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Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 9:54:01 AM

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I'd be interested to hear from male and female subs what their motivation is for service (for the purpose of this thread, service can be domestic, chores, or doing tasks specifically because your dominant wants them done, otherwise you never would have done them). What's the motivation/reward for you? What do you want in return, in a perfect world?

1) Praise and recognition, even if small - a smile or a thank you
2) Nothing; service is its own reward
3) Rewards and punishment as needed
4) Exchange for bdsm or kink-related acts; I am happy to serve in the context of a kinky relationship but the service (or rewards later) should been kinky in theme or at least sprinkled with kink.

How do you discuss these expectatations with your partners?
How does the intimacy level with the person affect it? ie, are these your expectations regardless of how well you know the person?

Akasha

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RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 9:59:19 AM

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My motivation is the belonging, pleasing this person, seeing the affection in his eyes, feeling his happiness with me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 10:04:51 AM

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Seeing Her happy is the only reward i need....making Her life easier is what i was meant to do

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 10:12:48 AM

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My motivation for being a slave is because it is inherent in me to be one. Submitting to a Master is how I am true to myself.

My motivation for serving him, in any way at all, is his happiness, pleasure, amusement, lust, contentment, joy, and ease of life. Seeing him feel good is my reward. Seeing him feel good about himself is my greatest reward. To know I have participated in that is icing on the cake.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 10:27:57 AM

asubmissiveheart

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hergirl0824

Seeing Her happy is the only reward i need....making Her life easier is what i was meant to do

This is how I feel.
There is no greater feeling of love or satisfaction for me, than making my Mistress happy.

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 10:29:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
1) Praise and recognition, even if small - a smile or a thank you

That is enjoyable, though not required in any specific level or ongoing basis. I do find external expression of inner fulfillment and progress to be important in my relationships however on all sides.

quote:

2) Nothing; service is its own reward

There's definitely that.

quote:

3) Rewards and punishment as needed

Nope.

quote:

4) Exchange for bdsm or kink-related acts; I am happy to serve in the context of a kinky relationship but the service (or rewards later) should been kinky in theme or at least sprinkled with kink.

That can be a fun play dynamic to have on occasion, but not really an ongoing inner motivation.

quote:

How do you discuss these expectatations with your partners?
How does the intimacy level with the person affect it? ie, are these your expectations regardless of how well you know the person?

Akasha

I discuss by...discussing. Openly and fully. The expectations are generally the same because it's based on who I am and how I work in relationships with other people. That doesn't mean I can't shift to a certain extent, but we all have "natural states" we fit into.

However, I dislike the automatic connection made between service and submission- most dominants enjoy providing service to the world around them and service is most definitely NOT the only way a person can be submissive.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 11:17:56 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I'd be interested to hear from male and female subs what their motivation is for service (for the purpose of this thread, service can be domestic, chores, or doing tasks specifically because your dominant wants them done, otherwise you never would have done them).

quote:

What's the motivation/reward for you?

Purely selfish of course! To be allowed to serve him rocks.

quote:

What do you want in return, in a perfect world?

Essentially nothing, other than to be allowed is a great return.

quote:

1) Praise and recognition, even if small - a smile or a thank you

Is always appriciated, but never expected.

quote:

2) Nothing; service is its own reward

Yes. But that is still a selfish reward. Service isn't selfless.

quote:

3) Rewards and punishment as needed

No.

quote:

4) Exchange for bdsm or kink-related acts; I am happy to serve in the context of a kinky relationship but the service (or rewards later) should been kinky in theme or at least sprinkled with kink.

It's not something that is usual, but it can occur I guess and I would not discount it as part of a scene.

quote:

How do you discuss these expectatations with your partners?

In the beginning of my relationship with Darcy, it was a natural occurance. If something comes up - it is an ongoing progress and discussion that is open. I submit and serve Darcy - but they are different things.

quote:

How does the intimacy level with the person affect it? ie, are these your expectations regardless of how well you know the person?

Intimacy to me indicates submission and not service, as I only submit to a person I am intimate with - service and submission are different things.

Peace
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 11:20:13 AM

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I am not motivated to "serve".
My motivations are to meet a kink compatable woman,
who is honset, loving, guiding, and has the desire to have
a TPE love, sexual, committed relationship.

My natural way is to take care of her needs and desires and
doing things that will make her life easier, things that keep her
from doing and focusing on whatever is important to her.

Being domestic and a person who is very organized, I love taking care of a home and making it a smooth running loving home with my Domina happy, comfortable and knowing that her home is her sanctuary.

These are things that just come naturally for me and I take great pleasure in doing, in a loving 50/50 needs meeting relationship. Because if I am happy and feel loved and safe, there is not much I would not do to serve or better yet since that is not the word I would use, take care of my Domina and her suroundings.

Missy.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 11:37:22 AM

xoxi

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I am motivated by a combination of things. My first thought was 'love' - I want to serve him because I love him, but that doesn't quite explain it...it's more than that.

I would say pride also plays a role in it. It's not just that he is happy, but that I am able to *make* him happy. If my man was at work, and got hungry, he could easily pick up the phone and order himself a pizza to be delivered...or he could call me and have me make something and bring it. Or even have me pick up a pizza and bring it...either way it makes me happy to be the one who makes him happy.

And some things, like keeping the house clean, or cooking for him, just give me a warm fuzzy girly feeling inside. They make me feel like Suzy Homemaker and I like that feeling. It makes me feel like a capable woman to be able to do those 'woman things' for my man.

