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Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 2:21:16 PM   
NightWindWhisper


Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline 		Rather have this lost in the originating thread which is intitled "Did I break my...." (10-06-07) and considering that my concern is abuse I decided to do this as a new thread.
 
See the above mentioned post if you wish to understand the origin of the question of the OP.
 
I am very saddened by the callous disregard and brutality espoused by many here.  We are kinksters—and hopefully open-minded.  We are a community and if we have nothing good to say most of us don't say—rather than thread crap.  Most of this thread is bullying and painful to see and I'm sure to be the recipient of.  See my notes at the end of my answer, if you care to:  

In answer to Hermione83's simple question, and in opposition to jeorgejames68's description of his anus: "mine is nice and round, reasonably tight and firm all around!!!!," I will say that the average anus, especially when a person is in a semi-fetal position does feel, upon palpitation to be more firmly ensconced by muscle and rounder on the bottom (the edge nearest to the penis or vagina).  In this same position the anus does feel more oval and softer at the top, and does indeed feel more oval rather than "puckered round."  

Some people are more flexible than others and if a person stands, and her arms are long, the anus then does feel more round than oval in that position which might account for differing opinions.  Furthermore the lower part of the ridge seems to maintain a firmness when relaxed, while the upper part becomes markedly softer.  

I have seen, felt, washed and inserted fingers into many an asshole.  It is not uncommon, due to poor nursing care, to have a patient develop fecal impaction.  In this case "balls" of fecal matter ranging from the size of golf balls to small peaches become "stuck" in said person's rectum.  They are removed by inserting a gloved finger, and essentially rolling them out.  Proper functioning of our elimination system is every bit as important as other systems.  

Warning signs that would require a visit to a practitioner would be significant bleeding that does not stop quickly; continued bleeding upon defecation; pain that continues or worsens during defecation or a lack of bowel control.  If any of these are present I would suggest finding a Nurse Practitioner.  Avoid a gynecologist—they don't do assholes. Proctologists do not exist anymore, the term is archaic, and these doctors are called colorectal surgeons.  If your Nurse Practitioner decides you do have a significant problem your Practitioner would refer you to one.   

Hermione83, I'd be surprised if you did any severe damage.  I suggest that you buy a butt plug that has a flange so it can't "slip in," or one that has a longer handle.  The anal region is one of the most enervated areas of the body—and anal play is enjoyed my many--male and female.  I'd hope that any problems would have lessened significantly or gone away by now.  

People are right in referring you to a Practitioner in this litigious society however it is your right to decide not to go to one.  Women and men who are doctor avoider/phobic do indeed sometimes die because of their fears, so when a person says "I'd rather die than have a gynecological exam," well—I believe that.  And I have actually gone with several women for exams, both gynecological and non, in cases where a support person makes all the difference.  But people of Collarme, phobias are a valid medical problem and here in this community I have always been happy to see positive input—not vicious and bullying responses.  I am surprised.  

Further Collarme is an appropriate place, either for a person who is extremely shy, or who might suffer from social anxiety or other mental disorders—just as much as it is an appropriate place for those who desire a Poly, dominant, or slave lifestyle.  I do not judge others here, and am saddened when I see others who do.  It demeans our community.   A person with anxiety, extreme shyness, or even a social disorder like agoraphobia may well find a partner with the experience and sensitivity and patience to develop, over time a good sexual relationship.  Many dominants would enjoy the slow journey into your awaking sexuality.  I find embarrassment to be delightful.  

The following are bits and pieces that I cut and pasted.  The people who wrote them might as well have taken a small baseball bat and smashed her with it—psychic and emotional trauma is no less destructive than physical abuse.  The following remarks, in my opinion are abuse.  For these people I suggest that you read the book "Odd Girl Out," to learn about how our society perpetuates this form of abuse.  I suspect that most of the people who wrote this are good people who fell into a momentary bully phase.  

One hears about how anti-abuse we are and should be.  Well, to my perception the following statements in that thread are abuse:    

wondering if you even have a sense of dignity  

Sheesh !!!  

Get a grip on yourself   Try a Christian site, they might be more helpful than we are. ROFLMAO.  

This has got to be in the running for the most bizarre thread ever on Collarme.  

tiz tremendously funny isn't it? PMSL, OP, you're abnormal. Trust me, you are (note: PMSL = Pissing Myself Laughing)


If you are not ready or secure enough (or mature enough) to see a gynecologist, you certainly aren't ready to be in an adult relationship.  

So much for your IQ and your research!  
Now take all these nice people's advice and visit your gynecologist, beg nicely for her not to "Rape" your vagina...or curl up and die!!!!!  

