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RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 2:20:23 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl does not have his phone number, or his address, he has not chosen to give her those items of information. Unfortunately, this is much like another short online relationship that girl had with another Master on this site. she is thinking that perhaps this life is not to be for her, she apparently chooses very poorly *sighs* at any rate, thanks to all who responded.

I do not see it as choosing wrong, just give yourself time for things to develop. If he is speaking of moving it to real time without disclosing his phone number at least, one has to wonder where his head is at. Take your time, before you give your heart, it'll lessen the heartache.

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 2:25:53 PM

mya75

Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Actually the ugly side is when people cant offer constructive criticism and help eachother out in the lifestyle..but if you choose to waste your electricity and finger pecking on a board where you evidently feel the OP is "retarded " I personally dont see anything more RETARDED than that......*yawns and sips her tea*

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to Squeakers)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 2:26:54 PM

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Joined: 9/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.

girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.

girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.

girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.

ysabo

I know you probably don't want to hear this, and it is only from my own perspective, but it sounds to me like you gave him the "out" that he's been looking for. Is he reading the cmails you're sending to him , or do they remain unread?

SixFoot

_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 2:30:38 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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To the OP...learn from this experience..really learn!..never accept someone as Master or Sir or whatever on line, without first meeting them face to face. And always ,if the relationship has progressed, that you get basic simple information that anyone gets in a first date or two..such as..phone number..address...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 2:58:58 PM

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.

girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.

girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.

girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.

ysabo

Ysabo,

I think that if you read a lot of threads about online relationships throughout the years, you'll find kind of a common theme. People present too much of themselves, get hurt and subsequently learn either to not do that or to set some boundaries up so that they can protect themselves while they learn these very hard lessons.

LOTS of us went through what you're going through as we learned them. I call it learning a FALL. In fact, in this house, we've taken to calling anything this painful a "FALL." It's helped all of us through some very tough times.

For me, FALL stands for "FUCK! Another Life Lesson!!" Cause no life lesson is ever painless in my experience.

So.. mourn, then step back and realize one thing. You keep on coming back for more so the ONE thing that is evident is that you are probably not going to be able to just walk away from this life, so don't. Just do what you do a bit smarter is all. Those of us who have been in your position have had to have the same hard conversations and realizations with ourselves as you are now.

So...carry on with your efforts as long as it provides you comfort. I guarantee, you won't continue on with them when you've moved on. So what the heck... do it now while you wean yourself off of this person you were enamored with (I use enamored respectfully because the rest might have followed once you two got together, but that's not where it was yet). Then, when you've moved on, set some parameters for yourself.

My parameters were initially that I would limit my contact with someone potential to a couple of weeks - no more - no matter what other people's views were. I wasn't doing this because I desperately wanted to meet someone. I did it to protect myself from giving my heart away.

As I held myself to those parameters, I discovered that there really wasn't anyone that I was so all-fired worked up to meet which led naturally (meaning with no pain) to where I am now - where I don't consider anyone online until we've met.

This one little boundary has helped me keep my heart intact and my mind free from all the drama that seems to be intrinsic to online situations.

Then... when you meet them in person, get to know them (I'm making no judgments on how long - or even if you should - wait before playing). Seriously though, get to know them. Make no plans other than doing things together for a long time. Give them a chance to drop their "Sunday best" and show you the kind of person they really are. Give yourself time to drop yours so that they will be able to see the kind of person you really are.

Make sure you're compatible (this is why you need to give yourselves time)

And move forward. Understand that YOUR relationship doesn't operate by concensus and so, operate the way YOU think you should and HE thinks he should and you and whoever you meet should do all right.

Oh yea... and when others out there berate you, call you names and in essence, treat you poorly, just smile and wish for them all the compassion they have shown you the next time pain enters their lives.

Good luck to you.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 11/3/2007 3:00:23 PM >

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 3:04:16 PM

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Joined: 3/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

hi....stop whining.

You first.

She's not whining; she's responding.

You're the one who comes in whining about every post, begging for attention - well, now you've got it.

What? You think just because it's insulting and hurtful that it's not whining? Bitching like that is just aggressive whining. Very impressive. Acting like a jerk won't make it any less pitiful.

If you want to express your opinion that the OP has had a bout of poor judgment, read how some others have expressed that, and you can learn how to communicate with people.

Some people's children...

(in reply to chickpea)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 3:26:38 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I congratulate Ysabo on her refreshing honesty- if she can't make good choices for herself and use good judgement consistently, then she shouldn't be trying to get into relationships of ANY sort. I'm glad she recognizes that and will go work on the issues as she needs to.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadameMarque)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 3:28:51 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I congratulate Ysabo on her refreshing honesty- if she can't make good choices for herself and use good judgement consistently, then she shouldn't be trying to get into relationships of ANY sort. I'm glad she recognizes that and will go work on the issues as she needs to.