Yes, I do expect quite a bit in return. I expect him to love me, cherish me, respect me, be faithful to me, be honest with me, protect me from the bogeyman and keep me sexually satisfied. Fortunately however he also enjoys taking on that role with me. That's probably why we get along so well

(in reply to brightspot)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 12:56:39 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

1) Praise and recognition, even if small - a smile or a thank you
2) Nothing; service is its own reward
3) Rewards and punishment as needed
4) Exchange for bdsm or kink-related acts; I am happy to serve in the context of a kinky relationship but the service (or rewards later) should been kinky in theme or at least sprinkled with kink.

Akasha

This is a brilliant list bit I would also have to add beacuse service engages me emotionally.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 12:58:09 PM

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I am not a service-oriented person. I do deeply enjoy doing all the little things I can to make my man's life easier and put a smile on his face, but I prefer to do them out of love and not in a structured way or to be ordered and expected to do them; that takes away from the fact that I'd do them out of love, without order and expectation. However, he does order me to do things sometimes and I do get off on it mostly just because it demonstrates that he has the strength and power to do so and I'd be afraid to disobey, which excites me.

So..
1)Praise/recognition: Nice, but this isn't really why
2)service is it's own reward: Not exactly; service isn't the reward, it is the result that he is happy that is the reward
3)Reward/Punishment: Not for reward, and we don't have a punishment dynamic, but perhaps a fear of displeasing him under certain circumstances; wanting to stay in favor.
4)Exchange for BDSM/kink: No, except that obeying orders is in it's self very D/s. Things I do out of love I don't consider BDSM related, I do this in the most vanilla relationships also.

(in reply to xoxi)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 1:09:15 PM

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My service to Him started when we were married in 1968 as an effort to be a "good wife" and to keep a clean house and nice yard that we could be proud of. After i was introduced to D/s i realized it was also to make life easier for Him as He has always hated domestic chores. I have also always waited on Him hand and foot which is out of love for Him, my love of serving, and because He has always demanded it.

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"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 1:17:31 PM

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None of the things you listed are my motivation for serving. The closest would be the praise and recognition, but even that isn't quite right.

To put it as succinctly as I can...

My intimacy level has everything to do with it. I belong to and serve him... my love for and devotion to him inspires me to serve him. My immediate reward is the knowledge that I've done what I can to give him all that he deserves.

It's personal pride in myself that initially motivates me, but his appreciation is the ultimate reward. It isn't necessarily a pat on the head and a "good girl" that I strive for... it's his confidence in me and my ability to make his world a better place. His pride in me means more than anything.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 1:36:47 PM

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For me, I suppose it depends on the task.

For me the day to day tasks don't require a whoe lot of motivation/reward. I mean, as a child I didn't have to be punished into making my bed, nor did I require my parents to come in ever day and formally thank me for doing it. Routine tasks are like that for me.

But what does motivate me? hmmm. I'd have to say compassion. I hate to see anyone in a bind, and especially someone as intimate as a Mistress. I find myself trying to do more than what might be expected just to make things O.K. for the,

Also, I guess I'd call it romance... you know, making a personal sacrifice just to try and touch her heart.

As for recognition/reward, for the day to day, I don't need it. For the extraordinary, I live for it.

LAsub

(in reply to TreasureKY)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 2:13:23 PM

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I either serve Him, submitting myself to Him, or hit the door. I like having food, shelter, and clothing. There's also a bit of self gratification. I like serving Him; it makes me feel good.

< Message edited by licia71 -- 10/21/2007 2:14:57 PM >

(in reply to LASub4Real)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:00:45 PM

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Most of what comes under service for me is just regular life stuff that needs to be done. Everything just goes smoother when the little things are taken care of on a regular basis so if I can help Master and his wife take care of those things, I do. I spend so much time with them and at their house, it seems only right that I contribute whatever I can by way of doing stuff, whether its cleaning, organizing, cooking or helping out with their um or whatever else comes up. I'm especially good at domestic service, so that kind of stuff comes natural but I've also helped Master with other stuff and have followed him to work when he thought I could be of use (He's self-employed). I bask in small recognitions (though, too much makes me uncomfortable...less tends to be more and there is such a thing as too much of a good thing), and the feeling that my contribution is appreciated, but its not my primary motivation. My primary motivation comes from a desire to be with him and spend time with him and his wife. Since life isn't a play party, service allows me to do that.

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“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:12:42 PM

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It is about the flow of lifeforce from one to the next we all live on a certian freq call it band with of life as strange as it sounds to replishnish this life force we need positive engergy. by serving we get this. you could just in simple terms say it is the way we are wired but we re both just different degree of giving and takeing

(in reply to gypsygrl)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:28:46 PM

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Plain and simple, it gets me wet. I enjoy all of it.

*Angelica*

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:32:13 PM

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Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward. ~Antigonus of Sokho

i serve because there is a need that needs to be served...often i have to hold myself back because i will serve everyone else and leave nothing for myself if i am not careful...learning to set boundaries and stick to boundaries is a good thing...

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to DemonsChild)

RE: Motivation for Service - 10/21/2007 3:32:14 PM

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For me it's mostly pleasing the dominant as its own reward as my driving factor, although I'm a worrywart and tend to require some praise or feedback so I know I did a decent job at it and if there's anything I need to improve upon.

(in reply to DemonsChild)

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