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looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 7:59:51 PM   
thisisacatalyst


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		so i was with a guy for a year and a half and he is really in to this scene and while i never researched or really considered it much i was always interested. i've explored with him but we never got into it very seriously. now he is seeing someone else but i think wants to explore with me. he actually asked someone if they would help teach me with him as the sub. i dont know if i'm comfortable doing something like that while he is seeing someone else.

so i guess what i am asking is it werid to want an emotional connection with the person youre exploring with when its your first real dive into it?
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 8:02:55 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		There's nothing wrong with wanting an emotional connection with someone you explore in this lifestyle. Remember, you're allowed to seek whatever you desire (doesn't mean you are allowed to always get what you want), so if you need something more solid, then I can't imagine any reason to think why you shouldn't pursue just that. If he's not the one to help you seek that, then it's up to you to decide what to do from there.

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to thisisacatalyst)
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 8:05:21 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		It is no more weird to want an emotional connection instead of casual sex whether the sex is vanilla or kinky. He wants to see someone else but play with you, has he told his girlfriend what he plans to do? If you don't want to be his kinky bit on the side, then keep holding out for someone who wants it all with you.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 8:12:51 PM   
thisisacatalyst


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		no he hasn't told her. she is insanely jealous and gets angry even if we just hang out.

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 9:39:52 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Drama...stay away...

That said, I won't play without an emotional connection

(in reply to thisisacatalyst)
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 9:52:13 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not sure why you are entertaining the notion of getting deeper into a relationship with someone who is cheating, and cheating with someone unstable?

The fact that you asked the question shows you likely already know this isn't going to work for you- and I HOPE you know by now that knowingly choosing relationships with situations you aren't comfortable with isn't the path to bliss?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: looking for some advice - 8/19/2007 9:54:15 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Being comfortable in exploring oneself is important.  However you feel comfortable is fine.

Good luck.

(in reply to thisisacatalyst)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 1:58:03 AM   
TankII7871


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		I have played with people I just met at clubs that night.  While this can be fun it can never touch a scene I have with someone that I have a emotional connection with.  Always remember if something doesn't feel right to you then don't do it.

Eric

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 5:03:36 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		He's cheating, and using both of you.  There's no good future with him - kick him to the kerb now and get free.  And don't play with people who have partners, there's no pride or self-respect in that.  You deserve someone who'll care for you, not some jerk who's using you.

Get involved with munches, meet people, make friends in the scene, and find someone who'll guide you and care for you - you deserve way better than him.  There's genuine guys out there who will give you a wonderful experience as you learn more about BDSM. 

(in reply to TankII7871)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 6:27:09 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		1. I never play with someone whose gf/bf/spouse doesn't know/or doesn't approve of our activities.
2. Asking someone for a spanking or a flogging is one thing. having any sort of relationship, however casual is another. So I need an emotional connection

You already know the answear. I think you knew it when you asked the question.  Good Luck!

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to becca333)
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RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 6:33:33 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thisisacatalyst

no he hasn't told her. she is insanely jealous and gets angry even if we just hang out.


She's not insanely jealous. She's jealous with good reason. He wants to cheat on her with you and she knows it. You both ought to kick him to the curb.

(in reply to thisisacatalyst)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 6:56:14 AM   
MasterMataeo


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		find someone else to explore your desires with ,, and hopefully they will be more understanding and honest

MasterMataeo

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remember the Four corners: Communication, Honesty, Respect , and Trust

Try anything Once, Twice if you like it, Three times to make sure, four makes it a habit, and five makes it's a fetish.


(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 7:06:54 AM   
trustingsubHF


Posts: 34
Joined: 8/19/2007
From: VA
Status: offline 		i cannot see myself 'playing' with anyone that i do not have an emotional connection with on some level. i would not allow anyone to make you feel and differently about your opinion, the choice is completely yours and yours alone! good luck to you...

_____________________________

...never make Someone a priority when you are simply being viewed as an option...




~Owned property of HF~


(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 8:21:44 AM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

He's cheating, and using both of you.  There's no good future with him - kick him to the kerb now and get free.  And don't play with people who have partners, there's no pride or self-respect in that.  You deserve someone who'll care for you, not some jerk who's using you.



So many here said it well, OP.
becca: I totally agree and support your stance, albeit harsh.
I think RESPECT  is the key word here.
 
NOTE: Men - vice versa - " She's cheating and using both of you"
( OK, I hear a 'so what if she uses me - hee' - but  keyword: RESPECT).

edit: to those openly polyamorous - kindly disregard above sentiment

< Message edited by leatherette -- 8/20/2007 9:07:32 AM >

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 10:26:20 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I, and many people on here could not and would not be involved with a Dom/Master without an emotional attachment. So no...its not weird.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 8/20/2007 10:28:08 AM >

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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candy posts in pink font

(in reply to thisisacatalyst)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: looking for some advice - 8/20/2007 10:53:40 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i would take him up on his offer to dominate him.  Invite him over and tell him you want to tie him to the bed. Then wear something very seductive, have a crop in your hand and tell him he's been a very naughty boy and need to be punished.  Lean over the bed and whisper into his ear, "are you ready"  When he eagerly shakes his head up and down, go to the door of the bedroom, open it up slowly and allow his gf to enter the room..... hand her the crop, kiss her cheek and tell her, "teach him a lesson he won't soon forget"


< Message edited by velvetears -- 8/20/2007 10:54:31 AM >

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 16
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