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How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 2:37:25 PM   
goofNoff


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		Bugger!! I've gotten emails from lots of Doms with potential..however, how can I screen
for psychos, liars, married guys, and guys with diseases..n stuff...

I really, really want to explore this with a good Dom, a one woman man type...so, any
advice?

goofy
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 2:53:27 PM   
kittensangel


Posts: 37
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		one of things i do is ask them to include something in their message, like a word or something. don't ask for it till the end of your profile and by such you can see who really reads profiles. In my mind, if you can't take the time to read teh profile then could you put the effort into what it takes for D/s realionship.

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 3:06:45 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

how can I screen for psychos, liars, married guys, and guys with diseases..n stuff...


Hello, goofy,
If you were able to come up with a definitive answer to your question, then you'd be the hero of the Internet!

Unfortunately, there is no way to be able to "screen" for the psychos, liars, married guys, and guys with diseases (n stuff) online. The unfortunate fact is that if they want you to believe something, they will do whatever they can to make you believe it.

However, with that said, my only advice is "Listen to your gut." If a person is putting up red flags, don't ignore them! If a guy can only call you from his cell phone and only at certain times of the day, he may be married. If he refuses to give you details about his life (after a certain amount of time passes, of course), or if those details change, then he may be a liar. If he wants to try to collar you ASAP, if he demands naked pics before getting to know you better, etc., then he is possibly a Dom wannabe and/or player.

The bottom line is that if something seems a little "off" about him, and if your gut instinct tells you that there's something wrong/fishy/screwy about the guy, then follow that instinct. Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you are a sucker (well, not in the figurative sense, anyway).

Best of luck!

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 5:17:13 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I used to screen potentials when I was looking.  Quite simple actually.  You just have to take the time.
Talk to them...then talk to them some more and more even after that.
Listen to everything they have to tell you about themselves.  Next time you talk to them...ask the same questions over and over again.  Always in a different fashion.  A liar will eventually answer incorrectly.
Then you have your answer.  Although like I said it will take you some time.
If you don't want to wait and get to know them well, there really is no effective way.

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 5:38:13 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		How do you screen people online?  How do you screen people in person?  Same way.  You talk, you ask a lot of questions, you get to know them, you listen to your "gut", to that "little voice" inside you, and you don't just rush off to meet someone just because he sounds great and has a "nice smile", etc. 
 
Remember that guys (and gals) lie in person, too, not just on the Internet.  No one is immune to being fooled sometimes.  If you have ever met a guy at a bar or went on a blind date, you have already gained some experience in how to screen others and protect yourself.  Use that experience to help you stay safe.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David
 
"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."


quote:

ORIGINAL: goofNoff

Bugger!! I've gotten emails from lots of Doms with potential..however, how can I screen
for psychos, liars, married guys, and guys with diseases..n stuff...

I really, really want to explore this with a good Dom, a one woman man type...so, any
advice?

goofy

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/19/2007 7:07:59 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		first off, bama. I love it when you post... great pic

the advice given so far has been great

Listen to your gut and pay attention to any little red flags that are thrown. They usually mean something.
"only from the cell" isnt that big of a thing for me. I would probably only call from my cell, especialy if it was long distance, but the time restriction thing is a little shady unless its "I cant call from work my hours are..." but watch out for someone that works from 8 am to 10-11 every night.

Keep an eye on the details. lies change, truth about the past stays the same.
Dont rush, and dont let him rush you.


_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to slavegirljoy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/20/2007 12:54:16 PM   
MizzElle


Posts: 82
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think listening to your instincts is key, if something feels wrong, go with it and don't put yourself in a possibly harmful situation. As for diseases, there are those pesky STD tests, but none available online as of yet

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/20/2007 2:31:39 PM   
Hisbellaluna


Posts: 127
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		brita makes good filters....

_____________________________

Formerly known as chellekitty...

Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. --Antigonus of Sokho

(in reply to MizzElle)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/20/2007 2:58:30 PM   
Tinman1960


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Dom or sub, makes no difference - we can all be fooled by an experienced lier - time is the answer - and trust your inner self/feelings- remember to keep asking questions - and yes, sometimes the same question in many different ways...The sincere will understand and respect you for not jumping in head first.

(in reply to Hisbellaluna)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/20/2007 8:01:16 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think "only calls from a cell phone" should be a criteria... frankly, the only phone I have is my cell phone. I can't imagine why I'd need a home phone.

As for asking the same questions over and over again but in different ways, as someone else suggested... that'd be a quick way to annoy the piss out of me. But if you want someone with the patience of a saint, then this might be a test for that.

Essentially, trust your judgment. If red flags fly up, don't just ignore them.


_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/21/2007 7:08:40 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		and good luck with that. lol

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/21/2007 7:13:57 AM   
YourShyPet


Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		My Daddy, and I have a saying when it comes to people in general.... Time Tells All... remember don't rush... don't get caught up... take your time... because everyone no matter who they are will tell on themselves in time... and the more you talk... interact.. get to know them... the more they will tell you.

