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Date a criplle to be? - 6/25/2004 2:40:30 PM

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Here is another one, ladies. The sub applicant tells you he probably will be wheelchair bound in ten years or so.

Do you meet a second time? (No, you only know the potential sub casually, but everything else is a dream come true.)

Guys, a variation.

She's perfect in everyway, but in ten years or so the MS might make her wheel chair bound and incontinent. Do you say that is OK, but not call her back, tell her you won't call her back, or spend ten years trying to avoid stressing her?

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/25/2004 8:00:38 PM

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quote:

She's perfect in everyway, but in ten years or so the MS might make her wheel chair bound and incontinent. Do you say that is OK, but not call her back, tell her you won't call her back, or spend ten years trying to avoid stressing her?

Midear Iwill-

God, that's a tough one. Honestly, I think I would go for it- in ten years I may very well be in a shallow grave in a state park- or she might, or we both might. Or it could turn out to be a misdiagnosis, or some radical new treatment might pop up. One really never knows.

It might give me pause, though.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/25/2004 9:02:29 PM

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My mother diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 25, she was told she would be in a wheel chair before she was 30. At 63, she still gets around without so much as a cane.

My brother was diagnosed with it also, at the age of 21. He would swell so badly at the joints, he would literally drag himself along the floor if he woke up at night and had to go the bathroom. He avoided relationships because he didn't want to be a *burden*. At 26, he had a 15 year old start pursuing him. As he didn't plan on having any serious relationships, and she was young anyway, so he kept saying they could only be friends. By the time she was 18, he agreed they could *date*, and was taking gold shots for the pain (a drug they give cancer patients), just to be able to function. When she was 19, they got engaged, and at 31 he took a 20 year old bride.

He has managed to avoid the wheelchair, but has constant pain. But he is wonderful husband and father, and she wouldn't trade him for anyone.

My son was premature. He was blue for the first 15 minutes he was around. We were told that *if* he made it through the night, he would be severely retarded, and would never walk or talk. We told them fight anyway. He walked at 9 months, is an awesome athlete, and has the IQ of a genius.

I could go on, but my point is why worry about what *might* happen? DR's are wrong ever day. As someone else mentioned, cures come about, new methods of treatment, remission, etc. People are told every day they will never walk again, and some manage to run marathon. Nothing in life is certain. I will always do my best to live it, and roll with the punches, no matter what they are,,,

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/25/2004 11:19:58 PM

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Ten good years is more than many of us get. I dated a married man once (he was open with his wife about this) knowing that it would never end with us setting up house together. I went through a huge amount of grieving when he moved to Miami for a new job (with the wife). But it was a magical time in my life and I have no regrets. It was "doomed" from the start from a conservative viewpoint, but I enjoyed every minute I was given while I could.

As far as having him stay and deal with an illness, unconditional love tends to make that much easier. The problem is that upon meeting someone, you haven't had time to give that a chance to grow and it may or may not. If you are seriously interested, why not make the investment to find out how deeply this might grow? Once your heart really engages, it is a much easier decision to make.

--bailey
(a romantic at heart)

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/26/2004 6:27:03 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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I would, without question or second thought. (Though I would date someone in a wheelchair already if everything else was perfect.)

Yours,
Taggard

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/26/2004 9:30:38 AM

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I know the easy, and expected, response is to say that I would not mind, and I would wait for whatever symptoms to come along, but that's not true for me.

A D/s relationship involves a lot of stress at certain points in the relationship no matter how hard you try to make it a smooth sailing relationship. I would not want to be responsible for causing unnecessary stress to a woman I cared about who might suffer long term effects because of it.

Therefore, I would probably avoid the relationship because while it might benefit me for the time that was still left, it would be completely unfair to her in the long run. I wouldn't want to do that to someone else, no matter how much pleasure I could achieve at the time. By pretending that I was doing her a service by being her slave during this time would only be an excuse to fool myself while I was getting something I wanted instead.

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/26/2004 10:17:13 AM

stormiKnightBEAR

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Sir Top Cat and bailey,

What great responses.

It's most likely possible that at some point in everyone's life they have to look back
and say.... Would I have done differently?

If a person lets the outter cloud the beauty within, they might just miss the best thing
to ever experience.

One thing to remember in times of choice is...............Live Life like there is NO tomorrow.
And as the song goes these days on the radio, "Live Life Like you were dying, ride that bull,
go sky diving, spend more time laughing", We never know when tomorrow will be the end.

