RE: Would you erase your kink?

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 12/9/2007 5:36:57 AM

Gardenista

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My marriage started out vanilla, and the D/s serves to enhance what's already there. Hubby and I had a long talk about this some time ago and mutually decided that our non-kinky marriage comes first always. This is probably going to sound excessively cautious, but we figured that any possible crisis will need both our combined wills. Even now, situations come up that require more of an equal partnership. But even though I identify as a submissive, I should always be prepared to take the lead if necessary.

Being a submissive is definitely a part of who I am, but it's only a part. Since in the end, I view my happiness as my personal choice, I don't feel I need D/s to be happy. It's a wonderful icing, though. Fun, exciting, a great way to add dimension and depth to our relationship.

(in reply to kitttty)

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RE: Would you erase your kink? - 12/9/2007 5:50:24 AM

Gardenista

Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

I wonder if this only seems like a terrible choice, based on false assumptions.

Often I find people confuse power orientation with kink; in other words, that being Dominant or submissive is the same as being involved in kink play and vice versa; and that without one, you can't have the other.

Power orientation is part of our basic nature, and woven into our personality and not something we could give up if we tried; but isn't kink simply one means by which we express our power relationships? Do we stop being Master and slave if the kink play is removed?

Kink is something we do, something we derive a lot of satisfaction from...
Fulfilling relationships are what we NEED...without one, we become morose, depressed, and mentally unhealthy...

You're right, I use the terms interchangeably all the time, so that's probably confusing as all hell, lol. Sorry about that, folks.

But I'll add that both the kink in the bedroom AND the dynamic outside of it are still frosting to our vanilla marriage, not the whole sum of it.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

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