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Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 8:28:50 PM   
applecandy


Posts: 68
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline 		So, whilst discussing kink with a longtime friend of mine, I discovered that he had some fairly blatant misconceptions about what kink is. In an effort to alter this fallacy that all kink includes beatings and pain, I weakly attempted a broader definition.

"Kink doesn't have to be painful - not by a longshot. Kink is anything outside the plain ol' missionary-style reproductive sex act. It's sometimes romantic, sometimes rough and angry, sometimes in the middle. It's about being able to let go and trust someone - first with your body, and then with your consciousness."

I later added that just about anything can qualify as 'kinky', depending on the point of reference. Some cultures don't kiss on the mouth like Americans - so in a different situation, something we consider a fairly mundane and common action would be taboo.


I most definitely have intentions of continuing this conversation with him at a later date, and would love input and additions to this explanation. So...how would -you- explain kink to an outsider?

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 8:53:32 PM   
chellekitty


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Status: offline 		i think that you did a really good job of explaining it, with one exception...some people never go beyond the body and some people start out with consciousness...and nothing is wrong with any of those options...its just what is...

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 8:54:06 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


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Status: offline 		To an outsider who asked me to explain kink, I'd only tell them what kink means to me or what kink is to me. I may referring them to books or internet sites.  IF they asked me. I wouldn't push my lifestyle or beliefs on those who aren't kinky or didn't ask.

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 8:55:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		For me kink is "anything that gets you going/gets you off that's not generally an accepted norm."

Interestingly enough, missionary sex in public is a taboo for most kinksters.

It's not necessarily about being able to let go- trust me, there as many uptight repressed insecure whack jobs into kink as not.

It's just what happens to get that person off.

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 9:04:24 PM   
applecandy


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Status: offline 		True indeed, LA. And I guess I did put my spin on kink - why I do it, and what it means to me. Even in an attempt to be incredibly general, I've put a bias on it. *grins* Ah well - keep trying, right?

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 9:48:41 PM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me kink is "anything that gets you going/gets you off that's not generally an accepted norm."

Interestingly enough, missionary sex in public is a taboo for most kinksters.

It's not necessarily about being able to let go- trust me, there as many uptight repressed insecure whack jobs into kink as not.

It's just what happens to get that person off.


plain ole missonary sex, period is taboo for me


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RE: Explaining kink - 11/5/2007 10:20:56 PM   
LATEXBABY64


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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 2:50:26 AM   
TNstepsout


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Status: offline 		The myth for me was that there had to be some deep psychological flaw to people who could not connect to others without pain or contrived drama. So if I was explaining to other people what kink was all about I think I would focus on the fact that it's just fun! The sensations and experiences are exhilarating, kind of like a ride at an amusement park or a scary movie.

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 3:33:18 AM   
Twicehappy2x


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

plain ole missonary sex, period is taboo for me


Aw, come on chellekitty, nothing wrong with looking up and finding that hot sweaty Master on top of you, lol.

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 4:36:59 AM   
deziray


Posts: 18
Status: offline 		Hello applecandy
 
How would I explain kink to an outsider? I wouldn't. I would instead direct them to some appropriate sites so that they could form their own ideas and opinions.
 
desiree

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 5:07:34 AM   
mnottertail


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me kink is "anything that gets you going/gets you off that's not generally an accepted norm."

Interestingly enough, missionary sex in public is a taboo for most kinksters.



I will be doing taboo missionary sex demonstrations, and will need some volunteers for models..........anyone?

LOL
Ron

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 6:18:24 AM   
submittous


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Status: offline 		It is only kinky if you think it is. What individuals fetishize comes from inside themselves, their hardwiring, experiences and influences in growing up, etc.

The cliche "It's only kinky the first time" is funny because of the underlying reality. Sex acts are not kinky, we are.

Bill

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 6:35:23 AM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me kink is "anything that gets you going/gets you off that's not generally an accepted norm."

Interestingly enough, missionary sex in public is a taboo for most kinksters.



I will be doing taboo missionary sex demonstrations, and will need some volunteers for models..........anyone?

LOL
Ron


Come and get me, hot stuff!!  LOL

Seriously, what's wrong with lying on your back and letting him do the work?

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 8:06:53 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

plain ole missonary sex, period is taboo for me


Aw, come on chellekitty, nothing wrong with looking up and finding that hot sweaty Master on top of you, lol.


sweat is a fetish for me....so it is no longer plain ole missionary sex

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 11/6/2007 8:07:06 AM >

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 8:23:18 AM   
bipolarber


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Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		TNstepsout,

I think that's probably one of the most common misconceptions people have. That somehow, we're all "broken" and have to resort to this "perversion" as a means of compensating. All nonsense, of course.

I counter that sort of thinking with the opinion that a lot of people into BDSM have found that adding the contrived drama, and intense sensations (I don't like using pain in mixed company, it has some rather nasty emotional baggage attached to it) of BDSM, they find the whole experience of sexuality much more gratifying.

Isn't it odd that, as Americans, we seem to admire people who are into "extreme" activities? Extreme mountain climbing, extreme skateboarding, extreme skiing.... etc. But, the moment we take sex or interpersonal relations to the "extreme" to make it more pleasurable, suddenly it becomes "beyond the pale?"

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 8:38:15 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

TNstepsout,

I think that's probably one of the most common misconceptions people have. That somehow, we're all "broken" and have to resort to this "perversion" as a means of compensating. All nonsense, of course.

I counter that sort of thinking with the opinion that a lot of people into BDSM have found that adding the contrived drama, and intense sensations (I don't like using pain in mixed company, it has some rather nasty emotional baggage attached to it) of BDSM, they find the whole experience of sexuality much more gratifying.

Isn't it odd that, as Americans, we seem to admire people who are into "extreme" activities? Extreme mountain climbing, extreme skateboarding, extreme skiing.... etc. But, the moment we take sex or interpersonal relations to the "extreme" to make it more pleasurable, suddenly it becomes "beyond the pale?"


I was going to just agree with TNstepsout as well but you wrote that as well as you did. I could not do better.

I also agree with LA’s definition. In the public world kink is anything a person would not admit to doing.

Sex is way up on the personal scale if not at the top. So naturally any insecurities or projections of ourselves get magnified in this area. For most instead of embracing differences and enjoyments of these it too often becomes public scorning for the usual reasons, insecurity, jealously, fear and simple ignorance.

Edited to avoid confusion.


< Message edited by toservez -- 11/6/2007 9:05:51 AM >

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RE: Explaining kink - 11/6/2007 8:40:20 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me kink is "anything that gets you going/gets you off that's not generally an accepted norm."

Interestingly enough, missionary sex in public is a taboo for most kinksters.



I will be doing taboo missionary sex demonstrations, and will need some volunteers for models..........anyone?

LOL
Ron


Just screw them through a hole in the crotch of a diaper-that will make it disgustingly taboo-then everyone will think you are an "artist"

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