RE: "play-partners"

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RE: "play-partners" - 10/5/2005 11:26:03 AM

Soulhuntre

Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh
open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.

Sometimes it's like that. Other times it's jsut kinky sex. People commonly confuse dominance and submission with topping and bottoming in this way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh
......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?

This is true. Many submissives do find forming an attachment very hard to avoid. IN trainign situations this is one of the things that has to be managed and channeled for instance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?

Sometimes it is exactly like that - and lots of folks like it that way.

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Post #: 41

RE: "play-partners" - 10/5/2005 5:27:55 PM

HentaiGamerKitty

Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
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I feel like this is something that should be clearly discussed upfront. My Master has had several slaves in the past who were just that...slaves. He told me this from the beginning and basically told me, "I'm looking for something more now...I'm looking for the soul mate and love of my life. I'm not just wanting sex or a play partner."

In my own case, my submission was something I wanted to experience with a man I loved/had a full time relationship with (up to and including marriage.).

Its something that needs to be made clear early on.

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Post #: 42

RE: "play-partners" - 10/5/2005 5:56:49 PM

TampaDaddyBob

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Tampa, FL
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I hear this SOOOO often!

I will tell you this, most of the DOM's i know and respect make it VERY clear what the terms of the "relationship" is.

It's often the sub who seems to selectively not "hear" those terms.

I highly doubt that this was a big surprise to you..its just that you finally heard the words come out of his mouth...and that hurts. SOOOO many sub's hope that their DOM will fall in love with them if they are good enough.

IT IS the responsiblity of the DOM to set the terms and conditions and expectations of any bd/sm/ds relationship.

_____________________________

Daddy Bob
Praticing the Undeniable Reality of Truth Through Pain Induction

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Post #: 43

RE: "play-partners" - 10/6/2005 12:06:31 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TampaDaddyBob

I hear this SOOOO often!

I will tell you this, most of the DOM's i know and respect make it VERY clear what the terms of the "relationship" is.

It's often the sub who seems to selectively not "hear" those terms.

I highly doubt that this was a big surprise to you..its just that you finally heard the words come out of his mouth...and that hurts. SOOOO many sub's hope that their DOM will fall in love with them if they are good enough.

IT IS the responsiblity of the DOM to set the terms and conditions and expectations of any bd/sm/ds relationship.

Correct me if I am wrong, but are you trying to tell this poor girl that he actually made it all clear, only she willingly didnt want to hear what he stated?

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Post #: 44

RE: "play-partners" - 10/6/2005 12:21:39 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

So....
My Sir just told me when i foolishly asked, that He and i aren't a 'couple'
We're not 'together'
We are just 'play-partners'

Now it could be me, but isn't a big part of all this being together with a Dom/Master/Sub/Slave/ect., and...being totally open and honest, developing a relationship, and being best friends, as well as being in a D/S relationship? the thing is that a sub is supposed to devote herself to someone who Doms them to trust them, and to desire to please them, as much as they can, however they can, w/o sacrificing herself in the process.
......so it's very very hard not to get attached, right?
Well...maybe dom's don't get attached to their subs...maybe we're just toys?
I mean...maybe it's me....

maybe I'm not right, any help?

Sorry A/all ....feeling a bit bitter.

I've played with numerous people over the years that I didn't have a primary sexual relationship with. That was understood from the get-go. I didn't allow myself to become romantically attached. That worked for me. It may not work for you.

You have to assess yourself as to what kind of person you are. There are no right or wrongs here, except that in your case, the man you are calling Sir is apparently just the guy you are playing with. He's made that clear. You now have to determine if that's ok with you or not. If not, then you need to do something about it, and I doubt telling him you want to be his slave is going to work.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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Post #: 45

RE: "play-partners" - 10/6/2005 1:07:02 PM

ProtagonistLily

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Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

Correct me if I am wrong, but are you trying to tell this poor girl that he actually made it all clear, only she willingly didnt want to hear what he stated?

I think that's what's going on here too actually.

Lily

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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

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Post #: 46

RE: "play-partners" - 10/6/2005 3:18:35 PM

kimmypuss

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Joined: 9/21/2005
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oh, the situation just sux so badly - a rotten realization, in any relationship, here or there...
hang onto your self, mtn-ash (the Poster of this thread , sorry, I missed your full name there)
I'd try very hard to stop "playing", if ~I~ wasn't just playing...if I actually wanted more with that person.

