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Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 7:53:12 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

Hi all,

Straight to the point:

What would you prefer in a relationship:

1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc.

2) One where you simply sail down the river in a boat with loads of beer and weed, not a care in the world, you don't give a flying one about understanding yourself....all you want to do is have a good time, and serve your partner's needs.

3) None of the above/a combination of the above.

In both one and two, your partner loves you.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

Post #: 1

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:12:55 AM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings,

I am in a relationship quite similar to "1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc."

He often talks about the issue of transformation within the Master/slave dynamic - the "I love you, now change." scenario. The key for me is to trust the guidance and direction he gives me. After all, if I trust him with my life in a scene, why would I not trust his choice as to a class I am to take. From the physical perspective, any changes he wants to make are his to make. I happen to be extremely vain (whether or not I have cause to be is another issue) and releasing the angst I felt over appearance changes was a big thing for me internally.

Thanks for asking ~ fairer than she

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 2

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:23:26 AM

cuddleheart50

Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

A combinatioin of both would be nice.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 3

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:24:04 AM

BDsbabygirl

Posts: 115
Joined: 7/9/2007
Status: offline

For me, it's mostly #1; he guides me and instructs me when I need it, tho at this time, since we're not living together, it's for things that are more trivial overall, things like which route is the best to take to get here or there, which order of doing my daily runs is best, how he would handle this or that problem with a UM. He also has me do a daily Journal and take my daily vitamins. He checks up on me to make sure I'm taking my Seasonique (birth control) pill and am getting adequate sleep and he's required me to eat before 5pm or face punishment, a thing I've avoided thus far.

Insofar as my appearance, he loves the way I look (it was part of my appeal, as he was smitten on sight) and, as long as I don't want to change myself too much - goodbye colored contacts, fake hair, and too much makeup - he leaves to my own devices in terms of caring for myself.

But there's also that part in #2 that says I want to take care of his needs; even before I discovered this lifestyle, I was one to constantly "spoil" my man, so I would feel completely lost were I not able to attend to and serve him. As it is, I wish I was able to do so more than I am what with us living apart.

< Message edited by BDsbabygirl -- 9/1/2007 8:27:30 AM >

_____________________________

~ Captured by My Dominance, enslaved by My love ~ -- Big Daddy
Collared by Master Big Daddy on Monday, 7/23/07 at 2:35pm

Into scat play? Boycott shampoo; demand the real poo!

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 4

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:29:57 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

Hi all,

Straight to the point:

What would you prefer in a relationship:

1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc.

2) One where you simply sail down the river in a boat with loads of beer and weed, not a care in the world, you don't give a flying one about understanding yourself....all you want to do is have a good time, and serve your partner's needs.

3) None of the above/a combination of the above.

In both one and two, your partner loves you.

3. None of the above

Men are not gods, they only men. Therefore Valyraen can not be an unfailing guide who leads the way. He can help me understand myself but he does not understand me completey, he can encourage me to grow in the directions we think are helpful, but he doesn't magically know how it's going to work out. As for the other, I could not tolerate a situation where I had no input or no cares in the world. I have too many things in this to care about and having an owner isn't going to make them disappear. Nor would he want to. Having Valyraen in my life only adds to the things I care about as I grow closer to his family and we look more towards our future.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/1/2007 8:30:49 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 5

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:38:25 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

Rob and I guide each other, we share our perspectives to help us see how the other views the world and our relationship.

He guides me and keeps me safe but never forces me to follow, or demands that I follow,

denika

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 6

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 8:54:20 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

What would you prefer in a relationship:

1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc.

This type of relationship can be extremely fulfilling, especially as the relationship deepens and you can start to notice just how much you have grown as a person in the relationship. My bond to a dominant strengthened with each step we took together in encouraging and directing my submissiveness through more formal protocols that he wished for. I continued to have my own input and ideas and these were also incorporated into the D/s relationship. I like to think that at the time I was also helping him to understand himself.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
2) One where you simply sail down the river in a boat with loads of beer and weed, not a care in the world, you don't give a flying one about understanding yourself....all you want to do is have a good time, and serve your partner's needs.

Smiles…and sometimes I meet a man whom I want to submit to so badly that my knees tremble and it is purely about being everything that I can be for him and getting pleasure from his pleasure….. tends not to be as long lasting and hasn’t happened for a long time!

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
3) None of the above/a combination of the above.