No hermione you need psychiatric help because of your prior posts in which you acknowledged this and because of your obvious need to only seek attention  

feeding the attention whore mentality.  

stop acting like a 5 year old who has just discovered where babies come from.  

I keep picturing an indignant girl furiously typing at her pc while half of her ass is hanging off of the chair. Not a pretty picture.    
You think once your future husband gets a look at your mess of an ass on your wedding night he will even care if your hymen is broken or not? What the hell are you thinking?  

I have recently been diagnosed with bone cancer and it has cheered me up no end to find out that someone has more serious medical problems than me!  

I do believe she inadvertantly added a "!" in front of her IQ  

get immediately to a psychiatrist, because despite your self proclaimed intelligence, you are clearly in lala land and no one here can help you.  

stop behaving like a 2 year old.  

something like this is really just an appetizer for the serious insanity        
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 2:25:09 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		What about my lovely poem: ode to my ass??

Was that mean tooooo?


(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 4:41:26 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		If you take quotes out of context, then sure your argument seems valid.  However, read her other posts.  This OP wants attention plain and simple. Call her a poor mistreated soul, ignore she's an adult and give her the negative attention she desires, feed her obvious desire to not care for herself with professionals and ignore the insults, rude behavior and tantrums she dishes out when she doesn't get her attention now. 

However, I would read her other posts and the number of mental health issues she has before you jump in as the white knight, because you are not helping her either, and as was very politely suggested several times, she needs to get real professional help in MANY areas, not the CM forums.

By the way, you dishing it out to us, isn't any less "abusive".

l

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 4:45:55 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		To the Op  "I do not judge others here, and am saddened when I see others who do." It seems to me you have judged many people who posted, despite the fact some gave some good advice, prior to posting the comments you mentioned.
If she is so shy, dont you think its odd she has posted her photo on the net ? 

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 4:48:00 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

If you take quotes out of context, then sure your argument seems valid.  However, read her other posts.  This OP wants attention plain and simple. Call her a poor mistreated soul, ignore she's an adult and give her the negative attention she desires, feed her obvious desire to not care for herself with professionals and ignore the insults, rude behavior and tantrums she dishes out when she doesn't get her attention now. 

However, I would read her other posts and the number of mental health issues she has before you jump in as the white knight, because you are not helping her either, and as was very politely suggested several times, she needs to get real professional help in MANY areas, not the CM forums.

By the way, you dishing it out to us, isn't any less "abusive".

l


There's a line between constructive criticism, and abuse. It doesn't matter the stimuli or provocation, those posts were and are abusive. OP's post at the top is not abusive, there are no insults in it, it is not denigrating, it is not degrading, it is simply expressing an honest and justifiable outrage at the lack of sensitivity exhibited.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 4:51:47 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

There's a line between constructive criticism, and abuse. It doesn't matter the stimuli or provocation, those posts were and are abusive. OP's post at the top is not abusive, there are no insults in it, it is not denigrating, it is not degrading, it is simply expressing an honest and justifiable outrage at the lack of sensitivity exhibited.

WELL

if the OP was outraged at the lack of sensitivity protrayed, then perhaps the answer is to NOT read or participate in such threads. It only takes a second to walk away from the flipping computer.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 6:33:19 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		I'll bite. I had my 2 cents go at the OP in the original thread. Way I see it is this: you'd rather die than go see a person in a white coat - the OP acknowledges this as her way of life. Except for the most extreme cases of irrationality I would think someone would recognise this in themselves as a strange thought pattern, probably an unhealthy one, and seek to do something about it long before you require medical assistance. In other words, seek counselling on the fear of doctors, nurses and anyone else likely to come at you with a latex glove on.
 
Now we're at the point where she has potentially injured herself, and while in denial that the human body, while the same in overall structure, has nuances unique to every individual, she kept hammering at the posters to give specifics of themselves (which would have been pointless really, and she was repeatedly told so), and took offence at everyone telling her to get proper medical advice. Most of us are not trained professionals, not qualified and licensed to practice medicine, and even the ones that are, can't deal with such matters on an onlne forum. Duh. If the OP in the original thread was that irrational, then she probably shouldn't be allowed on the internet by herself in the first place, but committed for psychiatric care as being a potential danger to herself. That's extreme maybe, but hey. We're just joes in virtual reality.


_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 6:51:35 PM   
MadameMarque


Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline 		Some people will not be denied a cheap joke, at the expense of others.

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 6:56:54 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah.............this sort of thing just tears my ass up.........it is so real, you can feel it.....


Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MadameMarque)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 7:09:08 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Being kinky does NOT make one open minded automatically, there are very many close minded people doing bdsm and who're kinky. Secondly not every one thinks their a "community" just because they do kink.

And for two yeah some people were making fun of her, but most people said go to the dr, in which she then made silly claims that a dr will force  her to have a vaginal exam and take her virginity , away from her, and to which quite a few kindly explained would not happen, and then she was all like yes it will all dr's will force exams on virgins. If you act like a turkey here and make preposterous claims you know nothing about, based on your fear alone of dr's People here will laugh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NightWindWhisper

 
I am very saddened by the callous disregard and brutality espoused by many here.  We are kinksters—and hopefully open-minded. 


< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 10/13/2007 7:20:11 PM >

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 8:09:32 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten

I'll bite. I had my 2 cents go at the OP in the original thread. Way I see it is this: you'd rather die than go see a person in a white coat - the OP acknowledges this as her way of life. Except for the most extreme cases of irrationality I would think someone would recognise this in themselves as a strange thought pattern, probably an unhealthy one, and seek to do something about it long before you require medical assistance. In other words, seek counselling on the fear of doctors, nurses and anyone else likely to come at you with a latex glove on.
 
Now we're at the point where she has potentially injured herself, and while in denial that the human body, while the same in overall structure, has nuances unique to every individual, she kept hammering at the posters to give specifics of themselves (which would have been pointless really, and she was repeatedly told so), and took offence at everyone telling her to get proper medical advice. Most of us are not trained professionals, not qualified and licensed to practice medicine, and even the ones that are, can't deal with such matters on an onlne forum. Duh. If the OP in the original thread was that irrational, then she probably shouldn't be allowed on the internet by herself in the first place, but committed for psychiatric care as being a potential danger to herself. That's extreme maybe, but hey. We're just joes in virtual reality.



See, this is exactly the point - if you kept it to polite advice, then accepted that she wasn't going to listen and walked away, there'd be no problem. The fact that she has particular beliefs and principles, that don't agree with yours, whether they are rational or not, do not give you the right to descend into abusiveness. It's NOT acceptable to humiliate and denigrate someone because you don't agree with them or think they are foolhardy.

(in reply to ThinkingKitten)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 8:16:49 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

There's a line between constructive criticism, and abuse. It doesn't matter the stimuli or provocation, those posts were and are abusive. OP's post at the top is not abusive, there are no insults in it, it is not denigrating, it is not degrading, it is simply expressing an honest and justifiable outrage at the lack of sensitivity exhibited.

WELL

if the OP was outraged at the lack of sensitivity protrayed, then perhaps the answer is to NOT read or participate in such threads. It only takes a second to walk away from the flipping computer.


No, the answer is to not demonstrate a lack of sensitivity. Walking away from someone being abused is not going to stop that person being abused now is it? Rather, the people doing the abusing (and supposedly using frustration as their justification) are the ones that should have taken the second to walk away from their 'flipping' computer.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 9:09:32 PM   
ba5tardo


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		I saw the original post but decided not to respond because I didn’t have anything to constructively contribute to it. I would like to respond to this one.

First, I think your post was very nice Based on some of your wording, it sounds like you are in a medical or healthcare profession. Perhaps you are even a doctor. Clearly you seem to have experience in this area and know a great deal about anuses.

This having been said, I also think it’s pretty easy to come in after the fact and dish out a bunch of criticism about how everyone else handled it. The fact is, people gave good advice very early in the thread. They told her to see a doctor. Some folks took it to the next level but the OP was not exactly making a whole lot of sense either.

If someone has an injury, and they feel that something is wrong, are in pain and to quote the OP, “TERRIFIED” my first and only advice would be to seek a professional. I can talk about the shape of my ass all day long (don't get me started again) but it’s not going to do her any good if she has an infection. She mentioned other health problems as well that may put her in a category of higher risk.

From what I have seen of the community I think it’s pretty open minded and generally helpful. In some cases I don’t think a completely non-judgmental and open-minded approach is really in everyone’s best interests. For example; there was a post on here recently in which someone inquired about obtaining chloroform and/or using ether contained in starter fluid to render a sub unconscious. In this case I think the rather judgmental response of “Are you fuckin’ nuts!!!” is probably appropriate.

The bottom line (pun partially intended) is that she will probably be ok and probably just is a little sore. However, I would like to offer one piece of advice to anyone : If you are not prepared to see a doctor in the event of a potentially life threatening emergency situation arising from shoving something up your ass then do NOT shove something up your ass. The whole being to shy and embaressed to see a doctor might be delightful to some but it's not going to stich you up if you really do get hurt.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 9:47:00 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

If you are not prepared to see a doctor in the event of a potentially life threatening emergency situation arising from shoving something up your ass then do NOT shove something up your ass.


