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RE: Dominant bottom? - 11/26/2005 1:10:42 PM

RosaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCompassion

quote:

I lean towards being Dominant in D/s relationships and a bottom in S&M play. Anyone else out there similarly quirky like that?

Yes! That is me exactly. Just like you said..." I like pain but I like it on my terms"

I've been doing a lot of reevaluation of my own relationship dynamics in the bdsm world and I can say the above discription comes close to describing me, but I think if I had to really compare what I feel, the description of a sensation junkie would be it. I love that analysis. sounds so yummy just the thought of different sensations both applying and receiving them makes me feel all tingly. I haven't explored the receiving end yet, but I will soon enough. Can't wait.

Rosa

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 11/28/2005 10:33:27 AM

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Yes,sometimes "submission" is the best way to dominate

(in reply to LadyofLight)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 1/2/2006 4:31:26 AM

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From: Coventry, England
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i agree, the sub does have a huge amount of control, like another friend told me i should have a stop word if things get way too heavy for me to handle

Mark :)

(in reply to ararka)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 1/2/2006 6:04:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: markmjs

i agree, the sub does have a huge amount of control, like another friend told me i should have a stop word if things get way too heavy for me to handle

Mark :)

That's not necessarily having "control" - it's having a way to communicate an emergency.

(in reply to markmjs)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 1/3/2006 6:25:55 AM

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From: Coventry, England
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quote:

That's not necessarily having "control" - it's having a way to communicate an emergency.

true, but doesnt the sub come to an agreement with the dom so the subs limits arnt pussed too far too soon?????

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Mark :)

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 1/3/2006 10:47:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: markmjs
true, but doesnt the sub come to an agreement with the dom so the subs limits arnt pussed too far too soon?????

Yes, but a word won't do that- the doms character will do that. A safeword is a way to communicate "somethings wrong."

You have to trust the dom to actually STOP and check on what's going wrong and help get it right again.

Once you're tied up though, you're not the one who decides to stop things.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to markmjs)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/21/2006 7:19:18 PM

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As I've grown Older, Yes I do feel that way.

quote:

Dominant in D/s relationships and a bottom in S&M play. Anyone else out there similarly quirky like that?

Yes as Bdsm goes I like the Dominace part.
But when it comes to the S/M side,
I like to be be the Slave/Sub, or the Bottom!

BLOW ME A KISS Misty

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/21/2006 8:14:30 PM

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Ok...regardless of your state...tied up, tied down, up against the wall...that safeword is the end all be all in play. An emergency? Really that is entirely up to the sub- don't kid yourselves about it. Whether it's an awful muscle cramp or a heart attack, or the fact that they suddenly remembered the kids are coming home early it is NOT the top's place to decide otherwise. Yes the sub has total control as a bottom line. It's what defines the lifestyle as Safe, Sane and Consensual. People who don't respect that, tops or bottoms, are a danger to us all.

In my play there is always a negotiation. It covers safewords, limits, toys, health issues, allergies and medications, lifestyle consequences- if marks are acceptable, if the play needs to observe sexual boundaries because of a relationship or requirements of anonimity and privacy. This protects the sub AND myself as the Domme because it means I'm not getting in over my head with a mess I didn't ask about. A top would be stupid not to take these precautions..it would be like having sex without a condom...it might feel good, but the consequences can be devastating. If the sub is a diabetic, a post-surgical patient or on a blood thinner like coumadin or has a high-visibilty job, I would never want the burden of their injury on my hands- I didn't become a Domme to complicate or ruin lives.

Yes, observation of the safeword is dependent on the top's personality- primarily their honesty. Domming is sophisticated, demanding and often exhausting. It requires that a part of you constantly remain neutral and untouched by the scene so that there is a referee of sorts. It's the part that responds to the safeword, the dispassionate corner in the mind that is always watching and listening and understanding that in accepting a person's submission you are also accepting responsibility for their safety and protection. You are their tormentor and their shield. You are their impetus for exploration and their wings when they step over the edge.

In accepting that the roles in the Lifestyle are complex ones it is understandable how they can fracture, how a hairline shift in mood and play dictates whether or not a switch drops. This potential and subtlty must be in constant consideration if everyone is going to be satisfied. I, myself, am a Domme -I can't drop- but I do respect the ability of those who can allow for both aspects in their lives. :)

(in reply to MistyMenthal)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/22/2006 7:23:23 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

It's like I've posted before

Dom dose not equal Sadist
Sub dose not equal Masochist

I once told someone that I liked pain. So she begin saying "You're a switch, you're a switch" I asked back "How does that make me a switch when I have the other person on a chian and collar and ordering them to scracth there nails down my back and bite me hard in certain areas?" She said again "you like giving and reciving pain that makes you a switch" So replied "But I never serve or follow orders. I"ve never been anyones bitch or play a submissive role" She continued to say that likeing and giving pain is being a switch.