Many relationships are guided by the dynamics and interactions of the people involved, their ages, their places in life, their sense of self, hopes, dreams, goals in D/s, long term vs short term, play vs deeper connection and all of the other parts of a persons life that makes them the individual that they are. So some relationships include none of the first two examples and that’s ok also.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
In both one and two, your partner loves you.

I definitely prefer for ‘love’ to be a part of any equation however I am a romantic.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 7

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 9:02:09 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Definatly 3.

MJ an I are on this path together for an unknown time. Neither of us are newbies, yes, He does guide me in some ways and helps me to grow as a slave, yet, its not like He is with a newbe where things have to be explained or small steps have to be taken at every moment. I understand myself as best I can at this moment with the experiences and tools I have right now; I am constantly learnignabout myself as I know that MJ is learning about who He is, its a constant thing.

MJ isn't one to plan things to the letter, so most of the time its 'lets ee what happens' which is fun, yet, as much as it seems 'casual' in His approach, a certain amount is planned, thats a given.

I don't do drugs or drink and that 'not a care in the world' is kinda ignorant and lacking common sence as far as I am concerned. So the 'weed' refreance is immature and a bit of a fantasy, if its your cup of tea have at it, just stay far far away from those of us who live without it. No need to polute our gene pool.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 8

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 9:51:11 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

3. None of the above

Men are not gods, they only men. Therefore Valyraen can not be an unfailing guide who leads the way. He can help me understand myself but he does not understand me completey, he can encourage me to grow in the directions we think are helpful, but he doesn't magically know how it's going to work out. As for the other, I could not tolerate a situation where I had no input or no cares in the world. I have too many things in this to care about and having an owner isn't going to make them disappear. Nor would he want to. Having Valyraen in my life only adds to the things I care about as I grow closer to his family and we look more towards our future.

Could not agree more.

I do not need a dominant because I am directionless, ungrounded, emotionally a mess or any other negative quality that a magical Master’s brilliance and direction can fix or bring out in me. I need a Master to be much happier and fulfilled in my life and certainly his knowledge and wisdom can only be a benefit, but it goes along with my own. I like to think we together enhance each other’s life and place in the world.

I think in order to succeed in any relationship and whatever definition of success in life you need to have an understanding of yourself and place in the world.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 9

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 9:56:51 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I don't do drugs or drink and that 'not a care in the world' is kinda ignorant and lacking common sence as far as I am concerned. So the 'weed' refreance is immature and a bit of a fantasy, if its your cup of tea have at it, just stay far far away from those of us who live without it. No need to polute our gene pool.

So you think you are genetically better because you don't smoke weed or drink? Interesting.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

Post #: 10

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 10:25:35 AM

Squeakers

Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes, I could wish for #2 using it as a pleasant day dream to escape from the nastiness of reality. But I would have to pick number one. For me life as a whole, is an enjoyable process of figuring things out, who I am, where I belong, what sort of mark I wish to leave behind, figuring out my mistakes, why I made them and what tools I can put into place to keep myself from repeating them...although it is very possible to figure these things out on my own, because I identify as a submissive and that part of me is entertwined with my vanilla life, I enjoy the fact that I have a partner to help guide me through the process. I truly think that without the help and guidence of another, my life would take a totally different direction. I think in any relationship, a couple feeds off from each other, despite the fact that there is a D/s or M/s dynamic, they do help each other understand themselves and find their place in the world.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 11

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 10:40:25 AM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

Some days #1 and some days #2.

Today, given the perfect weather: low 70's, low humidity, sunshine, a breeze and an opportunity to play outside I'd surely vote for #2 except I have to head to work in an hour.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 12

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 10:47:21 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

Those are two opposite choices...............#1!

(in reply to umisprite)

Post #: 13

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 10:56:14 AM

kossack

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I would want # 1, but I would also want a reciprocated #1, in that I think I have ways that I can help support and guide as well. I don't think I could be with someone that didn't appreciate my strength and wisdom in some areas, even as I relished in his.

The thing about guiding is that I know the general direction I should be moving in, but I don't always make day-to-day decisions that support that general direction. Sometimes, as a purely hypothetical example, I spend too much time on internet message boards when I should be doing my work-writing (purely hypothetically, of course;). I couldn't deal with someone that didn't have goals for me that supported mine, but supporting me in actually blossoming in the direction I'm turned, would be absolutely wonderful.

