RE: "Picking a Dom"

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RE: "Picking a Dom" - 10/20/2007 5:38:14 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

If I were in your place I would do a pro/con list of all the doms I'm talking to. You need to really understand what it is that you want, looking at both now & the future.

In addition, I would make of list of things that are important you you....in detail. Narrow it down to the top 10 and go looking for someone that matches those.

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RE: "Picking a Dom" - 10/20/2007 6:55:25 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin
Now i know fundementally the Dom picks the sub

I'm not so sure this is always the case. For us, we chose each other. He could have picked me but if I didn't truly want to become His, I never would have.

quote:

You get differant types of mails, some that seem like resume's spouting their experiance others instantly expect total respect

Those are the ones I never wasted too much thought on.

quote:

i was jsut wondering how people here started their first D/s relationships what was most important to them

I think as you mentioned in your OP, we just talked about "vanilla" things. The first day we chatted online, we did so for hours and sex, submission, etc. was never once mentioned. We talked about books, music, our travels, etc. All things we found interesting and had in common (likes, dislikes, etc.). To me, that is the basis of any relationship - having some things in common and really being into the other person and what they desire. He was the first person I had met through CM who didn't start off immediately talking about sex/submission and or bragging about how much He knew

. That really won my heart.

quote:

I hope this message doesnt sound arrogant or disrespectful im just genuienly unsure what to do

Not at all arrogant or disrespectful. I wish you the best in finding the person who suits your desires best..................luci

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Post #: 22

RE: "Picking a Dom" - 10/20/2007 7:11:43 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Basically i was just wondering how subs decide who to concentrate their efforts on. You get differant types of mails, some that seem like resume's spouting their experiance others instantly expect total respect and some talk to you in a more nilla way to get to know you.

Just like you would any other relationship. Who are you compatible with? Who do you feel secure and can be yourself with? That is the person you choose.
It is the sub who chooses the dominant. As someone else stated....why would you want to be with someone you are completely uncompatible with just for the sake of being with them?
In my relationships it was a mutual choosing then all power in the relationship went over to him once I submitted to him.
Everything in negotiated upon. If you don't feel comfortable with something...let the dominant know. How else are you ever going to be able to choose the right person for you?

I agree. Ignore people that say you're the sub, you don't have any power, that's ridiculous horseshit. You have the right to pick who you want and who you feel comfortable with. If it's an ltr you are looking for there are so many things other than sex you should be talking about. Open, honest, nonlimiting, nonrole driven communication is very important in this negotiation phase. It is your opportunity to make sure that the Dom/me knows what you are and are not comfortable with before the roles are truly in place. Don't be afraid to be assertive and make sure they know what you are about.

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Post #: 23

RE: "Picking a Dom" - 10/20/2007 7:15:35 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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By seeing how well the whole deal could work-including the vanilla side. The D/s is the icing on the cake-not the cake itself.

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Post #: 24