Thanks again to both of you!

stormi
property of Master Bear

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/26/2004 10:43:06 AM

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Sarbonn,

I wanted to comment on your post because I have been in a similar situation and I have concluded that we are all adults (hopefully) and should be entitled to make our own decisions. You offer. The other person accepts or declines.

I can not guess what goes on inside someone elses head. Many of us accept jobs that stress us severly, but we accept and we deal with the consequences. We would not accept if there were no benefil to us and only we can make that judgement.

So, while I understand you wouldn't want to push someone over the edge that you loved, and your choice may be that you could not live with that guilt, make the decision for that reason "I can not do this". But don't presume to know what is best for someone else and decide "this would not be good for you". For all you know, the passion created in the relationship would give him/her the desire to treasure every moment (dtressful or not). It may change the timeframe slightly, but it may also increase the quality of life. Who's to say but the person effected?

When I was dating the married fellow, we both knew it would come to an end at some point and I would move on to look for a life partner who could plan for a future with me. He made the comment several times that he felt he was holding me back and we should split. Hogwash. A crowbar would not have pried me away. I loved that man like life itself. That was my decision. He offered. I accepted. No regrets. Even as I sit here single and very unattached. Knowing how it can be will help me make good choices in the future (ok, I'm a bit of a pollyanna). I just don't know what kind of package it will come in.

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Dance like no one's watching and
Love like you've never been hurt.

(in reply to sarbonn)

RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/26/2004 7:10:27 PM

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quote:

Here is another one, ladies. The sub applicant tells you he probably will be wheelchair bound in ten years or so.

Do you meet a second time? (No, you only know the potential sub casually, but everything else is a dream come true.)

Guys, a variation.

She's perfect in everyway, but in ten years or so the MS might make her wheel chair bound and incontinent. Do you say that is OK, but not call her back, tell her you won't call her back, or spend ten years trying to avoid stressing her?

Do you have a relationship with the physical shell or with the person inside?

To me, the past is a memory, the future may never happen, I believe that all we have is this moment. If I want to be with this person in the time I have been given in this place, that is my choice and if I have a connection with the person inside, I feel I am honored by being able to walk the path for a while with them.

Sinergy

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(in reply to baileythorne)

Who knows? - 6/26/2004 7:50:25 PM

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I really intended to pass on this one. There are several reasons for this, most of them personal, lol. Then I read some of the responses and decided to throw my nickle in after all. One thing I will say is that when we meet online, as we do here, those things aren't immediately apparent, if they are a factor at all. Of course they would have to be discussed at some point, but certainly not immediately. I wouldn't introduce myself to someone and include the tidbit that I have six toes in the introduction.

Ha ha, I'm a lot of fun at parties too!

I don't have six toes, but you understand what I mean there.

When an "affliction" becomes known, the afflicted becomes the affliction. No longer are they the brilliant conversationlist, witty, charming, beautiful hair, but...she who is in a wheelchair! Damn it! She's got Rhuematoid Arthritis, or whatever affliction it may be! OR...She isn't in a wheel chair...maybe she has a brain tumor. Oh she can think, interact, function fine, but what if???

Realistically should those afflicted not seek? If they do seek, are they being realistic? Fair to other seekers?

To answer the first part of the question, I believe it would depend largely on the length of time spent in the relationship prior to the wheelchair occurence. Like Lawrence said, the wonders of modern medicine is such that they really are coming up with new and wonderful things all the time! With that in mind, that sub could very likely still be dancing the jig in ten years. lol However, even if he isn't, if his Mistress keeps him for ten years, she isn't likely to get rid of him because he requires a wheelchair, or a walker. As gene said today, it could be incorporated into "play"

< Message edited by LadyBeckett -- 6/26/2004 7:51:33 PM >

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/27/2004 2:14:52 AM

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baileythome,

Very funny avatar. That's you on the right, right?

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 6/27/2004 2:15:12 AM >

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to baileythorne)

RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/27/2004 8:47:22 AM

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I have a female friend i met online at a game site who is in a wheelchair. We met in person in vegas a few years ago. She is one of the most fun, and sexiest women i have ever met. I can't imagine anyone turning her down for a date. I know she spends a lot of time cybering but I also think she has a very active social life. In fact i know one guy that she met online that met her in person and i believe they had sex, i will ask him how it was and get back to you.

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/27/2004 10:32:45 AM

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Yep, that is me on the right. This was taken at Dore Alley Street Fair in San Francisco. The big dick guy was part of a Syphillis awareness campaign. I could not pass up getting that photo. Bigger version is with my profile.

