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RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 12:02:39 PM

Posts: 81
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Great advice for someone who doesn't have horribly stretched skin from too much amniotic fluid during pregnancy (the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds a fetus is not related to poor diet or lack of exercise). This happens to alot of women. So tell us, will diet and exercise make all that extra skin disappear? Will any amount of diet or exercise enable a woman with stretched skin to look good in a bikini?

No offense, but you seem a bit hung up on this whole "my body doesn't look like it did pre-pregnancy" thing. I've seen you bring it up multiple times in this thread, alone. No one's body looks the same post-pregnancy - amniotic fluid issues, or not.

I've given birth five times. I currently weigh 80# less than I did when I was full term with my last pregnancy. I no longer have the body of a 20 year old - my stomach isn't flat, I have stretch marks, the roundness of my tummy isn't symmertic... and I have yet to meet a man who has a problem with it - in part because *I* don't have a problem with it. I am so much more than my stretch marks. LOL I am witty, not unattractive, intelligent, cultured, well mannered... a thin chick with a perfect physique has nothing on me, and (thus far) the men I've met agree.

I honestly don't understand the point in comparing a postpartum body to someone who hasn't ever given birth. In terms of beauty it's apples and oranges, but that doesn't mean one is any prettier than the other...

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 12:16:37 PM

susie

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Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I know the weight issue is very touchy to a lot of people but really now...it's not like anyone was born obese.
Some medical conditions causing obesity such as gland problems don't show up at birth.

There's a very simple way to lose weight. Burn more calories than you eat. Anyone can do it really, and if I did a few more crunches and a few less Frappuccinos I would probably look a LOT better than I do.
Great advice for someone who doesn't have horribly stretched skin from too much amniotic fluid during pregnancy (the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds a fetus is not related to poor diet or lack of exercise). This happens to alot of women. So tell us, will diet and exercise make all that extra skin disappear? Will any amount of diet or exercise enable a woman with stretched skin to look good in a bikini?

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 1:06:45 PM

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Susie, you've joined an ever growing club.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to susie)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 1:26:25 PM

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Joined: 2/18/2006
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only surgery could fix the problem a woman has with herself.

What cannot be fixed in her inner strife with herself and how she feels about herself<<<<<

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 1:34:49 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: winterlight

i know weight is a health issue that is why i am losing weight. I went to the highest of 315 and i am down to 277. I know it isn't much but it is a start. But that is not what defines me, my weight. It is WHOM i am, what i believe in, what i am about.

Due to things finally falling in place for me to do this ahem.. I am going on a Dr. supervised liquid diet. I start at the end of October. I am doing this for me! For my health and to hopefully clear up or better some health issues. Depending on how much i lose i will probably be at this from October to at least July (this includes 10 weeks of maintenance.

I am trying to avoid surgery to lose weight. That will be my last resort IF i fail at this..
I am going in with the attitude that i CAN do this and i am doing this for ME and only ME. Should my weight start going up during maintenance i have a back up plan.

What will be interesting to see is how the male/female population responds to me at my healthy weight v.s. my weight now. I just mean i think it is going to be interesting...Right now i am an invisible person due to societies way of thinking..Believe me i have seen it all from the looks and gasps in a ladies gym room to you name it.
Remember i said i have been on both sides of the coin..

New Journey: let it begin! grins...

Actually almost 30 pounds is a huge success! congrats and good luck!
l

(in reply to winterlight)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 1:48:38 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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Bobkgin (and others),

Mr S., Cutiemouse, shoshi and a few others have more than adequately established the point I was making (I'd have responded sooner but charlotte and I were camping all weekend; THAT was a lot of fun!)

You can read more on my interest in body modification here:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1214689

Rest assured, that charlotte knew of (and shared my) interests well before we even met face to face. Read the thread, and I'm sure you'll see how there's obviously more than a few people (dominant and submissive alike) who share my point of view.

I know you have a strong position against changing people to suit your tastes. That's great for you. I would pose the question if you would permit or expect her to ever wear makeup? Attractive clothes? Jewelry? These are all simple ways that a woman might adorn herself to make herself more attractive. I love when a woman is made up nicely and dressed to kill. Part of that is because, to me, she is aesthetically more pleasing. Another huge part, is that I know she put the time and effort into herself for me. I find her attractive wearing nothing, with no makeup mind you; but I don't see a reason she should be intentionally making herself undesirable (wearing frumpy clothes for example.)

