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HisSweetElysium -> RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare (1/7/2010 2:31:34 PM)
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the aftercare for us is similar to "afterglow" pillow talk of straight sex. It's a relationship thing, not necessarily a bdsm thing. With regard to humiliation and degradation, that does not require special attention, as I am already safe and secure in our relationship. I tried at a point playing with ppl that I was not in a relationship with, and this caused MAJOR conflict with me, especially in this realm. I FELT like a whore, and all the things he called me, because we were not in a relationship and that was really really unhealthy for me, deep feelings of worthlessness and self loathing came up, and a lot of insecurity. And when my hard limit with that was crossed (calling me stupid, NOT cool) I DID feel stupid, for trusting someone like that.
No judgment on those who can separate the two, just for me, I can't do these types of things with a casual partner or a play partner. I need the safety and security of the relationship to touch on these areas and not risk my emotional well-being.
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