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moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 8:56:55 PM   
yuyu777


Posts: 30
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		what's your moral standard when you are in a D/s relationship
Is it the same as the "usual vanilla world standard"?
Is there anything else other than dishonesty as your deal breaker?

< Message edited by yuyu777 -- 9/8/2007 8:58:19 PM >
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 9:01:02 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777
what's your moral standard when you are in a D/s relationship
Is it the same as the "usual vanilla world standard"?

Yes.
quote:


Is there anything else other than dishonesty as your deal breaker?

All dishonesty is not necessarily a "deal breaker" for everyone.  Some things can be discussed and forgiven.  I have a couple non-negotiable limits.  If I was forced to do them, that would be the one real absolute "deal breaker" for me and that has been known from day one..............luci

_____________________________

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(in reply to yuyu777)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 9:21:22 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		It would depend on the reason for the deceit. My standards all have to do with my awareness of Divine overview of ME. And for what I will have to answer.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 9:40:33 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, my morals are my morals and I carry them with me wherever I go.  If I ever had to do something for him against my morals, my feelings about such act would not change.  But he runs this relationship based on his morals, while taking mine into consideration.

Dishonesty is not a deal breaker for me.  He may have reasons for being dishonest on occasion.  The key is that I trust him to manage me well, and he does.  He is not in the habit of lying to me, and I trust what he tells me. He doesn't have to lie to me, because I accept all that he is and all that he does.  But if he ever did, I'd figure he had a really good reason for it.  By this I'm talking about big lies.  Mild dishonesty is sometimes appreciated.  For example, earlier this week he told me he didn't even notice my big red, in your face surgical scar.  I know that was not honest, but it was sweet.  See my point?

The only deal breaker for me is if he tells me he doesn't want to own me anymore and dismisses me.  I can't think of anything else that would pull me away from him.

(in reply to yuyu777)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 10:43:31 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		My morals and ethics are mine.  They predate and D/s.  And they are applied to anything and everything I do, including D/s.  Without that I would have zero foundation and zero way of figuring out what is right for me and what is not.  That is what a code of ethics is, something you can apply to all situations in your life.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to yuyu777)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/8/2007 10:49:12 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

what's your moral standard when you are in a D/s relationship
Is it the same as the "usual vanilla world standard"?

Pretty much. A d/s relationship isn't special - it just feels that way because it suits me better than the vanilla ones did.
quote:


Is there anything else other than dishonesty as your deal breaker?

Sure. If he did something like running me over with a car, I have to call it quits. 

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 1:24:08 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		D/s involves more trust and understanding than a vanilla relationship.  It is also less tolerant of lies and omissions.  Fears come out much faster, and trust runs much deeper.  Spanking a slave is magically assault if she says she didn't want it.  I don't live my life in terms of "well she could like and I'd be fucked." But it's true.

The trust needed to warrant a voluntary M/s relationship not only takes time to build, but cannot afford to be shaken. 

These, of course, are only my opinions.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 1:26:50 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not trying to diss you guy...............but I'm going to need a keyboard cover to to help me to clean off the vomit, if I hear one more "the lifestyle is superior because" quote on here.

ANY relationship is what you CHOOSE to make it.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 1:38:19 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		glad you got here before me, cause i think my brain would have exploded if i had to be the one to say it again...as is, i think i have a tic developing as a result of those declerations...

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 1:54:33 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Well... Most people here are here because they are
 
a) In a D/s relationship
b) Want to be in a D/s relationship
 
Both A and B hold the D/s relationship in high esteem, or they wouldn't want it, right?  Those people who are in D/s relationships, but not a vanilla relationship lead me to believe that they prefer the D/s relationship.  It follows that these people find that a D/s relationship has something the vanilla flavor does not.  It doesn't make it better, but different in a more desirable way.
 
You're on "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet."  What makes you think a question like this would not have been met with healthy doses of "The lifestyle is superior because..."
 
Just a thought.  Just an irrefutable thought.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 4:29:19 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		To add to that, many people say D/s requires more trust because for them it does.  I know for me it does.  So please hold back the vomit and brain explosions, as not everyone experiences it like everyone else.  It requires more trust for some, and it doesn't require more trust for others.  I don't see people vomiting and exploding when people say it doesn't...ya know?  So how 'bout ya let those of us who require it....well...require it! 

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 4:31:51 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		My moral standards are the same now within a D/s relationship as they were in my earlier vanilla relationships.  All that's really changed is that I've matured like most do and that my D/s relationships operate under a much simpler control dynamic than is possible in vanilla equivalents.
 
Trust issues in any relationship tend to be a terminal cancer....
 
Focus.

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 4:47:37 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		HeavansKeeper
[D/s involves more trust and understanding than a vanilla relationship]
..uhm......shouldnt that pertain to any and all types of intimate relationships?? 
not sure I understand why you think its not as vital to a vanilla relationship...


_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 5:10:32 AM   
Cyntilating


Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

what's your moral standard when you are in a D/s relationship
Is it the same as the "usual vanilla world standard"?
Is there anything else other than dishonesty as your deal breaker?


Hi yuyu
 
yes, my moral standards exist the same in both..
they just might not have been as examined and explored as much in my vanilla relationships as they are in my Ds relationship.
 
deal breaker...?  after this many years, and we have met many challenges together, none have broken us.
We even re-defined our Ms relationship for a time, and still he continued to be a constant in my life...and I in his..
can't really think of what would be a deal breaker..for me.
 


