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RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 8:12:10 AM

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickst3r5000

when you require punishment, that is when your Master/Dom should be with you the most. To leave you alone like a child is not the way to handle a girl. But do not give up on the lifestyle. There are many good people here.

on another note, I am in a 24/7 M/s relationship that has evolved to realtime from online. It can be done. And I'm very tired of those who discount and put down online relationships. Human connection is human connection

i fully agree that relationships can and do start online and progress to realtime but i don't see that in the OPs case since the "master" didn't want to give out a phone number even when he said he was looking forward to meeting in real life. Big difference. i don't believe he had any intention of ever meeting this girl and i think he was waiting for an opportunity to do exactly what he did. Now someone got hurt over it and i hate when that happens.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to chickst3r5000)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 8:57:46 AM

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

If you are looking for online only be prepared to be disappointed regularly. If you are looking for online as a vehicle to real time then don't waste a lot of time engaging your emotions until you actually meet real time. Let those who you are interested in know you will only spend so much time cooresponding online. At least get to meet them once early on. Why waste time, months and months, energy and emotions on pixels? IF meeting someone rt is the goal then get out there and meet them real time. After you establish something real then go about following orders, etc - until you actually meet someone you could be following the orders of a bunch of college boys getting together to have some fun. Don't play anyones fool.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 11/4/2007 8:59:54 AM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

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RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 12:38:51 PM

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Unfortunately sounds like another case of "internet BDSM" that was not truthfull on both sides.
Online relationships especially M/s ones are often full of falsehoods and end this way by someone "running"

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 2:07:20 PM

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

If you are looking for online only be prepared to be disappointed regularly. If you are looking for online as a vehicle to real time then don't waste a lot of time engaging your emotions until you actually meet real time. Let those who you are interested in know you will only spend so much time cooresponding online. At least get to meet them once early on. Why waste time, months and months, energy and emotions on pixels? IF meeting someone rt is the goal then get out there and meet them real time. After you establish something real then go about following orders, etc - until you actually meet someone you could be following the orders of a bunch of college boys getting together to have some fun. Don't play anyones fool.

I agree with this completely. As a simple man I like to date women. This has nothing to do with being Dom or sub. Secretive men in the D/s world are no different the secretive men in the vanilla world. If the goal is RT, then take it RT. Breaking the ice is usually done pretty quickly in a vanilla setting and I don't see why it should have to be any different in a kinky setting. Meet for coffee or lunch. Keep it simple. If either party won't do that it's a big red flag.

Kevin

(in reply to velvetears)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 2:59:26 PM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl does not have his phone number, or his address, he has not chosen to give her those items of information. Unfortunately, this is much like another short online relationship that girl had with another Master on this site. she is thinking that perhaps this life is not to be for her, she apparently chooses very poorly *sighs* at any rate, thanks to all who responded.

So you are following the orders, schedule and menus of a man you have never met and never even spoken to on the phone?

You could say you choose poorly but it is way more than that. Stop playing fantasy games. Stop cyber submitting to men who can't be bothered to meet you or give you a phone number and address..I'd bet the farm he has a wife who he hides his little online play time from. How about you not submit to someone until you meet them and build a relationship? Since that seems to be what you want. Don't be desperate for a relationship.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/4/2007 3:36:24 PM

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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~hijack~

Chewsie, omfg, you have GOT to change your av. It makes me want to run to the cookie jar every time I see it.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 8:58:35 AM

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

Unfortunately girl, I would suggest you move on. I know I would punish my slave by not giving her the privlige to speak with her Master, but she would be informed of such.I was on the phone with my slave and I got quiet because she upset me, and she began crying hysterically.I think it's time to find a new Master who can be firm and willing to punish as necessasry,but still loving and caring.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.

girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.

girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.

girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.

ysabo

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 9:03:34 AM

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

It sounds like your "Master" does not realize that real life sometimes causes us to have to make changes to our lives at a moments notice. You notified him of what you what happened and what you needed to do, I don't get whe he is so upset. I never could understand being this rigid, shit happens that is the truth of it. I would say if he is this upset over something this minor, you may want to examine if he is the one for you. If you decide that he is then you had better be sure that you never step a toe out of line or he simply will not be able to deal with it. His ignoring you this long over what I am sure many would view as a minor infraction, may speak volumes of how he would treat you if something much larger did actually happen.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 9:08:26 AM

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

It's not a gift for a Dominant-it's freaking *work*. I wish you women would wise up and show the men some appreciation for that.

Yes it is work, hard work and this goes for all those men who serve Dominant Ladies also, showing a little appreciation goes a long way.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 9:18:14 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

It's not a gift for a Dominant-it's freaking *work*. I wish you women would wise up and show the men some appreciation for that.