A totally different take on my first thoughts but real sound advice. Thanks LA.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 4:00:05 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Wow, i am sorry your going through this. He could have other things going on that right now he is trying to work out, (work, family, personal, etc). Continue doing what your doing by following his commands and keep looking on the positive side that he will (hopefully) talk with you and explain why he was being so harsh with you. That punishment does sound very harsh, and even though with my Dom, i was punished and had my internet privelages revoked, he knew that i needed some contact. i knew my Dom was there to talk to and listen, even if i had no internet to communicate through. Would it be possible to call him and talk to him that way?
Best of luck *hugs*

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 4:31:04 PM

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Joined: 5/29/2004
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so you didn't fallow a schedule and he cut off communications for days? Normally "doms" do that when they can't handle the situation. This "dom" is scared when you disobey, he doesn't have a plan for a response. This isn't someone that I would deal with. I'd run far away.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 6:29:34 PM

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Joined: 4/16/2004
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Any relationship requires trust, and trust requires times and consistancy. There are no shortcuts. The only obvious problem I see is you jump too far too fast. Give yourself time to get to know the guy and him to know you. You aren't the first one to go through this, nor the last.

And see what I said about giving your heart away online? This isn't the first time it's happened to you. That's why you HAVE to view this media as a way to contact and communicate with people and not a place to actually have a relationship through. Relationships only really happen in person, anything before that is a trial run or a mutual fantasy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl does not have his phone number, or his address, he has not chosen to give her those items of information. Unfortunately, this is much like another short online relationship that girl had with another Master on this site. she is thinking that perhaps this life is not to be for her, she apparently chooses very poorly *sighs* at any rate, thanks to all who responded.

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 7:35:24 PM

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Joined: 10/22/2007
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Dear Ysabo,

Your servitude is a gift. Any Master worth his salt recognizes that. As slaves we should be the most valuable possession (and loved companion) a Master can have, you not only need to find a Master who believes that, you need to believe that yourself. I have read posts from Masters on these boards that I believe have the right attitude towards an M/s relationship and I would feel priveleged to serve men such as those, I have read others that are just complete tossers. Try and hone your "tosser radar" a little so you can avoid entering another relationship with one. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, do something really nice for yourself. And believe me when I say, you will be fine :)

Love to you XOXOXOX

(in reply to Vanatru)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 7:40:03 PM

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*chuckles* MM, I guess I'm a tosser then cause I don't follow the Castlerealm crowd on submission being a gift. (wouldn't that mean dominance was a gift as well? hmm?) It's either who you are or not. Now, if you really meant something like trust, I could see that one at least.

(in reply to MidnightMaiden)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 7:55:07 PM

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Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

*chuckles* MM, I guess I'm a tosser then cause I don't follow the Castlerealm crowd on submission being a gift. (wouldn't that mean dominance was a gift as well? hmm?) It's either who you are or not. Now, if you really meant something like trust, I could see that one at least.

it *is*.

i give my submission to Daddy as a gift because i love him...he gives his dominance to me because he loves me. one couldnt exist without the other.

i dont think in general "submission is a gift" because i can be submissive without a dominant. its not as fun or fulfilling, but i can.

i also dont submit to just anyone...its something that wouldnt be right to me, i have to have someone who is the right Dominant to my submissive.

i'm fortunate to have found that in Daddy.

kitten, who knows damned well your milage may vary, and all those other legalese disclaimers...

(in reply to Vanatru)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 7:56:43 PM

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Hi Vanatru :)

By gift I mean it is not a Master's natural born right to expect every submissive to wish to be his slave. As the slave we choose who our Master shall be, and we give ourselves over to them. Yes that requires trust, knowledge of yourself and the other person. I do see a Master's dominance as a gift to me, his recognition of my need to serve, him taking the time to learn about his slave and what she needs to be happy. A tosser wouldn't do that, wouldn't care, would just get off on the whole ownage power trip without regard to his slaves health and wellbeing, neglecting his responsibilities as an owner, and I see those on the board, those with a "she's my piece of shit I'll do what I like to her and she will kiss my arse for the privelege". My service is my gift to him, his protection and concern for my wellbeing a gift to me. It goes both ways.

(in reply to Vanatru)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 7:57:27 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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It's not a gift for a Dominant-it's freaking *work*. I wish you women would wise up and show the men some appreciation for that.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to adoracat)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 8:05:15 PM

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Joined: 10/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

It's not a gift for a Dominant-it's freaking *work*. I wish you women would wise up and show the men some appreciation for that.

Yeah but the job comes with some pretty awesome fringe benefits

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/3/2007 9:50:38 PM

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From: Sacramento
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I don't either. Gifts are given with no expectations, no strings attached, and one generally don't do take backs with and any submission I give has expecations on it and I WILL take it back if they're not what they said they were when I gave it to them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

*chuckles* MM, I guess I'm a tosser then cause I don't follow the Castlerealm crowd on submission being a gift.

(in reply to Vanatru)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 5:57:36 AM

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Joined: 3/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

It's not a gift for a Dominant-it's freaking *work*. I wish you women would wise up and show the men some appreciation for that.

No kidding RRafe Sir! It isnt enough that we are either dom or sub, but that we actually have to *work * at the relationship together..thats just plain too real for some folks! Sorry I dont get all wet n gushy washing dishes or scrubbing the toilet knowing that Master will show appreciation for it by spanking my butt..just like Im not gonna show my appreciation for him being able to pick up his own dirty clothing or putting the toilet seat down, but then again maybe thats a major accomplishment for another person..shrugs.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 7:36:04 AM

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Joined: 5/23/2007
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when you require punishment, that is when your Master/Dom should be with you the most. To leave you alone like a child is not the way to handle a girl. But do not give up on the lifestyle. There are many good people here.

on another note, I am in a 24/7 M/s relationship that has evolved to realtime from online. It can be done. And I'm very tired of those who discount and put down online relationships. Human connection is human connection

(in reply to eyesopened)

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