With this in mind, going to greater extremes (surgery for example) is obviously a more drastic and expensive form of modification; yet I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with a woman wanting to go under the knife, nor me wanting her to do so for me. Surgery, like so many other activities that we engage in, is simply an activity with risk to it. The question isn't 'should we engage in a risky activity' but rather, 'do I find the activity sufficiently desirable that I am willing to accept the risk?' charlotte actually brought the topic of breast enlargement; not because she doesn't like her breasts, but because she mentioned she might enjoy having them a little larger, with a different shape to them. I'm not opposed, but neither am I going to push her into it. The only reason I'm willing to consider allowing it would be because I know she is very happy with her body and appearance and that getting surgery isn't something she'd consider because she think it will 'fix' her.

So, again, it's not just about weight, or breast size, or stretch marks; it's about a whole sense of being, of self. I enjoy having control over all aspects of her life. That's what the collar means, to us. One of those aspects, is her appearance; from her wardrobe, to the way she walks, to the way she kneels, to what she does with her hair, etc etc. I don't care to micromanage her life; she's certainly capable of dressing herself, choosing a hairstyle, or making a decision about if she wants surgery or not. Rather, it's an enjoyable aspect of our dynamic for both of us, for me to make such decisions for her.

It is worth a quick mention that I absolutely love how my girls look Both of them are stunning. charlotte enjoys the body modification kink a great deal, while Tigrita does not. I don't feel either need to be changed, to be the stunning women they are; something they are both well aware of.

taralynn,

Actually, you're not too far off the mark. I do enjoy breaking my girl, myself The key is that she knows and actively seeks this dynamic, with no illusions about what she's getting herself into with me (though charlotte just whispered in my ear that she has plenty of illusions; I suspect they're probably even darker and more twisted than what I'd be willing to actually do to her though...)

Regards,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 2:25:49 PM

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Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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LOL stretch marks/skin is no where near the same as being obese and even exercise helps to retone the skin and underlying muscles and even though I have stretch marks I am willing to don a bikini even as a grandmother oldest is 8 years old, heck I have seen teenagers with stretch marks that have never had a baby just because a person is young or a reason weight does not mean they have perfect bodies, in fact there is no such thing as the perfect body, perfection and beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what one person views as beautiful may not be so in anothers eyes.

I have seen women with a well proportioned bodies become a total turnoff to a man because they were so focused on their self image, if fact my son's first serious girlfriend looked like a runway model very tall and willowy with long hair but she had no common sense and her main focus was on herself but the one he chose for his permanent partner was no where near the same she is short short hair and plump but had self coinfidence in herself.

It does not matter if your are slim or plump if you cannot love yourself for who you are and are constantly putting yourself down you will not be appealing to others, Negativity is a huge turnoff to the majority of people and may explain why dominant self confident women(dommes) are viewed by males in a totally different more appealing light than submissive women who lacks self confidence in their image, their own negativity and self absorption in themselves becomes the turnoff not their size, stretch marks or age.

The OP by her own comments about size and age should have higher dom interest than myself since we are both of similiar size but I am 48 and she is 34 if men were generally focused on age and size only , and I have no problems with attracting doms, the same has been commented by others, so it would indicate that other factors are coming into play beside age and size, it may how the profile is written or how they express themselves when responding . Ands that is the thing the OP and others having difficultly need to focus on

(in reply to susie)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 3:49:32 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

even exercise helps to retone the skin and underlying muscles

Unfortunately, you're wrong. Exercise tones muscles, but it does not eliminate extra skin. The only way extra skin can be removed is by surgery. I got my information from a woman with a Master's degree in physical education. Stretch marks are common with any pregnancy, but add excessive amniotic fluid to that and the amount of extra skin a woman has is much worse. People who have extra skin and lose alot of weight often look just as bad if not worse than they did before losing the weight. The skin just hangs off of them and doesn't go away. My stepmother is an RN. She said that as long as the extra skin is there I'm going to have problems. I don't have $10,000 right now to spend on surgery. I made the decision long ago to accept my body the way it is and not even try to lose a large amount of weight (which will only make it look worse) until I do.

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to Maya2001)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:00:32 PM

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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I'm ready to put a sharp stick in my eye...

