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Compartmentalized Switch - 8/17/2007 6:34:17 PM

xoxi

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Hello,
This is something I've been thinking about for awhile, and am trying to form it into words as best I can. I consider myself a switch, in that there are some people I feel naturally dominant toward, and others I feel submissive toward. But I find it impossible to switch with the same person, and I have no desire to be with a switch. I see my Domme side as more 'playful' in that I do it for fun in a NSA environment and would never be able to be the Dominant partner in a relationship, whereas my submissive side only comes out (rather forces its way out, even when I was "vanilla"!) when I'm committed to someone, or falling in love, or madly in love.

Are there any other switches out there who don't like to switch with the same person? And if so, do you see any differences/particularities in your Dom/me side vs. your sub/bottom side?

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/17/2007 7:22:23 PM

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I generally don't like to switch with a person either. I feel like there can really only be one relative comparison that feels natural; a person can't be naturally more submissive than me and dominant than me at the same time. Ya, I hear where you're coming from. At times though, I've played with other switches, and to me that was the NSA aspect of things, where it was purely hedonistic "I want to do this" "ok..that was cool...my turn" haha.

To each his own(er) :)

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/17/2007 8:21:53 PM

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I used to...with a former dominant. I love it. I would again if I found the right feeling for it. 99.9% of the time I simply do not. I don't like to confuse the issues, so to speak.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to ToysAndTies)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/17/2007 8:33:47 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
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My switchiness comes from the "normal" side of things first... I normally work out how I relate to my partner long before any clothes come off. And it's a dance - there's some things that feel right to be "top" and some that don't. And then there's what doesn't get addressed at all.

NB: this is not a popular position. It has nothing to do with specific activities or clothing or cliques. Half the time, if I go to a play party I'm utterly bored because there's a general lack of personality for me to relate to enough to even be interested.

Yeah, I'm such a girl that way...

(in reply to earthycouple)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/17/2007 8:44:40 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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quote:

ORIGINAL: e01n

My switchiness comes from the "normal" side of things first... I normally work out how I relate to my partner long before any clothes come off. And it's a dance - there's some things that feel right to be "top" and some that don't. And then there's what doesn't get addressed at all.

I feel *exactly* the same way! It's nice to know I'm not the only weirdo

(in reply to e01n)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/18/2007 6:30:51 AM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
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Daddy doesn't switch. Period. I have topped others, male and female. But i haven't switched with the same person. I'm open to it though. It's kinda hot to think of a take down and not knowing who might end up on top that night. Or maybe something more formal. The great thing is that there are no rules and it can be whatever works for me and mine.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/18/2007 10:18:00 PM

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Actually switches who switch WITHIN a relationship are rare in comparison- most switches by far are ONE orientation in one relationship and another orientation in another.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to arayofsunshine55)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 1:24:56 AM

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im a switch thou im currently calling myself a submissive as i have a Daddy right now and there is no way i'd switch on Him.

i wouldnt like to switch with the person i was with, as that person either feels more Dominant than i, or less.

It would be no more than a play thing to me if i found i was able to switch on a person, whereas i want something which feels real. Switching on S/someone would be so confusing to me and due to this i've choosen Doms, who wouldnt go switching on me (or would want that to happen).

quote:

do you see any differences/particularities in your Dom/me side vs. your sub/bottom side?

yes... it's like two different personalities i have.

One tough and in always in control, a leader and the other, my submissive side, is little and much more sensitive, childlike.

The childlike submissive part of me is the vulnerable part of me who will cry easily etc etc. my two parts are COMPLETELY different.

Someone who knows me from one of these aspects, is unlikely to know me from the other aspect and would find it highly confusing as i'd be a completely different person to them.

im hoping that maybe some day in the future, my Dom will allow me to have a sub, so i then can have free rein with both parts of myself and truly be able to be myself, have all my aspects in play in my life. The strong Dominant leader i are in control.. and the little wee, child submissive i are.

< Message edited by knightschild -- 8/19/2007 1:34:38 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 11:02:15 AM

Aine

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Well, I do switch with one person.

So I can't really help on the first part.

But there is definitely a difference between my Dominant and submissive sides.

With JL, I'm pretty much a sensual Domme. No wacky things going on there. The more extreme parts of our play is when I'm in sub mode. I'm highly masochistic to his very light masochism, though he's learning things he likes all the time. He didn't start out being masochistic at all. The things we do when we play and I'm sub are more on the edge for what we have tried. We're still new and learning and discovering with wide-eyed wonder.

When it comes to more of our daily interactions, I'm more sub than Domme, though I do have my days lol

I will naturally do what I can to make him comfortable, clean up behind him in the kitchen, etc. Laundry and whatnot. None of it he tells or asks me to do. I just do it. I want to do it for him.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to knightschild)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 1:41:11 PM

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Makes perfect sense to me.

Heck, there have been people I have felt 'Domly" towards, others where I only felt "sub-like"

and some whom I defintaely felt switchy ;)

fergus

(in reply to Aine)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 2:28:07 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
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See, this is where the nomenclature starts becoming an obstacle...

I may be submissive with one person and dominant with another - those things rarely change with the same person. But within that context, I'm still a switch - "I'm a man under authority with men under me..." so to speak. And again, it often transcends the bedroom. It's often politic or natural to defer to some people while at others it's not.

But within the act of "play," I think it's really very easy to be both with the same person. For example, I have a friend who also does ropeplay. In most things, we're fairly evenly matched but I choose to submit to her because of my feelings towards her as a way of "loving" her... But there are times where she ties me up and I tie her up. And it really depends on what feels right at that moment and at that time.

So, to describe that relationship: she's definitely my Domme, I'm her sub. But within play, we switch: occasionally I bottom, occasionally I top...

