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RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:28:42 AM

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

I haven't read all the replies, but here is my position.

I have been suicidal off and on since I was in 8th grade. I finally got diagnosed with depression and put on medication last May. This is a very important chunk of information that someone getting involved with us needs to know. I also have PTSD relating to my history of physical and sexual assault - this is not being medicated, but my flashbacks are down to less than one a year at this point so ... I'm hoping I'm actually done with them. But again - this is information that anyone getting involved with us needs to have to make a decision about whether or not we are right for each other. I don't want anyone to be surprised by the information, and don't want to get attached to someone who can't handle being with someone with a mental illness.

It can also help if you know the things that trigger an episode, if possible.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:32:41 AM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
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I guess I should mention as a caveat to all that is that I have fibromyalgia, hypoglycemia, and post-traumatic stress disorder from multiple rapes (one incestuous as a minor, one date-rape). The FMS mostly effects me physically but can make me very emotionally sensitive. The HG makes me emotionally sensitive when untreated, and while I am treating it, it's a constant struggle to make sure I eat enough and stick to my dietary restrictions, ESPECIALLY during play and when hanging out outside the home with new people. I was at one point diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but they have since revoked that diagnosis, stating that it was misdiagnosed hypoglycemia. I also have bouts of depression directly related to my FMS, which I am not on meds for (aside from my FMS meds, but no depression meds).

The PTSD I am no longer in therapy for because my therapist cleared me, saying that I am coping as well as any person could, and that she felt I had a handle on it and could manage it on my own. Even though I said I would want to know that a person's therapist had cleared them for play, I would take their word on it, just as I would expect someone to take me at mine--I have no paperwork to show them, and haven't seen a therapist in 6 years so it's not like I could get any paperwork. Besides, I think it brings up trust again--if you can't trust me when I say I'm alright to play, after acknowledging my physical and emotional limits, then why would I WANT to play with you and more importantly why would you want to play with me??

The PTSD doesn't effect my daily life, but there are residual effects that only come up with scening with BDSM. I have limits that I would like to get past, limits I doubt I ever will, and limits that I have no desire to, some of all of these categories reflect back to the PTSD and some don't. For example, I get a bit panicky when confronted with the idea of bondage that I cannot get out of myself if I need to--which is derived from abandonment issues as well as the fact that if I'm triggered I may not be able to outwardly communicate my need to be released. This is a limit that I would like to work past, but will only be able to with someone with whom I have a relationship/longer-term arrangement and gained trust. Metal handcuffs make me a tiny bit nervous just being AROUND, but if any indication is made to use them on ME, I may as well not play the rest of the night (unless I REALLY trust the person) because that will bring every trigger I have to the immediate forefront. Leather handcuffs and rope handcuffs do not have that effect on me, though. This is a limit that I would like to work past at some point if possible, but I doubt I'll ever fully get past it--which may simply lead to fun later, because maybe with other triggers safely removed, that will be less disturbing to me.

Just to give some background and perspective to my last post.

(in reply to burningdesires47)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:34:35 AM

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Bob, for me, there are no specific triggers for the flashbacks. It can happen when I'm asleep, awake, alone, with someone, watching tv, reading a book, cuddling with a critter ... doesn't seem to matter. The last one was when I was watching tv with a boy - the one before that, I was about 1/2 asleep totally alone, before that, I don't remember.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to burningdesires47)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:42:16 AM

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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i am not ashamed of my mental health history...i have posted about it before...anyone with some time and knowledge of how to use the search feature can find it on these boards...right know..,i am actually in a state of minor (major?) dissociation to deal with physical pain going on in my body, right now, as i type this, and its kind of bizzare that the only part of my consciousness thats attached to my body is my hands to i'm going to attempt to get rid of some of this pain with a hot bath...

chelle - who is looking at this sideways even though the body is facing the screen dead on....

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:43:01 AM

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

Bob, for me, there are no specific triggers for the flashbacks. It can happen when I'm asleep, awake, alone, with someone, watching tv, reading a book, cuddling with a critter ... doesn't seem to matter. The last one was when I was watching tv with a boy - the one before that, I was about 1/2 asleep totally alone, before that, I don't remember.

Nodding.

Some problems are like that.

As you say, let's hope you're "actually done with them".

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:43:03 AM

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

I want to know early on about any meds or health issues a potential partner has .. and that includes alcohol and or drug consumpition.. it is all a part of the whole ... and helps me make an informed decision of our compatibility.

