RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare

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RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare - 1/7/2010 11:49:59 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't really see what we do as "aftercare"..more just two people giving each other time, attention, love because well..that's what people in relationships hopefully do with each other.

There are times when he needs it more than I do. Other times he realizes I need it more. He may see I need some wounds that need to be cared for be they emotionally or physically. Being the man he is, he tends to have a good heart.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

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RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare - 1/7/2010 2:31:34 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

the aftercare for us is similar to "afterglow" pillow talk of straight sex. It's a relationship thing, not necessarily a bdsm thing. With regard to humiliation and degradation, that does not require special attention, as I am already safe and secure in our relationship. I tried at a point playing with ppl that I was not in a relationship with, and this caused MAJOR conflict with me, especially in this realm. I FELT like a whore, and all the things he called me, because we were not in a relationship and that was really really unhealthy for me, deep feelings of worthlessness and self loathing came up, and a lot of insecurity. And when my hard limit with that was crossed (calling me stupid, NOT cool) I DID feel stupid, for trusting someone like that.

No judgment on those who can separate the two, just for me, I can't do these types of things with a casual partner or a play partner. I need the safety and security of the relationship to touch on these areas and not risk my emotional well-being.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare - 1/7/2010 2:39:32 PM

kushiels

Posts: 55
Joined: 11/1/2009
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We generally have some cuddle time after a scene, where we both check in. It's a good time for both of us, and pretty necessary for us both. Especially since she is newer to this than I am, so it helps for us to make sure she's feeling okay about everything too. :)

beth, your dynamic seems so different from what i'm used to--i'm fascinated by it, tbh. :) do you feel drained after play time? emotionally or physically? you and merc seem VERY pragmatic about your roles, which appeals to me.

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"Whose my domly dom? Huh? Whose my domly dom?"
~AquaticSub

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: humiliation vs degredation and aftercare - 1/7/2010 11:07:20 PM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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This thread is 3 years old, isn't it?

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to kushiels)

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Post #: 44