So I agree with LA on the relationship portion being somewhat fixed, I disagree with the "play" description.

It's the joy of grey... ;)

(in reply to fergus)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 7:59:54 PM

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From: Ashland, New Hampshire
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I have a Daddy, and i NEVER, ever switch on him. I am his submissive, and have no interest in domming him...
However, we both have a girlfriend, and I do Domme her on occassion.

_____________________________

"That which yields is not always weak."
Jacqueline Carey, Kushiel's Dart.

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/19/2007 9:06:27 PM

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I call myself a switch because I am submissive ONLY to my Master. People generally believe that I'm one of those female-power aggressive types and are really surprised to see how I am with him. At work or with others, for example, I am aggressive, opinionated, a bit bossy, moody, etc. etc. When I am with Master, I relax, I smile, I gaze at him lovingly, I speak less, my movements become fluid and graceful, I flirt, and so on.

(in reply to Ysabol)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/20/2007 11:08:07 PM

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Personally, i don't really like the word switch for me. I am only submissive, and bottom in scenes (ala when we go to clubs) with my Sir, however every once in a while I do like to endulge in my more sadistic/top side. No way would I ever want to be a full-time Domme (far too much work as far as I'm concerned, lol). Also, my Sir is in no way a masochist (He's been known to say, "Why would I like pain? Pain hurts" much to my giggling and protestations that he should hit me, yes, again) So I suppose in that aspect my switchiness is compartmentalized and maybe not 'true' switch'ing. (Which may be why I don't identify as one, really...) but it's how I am. I serve my Sir and beat up cute boys on the side. :)

_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to devotedsylph)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/22/2007 2:24:34 PM

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I consider myself a 'sensual' switch, aka, Top + bottom in one person.

My perspective is a libertine one, as to the physical aspects of my relationship.

I want to be pleasured, and I want to reciprocate, to please.

...but then, I select from BDSM,
those bits that are not of [Capital letter/small letter]

To me (and to qualify: what follows is my personal perspective)
such 'unbalanced' relationships means there is healing needs doing.

No offense intended to any, in this context.

Just my stance, works for me.

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/28/2007 9:42:05 PM

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I'm mostly like you, but i have switched with the same person once..well twice if you are talking about during a scene..but in a real sorta long term romantic type relationship...just once..It was one of the most fulfilling sexual relationships I've ever had..but yet we also met each other's need to submit or Dominate on many levels..after having this experience i know truly know that anything is possible. Basically the way it worked was whoever had the greatest need to sub or Dom/me basically set how the day/week or even month would go.. We read each other very well. If I was feeling particularly little..His Dom side would take control..if he needed a safe place to land then I would take the lead. We did get into some conflicts when we both had strong urges to Control..we would generally settle it in erotic combat.. those were the days...

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/28/2007 9:59:08 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I call myself a switch because they didn't have the option for Tainted Vanilla on the site. Seriously though, it is rare to find a switch/switch relationship. However, there was one couple I knew that had the most vibrant energy I have ever witnessed at play parties. I loved to watch them because they had FUN with thier play. She was primarily Dominant but on occiasion she'd show up in her little girl persona and oh man, was that fun.

I don't switch back and forth with a person. I'm not saying I couldn't ever, or wouldn't ever, but by and large once a guy bottoms for me; I see him as a bottom. I've haven't yet met anyone that could surmount this mindset and bring me to a desire to submit once I'd put him into the bottom role.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/30/2007 6:18:28 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
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Normally, I try not to focus on one line, but this one...

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance: I don't switch back and forth with a person. I'm not saying I couldn't ever, or wouldn't ever, but by and large once a guy bottoms for me; I see him as a bottom. I've haven't yet met anyone that could surmount this mindset and bring me to a desire to submit once I'd put him into the bottom role.

This has become especially relevant to me. I'm currently in the "somewhat invested, yet still finding out about the other, but definitely interested" stage of courtship. And the fact that She is looking for a slave produces some frission with me. Yes, I have submissive qualities - but I don't personally identify that way (I rarely label anything about me). She has Dominant qualities - and does identify that way. So that part of the relationship between us sort of works, yet needs some growth and development... which I can deal with just fine.

Where this becomes relevant is that though I like to bottom, there's things where I like to top as well. And that's all fine and good - we've discussed this and have found a reasonable solution. That's not the issue either - nor is Her "real Domme"-ness. Those things are irrelevant to this:

So, I sort of see where WD comes from... but is that normal, even within the context of knowing that this is part of what makes this person who they are? Because you've seen me tied, the image of me tying is incompatible and somewhat a turn off?

I'm starting to see a trend in my personal history if that's the case...

< Message edited by e01n -- 8/30/2007 6:19:14 AM >

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/30/2007 6:30:37 AM

WinsomeDefiance

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quote:

Original: E10N
So, I sort of see where WD comes from... but is that normal, even within the context of knowing that this is part of what makes this person who they are? Because you've seen me tied, the image of me tying is incompatible and somewhat a turn off?

Normal? I've rather come to the conclusion that I'm not normal. That aside, I wouldn't say that if if I'd seen you tied the image of you tying is incompatible nor a turnoff. If you were in high energy as a Top, I can't imagine I'd consider that a turn off. Seeing you tied, and being the one who tied you up, are different mindset dynamics for me. Also, as I said, I don't discount the possibility of switching back and forth with the same person. It just hasn't been anything I've done, at this point in my life. I do know from my past experiences, that I have yet to bottom to someone who has submitted to me.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 8/30/2007 6:34:48 AM >

(in reply to e01n)

RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/30/2007 6:44:31 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
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WD - I apologize for ever calling you normal. Care for the full apology to come in Gaelic?

What I mean: is this a typical or common reaction?

If it is, then it explains quite a bit of where a number of really good relationships started to go south...

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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