RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (Full Version)

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FuriousAngel -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/3/2005 8:44:36 PM)

quote:

Are most of your friends (not online) kinky?


To my knowledge, none of my r/t friends are kinky; at least, not that they have shared with me. Until I'm told otherwise, I'll assume they are all vanilla.

quote:

If you have both, do they ever intermix? Do they know about each other?


I don't have any r/t friends in the D/s lifestyle so 'social paths' don't tend to cross.

quote:

What about people you consider your 'online' friends (those people you have never met, or met online and only interact with primarily online)? What is the breakdown?


54 - 'Vanilla'
29 - 'Kinky'

quote:

Does your BEST FRIEND know how kinky you are?


Yes, I took her out for dinner in January 2005 and shared my 'news' with her. My decision to do so was based on not having any r/t friends in the D/s lifestyle and realizing that it was in my best interest that I at least have one person I can count on 'in the flesh' if necessary. I actually just shared it with another vanilla friend a couple weeks ago. It's made for some interesting conversations.

quote:

Is your best friend kinky also?


No, she had a rather 'concerned' look on her face when I shared the 'news' with her! LMAO!



SteelBondager -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/3/2005 10:46:01 PM)

I have many friends. Like M&Ms, they all have chocolate inside. Some just have more than others. Some might be offended if they knew I was a "slave owner" (actually, now make that ex-slave-owner), but most would understand taking a naked woman over my knee for a spanking if it ended in sex.

Roughly, about 33% of my friends have been to my home with at least one nude woman serving. 5% have been a nude man or woman in different roles. So, that would probably be more along the line of your actual question.

Don't be fooled by exteriors. Everyone likes a little kink; you just have to find a kink they understand, accept and like.



fp2012 -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 2:33:11 AM)

*Sigh* Almost all of them are vanilla.... however, when I started opening up to them about my kink at least 2 became quite interested in it. So hopefully something will develop out of it. I also instituted a "kinky sex toy" theme for birthday presents last year, and now all of them own either whips or handcuffs or collars and leashes or something to that extent (they were all too chicken to buy me anything kinky though and all I got was a book about great sex). They're all very accepting of it, and I think because I have been able to discuss sex with them quite a bit (being the first of the group to lose her virginity) they'll be more willing to experiment sexually... or at least I hope.



Shayna -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 2:48:11 AM)

All my close friends are either kinky or kink-friendly. I'm attracted to unconventional people as friends and lovers - for someone to want to be close to me they'd have to be a little off-center :)




GentleLady -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 6:22:16 AM)

Very interesting question AAkasha and one I had to address recently with My wedding and reception.

The majority of My friends are kinky but the majority of tony's friends are vanilla. We have mutual friends in both groups but mixing them at the same function would probably not work. There are a few that could mix. The wedding and small reception was strictly BDSM but we are having a second reception for the vanilla friends. Some of them would have major issues with kink.

The breakdown for My on-line friends is simple. They are solely within the Lifestyle in one way or another. Most of that reason though is because My vanilla friends are rarely on-line.

My best friend here is kinky and was at the wedding. My closest best friend other then Her is vanilla but now living in a different country. She does know about My Lifetsyle choices though and respects that My choices are right for Me.

Gentle Lady



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 7:53:36 AM)

Most of my close friends are vanilla and know a bit about my kinky side. (You can learn a lot about your friends when you are a Dominatrix for Halloween [;)] I got a lot of questions that night!). I participate in a local group for Dommes, but tend to keep that group separate from my close group of friends, mainly because I don't see my Domme friends as often and live an hour away from most of them. I don't think there would be any problems with mixing the two groups as long as it was clear that things would be "vanilla", at a party, for example.

Most of my online friends are kinky, and I think that is because I started my exploration online and have maintained contact with those friends over the years.

I recently thought about the situation where I was introducing my sub/significant other to my friends for the first time. Because my friends know about my kinky side, it could be assumed that my friend was into that as well, and therefore I'd be "outing" him to a certain extent. I discussed this with my sub, and he said he didn't feel weird about it. I'm grateful that he was not bothered, but it's something that I hadn't thought about- an unexpected side-effect of my friends knowing what I enjoy.

Be well,
Julie



SophiaBelle -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 12:41:32 PM)

I run in many different circle of friends. My work friends know I am bi, but almost no more than that (with the exception of one or two.) Of my three other groups of friends they know varying amounts. My friends through my boyfriend are tre vanilla, and have no idea even that I am bi. My "gamer" friends know I am bi AND I came out to them about my lifestyle (a recent thing) and they were almost all happy for me. My other misc. friends know I swing a little and that I'm not entirely vanilla, but not much more.

All and all almost 95% vanilla, if not more. I am hoping to gain some valuable friends like me through my local community.



nonuts4thshoney -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 12:52:57 PM)

OMG, Doesn't it suck old saggy ass that we have to be this way with our friends!? i would love to just be open with all my friends without them passing judgement or even losing their friendship.