_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 5:21:20 AM   
Hekaron


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline 		I do not have two separate sets of moral standards. If there were a difference, I'd ask myself what would justify the lesser set in the situation to which that set applied. However, in BDSM, I am slightly more aware of these standards. In general, people are often much more vulnerable in the lifestyle than in vanilla life, either because of the power dynamic involved, or because of exposure risks of one's preferences and the repercussions that might have on one's social life (loss of job, etc).

Ron

(in reply to Cyntilating)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 5:39:21 AM   
ExquisiteFeline


Posts: 124
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

what's your moral standard when you are in a D/s relationship



My moral standard is as it always has been since i was mature enough to have a real moral standard, D/s does not change a moral standard, unless of course the Dominant is enforcing morals that are not within the principles of the sub. In that case if the ideals of the Dominant are not inline with the submissive, it could be demoralizing and debilitating upon the psyche of the sub, and therefore trust is broken.


quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

Is it the same as the "usual vanilla world standard"?



There is a saying, "Same, same, but different." D/s to me is an 'enhanced' vanilla relationship, but that is the nature of the relationship i am in, being 24/7, only there is a defined and understood power dynamic. The legacy that D/s has given is a deeper sense of trust than i have had in other relationships, due to the nature of my Master. His behavior clearly keeps me secure, he will assure me if i ask of certain things that make me insecure, but i try not to voice every little whim, as this undermines his gift, and his nature of being an integral and respectful person. The dynamic that we have repairs the damage that has been created in previous vanilla relationships, no one else has given me the security, as he has, and yet he has never promised me a thing. The rock of his self understanding, and his unshakable consistency gives me the assurance of his dependability, this therefore opens doors to explore things i have never before. i guess it is what kind of 'morals' you are referring to, and i assume it is about integrity, hence that nature of you proceeding question. i am able to explore things i once considered immoral, or was afraid of, due to the BIG, uncompromising morals being a firm infrastructure.


quote:

ORIGINAL: yuyu777

Is there anything else other than dishonesty as your deal breaker?


There could be many deal breakers, but most would shake down to the foundation of dishonesty, for if someone said that they were something that they are not, then they are dishonest. Many people are dishonest to themselves, for they have an idea of who they are, and in reality they may not understand themselves at all.
Overstepping limits could be a deal breaker, but that comes down to honesty also. If someone calls himself a Dom or a Master, but clearly oversteps the limits, then they have been dishonest with their self proclaimed Mastery, self understanding and the understanding for their sub.

Honesty, and respect are irreplaceable fundamentals to any relationship, being D/s, vanilla, friendship or even business. For me once trust is broken, (and even a small thing can crack that) it is difficult for me to believe in the bona fide of person again, i am patient, i am kind, i realize everyone is learning and growing but the integrity of the connection is compromised. As i become older i compromise less and less for people.






(in reply to yuyu777)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 6:40:52 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Define what you mean by the 'usual vanilla world standard' because that doesn't mean anything to me. Non kink types can be faithful, loyal, monogamous, honest, caring and also poly, untrustworthy, chase everything in skirt/pants or both, selfish, cold etc. And you know what? So can kink types.

For myself I have a stringent moral code and I don't waver from it. I also don't knowingly get into relationships with people who have differing moral values. It doesn't work for me.

And no, liking slap and tickle doesn't mean your relationship is deeper or more twue. I have an aunt and uncle in their 70's who have been together 50some years. Trust me, their relationship is a lot deeper and more spiritual than somebody on their third m/s relationship within a year.

(in reply to ExquisiteFeline)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 7:02:21 AM   
ExquisiteFeline


Posts: 124
Status: offline


quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
Trust issues in any relationship tend to be a terminal cancer....



Thank you, Focus.
Trust is a big issue for me, and in this moment i own it fully, for this has nothing to do with how Master treats me. i am working on that illness, and i think i am finally recovering... until PMS sets in again i guess and there is possible relapse. oh dear *wonders off to bed to pat and rub my own arm, and assures self is becoming a big girl now*

< Message edited by ExquisiteFeline -- 9/9/2007 7:03:55 AM >

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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 7:03:57 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I'm not trying to diss you guy...............but I'm going to need a keyboard cover to to help me to clean off the vomit, if I hear one more "the lifestyle is superior because" quote on here.

ANY relationship is what you CHOOSE to make it.


Agreed!!!   In many cases those who spout the Lifestyle is superior crap is rooted in their own security and esteem issues.  Make the world they are apart of superior... therefore they are better!  If break those rose coloured glasses... where does that leave them?

I would of course agree  Any relationship is what you choose to make it.... and many choose that the Lifestyle relationship is superior than any other type of lifestyle relationship (vanilla, religious or whatever)...... of course... until the relationship ends or hits a crisis and then you find some of them questioning their involvement in the lifestyle.... instead of questioning the specific relationship.

to the OP....

.... My Moral Code and standard is the core of my character... it guides me in any lifestyle/ relationship I choose to be a part of.

deal breakers a dime a dozen... but equally so... many don't have anything to do with the relationship I choose to have... and everything to do with the relationships I choose not to have.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: moral standard in bdsm - 9/9/2007 8:04:25 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Some of the moral issues you may have can be addressed when you set hard limits for your relationship, for example if you do not want to do activities that  break regional local laws then state so , if you are straight and don't wish to do bi activities as part of your training include that as well, better to state your limits up front as it differs with each person and will create less problems down the road if things are laid out beforehand

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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