are they bi? (Full Version)

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mistresszariah1 -> are they bi? (8/29/2007 7:16:10 AM)

if a sub wants to suck cock and love anal sex does that mean that they are absolutley bi? I have an ltr sub whom wants to do this and enjoys anal, can someone plse help with any feedback



LadyPact -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 7:57:45 AM)

I have a question, more than feedback.
 
Does it really matter?



mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:19:53 AM)

as a matter of fact it does to Me ,If Im going to have a ltr with this person. I will appreciate any useful advise, not these onliners with nothing else to do but put useless feedback



mnottertail -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:22:38 AM)

does he do women?



cleaningsub -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:22:40 AM)

By definition, i guess you would call me bi although i much prefer females.  i would not actively seek out a male partner but have no problem if one joins in the heat of sex.  Does that make me bi or doesn that mean that i just like sex? 
al



mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:26:02 AM)

does he do woman? are you serious? I just said he was my ltr, seriously folks collar me is becomeing useless here. Ive read threads where all u get is useless comments people are searching for answers can anyone help?



earthycouple -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:29:49 AM)

I once heard the most wonderful statement from a sub.  He told me very clearly that he wasn't bi but he wasn't a prude either. 



mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:31:39 AM)

ty 



SmokingGun82 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:35:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

does he do woman? are you serious? I just said he was my ltr, seriously folks collar me is becomeing useless here. Ive read threads where all u get is useless comments people are searching for answers can anyone help?


Can anyone help? No.

You want someone to have their sexuality identified by strangers on the internet who have never met the guy, and know nothing more of him than he likes to suck cock and being plowed anally. To some people, that means he's bi, at least. To some people, there's no such thing as bi- the moment you have a same-sex encounter they consider you homosexual, no matter what else you do. To some people, that can mean he's straight but he likes anal sex and cocksucking.

The only way to know if he's bi or not is to ask him. If you say "Are you bi?" and he says "No" then you have your answer. You say it's a long-term relationship... but you don't trust him to know his own sexual orientation?

The bigger question is if it matters to you whether your long-term partner just likes giving head and being fucked by guys or is actually attracted to them.



mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:40:24 AM)

yes thats the answer ty



toservez -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:43:26 AM)

You are looking for some basic definition that cannot be found.

It sounds like you are wondering if your guy opening states enjoying these things that if he was it enter into a ltr that he might not be satisfied with just you or prefer men and therefore cheat and/or leave you.

People who are bi are in a range. Whether they can form loving relationships with both sexes to just enjoying sex with both and anywhere in between. I do not know the percentages of people who call themselves bi that are totally bi or basically just sex but with an open mind.

Talk to your guy about your fears and see what he has to say. What is his history with relationships and why they did not work out.

Personally from a person who is bi and has formed loving relationships with women in the past it is a little pet peeve and a stereotype that we somehow cannot be monogamous to the people we have fallen for. It is not a bi thing but a character thing and only you and your man can figure that out.



WinsomeDefiance -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:45:11 AM)

If your submissive is sexually responsive to both genders, he's very likely ambisexual.  That's pretty much the textbook definition. 

Another possibility, not necessarily exclusive to the previous statement, is that perhaps it makes him feel slutty, sissy and/or subby to do something he considers a taboo.

Some s-types (to borrow the phrase from boi jen) may not enjoy something in partiuclar, but feel that doing these things FOR their Master/Mistress shows how dedicated and willing to please they are.  An s-type who performs such an act out of obedience, but that act is not something he/she responds to naturally on their own - would seem to me, to NOT fall under the basic definition of ambisexual.

Based off your statements that HE wants to perform one act and loves the other, it sounds like he is definitely responsive.

All that aside, it seems to me the best way to find out is to ask the submissive.



thetammyjo -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:46:06 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

if a sub wants to suck cock and love anal sex does that mean that they are absolutley bi? I have an ltr sub whom wants to do this and enjoys anal, can someone plse help with any feedback


Activities do not equal orientation.

The only person who can answer this is him and he may not know because bisexuality is an orientation that is easily looked down upon by anyone who doesn't identify this way. Many folks think that people who are bisexual are shallow, easy, unable to make a committment to someone, afraid to come out, still experimenting, etc. I've heard a lot of them.

This may be a question he needs to explore on his own if he thinks identifying one way or the other is important to him or to you. A therapist might be helpful here or just some reading and thinking with lots of talking. Human beings change too over time so you both need to be flexible and always communicate about things. Surprises may arise over time for both of you but try to think of your sexuality and your Ds as a journey not a static entity.

Personally I'd be more interested in his understanding of sub and dom, relationship, honor, love, limits, and expectations. Regardless of his orientation (or yours) if you don't match on these things, there are likely rocky roads ahead.

Fox considers himself bisexual -- he decided after taking a Kinsey test and a human sexuality class. However he doesn't crave a penis or a vagina, he doesn't judge his partners by their sexual organ but by their hearts and minds.

On the other side I don't identify as bisexual except in Ds or SM. I never look at a woman and think "she's pretty" or "she's turning me on" and I've never had that level of physical intimacy with another woman. But I have trained and played with women and frankly if we clicked well enough I wouldn't say no to more physical intimacy.

So is Fox bisexual? Am I? How much does it honestly matter as long as we know we want what we have and our expectations and understanding of what that means match very well?



LightHeartedMaam -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 8:54:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

if a sub wants to suck cock and love anal sex does that mean that they are absolutley bi? I have an ltr sub whom wants to do this and enjoys anal, can someone plse help with any feedback


There are Bi's- to me, this means they are equally attracted to BOTH sexes.
 
