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seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 4:44:19 PM   
aestheticsfirst


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		I have been seeking a Dom for a couple of months and have had some strange experiences with men not being who they said they were once we met in person- Does anyone have any advice for someone seeking a Dom in the NYC area?

I have lost faith in my instincts online and am serious about my search.



< Message edited by aestheticsfirst -- 8/17/2007 4:50:28 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 4:50:39 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yea, get off the internet, find some local munches or events and start meeting people.

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 5:04:47 PM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		always go slow.. meet a few times vanilla and lay out your expectations and limits.

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 6:47:26 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well first off NYC from what I understand has a plethora of clubs, and a huge BDSM community..so why stick to internet?..second off,you've been mislead and this is unusual how???..as LA says (not exact quote,as memory sucks..~wink~).expect to be deceived and be pleasantly surprised when you are not..and thirdly, seriously you have been seeking for months!...try years, as so many have...best advice..considering where you live..get off computer and go R/L..then deception levels will be lessened....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 6:53:46 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am another NYC/NJ girl and although NYC is billed as having a great BDSM community, it is not always easy to meet someone. I prefer privacy when approaching what I do, so I am not likely to be found at any of the clubs or munches.

So, sadly, I do not have any good advice for you other than as Tempting said, sometimes it can take years, not months, so don't give up yet.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 7:42:42 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Take your time, talk a lot, listen to what they say. Eventually a liar will trip himself up because nobody really remembers their own lies in such detail.

But this isn't an online problem. It's a people problem. You could meet a guy at a party who swore he was a partner in a big law firm and discover later on he was in the mail room.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 7:46:34 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Time is your friend....i took me two years and a LOT of heart ache and sifting through lies to find my Master. i understand how you feel.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 8/17/2007 7:47:06 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 7:46:57 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Definitely go to munches, check the local scene, then you can get the background on any prospective partners.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: seeking Advice - 8/17/2007 7:53:46 PM   
fungasm


Posts: 321
Joined: 8/2/2007
Status: offline 		I know folks who've had great results with the NYC Craigslist.  But he had to be very specific, and really had to spell out what he was looking for.  Two sentences doesn't get it.  You have to really to be verbose.

It takes some time, and some wading through that which doesn't fit.

Good luck!

Alison

_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 6:22:20 AM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		A couple of months is not time at all. I've got friends who aren't looking to be hurt who've been looking for years.  So patience is a virtue. you may find the public thing works for you.  It might not and that is perfectly fine.  I've never picked up anyone in public and don't think I'm gonna start now.   I only e-talk to folks who can be near me frequently.  And then I try to meet them asap.  Like within weeks.  Cause I'm a great judge of people up close.  But that is a skill developed over time and throughout the many facets of my life.  Oh -- and I don't chat!!  There is no instant gratification with me.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 6:26:42 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As others have stated.  Get out and meet people.  Stop searching so hard, desperation shows
on ourselves.  Just go out and have fun.  Before you know it you'll meet plenty of people.
Maybe the right one for you.

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 10:30:14 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Some links to get you started in your real time scene:

http://www.tes.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NYCmunch/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Staten_Island_Kink/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/applemunch/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/cldr/view.cgi?db=def
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MAsT_MetroNY_announcements/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LI_Leather_N_Roses/
http://www.leatherpridenight.org/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=NEW+YORK&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 10:31:21 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		oh yes, and you may want to read http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm before you go if you're not familiar with munches. 

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 10:34:40 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Take your time and get to know him, online and the phone. Remember this though, if someone tells small lies, they will tell big ones.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 11:55:56 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I know a lot of folks have said "go to munches, clubs, organizations" because you are in NYC.

They are right, I doubt the area has decreased in the number of these groups since I lived there.

However, don't go to meet a partner, go to learn more about yourself, meet potential friends, and just plain have a place to be kinky and have fun. When you go to those groups without the agenda of finding a partner you'll either find one or you won't care because you'll be having fun any way.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 5:42:41 PM   
TheChastiser


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

Yea, get off the internet, find some local munches or events and start meeting people.

 
good advice.
 
Mike

_____________________________



Let Me unchain your mind and your sexuality will follow.


(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 8:42:04 PM   
Damocles809


Posts: 532
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		Don't meet them too fast.  Take you're time trying to get to know as much as possible about them, talking about a lot of different topics.  Some guys are perfect gentlemen talking about movies their hobbies, but assholes talking about politics or past relationships.  Try to find those red flags fast. 

Do a lot of talking on the phone.  Hearing their voice can give your instincts a better idea of what they're like than just text. 

If they have a cam, ask to see that too, body language can also give cues to their personality.  

< Message edited by Damocles809 -- 8/18/2007 8:43:20 PM >

(in reply to aestheticsfirst)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: seeking Advice - 8/18/2007 8:47:36 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Assume everyone online is lying.  Then meet real people in real life in the real world. 

And it'll take time to find the one you're looking for.  Don't give up.

(in reply to Damocles809)
Profile   Post #: 18
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