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Post #: 47

RE: "play-partners" - 10/24/2005 9:13:08 AM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
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I realise that it was quick ,to find another...not only another...but my "One"
I'll ignore the age comment.
I have been searching myself for years as to what i wanted.
I waited till i was 18 to have any sexual contact with anyone ,and researched the lifestyle as i must call it for lack of a better word for better than three years....exploring the options and finding where i fit.
I'm not filling any voids in myself, only supplimenting myself with MyLord's dominance, and surrendering control to Him.
I have a bearing on what a true D/s relationship is and maybe a bit frenzied(which i highly doubt), but who isn't in a hurry to find their One...someone to love and have love back? Am i wrong in wanting that?

MyLord's id on collarme is sadisticrick...btw.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

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Post #: 48

RE: "play-partners" - 10/24/2005 6:36:36 PM

fyreredsub

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Joined: 10/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MtPleasantsubAsh

thanks, Hon

and I WON"T settle...
i know i am the perfect one for Someone out there...just gotta sift through all the others..
lol
thanks
-Ashley

its a hard lesson to learn you've been played..........it'll hurt for a bit ,but time does heal all wounds and its hard not to get jaded sometimes but when one door slams

another one opens...........don't settle..........take some time to do things you like and enjoy...pamper yourself some,like go to the foot spa or something,its refreshing and you'll feel great after. look at it like this...now that i'm not involved w/ mr jerkdom, maybe i won't miss the good one that i wouldn't have paid attn to if i was still involved.

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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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Post #: 49

RE: "play-partners" - 10/24/2005 6:37:21 PM

Sensualips

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Joined: 10/8/2005
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Clearly you are hurt, but in reading the orginal post I wondered exactly what wounded you. Is it his behavior in the relationship itself, or just the way he labeled you as a "play partner." Did the relationship CHANGE because he used that term, or did you already have concerns and were seeking validation that you did not receive? Did it reinforce a fear or insecurity you already had? Or was it a surprise and you felt somehow deceived and THAT was what hurt?

I rather enjoy play partners. Some are casual and some I have a strong ongoing connection with.

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Post #: 50

RE: "play-partners" - 10/24/2005 6:44:26 PM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TampaDaddyBob

I hear this SOOOO often!

I will tell you this, most of the DOM's i know and respect make it VERY clear what the terms of the "relationship" is.

It's often the sub who seems to selectively not "hear" those terms.

I highly doubt that this was a big surprise to you..its just that you finally heard the words come out of his mouth...and that hurts. SOOOO many sub's hope that their DOM will fall in love with them if they are good enough.

IT IS the responsiblity of the DOM to set the terms and conditions and expectations of any bd/sm/ds relationship.

and some lie straight of the bat------------------

big assumption -----------------here.

and the dom and sub together are suppossed to discuss the TERMS TOGETHER,ecspecially in play/scenes

so that kinda shoots your theory down but thats just my opinion

sorry if i seem rude, but the op is hurting and doesnt need to hear something as callus(sp) as clean out your ears!

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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Post #: 51

RE: "play-partners" - 10/27/2005 9:43:27 AM

MtPleasantsubAsh

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/30/2005
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it was the fact that W/we didn't discuss the terms in detail....W/we did discuss what i was willing todo during a scene...but nothing beyond that. Should i have guessed on the relationship level of comitment?
Don't get me wrong i have no problem with play-partners...except that i am now owned...the issue i had was that...yes, i was naive...and , well....thats pretty much it.
Because i waited to have sex until my first scene...i believe it worked against me. i was a virgin in everyway until i played with this first dom, and so i took it hard, and am still a little hurt, but MyLord is taking care of me and I'm happier than i've been in a long long time. Also...i made sure to discus every aspect of commitment and emotional involvment before i signed my slave contract.

_____________________________

-Be still my heart!-
-I'm trying, Sir-
-I guess I'll have to tie you up then-
-Oh, no, please Sir..anything but that!-
*WEG*.....my ass.

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Post #: 52