nobody accuses you of being a filthy flaming-trousered liar, even if you're in the process of hacking up what seems to be a lung and a small, squishy organ as a bonus.

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 37

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 4:18:35 PM

saturnpie

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/7/2007
Status: offline

I find for online chatting and encounters, using a pseudonym is ok for me, especially since I'm a little paranoid because I'm not "out" of the bdsm closet.

Also, my dad who is a network manager for a big company googles people to an extent before hiring him. The last thing I want is a potiential employer finding my collarme website!

But if it comes to a real life meeting, I'll be candide and say "My real name is so-and-so".

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 38

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 4:18:48 PM

krista

Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings....
i have had a few names in my life....i was born laura....my parents gave me the name of kathy.....when they adopted me...
krista..is the name gifted to me by my former Trainer..In the type of training i took...a girl earns her name..It is therefore very special to me...for i worked hard for it..
In my mind..heart..and soul..i am krista..those in the bdsm communities i am involved in real time..know me as krista..as i have had this name for years..i have always been proud to be krista..trained girl of ur-Fravashi
regards
krista...joy through services

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 39

RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? - 7/30/2007 5:12:07 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

It takes me quite a few emails and long talking online, including at least a few weeks or months even for me to give out my real name or a pic of myself. If they can't wait than i move on

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 40

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