Yes it is work, hard work and this goes for all those men who serve Dominant Ladies also, showing a little appreciation goes a long way.

~Lashra

While I do think that the op has a boyfriend who is living in a fantasy world (life doesn;t always allow us to have everything *Just our way*), the woman also needs to realize what is leading to it happening.

It could be a lot of things, but asking us for solutions is not showing a lot of resolve. She needs to ask HIM,and see if he can learn to deal with the sorts of situational changes ANY man has to deal with in a relationship-not just a kink based one.

As for the gift thing?

I hate having that bullshit pulled on me-it's arrogant. If I have to put effort, time, and any degree of struggle into something I have...I earned it-calling it a gift is totally dismissive of what *I* have to do to make the relationship work..

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 9:33:06 AM

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.

girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.

girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.

girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.

ysabo

*hugz*

This girl suggests you - wait patiently - and refrain from unrequested contact.

_____________________________

If everything in life was free
We'd float in our own reverie
The things that you can't seem to see
seal the gap between you and me

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/5/2007 9:37:42 AM

thegirlincharge

Posts: 68
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

ONLINE SHMONLINE

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 2:32:23 PM

Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

As for the gift thing?

I hate having that bullshit pulled on me-it's arrogant. If I have to put effort, time, and any degree of struggle into something I have...I earned it-calling it a gift is totally dismissive of what *I* have to do to make the relationship work..

But then, not all so called Dominants put that much work or thought into it.

Just my pound,
kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 2:34:45 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: probablyknowme

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

As for the gift thing?

I hate having that bullshit pulled on me-it's arrogant. If I have to put effort, time, and any degree of struggle into something I have...I earned it-calling it a gift is totally dismissive of what *I* have to do to make the relationship work..

But then, not all so called Dominants put that much work or thought into it.

Just my pound,
kat

I know. But I tend to build too much of a connection to allow much dishonesty in. And allowing fantasies to disrupt that never works out in the long run. Including puffing up ego trips-on either side.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to probablyknowme)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 8:04:43 PM

Posts: 141
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline

Online relationships don't work. I've met a fair share online, many I have actually met in RT only to realize that it would not work in the end. The Master I have is my first Master and I am his first Slave, we both met online went out a few times and I (not by choice) ended up testing him for almost 3 yrs. (That's a really long story, it was messed up timing for me... Or maybe it was the perfect time?!?!

)

Anyway... You wil never know if it's really meant to be less you meet in rt. I don't know how long you and he were *together* but to not even have a phone conversation? Or if you did, why wouldn't he give you his number? This whole thing sounds like it was a possible joke and he played you for a fool. I would have given up by now and moved on to find a real Master. Finding someone online is hard enough because you never know how serious they are, finding the perfect Master to fit your needs and his needs is even harder. Just be more cautious next time, don't give up, I never did... He's out there, you just need to find him. Sometimes it's hard, I know from experience *Which is why I ended up testing my Master for so long* but don't jump to soon, might end up somewhere you don't want to be. Being eager is the worse thing you can do when looking for someone online like that.

That's just me.... A humble little slaves advice.
Scyn

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ysabo

girl is confused and heartsick, and needs advice from other Masters and sub/slaves, if possible.

girl's online Master has stopped talking to her (we were working toward moving this to real life), she was disobedient and did not follow her schedule as he had ordered. she got no sleep one night due to circumstances beyond her control, and returned to her bed after checking in and finding he was not online - she notified him that she was doing so, and would return. When she returned, she found that he had been on, and left a message saying "do what you want then, if you can't follow a schedule". That was 5 days ago, and he has not spoken to girl since, or acknowledged her communications to him.

girl has not been released, nor does she wish to be. she is heartbroken that her beloved Master is so disappointed with her that he apparently has given up on her. she begs for any advice that will help her soften his heart and allow her to be once more in his good graces. girl continues to follow her schedules and menus and orders, and sends him updates via email and here on collarme, as she believes he has banned her on Yahoo IM.

girl is not making excuses, she was disobedient, and she would gladly accept punishment to be corrected. IS he punishing her? or has he given up on her? Is there anything girl can do to rectify this situation? she will continue to obey his orders, what choice has she? she is a slave, she needs to obey. Please, if anyone has any advice that might help, girl would be much appreciative, and she thanks all who respond, in advance.

ysabo

(in reply to RRafe)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 8:57:59 PM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Ysabo, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Being on a schedule is great but, I can admit truthfully that no matter how you put an iron clad schedule together--real life will find a way to mess it up and skew the schedule all up.

