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MisPandora -> RE: Is it a lie to use a fake name? (7/29/2007 8:53:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kossack
Based on a previous post, I've been trying to think about how much info I give out.
I have always used my real first name. To me, it feels like a lie to give out a fake name. However, if you know what one of my hobbies is and my first name (and google) you can find out an awful lot about me.
So, would you care if your were talking with someone and didn't find out till a 2nd or 3rd date what her real name was? Would that feel like a lie to you? Is that paranoid? (I don't give out my first name until I've e-mailed someone a few times, and try not to be too casual with my hobbies, but I'm just trying to think this through.)
The first concept to think about is that professional writers use pen names.
Clear and honest communication is key. A lie would be that I didn't tell them Pandora is a scene name, or if they gave me Bob as their name but they turned up with an ID when I met them that had an entirely different name. Folks who are involved with me are provided with my birthname when they make arrangements to meet me in person. In turn, I ask them what name would be on their identification, and we talk about their concerns with regard to privacy.
I'll share with you a story. I've been active in the BDSM community for 12, going on 13 years now. Early on, I worked professionally and used the name Pandora, and that's how a majority of folks grew to know me. My mother and brother even know the name. I have taught using this scene name. In 2004, when I ran for my leather titles, I stuck with Pandora because that's how everyone knows me. Someone I work with that has a grudge caught wind of my being kinky and holding an international leather title and decided to email my entire executive board outing me to them. Corporate counsel and HR was involved. It was only because I use a scene name and don't tie what I do in my personal life with my employer that I managed to keep my job, make a living and continue doing the things that I love.
I share my birth name with people who are in the need to know. My chosen leather family and my partners know. I am also willing to validate who I am to play partners up to and including providing ID, references and verification of employment. If that's insufficient, then perhaps that person isn't someone that should be involved with a person having my level of community exposure.....
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