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What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 11:57:49 AM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		im making this post to share information, not to start a debate about if DID/MPD is real or not, or anything like that. we all assume that there are many out there who do not believe this is real or not common, but if you feel you must state that, please make another post because i think it will make this thread more complicated to blend the two... thank you.

What is DID/MPD?
DID is dissociative identity disorder, formerly called MPD (multiple personality disorder)
if you search on these topics on the net, in both professional and personal websites, you will find a lot of information

Im writing this in layman's terms as I am not a professional at anything and this is only me sharing what information i have learned the past 2 years while studying DID. This is also not any type of advise on what a DID person or their SO (significent other) should do.... i dont want to get sued.

My understanding is this....
how it begins ~ when a child is first born to the age of approximately 12 years old, their psyche is forming. after this age, although stressful, the child's mind is formed or matured enough that although the child will suffer horribly, the psyche will remain intact.
i dont know if i agree with that last statement but that is what the consensus seems to be on most professional sites at this time.

when the child is abused (most often from sexual abuse) and cannot handle the abuse
(would go insane or die) the child's mind creates a different person (baby, girl, boy, man, woman) to take on that abuse, so the child itself can survive intact.

that "part" or hereafter called "alter" moves to the subconsious of the child, when the abuse is over.
when the abuse is repeated, either that same alter "comes to the front" of the child's consciousness to accept that abuse again, thus sparing the child itself, or the child creates a new "alter" to absorb that episode of abuse.

this repeats as the abuse continues, which it usually does for years.

the child, with it's collection of alters stored safely in it's subconscious goes through life as a "multiple" but does not realize it. the alters rotate around throughout the child's life, "switching" so that different ones come to the front when it is most needed in different life situations, thus enabling the child (now adult) to function in this splintered state.

the many symptoms that the DID person show, are noticed by others, and sometimes by the DID person as well, but usually these are given excuses such as: being an airhead, being flighty or moody, being artistic, pms, bipolar, schizophrenic, bad memory, just a weird person, too strong of an imagination, etc.

when the DID person's hectic busy life (which they usually have) calms down around the age of 40-ish (kids are grown and gone, finances hopefully more secure, comfy with a life partner, etc.) the alters take this as a good time to "come out" and play.

there may be a surge in alter symptoms..... which usually means the DID person thinks they must be cracking up and races to a psychologist. Most psychologists are not familiar with DID or say they are and are lying.

DID is not a mental illness... the mind is not sick or ill or diseased, so there are no medications for this.....

it is a highly creative morphing of the psyche to ensure survival of the abused child.

Once a truly knowledgable DID therapist is found, therapy can begin. This journey, after that point.... is a great adventure.

If you have any questions about what I wrote here, please post them and I'll answer them here.
I'm going to make another message on this thread about alters next. ~ thanks, zay

< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/3/2005 12:14:10 PM >
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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:13:06 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Alters ~ what is an alter?
i can't answer that question scientifically but can in my own way of explaining it.

The "people" that the child created are just that. People. The only difference is that they all share the same body.

What are they like?
Alters are all different. If you walked into a stadium full of people, alters are just like that. There are different ages and genders. A female child may create a big strong man alter she names Hercules, so that one day, he can go beat up her abuser.

How many alters does a multiple have?
according to the internet, it's typical for a DID person to have anywhere from 35 alters up to over a hundred! regardless, there is typically a main group of alters to any "system"
(host person & all of their alters) usually about 15-35 alters. These would be the more active alters, kinda like having a board of directors.

Every system also has an ISH (Internal Self Helper) who is the main alter that knows the most about the inner world (place where the alters go when not "out") and about all of the alters themselves. I don't know about that too much because my ISH is not being helpful to me with information about my alters and is making me find out all about them on my own, the brat!

Yes, alters are part of the host (DID person) but they are also separate and can navigate totally indepent from the host. The host is not always aware that this is happening, only having memory blanks for the time period that an alters is out on it's own. That's scarey but there are ways to work on that.