-bailey

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/29/2004 4:54:43 PM

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I personally have a very good friend who is a Domme as well who has been confined to a wheelchair for a very long time now. She is as good as any "able bodied" Dominants I know of. In fact if you were to ask her husband/sub he would tell you she is alot more sadistic than any other Dommes he knows of ... I have also owned a boy who had CP. He did have limitations yes, ( but dont we all in one way or another?) However he was able to adapt to the things around him in order to complete any task that I gave him... So in answer to . will I ever ........ yes I have

and on a side not.. I am co owner of a Disabled Dominant and submissive group on *cough cough* another chat site* and the similar question has come up many times ..
MzDonna

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/29/2004 9:09:27 PM

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quote:

In fact i know one guy that she met online that met her in person and i believe they had sex, i will ask him how it was and get back to you.

OK i asked my male friend about it and he said they had a good time together, no intercourse, but he did get a bj.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/30/2004 2:09:11 PM

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I have been watching this thread for awhile before putting in my two cents. I am a person with a disability. I use crutches, a leg brace and a wheelchair for mobility depending on the circumstances. I am not crippled, afflicted nor "bound" by my wheelchair.

I am a successful lifestyle dominant in N Calif, and I personally know other successful dominants who have disabilities. I have also sessioned bottoms and submissives who have disabilities. The creative mind can work around just about anything if the motivation is there. To get one's needs met by topping or bottoming or by being involved in D/s relationships is a quality of mind not body.

I am always honest with anyone regarding my physical limitations and medical condition. It filters out those who don't wish to interact with disability related concerns. It also filters in folks who are accepting and creative.

To address your question directly, yes I would date, session, collar and partner with a person who has a disability. In fact, the most memorable person I have recently sessioned is dying of Parkensons.

Ana :)

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/30/2004 3:08:53 PM

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I think the answer to your question depends on the people involved and what they want out of life at the time.
It is easy to sit back and say yes I would date someone who could'nt walk. Paralysis or what have you. It's a whole different ball game when it is actually you up to bat with that person.

What stage of life are you in? Are you 18 wanting to do nothing but go out and party with your friends. Be as active as you can be?

Are you a bit more settled down? What are your aspirations in life and how is this person going to join into them? Prohibit them?
Are you superficial? Are you down to earth? Have you learned that true beauty is from the inside out yet? You have to admit it, when most were teenagers where was the beauty they saw?

I can't tell you how many men on a daily basis think of my chest as my face. Would they date me if I were in a wheel chair?

I came across this situation when I was searching for a Dom. One of my biggest passions in life is hiking. Rock climbing. I am very honest to everyone I meet about who I am and what I want out of life. Well I met this Dominant. He told me how his passion was hiking...etc..etc. Many of the same things I believed in. After about 6 weeks of chatting he then tells me how he has had MS since he was 3 and been wheelchair bound all of his life. He was something like 40 at the time. I dumped him then and there. Not because of the chair but because he lied to me. If he lied about that, what else was he lying about?

Yet, looking at it from the other direction and if he had been honest with me from the start. I do believe things could have turned out differently but I honestly don't know. Passions run deep. Can we surpress them and if so for how long?
Hard question to answer, even harder to answer honestly.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/30/2004 3:42:07 PM

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I'm replying to the first message in this thread (I don't spend much time here, so I don't know the ins and outs of this software).

I have had no real problems with disabled subs - except they often find it difficult to kneel properly, and other forms can be substituted. I've had three for extended relationships (i.e., more than just a session or two), and several more for sessions.

As some have said above, it's the PERSON (slave, sub, lover, girl you see on the street, co-worker), not the disability. If it doesn't work out for a long term, at least it worked for a time, and if it didn't work for a time, so what? Most relationships (whatever they may be) don't.

BTW, a person I know tells me that 'cripple' is like the 'N' word - only used by those who walk (roll, crawl, etc.) the walk.

Alan

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RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/30/2004 5:19:22 PM

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quote:

BTW, a person I know tells me that 'cripple' is like the 'N' word - only used by those who walk (roll, crawl, etc.) the walk.

I am trying to avoid looking as though I am twaling for pity, but I can call Irish people drunken Mics, Scottish people cheapskates, and future disabled people cripples to be.

If anyone doesn't like it, they can walk a mile in my shoes.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 6/30/2004 5:20:35 PM >

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Master1Alan)

RE: Date a criplle to be? - 6/30/2004 7:11:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressAna

I am a successful lifestyle dominant in N Calif,

Hi Ana!!

I believe we met briefly at the Citadel Saturday night?
Nice to see a familar face here :-)

--bailey

< Message edited by baileythorne -- 6/30/2004 7:12:40 PM >

_____________________________

Dance like no one's watching and
Love like you've never been hurt.

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