It's odd how the term "switch" get's tossed in with S/M and D/s. As for me, I give the orders, have controll, and give the finall say. When I demand pain, my sub better give it. If enjoying pain makes me a switch in someones eyes, then they need to visit me. I'll show them my submissive side which dosen't exist. They'll find me %100 DOM.

This is exactly what I do, I give the orders, I maintain the control and when I tell him to spank me he'd better do it the way I told him to or his ass his mine.

I have to disagree on the submissive side though, all humans have some submissive/Dominant tendancies, most of them with our Mothers. However I can understand you not being that way with other women. I'm never submissive to any man but my Father, I just don't have it in me.

~Lashra

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/22/2006 9:50:57 AM

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I agree with Star and many of the others that say let go of the labels. I don't think any of us fit well into boxes. It is that freedom to be ourselves that draws us to this lifestyle. I'm a masochist who loves trying new things and I also love mastering new techniques and trying them out on others and with others. I'll accept the label of switch just to give others a handle to find out how to interact with me and then hopefully they get to know me better.

Mitz

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/22/2006 6:28:02 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

Dom dose not equal Sadist
Sub dose not equal Masochist

This statement is so true and thank you FangsNfeet for saying it. Personally I use a Dominant Switch, mainly because not many can tap into my sub side. This lifestyle is what makes us and our partners happy.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/22/2006 8:57:12 PM

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Personally I have grown tired of the whole label thing. If I have to be labeled I am a dominant switch, not a dominant submissive or anything else. I top more than I bottom. If I bottom it is rare. Just because I let someone use a toy I made on me does not make me submissive. In fact I believe that if I made it or bought it, I better know what it feels like to have it used on me first.

When I go into sub mode, I am totally submissive. The only hard limits are CBT, blood, urine and scat. Everything else goes. The people I allow to top me, are trusted friends in the lifestyle and nobody but. They know what I can take and push a little more.

And what really gets me peeved is that switches are looked upon as lower than a male submissive. And to tell you the truth nobody should be looked down upon in a lifestyle that is supposed to be tolerant.

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/25/2006 1:33:48 PM

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CalliopePurple thank you ever so much for starting this thread.
I've been in the lifestyle over 4 yrs, and for 3 of those I've classified myself as pure Domme, but after a play party flogging that sent me into sub drop for over a week, and left me jonesing like an addict I was confused. My friends told me, honey you're a switch. Took about 3 months to come to terms with it. I keep thinking what a mess I've made of something that used to be so simple, and easily defined.

Now for the mess. I love being Dominant, past subs love me and tell me how I'm different due to my very compassionate, loving, and nurturing nature toward them.
Well In October I took matters literally into, my sub's hands, and had him spank me about 400 times with a hair brush til he almost broke the skin and I had a couple hematomas form.
Moving on, Since then I served a Daddy Dom online, who was going to relocate, but never made it. Then I served an alpha r/t, and learned something very enlightening. Alphas are too intense for me, but Daddy Dom's with there gentle, protective, loving ways make me melt. I love a gentle and protective daddy. I am not into pain much at all .

quote]ORIGINAL: LadyCompassion

quote:

I lean towards being Dominant in D/s relationships and a bottom in S&M play. Anyone else out there similarly quirky like that?

Yes! That is me exactly. Just like you said..." I like pain but I like it on my terms"

That pain has to have clearly defined limits for Me, otherwise I can't deal with it. Humiliation is another one that flips the switch in a not so good way. The alpha I was with was into what I feel was extreme humilation. Needles to say between that and his more intense style, I was sobbing mess.

Know we're not alone, and I thank everyone of you for sharing your thoughts. Nice to know we have a place where we can share our thoughts on our ever confusing switch of events.

Peace and love,
Isis

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/25/2006 1:51:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: markmjs

quote:

That's not necessarily having "control" - it's having a way to communicate an emergency.

true, but doesnt the sub come to an agreement with the dom so the subs limits arnt pussed too far too soon?????

