Collarchat.com

Join Our Community		 Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

RE: Dominant bottom?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> RE: Dominant bottom? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Dominant bottom? - 6/28/2006 10:19:18 PM   
barefoot


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline 		Amazing.  I never thought I could explain this but thread is right in line with what I often feel.  The passion of pain and the gift of Domination.  I know that sounds backwards....but its not....

(in reply to LadyCompassion)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/6/2006 8:44:25 PM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		Gods, it is nice to know that I am not alone being a sadomasochistic Dom. It is hard trying to explain it to some people who can't stop calling me a switch, hell I think I make it worse by playing with some Dommes just for the pain. They know though that there is no power exchange and they are ok with it as long as we both get what we want :P

(in reply to barefoot)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/8/2006 7:28:13 AM   
diaperedbaby


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/13/2005
Status: offline 		I quess I am this as well. For me I need certain components to feel submissive. If they aren't there, it doesn't work.
So I guess I am a dominant bottom, or am I topping from the bottom?
It is so confusing

(in reply to CCalifdream)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/10/2006 9:14:04 AM   
kaiaroo


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		This is a great thread!
After my first D/s relationship, which happened to allow for very specific outside play, I determined that telling people I was simply submissive was not the full truth... I was never really very masochistic; while timid about actually acting on it, I had much more sadistic thoughts floating around in the back of my head, specifically with people outside of the D/s.
While I was really quite happy as a lifestyle submissive, whenever I was in situations with anyone outside of that relationship, I wanted nothing more than to see the person squirm the way I knew I did when I was being worked over.
This really had me confused for a while... I knew I didnt want to be in control over someone's life; not the way I yearned for, yet these feelings were quite strong...

So, while I think I'm in the minority of the responders (probably the opposite of the most common reply you got), I do think Im in the same grey area that started this thread.
I am a D/s submissive that happily *accepts* the pain, and a S/M top (with an open mind to switch scenarios) that just loves the idea of seeing others in compromising and painful situations they get pleasure out of... something that was seemingly triggered by my own experiences as a bottom.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/10/2006 10:09:54 AM   
janiceleeinsc


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		There is nothing wrong with being a Dominant bottom.  I am exactly the same way.  I have a slave, but if I get half a chance in a dungeon setting, I will bottom for the fun of it.  BTW, the first time I was flogged, I was spellbound.  It was nothing like I expected it to be.   She used a kangaroo leather flogger which felt so good. 
You just do what you feel like doing.  That is how you learn. 
Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/11/2006 12:17:49 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I can picture myself liking giving someone else pain, and consider myself pretty submissive (so far) - so maybe I am a Top. But I can't really tell, because I haven't had any experience as one - all I know is that when I think about being one, it not only doesn't turn me off, I like it.

- Susan 

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LadyCompassion)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/11/2006 8:21:03 AM   
Curiossdragnlily


Posts: 105
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		W/we do have several F/friends that are that way also. For me, it is something that i cannot fathom. i am slave thru and thru and Master is the HOH thru and thru. In "all" aspects. But that does not mean that He doesn't listen to what i have to say if it is done with respect. He knows and acknowledges that i do have a mind and wishes me to use it.
with respect,
lily, collared and owned slave of Master Curios
srn 308-692-331

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/11/2006 8:37:14 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I think I am for sure a dominant bottom.. I know what gives me pleasure..and I work the situation so that I get it.  The top may not know that is what I am doing, but trust me.. I have done it many times.  Something even little, like moving my hand where I know he wouldn't want it.. just so it would get restrained... not much...but it gets me what I want.  I think there are many times where the sub/slave is in more control than they(and the Dom) care to admit.
 
~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Curiossdragnlily)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominant bottom? - 7/11/2006 12:25:23 PM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		I love this thread because it should be required reading for men so many of them will stop saying "you must not really be submissive" or if you are sure of what you want, they say, "stop topping from the bottom".

I have always felt there was a fluidity in our needs and behaviors that has to be recognized. The goal of relationships is to have both your needs met, both parties and however that gets accomplished is fine with me. Labels should never get in the way.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/20/2006 9:46:37 PM   
kittens


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		yes, i agree, many times in my life tried to be sub can to a point just so i'm driving the boat.
so over much experiences have only one thing to be true a born
masochist is what i am . It's funny in title i put switch on top, does anyone get that i think not. Have always been a leader the Dom if that makes it clear, just please listen closely to my actions you'll might hear what is really going on is not what's in my head most of the time think better to be dead....it just is amazing the people who have called on me only to see the outside : THAT's ALL ! oh how shallow people are but i always have the finial laugh, who are they fooling when inside you are trash...kisses,k

(in reply to LadyCompassion)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/21/2006 7:27:16 AM   
MzTlaz


Posts: 140
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Kittens....maybe I haven't had enough coffee but your post made no sense to me at all.

On topic: I have met dominant bottoms though they call themselves 'submissive' and it always seems that they are searching for a 'full service top'.  That is, someone who will dominate them in exactly the way the want to be dominated and not in the ways they don't.   It's all about them, and just as a bad top will tell you "if you don't do A you aren't a real submissive" they will complain that the top isn't real too. 

