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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love and devotion?


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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 12:14:24 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Same element in common with the satisfying ones.  So what?



So buttons.


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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 12:16:16 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		dave,

that usually works much better in person

Stephan


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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 2:53:34 PM   
leatherette


Posts: 255
Status: offline 		HI:
I have found that it can limit growth towards a solid relationship. BOTH  have to treat each other as individuals*.   No one is stronger ( as in better) the leader has sensitive needs too. Followers can be proactive, be the rock at times the leader may need.  Its uncomfortable to think one person always has to be the 'solid oak'.  To need and accept is not a weakness. To be stoic always is a burden. To expect to always lean and be helpless on one is doing both a disservice. One can be gentle, yielding and remain an adult.
Both have to recognize this - offer a hand up or let transparancy be shown down.
Communication - always.   Most of all - be real.

* individuals = not your ex or any other. Do not assume.

and don't allow others to mess with your relationship


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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 2:58:22 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

but things like "complete devotion" don't just happen out of the gate


They do when you put two dysfunctional  people together.
Or one dysfunctional person with one person who truly wants to believe.
Or two desperate people.
I'm sure they are many permutations that can make it "work". 



Reading this just cracked me up (because IMO it is so true). Maybe I should feel badly about it instead, but it really did strike me as funny.

Good thread topic, Aakasha. 
 
- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/19/2007 2:59:56 PM >

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 5:47:07 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Do you think many people look to the fantasy world of dominance/submission as a fast track to devotion?

Akasha



No, it is not a fast-track.  It does have the potential to develop into a different and perhaps deeper type of devotion, but I have never seen that potential realized "fast".  It is the by-product of an immense investment of time, trust and caring.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 5:54:31 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Do you think many people look to the fantasy world of dominance/submission as a fast track to devotion?


If they are looking to a "fantasy" world they aren't going to get reality whether it's D/s or D&D or Harlequin novels. Fantasies are nice as fantasies. Most people don't seriously expect the fantasy though they may, occasionally, *hope* for it. Reminds me of someone on the other side who believes in instant attraction within D/s due to genetic imprinting. Wonderful fantasy but it's not like that in reality.


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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 5:58:24 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		velcro collars anyone get them while they last green blue orange pink lol

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 6:04:06 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

velcro collars anyone get them while they last green blue orange pink lol


And let's not forget the luggage tags, with the clear windows.

With the little cardboard tags that slip inside,saying....

MINE-until I get tired of him/her.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 6:05:28 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
Well, my Master and i are very functional, mature, kinky adults and neither of Uus was desperate and yet, somehow Wwe managed to become Master and slave, fully committed and devoted to each other, right out of the gate.  As soon as He took ownership of me and i began wearing His collar and agreed to be His slave for life, i was completely devoted to Him.  i have been ever since.  And, He has been totally committed to being my Master and Owner and providing for me and protecting me and caring for me, since that day.  i have pampered and served Him, as His loyal and dedicated slave, and He has taken care of me, ever since the day Wwe became Master and slave.   i realize, from reading these forums that, Wwe are probably more the exception, than the norm but, Wwe are proof that a devoted and committed Master and slave relationship is possible, right out of the gate.  Maybe Wwe just got lucky or, maybe the stars were aligned just right and Wwe were just meant to be together or, maybe Wwe both knew exactly what Wwe were seeking and Wwe were completely honest and open about Oour individual wants, needs, and expectations and found exactly what Wwe were looking for in each other. Of course, Wwe were taking a gamble with this relationship but, every relationship is, i believe, a gamble of some sort.  In fact, life is a gamble.  Wwe both had a good feeling about the other and trusted Oour instincts, which have proved to be right. Oour relationship began on a strictly Master/slave basis and remains so.  It isn't based on love but, it is based on honesty, integrity, and a commitment to each other.  If i hadn't felt comfortable about being completely devoted to Him, right from the start, i wouldn't have agreed to become His slave.  If  He hadn't felt comfortable about being committed to me, He wouldn't have offered His collar to me.   Over the course of Oour relationship, Wwe have gone through some trials together and have remained steadfast in Oour commitment to each other.  As Wwe have gotten to know each other better, Wwe have grown closer.  Wwe have become best friends.  Wwe rely on each other and depend on each other and Wwe care about each other very much.  Above all else, Wwe are firmly committed and devoted to each other. slave joyOwned property of Master David__________________________________________________________________"Grow beyond your circumstances and realize your greatest possibilities."

(in reply to SusanofO)
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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 7:13:22 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Nice post AAkasha

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 7:22:25 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

 In my younger days, I learned well that when I started dating someone I 'fell in love with' within a week, I really learned it was because I was more desperate to be in love, than I was interested in being in love with her.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this,

Stephan


 
This can happen to either party, at least in my experience.  I've come to understand that, for myself at least, the quick flash of lust and "love" just as quickly extinguish themselves a happening that can (and often does) leave both parties confused, angry and hurt.
 