I want to humbly submit this markmjs,
please please don't ever play without a safeword. I made this mistake and have been in the in this lifestyle 4 yrs, and against my better judgement I allowed myself to submit to a Dom who didn't allow safewords.
the results spoke for themself. I ended up not being able to barely turn my head for over a week. Because not having a safeword, when I told him "you're hurting my neck", the answer was "I don't care". He thought i was just being a whiney, complaining lil b-tch to just be a wise arse.
I'm lucky it wasn't worse, some have had much worse outcomes. He now realizes the importance of safe words, or I hope he still does, as we've split ways. Being scared to death of a Dominant is never a good thing, and some Dom/mes get off on instilling sheer terror in you. Some crave this, but it flips me out to no end.
This is supposed to be SSC, and the Dominant literally has your life in their hands. well when they fail to give you that lifeline, then what?
Please think long and hard on this one. It scares me to think anyone else could be injured because they were lead to believe the Dom knows themself, and knows what they're capable of and when to stop. Need I say more?

Isis

(in reply to markmjs)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/25/2006 2:06:34 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FloridaISIS

I ended up not being able to barely turn my head for over a week. Because not having a safeword, when I told him "you're hurting my neck", the answer was "I don't care".

With this kind of a response from him, what makes you think the end result would have been any better with a safeword. What if he responded "I don't care" when you screamed "RED" or "TRUNCATED ICOSAHEDRON" or whatever your safeword would have been? The problem in your example wasn't the lack of a safeword.

~stef

< Message edited by stef -- 5/25/2006 2:07:01 PM >

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(in reply to FloridaISIS)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 5/25/2006 2:37:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: FloridaISIS

I ended up not being able to barely turn my head for over a week. Because not having a safeword, when I told him "you're hurting my neck", the answer was "I don't care".

With this kind of a response from him, what makes you think the end result would have been any better with a safeword. What if he responded "I don't care" when you screamed "RED" or "TRUNCATED ICOSAHEDRON" or whatever your safeword would have been? The problem in your example wasn't the lack of a safeword.

~stef

Point taken. I appreciate your view.

(in reply to stef)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 6/2/2006 6:09:44 AM

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I have also run into the label thing and it really turns me off that people have to judge anyone by labels. I am a dominant in that my personality is such that I stand up for myself and control my life no one does it but me. I like to give orders and to take the reigns. I am also into pleasing my slave and making them happy, it makes me happy. I lvoe to whip but as someone said earlier that dosent make me a dominant and I agree. I lvoe to be wipped and I love knife play done to me. In the bedroom I like to be taken agressively. but never give me orders or try to make my decisions for me. I jsut wont listen. but I will tell you lol. so whatever you wnat to call it this is me. I had a similar discussion with someone here ona chat room last night and it was extremely interestinga nd refreshing to lsiten to someone else with this. I dotn feel as uncomfortable with it as I talked to him and saw two pages of this thread of similar people. Wow jsut how manyu of us are there and is there more because no one wants to admit it? interesting. I dont know about you but I am accepting this as me and going with it and not worrying about labels. when asked I simply say dom as this is my nature and I dont want to attract a dom at all. It never works I tried it and it just never works for me. Amber

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 6/3/2006 3:40:45 AM

bignipples2share

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I have no problem admitting that I top from the bottom. There are many here who do not like people who do this. I can only say they aren't the ones that I'm bedding, so it doesn't bother me.
My partners have been happily sub, and are capable of 'acting' dom. They are strong and manly. There is no way that they would order me to do anything, as it would be useless to do so.
I don't get involved with people who are new to this 'lifestyle'. My partners, in the past, have all known they are never going to be what is labeled in the 'lifestyle' as what a sub is and should entail.
I'm a giving person, that does not make me a sub, although, his being a giving person is a good portion of what I look for in him being sub
To me, there is a difference in the dynamic of him tying up your boobs, in a clinical manner, so that he can practice his shabari, or to exhibit his control, as to him tying up your boobs so that he can worship the results, knowing how happy that makes you and you feed off of that.
Just because you like some sub things for yourself, does not make you sub and just because he doesn't want to be spanked or something shoved up his ass does not make him any less sub.

(in reply to KindGoddess)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 6/3/2006 5:28:09 AM

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quote:

I lean towards being Dominant in D/s relationships and a bottom in S&M play. Anyone else out there similarly quirky like that?

I am, with only one exception, the dominant in the relationship, but in terms of S&M, I go either way. Bad thing about being a sadist and a masochist at the same time. Granted, I prefer my masochism to come with a bit of humiliation/prodding. It's a cathartic event for me. have only found two people, so far, that could give me enough pain to push me far enough that I could let out what I bottle up. High pain threshhold, what can I say.

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Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Dominant bottom? - 6/5/2006 10:38:33 AM

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I totally get it. i'm a Submissive top. Now that is a hard one. doesn't wash for groups and hard to swallow for the HeDom hehehe, but for that special Dom that loves to feel and can trust and keep control WOW i'm in heaven.

CCdreams

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

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