A "fugue" is when an alter is "in the front' (meaning that i am not conscious of this at all) and that alter is living a period of time without my knowledge. I have experienced this many times in the past, as I have become aware of this past 2 years.

You may have heard of someone disappearing and years later, being found living under a different name somewhere with a different family! Not saying that this is a DID thing only, but it does fall under the category of a fugue.

An alter is also not a "fully formed and mature" person. They were created under extremes... so one alter may be extremely depressed (probably suicidal) and another may be extremely businesslike, or scared, or happy, etc.

Most alters do not know they are alters.... they also do not know that the other alters exist.... facilitating communication amongst the alters is most helpful in creating a well-working group.

Next: Communicating With The Alters


< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/3/2005 12:18:03 PM >

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:26:42 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


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Status: offline 		Very interesting, Zaynab. I'm curious to read how it can relate to the BDSM lifestyle.

Cin

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:31:47 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Communicating With Alters
In 2001, I kept seeing the world "dissociate" on a message board about survivors of psychopaths. I looked it up on the net, and found websites about DID/MPD. When I read about it, I was stunned. My entire life suddenly made sense, all puzzle pieces falling immediately into place. I instantly knew that I was a multiple all along.

One suggestion I read was "To find out if you have alters, just ask them if they are in there". I did. And I discovered that one of my imaginary childhood friends that I had for two years, was not just that, he was one of my alters. We had a very long talk.

When my loving Master came home from work, I told him what I had discovered. He got me to a DID specialist asap. While waiting for that appointment, I met many more of my alters, many who were my imaginary childhood friends... or so I thought.

My DID therapist quickly diagnosed me (diagnosis for this is actually very quick and simple, so if a therapist tells you otherwise, that is not correct) and therapy began.

Therapy is nothing more than facilitating communication and cooperation between the alters and myself. I am really my own therapist and the DID specialist is actually my coach on how to do this.

Step 1 ~ locate, meet and identify the alters.
I told them I am a safe person and they will not be harmed, not to be afraid to talk with me. Some came forward immediately, some took awhile, and many still remain hidden most of the time. I wrote down notes about them, so I would remember their information.

Step 2 ~ the safety contract
Above all, a safety contract is a must. This should be done with all alters that have been reached present and participating. Input from the SO (husband, Dom, whatever) is also needed. Discussions over the safety contract items are extremely important.

For example: a child alter will not try to suddenly drive the car when the host is going 55mph on a busy highway....
a reward offered for compliance might be that the host is willing to color in a coloring book for 15 minutes, 3 times each week for that child alter

a very important one for me is..... no one will meet with or go anywhere with a stranger unless approved by our Dom.

Step 3 ~ daily group meetings
once each day, the multiple should have a group meeting with all alters present.
the alters who do not want to attend can't be made to, but they will be missing out on important topics that are decided on and may lose enjoyment of their lives.
They are also still responsible for any guidelines or rules that were agreed on.
If one should say.... "I'm sorry that I did that, but I missed that meeting and didn't know it was a new rule!" is no excuse.

That's about it. It's very challenging to work with alters, as my therapist would say....
"working with alters is like rounding up a bunch of cats".

I love my alters so much and I'm proud for the bravery and cooperation they have given me so far.

Next: Meet My Alters



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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:34:59 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Well.... how does DID relate to the BDSM lifestyle?
Many people who were abused as children (and very likely to have DID) would naturally gravitate to this lifestyle.
Many alters are masochists, because of the circumstances that they were created by.

Don't misunderstand, I'm not saying that most BDSM people are multiples, or that masochists are nothing more than alters, nothing like that.

DID people are everywhere! And that would include the BDSM community as well.

I have received so many emails asking me for more information about this, mostly from distressed SO's, that I can't possibly reply to all of them individually... I'm hoping that this thread will be accepted as my intent to help all those who have inquired about this.


< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/3/2005 12:36:30 PM >

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:40:47 PM   
DesertRat


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From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		I appreciate your raising this topic on the boards, zaynab. I was involved with someone who has DID, and I now have a much better understanding of what happened to us. This came partly from things you have said and partly from my own research, prompted by seeing the topic here.

So, thanks again.

Bob

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 12:57:55 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


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quote:

ORIGINAL: zaynab

Well.... how does DID relate to the BDSM lifestyle?
Many people who were abused as children (and very likely to have DID) would naturally gravitate to this lifestyle.
Many alters are masochists, because of the circumstances that they were created by.


Yes, it makes sense.

Also, one of the things I love about the lifestyle is the opportunity to play with the many aspects of my character. (For example I am meeting a playmate tonight at the door in schoolgirl gear, because I feel energized to let my bratty self out to play LOL)

I imagine this creative freedom to move through roles would suit someone with alters.

While I do not have PID, I do know I have many distinct sides to my personality - slave/daddy's girl/pet kitty/brat/slut/ - that love to come out.

For me it's a type of shapeshifting.

Cin

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:02:04 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		I hope it will be helpful to someone out there to see what a system of alters is like. No two systems are alike, but here's mine.... for what it's worth.....

Zaynab ~ the queen of my alter group, so I use her name. lately, she and I have been sharing control. When I am exhausted, I rest mentally and she takes over. She's been the one on this website 99% of the time.

Peter ~ my ISH (Internal Self Helper), he's 22 years old, average build, nice looking, sandy hair a bit shaggy, he's always on an even keel emotionally... no matter what... non-judgemental..... he's the calm in the eye of the storm... he can get pissy and argumentative with me at times, but we dont do that anymore.... he was an imaginary friend i had for years as a child

Ilehya ~ 22 also, female, gorgeous, regal, spoiled princess, bitter, a bit angry, lonely, a bit snippy and sarcastic at times, waist length blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin, romantic alter.

Sabrina ~ late 20's, early 30's, waist length black hair, big brown eyes, olive skin, she is my extreme masochist, sexual alter
Estelle ~ early 20's, peachy type, medium blonde hair, beautiful, slap & tickle type, laughs a lot, just wants to have fun, sexual alter
ED ~ late 30's, robust male, bi-racial, very aggressive, ruthless, addicted to sex, xxxxxx rated, needs improvement with his conscious
Hunter ~ late 30's, repentant abuser, mature, nice, hard worker, responsible, good looking, cooperative
Lawyer ~ early 30's, blonde hair, blue eyes, paranoid, keeps insisting I go to law school for him but I'm not going to do that
Jade ~ 9 years old, black shoulder length hair, brown eyes, fair skin, thin, she's spunky and strong, very optimistic
Lisa ~ 4 years old, short blonde hair, big blue eyes, a real cutie
Gandolph ~ ageless (he says), thinks he's omnipotent, his goal is to have me go to his dark kingdom forever.... uh huh, ya right!
Link ~ about 9 years old, short with dark hair boy, extremely angry and bitter, learning to behave, Gandolph's side-kick

Old n' Creaky ~ 99 years old, when she's out I have severe athralgia and all my joints creak and pop a lot, I feel very sick when she visits but I like her so much, she's always welcome, she has great wisdom and is very practical, very nice and funny alter, happens to be one of my Dom's favorite alters, nonsexual alter

Aine ~ formerly known as "the crying baby", she is about 3 months old. I don't know if she is the original me and I am nothing more than the first alter created when she was abused, or if she was the first alter to be created, this is controversial in the DID world.... regardless, with therapy, Aine is not crying anymore thank god....