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"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:01:58 PM

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There's a limit to how long sharp sticks in the eye as a fetish would be enjoyable..............
l

(in reply to InkedMaster)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:03:04 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Actually one way to lose extra skin is to gain weight. Not sure how much skin you have but maybe 20-30 lbs will do. Enough to fill out the skin. Then lose the weight...verrrrrrrrrry slowly...doing lots of toning exercises as well. It will shrink with the fat the second time around.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:21:16 PM

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Does that always work?

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:25:29 PM

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i am (pretty badly) scarred from at least 8yrs of selfharm. i make a HUGE deal about it but when it comes down to it noone else cares. sometimes you have to go yes i am fat/scarred/have stretchmarks/whatever but so what? you can only do your best. i can try minimise my scars, you can try lose weight but in the mean time..? you'll just have to deal with it and if you do then others will.

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 4:27:42 PM

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Joined: 7/4/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

There's a limit to how long sharp sticks in the eye as a fetish would be enjoyable..............
l

I can't believe this post is still going, I hate to admit I am enjoying it.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 5:32:17 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

DBG - I'm not going to say *always* as in 100% but my doctor recommended it to me and it worked for me. Obviously the skin won't look brand new like it did when you were 16 and it doesn't get rid of stretch marks at all...and you might still have a bit of a pillsbury doughtummy but it definitely got rid of the sagging hanging down stuff on my stomach. Just make sure you talk to a doctor, make sure you build muscle while you are gaining the weight and develop an exercise regimen mixing muscle training, spot toning, and general workout.

If only the same worked for breasts LOL

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 5:45:46 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

I know the weight issue is very touchy to a lot of people but really now...it's not like anyone was born obese.
Some medical conditions causing obesity such as gland problems don't show up at birth.

There's a very simple way to lose weight. Burn more calories than you eat. Anyone can do it really, and if I did a few more crunches and a few less Frappuccinos I would probably look a LOT better than I do.
Great advice for someone who doesn't have horribly stretched skin from too much amniotic fluid during pregnancy (the amount of amniotic fluid that surrounds a fetus is not related to poor diet or lack of exercise). This happens to alot of women. So tell us, will diet and exercise make all that extra skin disappear? Will any amount of diet or exercise enable a woman with stretched skin to look good in a bikini?

DBG

As others have told you before it is not the physical aspect that is the problem it is the way you deal with it. Giving off negative vibes about your body will have an affect on those around you. Men will pick you on your negativity.

Following my Crohns disease and various operations due to medical mistakes I was left with something far worse than you have. I decided that I was not going to let it rule my life. When I decided to meet someone new I was totally upfront with them about the issue. Of course there were some that could not deal with it and stopped talking to me. I just viewed those as the type of people I did not want to deal with. Then I met Tony. When I told him his response was "OK so?" He saw a person not a disfigurement. There are plenty of others like him but until you are ready to view yourself in a postive way, nobody else will either.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 6:05:49 PM

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From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

Men will pick you on your negativity.

... until you are ready to view yourself in a postive way, nobody else will either.

{insert expletive here} !

I'm sorry you have such a poor opinion of "men", Susie.

I'm sorry you believe "nobody" can see anything positive in someone if they can't see it themselves.

Maybe where you grew up that's true: you have my condolences if this is so.

But some of us were raised better than that.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to susie)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 6:13:54 PM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

Men will pick you on your negativity.

... until you are ready to view yourself in a postive way, nobody else will either.

{insert expletive here} !

I'm sorry you have such a poor opinion of "men", Susie.

I'm sorry you believe "nobody" can see anything positive in someone if they can't see it themselves.

Maybe where you grew up that's true: you have my condolences if this is so.

But some of us were raised better than that.

Oh get off your high horse booby.

Most men ( I understand if you do not want to include yourself in that group) pick up on a persons negativity when chatting and getting to know someone. Sorry if you think that is not the case but it is.

You might be the one "man" out there that searches out negativity as you can see it as a way of "improving someones self esteem" as you often mention. That is not the case with others.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 6:14:44 PM

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DBG, I'm glad to hear that you've accepted your body. If you do, then others will. Now, you need to stop talking about it. Focus on your good points, not on the not so good ones.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

RE: Difficulty finding a Dom? - 10/7/2007 6:20:00 PM

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Joined: 10/7/2007
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A female sub having difficulty in finding a dom?

I thought that never exist.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

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