I also disclose the same information about myself to a potential partner .. they have the same need to have all the info so they can make an infomed choice.

I do take their word for the extent of their health issues and their treatments. I also try to find out more about anything I know little about or have questions about.

I want the whole person for my submissive .. not just a play partner ... thus the need for info about all aspects of that persons life.

Just me .. and how I do things ....... but it works for me !!

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:43:52 AM

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I'm probably going to miss some of the questions included, but I'll happily respond.

Yes, in fact, My boy does take medications for adhd. Believe Me, the difference is noticed between those times that he takes them and has missed them. I'm skipping ahead of Myself here and want to go back a bit.

At O/our first play opportunity, before he was Mine, the standard medical condition questions were asked. As chellekitty said, this is not just the responsibility of the bottom. In My view, it is very specifically the responsibility of the Top. How else am I to know that I will not damage a person I am thinking of playing with? While I can not control whether or not that person choses to tell the truth or not is another matter. Before I ever lay a hand on anyone, I very specifically ask if there is any medical information that I should know.

Now, as far as My boy's adhd, as many know, this is a very controllable condition. It does not effect his play time. There is a regimen of his medication to consider, and one of the things I have instilled in O/our dynamic is a morning ritual that he specifically tell Me that he has taken his pills. It leads to his general health and well being, aside from those ways it effects Me. I would not say he is "heavily reliant" on them, but they do make his life easier.

My boy's adhd actually has less potential to "trigger" a negative experience during play as much as many other things. While those things have happened to Me in the past, they have not come up with this particular partner. The potential does exists, as I tend to think is more common than not, but in many cases, such things have just as much, if not more of a link to many emotional experiences, rather then medical issues.

I hope I have brought something worthwhile to the discussion.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 8:49:06 AM

kirii

Posts: 79
Status: offline

This is kind of a tricky question for me. My intimate relationships are not combined with my activities in BDSM; meaning that those I have relationships with are NOT BDSM, M/s, or D/s inclined; they are wonderfully straight and vanilla with no toppings at all J
Within this context, I will not date or have an extended relationship with another who is on behavioral medication of any kind. A personal choice of mine for reasons of my own.
Do I inquire as to the medical background of partners? Absolutely; sometimes to the extent of asking for medical records to verify what they have said.
On the play side though, I will admit that I am less inclined to care one way or another if one is on behavioral medications. I never allow myself to be bound while playing in a club or dungeon; mainly because the person I play with really is just a stranger; and despite him/her being the one administering, I want to be able to stop it physically if need be.
So, to that end, I really don’t care one way or another if the person is on behavioral medications or not.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 2:14:23 PM

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From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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My Master isn't on any behavioral medications, but I'm currently on anti-depressants, and in fact have been on and off of them since I was 15. So this is an issue that hits pretty close to home for me.

I've always believed in being up-front with people about my depression, especially when it comes to relationships. Say I did lie about it and pretend that there was nothing wrong with me -- what happens when I have a major depressive episode? To my partner it seems to come completely out of left field and they are ill-equipped to deal with it. It's a bit difficult to hide multiple episodes and prescription bottles, as well, so it's inevitable that they will find out what's up and things will be a lot messier because dishonesty was brought into the mix.

Part of the marriage vows are "in sickness and in health." I take them very literally and expect my significant other to, as well. Some people refuse to deal with a person in less-than-perfect health, mentally or otherwise; some simply can't for various reasons that are out of their control. Not saying that it makes them a bad person, but it would not be a match that would work very well for me based on my personal beliefs that true love is unconditional.

I've had a handful of episodes during play all based on flashbacks from past abuse. Granted they are fairly rare, but when they have occurred, I've been able to identify the triggers mostly as phrases that reminded me of the abuse, not typically the scenes themselves.

When I first started in the lifestyle I brought the theory that my interest in BDSM could be somehow related to the abuse I've suffered or my depressive issues. He questioned me a bit further about it and concluded that being a submissive did not seem to be hurting me in any way, and basically gave me his blessing to continue with what I was doing!