Alice ~ mid 30's, she is a total mental wreck. Paranoid to an extreme. With therapy, I now have her calm at least and peaceful.
Charlie ~ late 70's, he is an indian chief.... he is quiet and skeptical of everything.
Debbie ~ early 20's, the most interesting to me, shy and quiet all the time, but i found out that Debbie has been out for years in fugue states so in real life she has tons of friends, all people I've never met before.... it's very embarrassing but everyone seems to love her!
Debbie is a virgin, is very plain, a bit overweight and is very nice.

Housekeeper & Cookess ~ two alters who are mostly "functions".... Cookess has made banquet meals for 35 people in only 4 hours, including grocery shopping and cooking a stuffed turkey but I myself find it hard to make spaghetti with sauce from a jar.

LeeLoo ~ late 20's, very sexy, she is on the wagon as she had a severe drinking problem, she is bitter and sarcastic, sexual alter.
Miles ~ late 30's male alter, he's the chauffer and drove us to florida many times, as for me, I can only drive within ten miles from our house, or my mind goes blank and i forget where i am.

There are many more alters, but I think this gives a good cross-section of who is in my system.









< Message edited by zaynab -- 7/3/2005 1:10:42 PM >

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:09:59 PM   
Atavist


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Status: offline 		I've done a bit of reading on this topic recently. I found what appears to be a very good site for people with DID and their supporters: http://p199.ezboard.com/bcopingwithdissociativeidentitydisorder

This is a disorder that I was only vaguely familiar with not long ago. In reading about it I've learned that everyone to some degree "dissassociates" - ranging from common daydreaming to having distinct "personalities" that my be known or unknown consciously, although this appears to be rare.

I have no doubt that many people will find it hard to believe that such a psychological condition can exist. I would say to them that perhaps they don't have an appreciation for how amazingly complex and adaptable the human mind can be.

Imagine experiencing severe trauma(s) as a child and finding a child's coping mechanism - stepping out of the trauma psychologically (because they may not be able to escape physically) to escape the pain/horror. In effect, creating another internal reality or persona that offers some defense against the pain. A persona that can be neatly tucked away from consciousness when the threat has passed. Its not hard to imagine that a trauma of such magnitude would deeply embed specific emotions and behaviours for an entire lifetime and that these behaviours can continue to occur in adults (conditioned response), even if to the untrained or uncaring eye, they seem inappropriate or irrational.

Imagine the incredible beauty and richness in such a person that might be locked inside, perhaps in some cases, hidden even to themselves. I've also read that talk therapy is highly successful in helping people cope with DID, assuming they are willing to do the work.

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:19:33 PM   
zaynab


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Status: offline 		thank you for being nice in your replies..... im glad
something interesting.... not all DID is caused by sexual abuse....
all the abuses apply if they are severe enough or just mishaps as well.....

when i was a small child (about 4 or 5 years old) my brother was molesting me in an outhouse at a local park. when my mother was looking for me, he did not want to get caught, so he lowered me through the hole in the seat and told me to hang on with my fingertips and he will come back and get me later......

needless to say.... i could not do that for very long, and i fell into the outhouse....
my family searched the entire park for me for hours.... obviously, i was found....

i do remember the molesting part and when i hung there and he said "you can do it", but after that my memory is blank so i don't know what it was like down there.....

my brother also subjected me to lots of torture of all types throughout our entire childhood until I was 12 years old.... but I do not blame him and I am not mad at him.... he was only a damaged child himself...

he is visiting our family this weekend for the 4th of July holiday and when I looked at him yesterday, I smiled but my heart was very sad. It is obvious that he has suffered his entire life over all the abusive things he has done to others... it shows.

where does the buck stop on who is to blame? An abuser is a damaged person also.... do we blame their abuser?

I dont know.... but we are here today, a bit wiser.... and should proceed with our new awareness in the fronts of our minds...... *sigh

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:29:09 PM   
Atavist


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Status: offline 		I can think of one way that DID relates to BDSM. Trust. As everyone knows here, trust is fundamental to a healthy BDSM relationship. It can also be a huge issue for some who have DID because at some point in their life, a perhaps sacred trust may have been broken. I would think that people with DID both fear and deeply yearn to trust again.