_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/21/2007 7:16:53 AM   
pearlmoongirl


Posts: 68
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		Kitten, that's brilliant! I'm adding a keyword to my profile today. (A word that is key to whether or not I'll pay attention to Your messages. Heh. )

I'm not sure what to give in terms of general advice. I'm a big fan of the gut feeling, myself, and I suspect that anybody truly subby (or Dom) who's gotten to this point has been listening to their (sane) inner voices for a while. So perhaps it's beneficial in general for us to encourage that lil voice that says, "keep looking. S/He's out there somewhere."

That's my hopeful thought for the day -
pmg



(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/21/2007 9:43:45 AM   
YourShyPet


Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline 		(bows once for her Daddy... and once for herself)...thanks... it's just one of those so very simple things in life... that is so true, and so useful to remember.



_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to pearlmoongirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/23/2007 6:03:15 PM   
lionesque


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

but watch out for someone that works from 8 am to 10-11 every night.



Yes, that is a sure indication of us evil work-a-holic types.  *grins*

I agree with most of the posts... time will tell... eventually.  Unfortunately it's not an instant answer.  Also agree with... lots of people only have a cell phone now.

(in reply to Phin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/27/2007 7:37:24 AM   
aDevoted1


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi.........I am new here and hope I am in the right place this time. I was recently givin a bdsm checklist to fill out after 3 days of conversation w/a so called Master? This checklist came from...Everything2.com......He  told me to fill it out and send it back to him today.Well my question is.................How can he expect me to fill such a thing out,i have shown it to a few people and they have laughed at it...How does one fill something as this out when she has never experienced half of what she is seeing?  I do not understand,now I have become a  Brat, I am a wannabee,and I am very disrespectful cause I told them that I thought the list was ridiculous ...I have only talked to them 3 days,lol.And if this list is so real,then why is it not on all the sites?? Me thinks I need to be listening to all of you more....I believe I can learn alot from these forums, If you can,please check out the list at everything2.com and let me know if I as an novice was wrong not to fill it out..........thanks.............ty pmg........Always  aDevoted1

(in reply to lionesque)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 8/27/2007 8:56:45 AM   
jojoluvr


Posts: 441
Joined: 4/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aDevoted1

Hi.........I am new here and hope I am in the right place this time. I was recently givin a bdsm checklist to fill out after 3 days of conversation w/a so called Master? This checklist came from...Everything2.com......He  told me to fill it out and send it back to him today.Well my question is.................How can he expect me to fill such a thing out,i have shown it to a few people and they have laughed at it...How does one fill something as this out when she has never experienced half of what she is seeing?  I do not understand,now I have become a  Brat, I am a wannabee,and I am very disrespectful cause I told them that I thought the list was ridiculous ...I have only talked to them 3 days,lol.And if this list is so real,then why is it not on all the sites?? Me thinks I need to be listening to all of you more....I believe I can learn alot from these forums, If you can,please check out the list at everything2.com and let me know if I as an novice was wrong not to fill it out..........thanks.............ty pmg........Always  aDevoted1


i'd say you're a reasonable person who's able to call a spade a spade.  there's nothing "wannabe" about saying something's not your cup of tea (or, in this case, "ridiculous").  just means the two of you aren't a good fit -- no biggie.  personally, i have little use for anyone who wants to label me after 3 days (or 3 weeks/months/sometimes years!, for that matter) of online conversation.  just seems sort of silly -- of course, as a newbie to this world, it took awhile for me to figure that out... but i'm sort of slow to catch on sometimes.

anyway, blow off the name-calling -- for some "Doms" it's just a passive-aggressive way of trying to get their way and "control" you.  silly really...and i suspect for some it masks their own inexperience and insecurity.  they may even think calling you names is what they're "supposed" to do as a Dom.  and who knows?  they may find a sub who goes for that -- but it sounds like that's not you...

good luck -- and as in any aspect of life, bdsm or otherwise, don't let the jerks get you down...


_____________________________

jojo




(in reply to aDevoted1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 9/7/2007 9:53:46 AM   
misskisshard


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2007
Status: offline 		I am pretty new too but I received a link for the "Acid Test" and it had helped me to understand the motives behind most of my emails.

Hope it helps!

http://www.aslavesheart.com/subscorner/acidtest.html


MKH

(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 9/7/2007 10:28:25 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		They only go by age,orientation and physical stuff now.

To date, they haven't figured out a doofus filter-your'e on your own.


(in reply to goofNoff)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How do I filter Doms? - 9/7/2007 3:55:24 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		oh darn, i was hoping for a substance you could pour onto someone to tell if they were essentially good or bad....

(in reply to misskisshard)
Profile   Post #: 20
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