Of course this is all based on my opinion and my experiences, other people will probably differ in their views on this.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 2:18:34 PM

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Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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quote:

Should someone on these meds declare their situation up front? Is it fair going into a new relationship, not knowing the full extent of someone's medical history? YES How safe is play, when someone is heavily reliant on these types of medications? Wouldn't go down that road. Should the reason for our partner being on theses medications be looked into a little deeper? Would have heard enough to walk.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 2:20:34 PM

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Joined: 3/14/2006
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As a person with some problems, both physical and psychological, I always inform anybody who's going to be more than a one time play partner of my issues.

The only reason I don't inform those who will be only one time play partners is because if it's just one time, then my primary Sir will be there with me. He won't let me be alone with somebody until he's satisfied that I'm safe. By the time he's cleared a play partner for "unsupervised" playtime, I've given full disclosure of my physical and psychological problems.

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 2:36:27 PM

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Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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I appreciate full disclosure when it comes to physical and mental health issues. Having a diagnosis or taking medication isn't enough to convince me to stay away from someone. A person is more than their psychiatric diagnosis, and I want to get to know the person. On the other hand, because I want to get to know the person, if they have a diagnosis, I want to know that too especially if its something that requires specific accomodations that I need to be aware of.

I have my own issues, though I don't take medication. I seriously considered it at one time, but left that decision in the hands of my therapist when I started counseling. At that time, I was in enough of a crisis I would have gladly taken something to make it go away. But, she didn't see fit to go that route, so I brought myself under control without it. I'm pretty open about this stuff told my Master right away when we first began talking. I also tell him when I think something's happening inside my head that's not good.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 3:47:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I appreciate full disclosure when it comes to physical and mental health issues. Having a diagnosis or taking medication isn't enough to convince me to stay away from someone. A person is more than their psychiatric diagnosis, and I want to get to know the person. On the other hand, because I want to get to know the person, if they have a diagnosis, I want to know that too especially if its something that requires specific accomodations that I need to be aware of.

I have my own issues, though I don't take medication. I seriously considered it at one time, but left that decision in the hands of my therapist when I started counseling. At that time, I was in enough of a crisis I would have gladly taken something to make it go away. But, she didn't see fit to go that route, so I brought myself under control without it. I'm pretty open about this stuff told my Master right away when we first began talking. I also tell him when I think something's happening inside my head that's not good.

I agree with gypsy. The last major article I saw, there were an estimated at least 60% of the american population either taking some form of psychotropic medication or having taken one within the last five years. I think it's important to tell your prospective partner about emotional issues when the time is right and you are comfortable, however, unless like a few posters above you are on some pretty heavy duty meds, they aren't going to effect your ability to play and function, in fact, the opposite.
l

(in reply to gypsygrl)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 3:54:47 PM

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Joined: 6/19/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheEnglishDom

Should someone on these meds declare their situation up front? Is it fair going into a new relationship, not knowing the full extent of someone's medical history? How safe is play, when someone is heavily reliant on these types of medications? Should the reason for our partner being on theses medications be looked into a little deeper?

I say yes here. I went through a major depressive situation (post-partum) and a myriad of other factors that more or less caused my sanity to slip away. My current hubby (and Dom) knew about all this coming into my life.

I was honest and upfront about my problems and medication. That way, He knew if He wanted to get involved in my "shit" so to speak.

We are married now, so obviously, it was workable for Him. However, I truly and firmly believe that ANYONE on a behavioral related meds should tell their partner. Idon't know the exact *right* timing- but the reason for such meds should be discussed.

One would expect, if not demand, that a partner disclose a sexually transmitted issue. We should expect our partners to be as upfront about mental or behavioral issues as well. Please note, I am the one *with* the issues!

-Daisy

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 5:09:11 PM

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the thing about labels is Campbell soup has this coupon on the back of theirs I like labels it makes every thing nice and neat and structured. discipline and structure are important in BDSM and D's

(in reply to MDTopCouple)

RE: "Partners on behavioral Meds..." - 10/2/2007 6:15:54 PM

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I don't believe we exchanged medical info in the first email. But we did when we started to feel sufficient of a connection that we began planning a meet.

I'm fourth generation mood disorder, I've had suicidal ideation and periods of chronic, clinical depression. Theoretically I should get minimum of 20 years remission from the depression, however I still suffer from anxiety.

I also suffer from high blood pressure and occasional vertigo.

We discussed all of this. Some things I knew from the beginning I had to hard limit like inverted suspension. I'm not risking passing out from fainting or the damned vertigo from it. I also knew ahead of time that I'm not a good candidate for a heavy punishment dynamic, for one heavy on degradation or devaluation of me.