Being on an online relationship, it is so easy to 'remote' things however; in real time--even the best relationships have screwed up schedules.

I would not have handled the situation in such a way. I know that traffic jams could make you late or caught behind a fresh traffic wreck that you're just trapped until the emergency was over. What happens if your computer decides to fall apart? The phone company's cable was snipped and no dial tone, no cable service and so forth--no electricity and the whole lot. What happens if you take a tumble over tin cups and hurt yourself and take a trip to the Emergency Room and wait for many hours? How about if your best friend is in trouble and calls for you to help or pick them up from the airport and the flight was delayed. The many 'what ifs' in life will affect anybody's schedule. Schedules must be flexible or else you put yourself in a straight jacket called 'stress.' If you are so bound by a schedule, you start making errors because you are trying to catch up on time to keep to a schedule.

In your original post, I really see that there is no real interest in why you were not keeping to a schedule and communicate as to discuss ideas or options as to really problem solve. I really am disappointed with your online Master, as relationships regardless requires an investment in communication, understanding, listening, compassion and empathy. I see nothing of the sort by the story via the original post. However, I do know there is more to the story. If the issue of a schedule is a habitual problem--then I can see frustration.

I highly recommend going to local BDSM gatherings, especially if there are groups which offer support and or education. One will find that it takes more than online communication, wishes and desires --and a bloody schedule to follow that is so unforgiving that it gives you no chance to be a success. I feel this situation was designed from the beginning to fail.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 9:07:10 PM

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Ysabo,

In seeing your post #10; that this chap (if he is indeed a male and legal age); did not give you any phone number, address and other information -- that lass, should have been the sign; especially when moving in the direction of moving in -- I think lass; you came across another bugger behind the monitor who toys and mentally messes up sweet submissive lassies like you.

I would say also, slaves tend to beat themselves up 50% harsher than any Master/Dominant may ever dream of doing to you lass. Consider yourself punished enough and have courage to find someone you can feel for real by touch; see them with your gentle eyes and to connect from your interactions--not just a bunch of written letters creating texts.

If nothing is local to you--please consider attending a local Master-slave conference. But, I wouldn't let someone who created the need to see you fail--win. Best revenge is plodding on like the rest of the people seeking their special other and enjoy learning. Each experience adds to your basket of knowledge.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to Ysabo)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 9:13:22 PM

Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

*chuckles* MM, I guess I'm a tosser then cause I don't follow the Castlerealm crowd on submission being a gift. (wouldn't that mean dominance was a gift as well? hmm?) It's either who you are or not. Now, if you really meant something like trust, I could see that one at least.

I utterly agree and my journal states so. Seems I have been banging a drum for decades that submission is not a gift. The person is the gift, the submission the reward (for a Dominant's job well done) and a good Dominant is also a gift. I am the gift and my Dominance is who I am and how I handle it. The same is true of submissives. It is who we are and the human being is the true gift. I have had more ''debates'' over this than I care to count.

To the OP, I have to agree with the majority; another faux Dom. Stop worrying, you have done what probably most of us have done early on in this. Learn, with help if you need it, to be able to spot certain things, a turn of phrase and what have you. Stop following the 'orders' of a man who is MIA and learn to be cautious, to protect yourself first and to guard your heart. Easier said than done but I think most of us learn to do these things. I would say keep with friendships only for a time until you have learned how not to give so freely. You're worth more than that.

Best,

EG

< Message edited by EvilGenie -- 11/6/2007 9:15:50 PM >

(in reply to Vanatru)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/6/2007 9:51:25 PM

MistressSandra2U

Posts: 33
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

Sometimes people that talk about serious commitment online but do not call are married.

I have made some amazing friendships online. The first few people I decided to have emotions for weren't the best to invest my cares in. After a while of just having fun learning about people I was able to make good friends and even some serious relationships. Being guarded for a long time paid off. People show their true colors if you let them, but not if you paint your own picture of them first.

(in reply to EvilGenie)

RE: Mournful slave seeks advice - 11/7/2007 8:02:18 AM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

OMG, I'm sorry but this drama is hilarious. Ysabo, never give your heart to someone online, as you are tying it to a fantasy. These online venues were meant as a means of communication, and should only be used as such. Save your heart for when you have met and spent real time with the person otherwise you are bound to be hurt and disappointed over and over again.

I agree with Vanatru here. In addition, since you kept in communication with him and told him the situation was beyond your control, it's on him. It is my belief that the slave's wellbeing comes first.

However, it is possible that he is unable to respond to you due to life circumstances of his own. It's a hard call.

(in reply to Vanatru)

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