BUT, that's why i am here....to make some friends with others that are in the lifestyle. [:D]

Good luck to you SohiaBelle


-carolyn



spliffsmum -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 1:22:46 PM)

I have three long term friends - now scattered around the world - who are vanilla but who I trust enough to divulge the generalities of my life too. Otherwise two distinct camps - friends and kinky friends and never the twain shall met! Oh - apart from my birth mother who I told (we were both heavily under the influence :) ) who was accepting but doesn't really want to know details.



brightspot -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 2:11:08 PM)

Yes, my Best Friend knows how kinky I am.

I have a lot of Kinky friends, and my "Vanilla" friends,
Hummmmmmm......
I guess I don't really get deep into their sex lives so
who really knows what they are doing behind closed
doors....

I have meet Kinky that you never would have believed to be[:)].


*Brightspot




MadameDahlia -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 2:17:58 PM)

All of the people I consider friends know that I am bisexual, poly and into D/s.

My parents and my younger sibling also know all of this about me.

And my best friend was the individual who gave me a name for what I feel. She introduced me to both bisexuality and the leather life in tenth grade. Before that I knew what I liked... but I wouldn't have been able to say, "Yup. BDSM... that's it."

The people who have no idea who or what I am think of me as terribly innocent. I work at a Ladies Gym and my boss told a friend/member of the gym not to say the word "Sex" in front of me because she thought I'd run away, blushing. The friend started laughing so hard she had to sit down.



dominmd -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 3:40:36 PM)

I usually get asked if I carry handcuffs by people that know I do security work. When I reply yes, and then name the type and brand and why, I get asked "ever use them?" I say, "What you think I have cuffs and have never used them? Of course I have, but I can still get out of them, but my girlfriends never can." That is as far as I really go with people. Especially since I can have an evil grin while answering the question. And usually a girlfriend turning bright red with embarrasment. I make it up to them later. Care to guess how?[;)]



Domin81 -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 4:07:28 PM)

About 70% of my friends are kinky, I find as time goes on more and more of the people I'm close to are kinky. About 1/2 of my vanilla friends know that I'm kinky including my best vanilla friend.



Lepidoptera -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/4/2005 10:50:52 PM)

All of my friends are geeky, a couple of them are asexual, and a few more are bi. I think I'm the only super kinky one, but we our bound by our mutal geekiness, and I guess my sexuality doesn't bother them.



FangsNfeet -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/5/2005 7:49:33 PM)

One thing I can assure you about my friends. If they aren't into kink when I first meet them, they end up getting envolved soon.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/10/2005 12:55:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shayna

All my close friends are either kinky or kink-friendly. I'm attracted to unconventional people as friends and lovers - for someone to want to be close to me they'd have to be a little off-center :)




I'm with you on this one, Shayna. It's always been my nature to be attracted to open-minded, dynamic individuals who don't follow the herd blindly.
Not all of them are kinky, though.
Only one of my friends had difficulty with the kink aspect, but I understood his position. He's like a big brother to me, and the news that I was going to be allowing men to tie me up and hit me with instruments usually reserved for horses...well, I can see his point...pure worry.
We spent a lot of time talking about power dynamics, and safety measures, and eventually he became more comfortable with it.
There is a great deal of trust and honesty between us, as there should be between friends, and he trusted me to make good decisions.
Now, having seen how happy this lifestyle has made me, how much I've grown, he is all in favour of the lifestyle.
As for my best friend...well, my best female friend is a sub, and my best male friend is vanilla but goes with me to all the fetish events because he loves the fun and enjoys supporting me. He's my biggest fan.
Sometimes it takes time and a lot of discussion for a vanilla person to accept this stuff, but as far as I'm concerned the friendship is only worth keeping if the person believes in me, and in my ability to make smart choices for myself. Those are the only friends I want to have.
For those of you out there who haven't told your good friends, all I can say is that I love being able to be completely free and open with the people I love. It may not be as impossible as you think it is.

Cin



wildangel1012003 -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/10/2005 3:18:48 PM)

i would have to say it is a 50/40 split.
i do not talk about my private life in general. i am very shy and a very private person.

from conversations my friends have had and comments made i woudl say that it is a good split.

i find it very funny when ones who i knwo have a kinky streak make a comment around the ones who do not and their reactons are very funny to watch.

but then i do have a weird sence of hummor, i think thee is nothing funnier then humans having sex, the faces we make , the noises, the contortions we put our bodies through.

if you cant laugh at your self even in bed , then what fun is life?



dayandnight -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/10/2005 5:48:09 PM)

Mostly vanilla...and very few of those have any idea about my inclinations.



ItzKat -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/10/2005 6:22:00 PM)

well, I have a good balance of each kinky and vanilla. Some of my vanilla friends know, but most don't.



punnishme -> RE: Are your friends mostly kinky, or mostly vanilla? (7/10/2005 6:38:37 PM)

I live in a very small town, I call it hickville but that's not the real name obviously. My friends are all conservative christians, and of course I have to pretend to be the same. I am a christian when I was younger very active in my religion and well in the last couple of years I spent a little more time than I should have caring about my S/O rather than myself. I dont regret it just wish I'd spent more time with the people I've known forever.

So yeah all of my friends are conservative vanilla christian freaks (that's not a bad thing)
But from time to time I have to admit things slip out of certain friends mouth that really make me wonder what exactly their preferences are.

I'll never ask though.

I have one kinky friend who lives down south. That's about it

Cool thread



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