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With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:47:33 PM

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With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?
two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:51:10 PM

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Mostly you decide with the other person what kind of relationship you both want to develop between the 2 of you. (Or more if you're poly.) It's not like walking into the closest Wally World and picking someone off the shelf, much as I would wish it were. Dominants and submissives (or your particular title of choice) are not cookie cutter, mass produced robots. We are each unique individuals who make up our own minds about what we want in our lives.

Anyone who tells you thiers is the "one, true way" is talking out the other end of their digestive system.

Just my thoughts........

_____________________________

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Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:52:56 PM

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both. neither. you choose.

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I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to sublizzie)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:52:59 PM

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I'm not sure where you heard such things but it is true that (unless you see it otherwise) from a submissive's point of view, that I believe a Sir/Master has to earn that title, with respect from their submissive.

Now if you're into playing scene's and such, those situations can turn it around as they are D/s related scenes and most Dom's will want to be called Sir/Master, during the play session, even if it becomes vanilla before and after it.

The relationship, for a close one is both decided by the sub & the Dom, as unless their's equality in feelings and desires, you won't make it very far (Unless you're just THAT determined).

Otherwise, how the relationship evolves can be decided upon the Dom on how things are for a daily basis.

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:55:01 PM

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yes everything everyone has said does help in one way or another so i will take everything into thought with me
again thank-you

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 1:58:52 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetcreeangel

With all do respect when it comes to the D/s relationship i was told two different things:
one)You have to earn the title Sir or Master and then i was told that you must call them Sir/Master.which is it?

Depends on who you are talking to. I generally don't call people Sir unless I am saying it the way I would to Joe Smoe at the store. I definately don't call people Master unless they have earned it and I don't care how much they whine about it.

quote:

two)i was also told that when it comes to deciding the relationship standing levels it is up to the sub.....if they wish to accept it then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it
again are they both right or which one is right?

I don't understand why you would have to take it. The only person I ever heard say that a sub/slave didn't have a choice as to whose collar she accepted was an unattractive, middle-aged married man in a not desirable situation who was whining about how no one would submit to him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:08:33 PM

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You call them whatever works for you two. I tend to use honey or sweetheart. Occasionally of course I call him a rat. At such times, he is enormously pleased.

Some people use Sir, Master, Lord, Boss, Daddy, or Captain among others. I know a woman who refers to her dom as the sick fuck. He enjoys that.

It's a relationship, it isn't set in stone. If you work in retail and call customers Sir all day, you won't feel anything special if you refer to your dom as Sir. If you just left the military, ditto.

Ask any ex pr [resent military personnel and they will tell you that they've gone "Yes Sir" plenty of times while thinking, " how did I get saddled with such a nitwit for a superior officer".

The words don't matter unless you've got a kink for them. The heart always matters if you want the relationship to last.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:12:33 PM

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I usually call men that immediately tell me to call them Sir or Master an ass.
l

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:21:12 PM

trappedinamuseum

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You go further than me...at least you acknowledge it.

I just laugh. Then, they get angry and order me to whip myself. I only laugh harder. It is a vicious cycle.

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"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:30:19 PM

lovewithoutfear

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"then i was told that if a Dom offers you a collar you must take it"

2 cases I have heard of where this is true. 1) Gorean lifestyle and 2) wankers' nighttime fantasies. There are no Universal Rules of the Lifestyle. Even if you got into Gorean, whatever anyone tries to tell you you always have a choice, same as in any other relationship. No matter how many contracts or oaths or whatever anyone agrees to, it is counter the law to force anyone to accept any relationship, let alone slavery or confinement, in any circumstances.

(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:32:24 PM

trappedinamuseum

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I'm not entirely sure about the Gorean part of it. I doubt a Gorean would ever "offer" a collar....but, I could be wrong.

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to lovewithoutfear)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:40:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: trappedinamuseum

You go further than me...at least you acknowledge it.

I just laugh. Then, they get angry and order me to whip myself. I only laugh harder. It is a vicious cycle.

See in response to this I would say to him, well if I could actually whip myself and get something out of it I wouldn't be talking to idiots like you, would I? Laughing at an self-important ass I'm sure works as well however.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/2/2007 3:42:10 PM >

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:41:28 PM

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I have found that the men that are the most eager to press a collar upon you are the least deserving of having a sub/slave in service to them. Beware of these men--they change women like they would a pair of dirty socks--tossing them to the corner on a whim.

What you are searching for is respect--he offers it to you as a unique and desirable woman he wants in his life and you offer it to him as a submissive/slave that desires to offer herself in service as a prize--not as a doormat or a pair of dirty socks.

My husband/dominant calls me pet especially when he is in a loving mood and believe it or not--I call him Thomas (which is not his given name but rather my unique name for him) and I only use Sir when there is something I need his opinion or help with. Needless to say no one but you and your significant other can draw the rules for what you call one another but also the rules for your unique relationship which is yours and yours alone.

You can listen and read as to what works for other couples but in the end you have to decide what you need and what works for You. If your needs match his--excellent, if not, renegotiate and try again. If he starts waving a collar in your face before you know him well enough to trust him---Turn around and walk away.

Blessings and Be Well,

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:42:30 PM

trappedinamuseum

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Oooh! I'll have to remember that one!

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to SageFemmexx)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:43:14 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I usually call men that immediately tell me to call them Sir or Master an ass.
l

If someone demands that I call them sir or master, I usually say sure, no prob..

......only if you call me Almighty Goddess and Queen of the Universe

The usually withdraw their demand within seconds

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:51:32 PM

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haha that's good. I was chatting with a male sub once and he immediately asked, what should I call you? I responded tongue in cheek, her royal highness of course. Then explained I don't use titles meeting people, in my opinion open communication is more important at that point. We never met, but he's still a friend and sends all his emails to and calls me HRH to this day.
l

(in reply to Viridana)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:53:28 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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with all due respect, i don't call any titled dom "Sir, Master or whatever" when they message me because they don't deserve those titles ...only Daddy and my SO do. to those other doms i'm their equal and nothing less.

in my experience, deciding on our relationship dynamics was mutually agreed upon between Daddy and i like mine with my SO will be.

now about refusing a collar...i don't know - haven't refused one yet.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

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(in reply to sweetcreeangel)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 3:58:14 PM

trappedinamuseum

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Even better, I like it when they message me with: girl, slut, subbie, or something of that ilk.

mmm...man...that just gets my obedient juices going...

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 4:05:20 PM

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not to hijack, but why are you trapped in a museum?

l

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

RE: With all do respect - 10/2/2007 4:05:28 PM

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The answer to pretty much everything like that is "Do what works for you" You cannot/should not presume anything more about a person than you already do in vanilla situations UNTIL you've discussed it directly.

The answers will not come from others telling you "how it is" no matter how much you want someone else to tell you how to live your life the "right way."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to trappedinamuseum)

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