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Forced consent - 10/6/2007 12:08:40 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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This is one of my biggest turn ons...when I'm in a relationship I consider that my consent for anything that I have previously consented to is always given...even if I'm not 'in the mood' at the time. And sometimes quite a few things can be forced for the first time as well. Of course I can try to get out of it...either by fighting (which doesn't work too well) or pouting (slightly better results) but regardless I like to think that he can force me to consent. Either through violence, restraints, threats, or anything else...and I absolutely love it.

However I often hear from the other side - those who say that consent must be given each and every time. Just because I consented once to have sex, thus bringing our relationship to a sexual level, doesn't mean, in their eyes, that I can't withdraw that consent.

So where does consent begin for you? Is it always there once you begin the relationship? Does it begin the first time you consent to an activity and then continue throughout the length of the relationship? Or does it begin anew each time an activity is started?

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 12:10:49 PM

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Joined: 6/16/2007
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For me, consent happenes once, in the beginning. That consent is saying that I trust you to know each and every time now that you will have my best interest in mind ALWAYS. Ofcourse if I dont feel it is, I will bring it up. But for him to ask my consent each and every time wouldnt really affirm in my mind that I really am him.

Ally

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Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 12:29:52 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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I agree 100% - how can I be his if he has to ask my permission?

(in reply to Alyoop)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 12:32:05 PM

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Joined: 6/7/2005
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I agree completely that forced consent is a huge turn on!! And yes, Mistress has my consent to do "anything" She wishes to do with/to me at any time without having to renegotiate any scene/play first.

I think the "Forced" part comes when She chooses to do something that I may not personally enjoy, be in the mood for or makes me uncomfortable. I may try to squirm my way out of it, but the only way to stop Her is to safeword; which I know better then to use just to get out of something I don't want to do.

For Her to continue knowing I don't really want to do it, umm yea....there's that forced thing and the more I squirm and the more She insists....the more turned on I get. Even if I realllly don't want to do it.

It's a mutal thing. She enjoys pushing my buttons to see me squirm and ultimately submit to Her will, and when I stop trying to prevent it from happening, I am puddy in Her hands.. willing to do anything to please Her.

Personally, I can't imagine anything giving me that "feeling" if we had to sit down and negotiate every scene before it happened.

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 7:32:27 PM

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Joined: 10/2/2007
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In a situation like this, consent (in my opinion) is given once- in trusting the other person to know the real limits and respect you and have you in their best interest. But that's also where the safeword comes in.

(in reply to softpjOS)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 8:13:31 PM

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I agree that it's a huge turnon. I think people are cautious about making sure consent it actually there continually and that's not necessarily a bad thing. If you are with someone in an ltr and they know you, you probably have the opportunity to know these things a bit better. Maybe that's the difference?
Personally if someone is saying "stop" or something to that effect, I will ask them what's going on and how they are feeling before continuing regardless of the fact they didn't use "the" safeword.
l

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 8:54:52 PM

Posts: 70
Joined: 6/3/2007
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i think consent for me begins and ends with each play scene.just cuz i gave it once doesnt mean i will give it each and everytime.....so there fore it truly depends on the erpson.couple or type of play in my eyes

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 10:21:56 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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It depends on how much we know each other. You have to know what you REALLy want-not just imagine you want.

Let me put it this way. Someone tells me she likes to be forced to do things she would not otherwise do. I then proceed to do things to her.

The outcome will be .......

1. She gets off on it-makes it clear she gets off on it-I do more things of that nature.

2. She vacillates and whines-I then ask her every damned time if she's sure. And I do it seldom-if ever.

It's about trust-you do it-or you do not.

There is no *try*.

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(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/6/2007 10:24:09 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2007
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For me, consent is when I've married him.

Its in the vows.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 2:51:13 AM

Posts: 732
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I'm of two minds on this one too. Forced consent IS a huge turn-on. Having consented to submitting in the first place, then I'm pretty much agreeable to whatever/whenever, I would think. On the other hand, if I'm really not in the mood for something specific at that specific time, just how enjoyable would it be for either of us? Unless he really really gets off on making me do something I really really don't want to do at that moment, I'm not sure he would get anything out of it. Maybe it comes down to the relationship itself. Everyone has moods and off-days. Respecting them may make life a lot easier.

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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 6:47:26 AM

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for me its all in the negotiations...if i negotiate it for a scene, consent is withdrawn at the end of the scene...if you try to force it after the scene you may get handed a body part back detatched that was once attached...if i negotiate it for the relationship...until i say this relationship is over...how can you force something you already have? its like you can't rape the willing....
now...non-consensual consensual play is fucking hot...no no no, don't do that, please please please, i'll do anything...(until you say the "safe word") umm yea...i'm all for that...
and having to ask permission to do everything to me once i am in a committed relationship...ugh....if i wanted a vanilla guy...i would have gotten with a vanilla guy....

chelle

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 7:09:26 AM

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Sounds about right to me. I think forced consent within previously established limits is a huge turn on. It's when he steps beyond that limits with the explanation that I consented...time for a discussion. May or may not happen.