I told her that.

came4u:
quote:

It is muscle and skin, between hip bone...

See a doctor or leave your ass alone!!


Besides, doesn't seem like she mentioned being in any pain, somehow she felt or saw her bumm and noticed it was oval. uhhg I don't even want to think about that thread again.

k , honestly..it was the stupidest question I have seen in my life.  I did all I could to bite my lip and didn't say worse things.

A person who can't even put limits on themselves shouldn't have access to their own ass. 

(in reply to ba5tardo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/13/2007 11:10:50 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster
See, this is exactly the point - if you kept it to polite advice, then accepted that she wasn't going to listen and walked away, there'd be no problem. The fact that she has particular beliefs and principles, that don't agree with yours, whether they are rational or not, do not give you the right to descend into abusiveness. It's NOT acceptable to humiliate and denigrate someone because you don't agree with them or think they are foolhardy.


This couldn't possibly be written by the same man who flamed me in that very same thread.....to the extent that his flame was actually pulled....naw...couldn't be....

What was it that you called me? Hipocrite I believe was the word. How ironic.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 1:49:42 AM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		It was a valid point - you preach peace and light - but apparently not for Hermione.

FWIW: You're acting like the victim - what, it's okay to insult and humiliate someone else, but you can't take a bit of constructive criticism yourself? Now THAT is ironic.




< Message edited by SixFootMaster -- 10/14/2007 1:56:18 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 2:49:45 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ba5tardo

I saw the original post but decided not to respond because I didn’t have anything to constructively contribute to it. I would like to respond to this one.

First, I think your post was very nice Based on some of your wording, it sounds like you are in a medical or healthcare profession. Perhaps you are even a doctor. Clearly you seem to have experience in this area and know a great deal about anuses.

This having been said, I also think it’s pretty easy to come in after the fact and dish out a bunch of criticism about how everyone else handled it. The fact is, people gave good advice very early in the thread. They told her to see a doctor. Some folks took it to the next level but the OP was not exactly making a whole lot of sense either.

If someone has an injury, and they feel that something is wrong, are in pain and to quote the OP, “TERRIFIED” my first and only advice would be to seek a professional. I can talk about the shape of my ass all day long (don't get me started again) but it’s not going to do her any good if she has an infection. She mentioned other health problems as well that may put her in a category of higher risk.

From what I have seen of the community I think it’s pretty open minded and generally helpful. In some cases I don’t think a completely non-judgmental and open-minded approach is really in everyone’s best interests. For example; there was a post on here recently in which someone inquired about obtaining chloroform and/or using ether contained in starter fluid to render a sub unconscious. In this case I think the rather judgmental response of “Are you fuckin’ nuts!!!” is probably appropriate.

The bottom line (pun partially intended) is that she will probably be ok and probably just is a little sore. However, I would like to offer one piece of advice to anyone : If you are not prepared to see a doctor in the event of a potentially life threatening emergency situation arising from shoving something up your ass then do NOT shove something up your ass. The whole being to shy and embaressed to see a doctor might be delightful to some but it's not going to stich you up if you really do get hurt.



I agree with this totally. The person in that thread was given very good advice. Fora are not the place to get medical help as she was told. What she displayed in the thread was a complete lack of understanding for her body. Constantly bringing up the fact that she was a virgin and not wanting a vaginal exam when her problem was anal shows how little she knows.

As to the OP and the other defender here...... WOW classic case of White Knight Syndrome at work. Really if you think it makes you look attractive to subs to rush in defending someone how wrong you are.

(in reply to ba5tardo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 3:22:22 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		FRI felt the same way about the reception she received. Sigh. One thing I hate is someone saying 'if they aren't tough enough then they should leave'. Huh? You have to be a bitch or rude to be on a forum? You have to sit back and accept snarky or nasty remarks delivered under the guise of sarcastic humor?I'm glad SFM spoke up and I did not get the impression he did so for ego stroking by subs.But I think that I'm learning that those who do use the sarcastic-so-it's-okay-to-be-nasty just don't give a damn.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 6:26:28 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Thanks for renewing interest in what has to be one of the silliest threads I've ever seen here.  If you can't see the funny in asking a group of strangers about their assholes, I can't help you.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Saddened by the abuse seen here... - 10/14/2007 6:31:33 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		i read the first 3 paragraphs and all i can say is sheesh!

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to NightWindWhisper)
Profile   Post #: 20
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