Just my 2 cents...
jimini

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by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 8:40:42 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I remember those times of the quick flush of "love"..but as I have grown, and matured into this 50 year old woman..I no longer feel that quickening of excitement..I believe that my mind now, is the dominant over my heart..and I am possibly the better for this ,as I can see without the rose colored glasses, for the exciting reality and possibilities out there...Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 9:21:06 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		thing is, dominance/submission isn't a 'fantasy world' as you call it; for many, it's a reality, even those generations older than us who are vanilla, because that's just the way they believe things should be or it's the way they were raised to believe...

also, 'the reality' regarding devotion is that it doesn't always manefest itself because of feelings two people have for each other, as you put it; sometimes those may come with time, but it isn't the deciding factor on whether or not one can be devoted to another...

sooooooo, while some may live in a fantasy world, and some may be on a 'fast track' to love, love and devotion don't necessarily have one thing to do with the other.


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 10:49:31 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


There's nothing wrong with roleplaying the concept of deep devotion and undying love; but to believe you can attribute it to a relationship based on role to me seems ridiculous and a recipe for heartache.  I am absolutely all for no-strings, lust-filled, in-your-face kinky exchanges between relative strangers (and those can be hot) within the boundaries of BDSM activities between two adults -- but things like "complete devotion" don't just happen out of the gate, and if anything, are harder to find in kinky circles than in vanilla ones.

Do you think many people look to the fantasy world of dominance/submission as a fast track to devotion?




Interesting comments.  Particularly since I was role-playing as a vanilla wife in my marriage for nearly 20 years, hoping just for that - to be loved and cherished, etc.  Only I just didn't realize that it was role playing and the farthest I have ever been from being true to myself.  Conservative husband/wife/home/kids/dog/picket fence was my fantasy world.  Go figure.

When I discovered my real inner self as a submissive woman who wished to become a slave to this man whose power drew me to him from the get-go, I found more than I knew I was looking for.  In fact, at the time, being loved no longer mattered to me.  Loving someone else was something I wasn't going to do again.  I just needed to express myself in being allowed to submit to someone who would accept it and be responsible with it.  I gained SO much more than that, and I am so absolutely happy to be done with my fantasy role playing of not submitting!

Your observations may well be true for some, but certainly far from the truth in my case.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/19/2007 11:19:11 PM   
LDRandAstarte


Posts: 504
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

It's really just putting the cart before the horse when a person or couple believe that in order to feel that level of connection, they must find a D/s dynamic.


I disagree with this.  For me, without the D/s dynamic, there can be no "connection", certainly none at a level deeper than platonic friendship.  The power exchange dynamic is intrinsic to my concept of self; it is who I am.  If the dynamic is ignored, then the other person is connecting to a pale immitation of me; she's missing a crucial part of the "real" me.

I will say, however, that a D/s dynamic alone is insufficient to obtain or sustain that connection.  Relationships require more than kink--much, much more.



Here is a statement that I have to agree with 100%
Upon meeting many a woman (known to me to be in the lifestyle or NOT know at the time) and finding that we might be on a road leading to a relationship, I have informed them up front and in no uncertian terms.
"A submissive, subserviant wench is a must for me, it is a need, NOT a desire. if you can not live that dynamic all day, everyday, then we should stop right now. We will save ourselves anguish and heart ache later."
Needless to say I have finally found one who took those words to heart and can accept that role. Although it was indeed after many took it light heartedly or believed it not at all.
Nothing else mattered, if you could not be subservient you were useless to me in terms of a working relationship.

< Message edited by LDRandAstarte -- 9/19/2007 11:20:25 PM >

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RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/20/2007 12:01:52 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		this site should be called collarme NOW

(in reply to LDRandAstarte)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/20/2007 5:05:29 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Do you think many people look to the fantasy world of dominance/submission as a fast track to devotion?

I certainly agree that they exist. I often wonder about how many or what proportion they are. But yes, I think that a lot of people who are looking, especially those looking for their first such relationship, are looking for a fantasy that may not actually exist in the real world.

Of course, that might just be a self-fulfilling prophecy on my part and maybe the world is full of millions of people who've already been on CM, found their Teh One, have gone off, and lived happily ever after until they both died quietly in their sleep. I dunno.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/22/2007 8:17:36 PM   
LDRandAstarte


Posts: 504
Joined: 12/31/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

this site should be called collarme NOW


And exactly why is that?

_____________________________

When I die, I want to go like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like the other three passengers in his car.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: D/s: The perceived "fast track" to love a... - 9/22/2007 8:41:23 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		In my opinion, to have a D/s relationship, that love and devotion needs to already exist between two people.  But that's just my .02.

(in reply to LDRandAstarte)
Profile   Post #: 39
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