(in reply to chellekitty)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 8:26:49 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

I'm of two minds on this one too. Forced consent IS a huge turn-on. Having consented to submitting in the first place, then I'm pretty much agreeable to whatever/whenever, I would think. On the other hand, if I'm really not in the mood for something specific at that specific time, just how enjoyable would it be for either of us? Unless he really really gets off on making me do something I really really don't want to do at that moment, I'm not sure he would get anything out of it. Maybe it comes down to the relationship itself. Everyone has moods and off-days. Respecting them may make life a lot easier.

Definitely. But one would hope to have a little compassion and understanding from the Top you gave consent to. Or just don't go there.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 8:43:23 AM

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Joined: 11/24/2005
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Consent is given at the start of every situation and anything else is madness. It’s so risky and to the police its black and white not grey. I don’t know of any Dominant that would feel comfortable making someone do something they could see the person didn’t want to do. Sign a contract saying this is what I’m letting you do to me but it still means nothing in a court of law and any Dominant that engages in that is either brave or stupid. People have the right to change their mind at any given point.

Having said that I did once know a Dominant that once said “Once a person crosses my door threshold they have consented to everything I do to them because they know they can trust me and them entering my house is a sign of that trust.” I tend to think he’d be lucky if he manages to stay out of prison his entire life. People consent to things and then sometimes realise it isn’t for them so you stop. It’s no more complicated than that. Forced consent is such a contradiction in terms like consensual non-consensual. I’m not saying rape scenes are wrong but they certainly have no basis in reality.

< Message edited by FullCircle -- 10/7/2007 8:44:37 AM >

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∞ ﮒuקּƹɼ ƾɛϰưϫԼ Ƨωιϯϲћ.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:13:32 AM

Posts: 255
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

You have to know what you REALLy want-not just imagine you want.

Let me put it this way. Someone tells me she likes to be forced to do things she would not otherwise do. I then proceed to do things to her.

The outcome will be .......

1. She gets off on it-makes it clear she gets off on it-I do more things of that nature.

2. She vacillates and whines-I then ask her every damned time if she's sure. And I do it seldom-if ever.

It's about trust-you do it-or you do not.

There is no *try*.

Dear RRafe:

What would you do with a person new to you..or SM? How can they know truly know? Maybe its more than they ever thought, or not.

Point is: As you stated: "It depends on how much we know each other". When would that occur, if you don't mind sharing your opinion?

Knowing a person : Isn't that a fair point to allow the freedom of full expression?

note: for me -consentual non consent is the only way - but a foundation need be built.

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:17:49 AM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
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The Consent is given at first i think
And once given then it has been given for life

puppy

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To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to leatherette)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:25:10 AM

Posts: 255
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Hi Ross..thanks

. But what is first? First meet? Or after a relationship/trust/friendship is built?

For me in my experience - and I do this - after trust comes - I consent once. ONCE.
enough said.... its infinity.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:31:11 AM

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Joined: 2/9/2006
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He gave me blanket consent once we had negotiated our limits. I play within those limits, yet I will test them from time to time. There are areas which I will not enter into because they are MY limits and the nice thing is they are his too. Now of course if I decide to try something new I do discuss with him as I want him to know what to expect. He will try it and if he doesn't like it and wants to add it to his limit list he will communicate that to me.

But understand this is just how it works with us, other relationships my differ.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:33:59 AM

Posts: 255
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebitxxx

I'm of two minds on this one too. Forced consent IS a huge turn-on. Having consented to submitting in the first place, then I'm pretty much agreeable to whatever/whenever, I would think. On the other hand, if I'm really not in the mood for something specific at that specific time, just how enjoyable would it be for either of us? Unless he really really gets off on making me do something I really really don't want to do at that moment, I'm not sure he would get anything out of it. Maybe it comes down to the relationship itself. Everyone has moods and off-days. Respecting them may make life a lot easier.

In this for many - I am included - after the consent has been given - if I ( a slave) enjoy it doesn't matter.
This is where compassion from the top comes in. Top needs to understand if bottom is ill or whatever the case that damage may occur if force is acted on.

I wonder - if impatient or non communicative tops - lose out - same as bottoms - from insecurity, ego...?

Its can't be easy being a top. I give them much respect and credit to remain patient and mature - bottoms need the same qualities - its a reciprical circle - of a trusting bond.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

RE: Forced consent - 10/7/2007 9:45:02 AM

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
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xoxi,
from a legal standpoint, consent can be removed at any time. Maybe some are protecting their asses.
For me, if I'm in a relationship with someone and they consented to certain activity on an ongoing basis, I'm not going to ask them. Boy, can I twist your nipples? Boy can I spank your ass? Hell no, I'll just do it.
One-time consent to try something new is different, though.
Just my thoughts.

LS

(in reply to leatherette)

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