But I think that is an incredible gift, and it needs to be returned. Obviously, it would be returned in different ways. I would obviously never want to 'punish' my hypothetical Sir for not meeting a deadline he agreed to, even if I would be open to him doing that to me. But I can be a sounding board, help with difficulties, help figure out what is important, notice his energy and give him feedback when he feels muddy, and help him do the things he actually wants to do. That reciprocity is part of blossoming, for me. It is part of providing a ballast, roots, so you can both grow and shine in the world. It is too precious of a gift to not share it both ways

I believe that, for me, this would be as good as it could get. But, in order to pull this off, I would need to find someone with a similar interest in spiritual growth, personal growth and a willingness to understand my intellectual interests, which is a combination I've glimpsed once (although, it seems there is possibilities in that glimpse, although it is too early to say yet...). If it were to happen, it would be magical. (But then, I wonder if this post should actually be under the "Putting your master on a pedestal" thread. I may dream of way too much.)

(in reply to mmb1)

Post #: 14

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 11:01:59 AM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

hmmmmm a combination of #1 #2 AND #3

, but the #2 if I skip the last bit you added about.."and serve your partners needs" then I'd only combine the 1 n 2 lol but well I guess I could let it slide

just this time 'cause its you who's asking :P

(in reply to kossack)

Post #: 15

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 11:56:48 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
What would you prefer in a relationship:
1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc.
2) One where you simply sail down the river in a boat with loads of beer and weed, not a care in the world, you don't give a flying one about understanding yourself....all you want to do is have a good time, and serve your partner's needs.
3) None of the above/a combination of the above.

I guess I don't understand your categories. Why are you asking this question?

I serve my partner's needs. Intoxication doesn't go with much of what we do, so the beer and weed are Right Out. We guide each other in many ways - a relationship should be a give and take, even in TPE. I explore my submission, my Lady explores her dominance, and neither is possible without the love and participation of the other.

I don't want or need my partner to psychoanalyze me or try to do New Agey "help you to understand yourself" crap. I fulfill my needs for counselling with a licensed therapist if needed. The only way I learn to understand myself is by self-introspection. My Lady is not a mirror nor a guru.

So "None of the above".

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 16

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 12:38:40 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

#1 is the type of the relationship i seek.

the type of relationship you described for #2 wouldn't work for me - don't drink or do drugs

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 17

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 12:45:41 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty

I don't do drugs or drink and that 'not a care in the world' is kinda ignorant and lacking common sence as far as I am concerned. So the 'weed' refreance is immature and a bit of a fantasy, if its your cup of tea have at it, just stay far far away from those of us who live without it. No need to polute our gene pool.

So you think you are genetically better because you don't smoke weed or drink? Interesting.

Come on, AquaticSub. Get real. Doing drugs and drinking can lead to many terrible things such as:
*Loss of common "sence"
*Inability to spell an entire sentence without horrible misspellings such as "refreance" and "polute" and "sence"
*Inability to correctly punctuate an entire sentence
*It could lead one to think they can "catch" something horrible from those around them just because they act differently
When a "slave" spends occasional weekends playing at some ass-slapping (thank you, ASlavesLife) and fancies herself a mentor to all the other "bottom-types" out there, she cannot afford to mess up her brilliant mind with drugs and alcohol. It could cause her to forget all the "spice" training she has acquired over the years

and where would all the newbie slaves in need of her wisdom be then? Geesh, Aquatic. You don't fuck with a "gene pool" like that

...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 1:02:05 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

For clarification, beer and weed is a collective metaphor for enjoyment, feel free to replace them with anything you want........I dunno...religious persecution and free tickets for the hanging stalls or something.

In a nutshell, what is important to you, enjoyment or understanding?

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 19

RE: Question for the ladies of the section....... - 9/1/2007 1:04:12 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

Greetings,

I am in a relationship quite similar to "1) One where your partner guides you, and helps you to understand yourself and your place in the world etc."

He often talks about the issue of transformation within the Master/slave dynamic - the "I love you, now change." scenario. The key for me is to trust the guidance and direction he gives me. After all, if I trust him with my life in a scene, why would I not trust his choice as to a class I am to take. From the physical perspective, any changes he wants to make are his to make. I happen to be extremely vain (whether or not I have cause to be is another issue) and releasing the angst I felt over appearance changes was a big thing for me internally.

Thanks for asking ~ fairer than she

Fair enough. Sounds like you're on track.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 20

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