And some stuff just appeared unexpectedly. I can't handle humiliation even in little bits. And if I have a cold or my allergies are acting up, don't have me hang my head over the side of the bed to give you a bj, my vertigo might start up. Quite honestly three days of asking for constant reassurance that he doesn't really think I'm a slut isn't as bad as three days of the room spinning IMO. In his, he never wants to deal with me needing that much reassurance again.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/2/2007 11:43:18 PM

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Personally, I think that you have to disclose to play partners any conditions that affect you in any way. There is a reason for safety and behavioral issues are just as medical and addressible in play as anything else.

I am on SSRI (selective seritonin reuptake inhibitor) for family-line depression. When my meds are out of kilter it is pretty obvious. BUT, my boyfriend/partner/Master knows all of this and how to recognize. he also knows what to do if he sees any symptoms. More than anything, I am open with him when my meds are off kilter or we shouldn't play for any reason.

Were we to be in a play situation without me on medication, first it would not be the enjoyable subspace I like to slip into, second it would probably scare the hell out of anyone who was around as they watched me descend into a dark, oxygen-starved depression spiral (you can see life just drain from me), and third it would be a dangerous situation for me mentally, physically, emotionally.

Anyone who does not communicate anything that can affect the safety or health of either partner, in advance, is negligent as far as I'm concerned.

...Your results may vary.

slave4Darby3d

(in reply to TheEnglishDom)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/3/2007 12:00:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoldStallion

I would always want to know about the health problems of any prospective partner - and pretty early on. Like before I start a physical relationship. It wouldnt be grounds for elimination (metaphorically or, probably, literally) as long as they wanted to sort themselves out ie get to the point where they are healthy without any tablets. Even if thats a long haul for them, as long as they are up for taking that journey I'd be OK. We are all mentally ill, there is not one perfectly balanced person alive or in existence now or ever; its just a matter of degree. Health does not come from a medicine cabinet. Health comes from how we deal with who we are and from taking part in objective reality and living life.

I added the bold.

I find this statement incredibly ignorant. Someone taking medication to combat any type of illness should not stop taking said medication if that medication is necessary. Suggesting to a diabetic that you would be happy to have a relationship with them as soon as they quit taking their insulin would never be suggested. However, suggesting to a bipolar person that they quit taking the medication that corrects an imbalance in brain chemicals is some how acceptable.

I suggest that folks look into some of the illness they are talking about before they do all the judging based on false information or prejudice.

Wickad

(in reply to GoldStallion)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/3/2007 4:53:56 AM

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i am curious burning, why do you feel that a person's pysch needs to be aware of thier involvement in the lifestyle and needs to clear them for play? many therapist conclude that those of us who have at one point lived unbalanced emotionally seek things such as BDSM, to continue to facilitate those 'on the edge' moments. those moments we had when we were still nuts. believe me, my best friend has researched this a great deal. she also found a popular consesus amoung them that those who enjoyed a wide variety of body mods were looking for the same fix.

personally i think it is BS, but like many, i found explaining this to them, like teaching a fish to fly.

to answer the OP.

as i have said before i am bi-polar. i got that handed down nearly 20 years ago. i am upfront about the info to a point. once it is established that some sort of lasting bond is being formed i come foward with the information. generally i am one of the sanest people i know, and i am crazy. so that often gives me hope..hehe..

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to burningdesires47)

RE: "Partners on behavioural Meds..." - 10/3/2007 5:31:47 AM

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From: NYS
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I'm not burning but I agree with her that your(generic you) therapist ought to be aware of what you're involved in. One, because lying to your therapist, even lying by omission, will prevent the therapy from being as effective as possible. And secondly, because depending on your issues, some things that are safe for others may not be safe for you.

If you're a cutter, for example, with frequent relapses, your therapist may say go do flogging all you want, but no cutting because it is likely to bring on a relapse. The same way an alcoholic on his first week at AA shouldn't go to a bar to meet friends before seeing a movie, but ten years later it would be fine.

Since the therapist will be the one picking up the pieces after you try something and can't handle it, such as a rape recreation done in the same parking garage you were really raped in, they ought to know what you're involved in and give their professional assessment if you're ready for it, or if you'll need your partner to possibly take you to the psych ward afterwards. And if so, what are the signs that you'll need immediate treatment such as going catatonic or trying to throw yourself out a window.

(in reply to leakylee)

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