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:32:53 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		casual banter? i was moved to casual banter? arghhhh!
i'm not bantering! i'm just sharing and everyone is being nice who's replying!
hahahaha

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zaynab[DM]
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i used to care... but now i take a pill for that

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:34:52 PM   
zaynab


Posts: 377
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Status: offline 		perhaps a sacred trust has been broken? kidding? heck ya! lol
that is the main element, Atavist, Sir....

and by the way, i just can't help it but i have to say this here ..... you sure are one hot looking, Dom, Sir..... *smile

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 1:42:05 PM   
Atavist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: zaynab

perhaps a sacred trust has been broken? kidding? heck ya! lol
that is the main element, Atavist, Sir....


In many cases yes, but in some DID can arise from a natural disaster or some other trauma not related to trust no? I'm not an expert but it seems to make sense to me.

quote:


and by the way, i just can't help it but i have to say this here ..... you sure are one hot looking, Dom, Sir..... *smile


Thanks zaynab, your kinda cute yourself. (Waving to your Master). I'm kinda like a Monet - I look better the farther away you get (g).

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 4:08:05 PM   
Lordandmaster


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Status: offline 		What are fugue states?

quote:

ORIGINAL: zaynab

Debbie ~ early 20's, the most interesting to me, shy and quiet all the time, but i found out that Debbie has been out for years in fugue states so in real life she has tons of friends, all people I've never met before.... it's very embarrassing but everyone seems to love her!


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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 4:26:56 PM   
perverseangelic


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What are fugue states?


From Medicine.net
"Fugue state: An altered state of consciousness in which a person may move about purposely and even speak but is not fully aware. A fugue state is usually a type of complex partial seizure"

I've had friends describe it as like when you black out from drinking. You'll be moving, interacting, and doing thigns, but you'll have no awareness of the things you've done. Friend's who have experiened this say that they will "wake up" somewhere, and think that they've been alseep, but will later be told that they had been active and "awake" the whole time.

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 4:38:32 PM   
Lordandmaster


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Status: offline 		Well, I don't know the technical language, but are Debbie's friends real or imagined?

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/3/2005 5:22:16 PM   
perverseangelic


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Well, I don't know the technical language, but are Debbie's friends real or imagined?


The way I understanding it, the host body was in fuge state, Debbie was in control of it, made physical friends while controlling the body. (Correct me if I'm wrong Zaynab) So, friends are corporeal, and made friends w/ Debbie while she ran the body. Zaynab wasn't aware that she'd -not- been in control.

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/4/2005 2:14:25 AM   
Lordandmaster


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Status: offline 		If that's the case, then--forgive me for sounding naive--isn't it extremely dangerous to "make friends" with people who don't realize that you're another person's fugue-state alter ego?

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RE: What is DID/MPD? - 7/4/2005 4:09:54 AM   
zaynab


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

What are fugue states?

quote:

ORIGINAL: zaynab

Debbie ~ early 20's, the most interesting to me, shy and quiet all the time, but i found out that Debbie has been out for years in fugue states so in real life she has tons of friends, all people I've never met before.... it's very embarrassing but everyone seems to love her!




Dissociative Fugue
One or more episodes of amnesia in which the inability to recall some or all of one's past and either the loss of one's identity or the formation of a new identity occur with sudden, unexpected, purposeful travel away from home.

The length of a fugue may range from hours to weeks or months, occasionally longer. During the fugue, the person may appear normal and attract no attention. The person may assume a new name, identity, and domicile and may engage in complex social interactions. However, at some point, confusion about his identity or the return of the original identity may make the person aware of amnesia or cause distress.

http://www.merck.com/mrkshared/mmanual/section15/chapter188/188c.jsp

*smile.... wow that was so much easier than trying to explain it myself.... ~ zay

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