For some, they just like certain sensations.  Some guys just like to have sex with other guys. There's no attraction, it's "just sex"
 
If I were in your situation, I'd be asking myself if I would be able to satisfy all his needs or be willing to share him.
 
It's definitely a high risk behavior on his part.



mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:08:15 AM)

yes before gping furthur with him I need to know Ive asked him he says no but hos behavipor tells me other wise, i just dont want to go furthur in a relationship if im not all he wants im very possesive lol



LadyPact -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:09:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistresszariah1

as a matter of fact it does to Me ,If Im going to have a ltr with this person. I will appreciate any useful advise, not these onliners with nothing else to do but put useless feedback


In fact, the one liner did a lot more than your opening statement.
 
If you are more concerned with the persons orientation, rather than the person, I wouldn't suggest the ltr.  If you're more concern with what they are (the bi label) than who they are (the person), honestly, I wouldn't suggest it.
 
You brought up two very distinct things in the OP.  One of which is sucking cock, the other anal pleasure.  There's a lot of things that you left out.  Is he saying that, in his submission to you, he's willing to do these activities, or are they things that he seeks out on his own?  It may not seem like there is a big difference to some, but in ways, that is the major difference right there.  I've had submissives that have never had an interest in being with other males, but have done so with My involvement.  There's also a lot of gaps missing in saying he enjoys anal stimulation.  Do you mean with you (i.e., rimming, strap-on, etc.) or activity with another male without you?  Again, a lot of grey area not specifically covered by the OP.
 
A lot of submissives are what I would term, for the lack of a better phrase, situationally bi.  In other words, in their submission, they will engage in certain acts, that they have no interest in otherwise.  In other words, they do not seek out m/m encounters of their own accord.  This goes into a whole other tangent about whether they are bi because they have committed the act, or because they did it in their submission.  I'm sure that isn't the basis of your OP, so I won't get into it.
 
Something else that might be lacking in the OP is why this is a concern for you.  The most immediate that comes to mind is the health/safety issue.  I find this has less to do with a person being bi or not, but whether they are practicing safe sex or not.  The latter might be more important, if this is your concern.  Is he sexually active without you?  Is he practicing safe sex if he is?  If the answer to either of those questions are yes, you might have a little more on your plate.
 
There.  Now you got more than a one liner.  All of the above leads you right back to where you were to begin with.  None of this can be answered by anyone except the person you hope to be involved with.



SmokingGun82 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:15:40 AM)

So he says he's not bi, you say you're in a long-term relationship with him but don't trust him on this answer?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be all someone wants- the question you're looking to ask him is more "Do you want to be in a monogamous relationship?" If I'm reading correctly, you don't care that he enjoys these activities- your concern is that he might want someone else. So, even if he's bi, but wants to be mono with you, you should still be set.





mistresszariah1 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:17:40 AM)

thank you for your feedback lady pact, he doesnt want to d unless i make him, but i feel its a cop out thathe just doent want to try himself but is curious, and yes safe sex is an issue i want to keep him lol, it does turn him on to talk about



SubJordanTyler -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:50:06 AM)

I like the "siuationally bi" term, as that might be the best way to describe me.  I love to take the strap-on from a woman - it's probably my favorite thing to do.  I also give oral to it.  But I have zero attraction to men outside BDSM.  It just does nothing for me, while I'm very attracted to women.  But in a BDSM setting, I would give oral and receive anal from another male for the Mistress I'm with.  It's the feeling of being her slut or whore that does it for me this way.  I suppose part of it is because I'm also a girl a lot (in dress), so maybe that has something to do with it as well.  But I have no desire to find men to do this with in my "vanilla" life.  It's women and only women for me there.



rob425 -> RE: are they bi? (8/29/2007 9:58:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If you are more concerned with the persons orientation, rather than the person, I wouldn't suggest the ltr.  If you're more concern with what they are (the bi label) than who they are (the person), honestly, I wouldn't suggest it.
 
You brought up two very distinct things in the OP.  One of which is sucking cock, the other anal pleasure.  There's a lot of things that you left out.  Is he saying that, in his submission to you, he's willing to do these activities, or are they things that he seeks out on his own?  It may not seem like there is a big difference to some, but in ways, that is the major difference right there.  I've had submissives that have never had an interest in being with other males, but have done so with My involvement.  There's also a lot of gaps missing in saying he enjoys anal stimulation.  Do you mean with you (i.e., rimming, strap-on, etc.) or activity with another male without you?  Again, a lot of grey area not specifically covered by the OP.
 
A lot of submissives are what I would term, for the lack of a better phrase, situationally bi.  In other words, in their submission, they will engage in certain acts, that they have no interest in otherwise.  In other words, they do not seek out m/m encounters of their own accord.  This goes into a whole other tangent about whether they are bi because they have committed the act, or because they did it in their submission.  I'm sure that isn't the basis of your OP, so I won't get into it.
 
Something else that might be lacking in the OP is why this is a concern for you.  The most immediate that comes to mind is the health/safety issue.  I find this has less to do with a person being bi or not, but whether they are practicing safe sex or not.  The latter might be more important, if this is your concern.  Is he sexually active without you?  Is he practicing safe sex if he is?  If the answer to either of those questions are yes, you might have a little more on your plate.
Very well put


EDIT: So he wants to be forced-bi? I am guessing that now. I personally see being forced bi is a away to justify playing with the same sex. That is quite a limit for some. I know for me I have said in the past that I am up for it but that i am no where near ready.



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