If someone is straight about being a dominant bottom, well, I can deal with that...or not, depending on how interested in the person I am, but when the person insists that they are submissive and continues to manipulate, whine and moan about not getting exactly what they want they can find the curb, preferably with their butt.

(in reply to kittens)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/21/2006 5:14:09 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		This is a standard "me too". I behave dominantly and identify both with sadism and masochism. It's lovely to see people coming out of the woodwork, as it were. Perhaps this is indicative of a rising trend of separating SM and power proclivities.

Like earlier posters have said, unconventional power/sensation pairings can definitely work, though it can be hard to find corresponding partners. It's still better than mis-identifying, as, like MzTiaz complained, dominant bottoms cause trouble for their partners and themselves when they identify as submissives. Submissive sadists seem to encounter the same problem, but perhaps they're fewer, as they seem less vilified.

Monica

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/23/2006 11:19:36 AM   
bignipples2share


Posts: 611
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		I believe the only place that I list as submissive is the profile, which asks, what are you. I don't consider myself submissive, I just list as one, since that is the only area that lists the things I enjoy.
Actually, it's surprising how many Dom's read my profile and I'm exactly what they're looking for. The problem with this is, they're so far away from where I'm living (actually, everyone is far away LOL ) and I don't intend to move.
There is alot of interest and many men who list as Dom,  because they want to do these nice fun things to a woman, but they don't want to be the all mighty, powerful Dom. Same fun..different dynamic. It's all good.

~Big
________________________
ahhhhh I see sounds

(in reply to mp072004)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/23/2006 9:44:11 PM   
sierraflowr


Posts: 59
Joined: 6/7/2005
From: Northern California
Status: offline
I think there are a lot of submissives that get into the pleasing a mate position. What i dont get is why people think that using a strap on makes one Dominant. lol
just IMHO that is.
I also am a 'switch' i guess as i Dominate my husband sub, and have collared him. But i mainly enjoy the physical part of it. quite sadistic actually!
Other than that i am submissive. And masochistic, but the submissive part comes first.
It doesn't do much for me JUST to get beat...
So i've been told i'm a Sadistic Masochist. lol




_____________________________

~flowr
O};-
When I let go of who I am,
I become who I might be.
-Lao Tzu


(in reply to LadyofLight)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/25/2006 10:32:45 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

It's like I've posted before

Dom dose not equal Sadist
Sub dose not equal Masochist



FangsNfeet I agree. If I may expand upon your thought.

Play time:
bottom: one who is flogged.
top: one who flogs.
switch: one who likes to flog and be flogged.

Life and or a relationship:
Dominant: One who by their personality needs to be in control.
Submissive/slave: One who who by their personality wishes to relinquish control of various aspects of their life.

Words have meanings and unfortunately the terms of this lifestyle have become confused. While it might be common for a dominant to top, no where is it written that dominants are or have to be tops. How many times have you heard the expression "it is the bottom who is actually in control"? If that is true and a dominant by nature is in control, why is the concept of a "dominant bottom" such a hard concept for someone to wrap their head around?

In life we all submit to someone. Some of us just kick and scream along the way.

< Message edited by MistressMelissa -- 8/25/2006 10:34:12 AM >

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/26/2006 2:04:28 PM   
candycoatedtoxin


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/25/2006
From: Mt. Holly, New Jersey
Status: offline 		There's something really sexy about dominant bottoms. When I'm subbing, I still tend to be a smart-ass. I try to wrest control from my Domme. And when she does the same to me... *lusty sigh* Domme v. Domme is always hot. Submission is nicer when you've literally taken control.

(in reply to LadyCompassion)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominant bottom? - 8/28/2006 10:55:42 PM   
LeatherRose


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline 		I say welcome to the club babe!
 
Many of us go through a rough time before we find what we truly are, sometimes years.
 
I am Dominant, no doubt about that.  But...  boy do I like pain and sensations!  Part of the bottoming for me is not just a test of me physically, but also mentally.  I test myself to see just how far or how much I can take.  My husband is the only one I truly trust to bottom to, but part of that is because we are what some consider extremists.  We do resistance play and rape, it isn't playing though, it's down and dirty rough.  He never punches me, but I do hit him, kick, bite, etc. whatever it takes until he is finally able to take me down.  We do this when I feel that I can't or won't give over control.  It has to be taken, and it is at a very primal level.  I am always exhausted afterwards, but feel good.  May sound weird considering even during the sex part of it I am still trying to get him off of me.  FYI, even though we are married we still use contracts, just to cover our you know whats for both of us.
 
When not doing resistance I do like it to let go and just feel.  There are times when my ass literally itches for a whipping! LOL 
 
So just know there are a few of us out here that know and understand where you are coming from.  Screw those that think we are the freaks.  Switches are those that feel dominant and submissive in their thoughts.  That's not me.
 
Best of luck,
 
LeatherRose
 

(in reply to CalliopePurple)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominant bottom? - 9/7/2006 6:28:25 AM   
aslv2kneel


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline 		can sopmeone please explain - how is it that one - tops from the bottom ?

(in reply to LadyCompassion)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominant bottom? - 9/7/2006 7:32:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: aslv2kneel
can sopmeone please explain - how is it that one - tops from the bottom ?

In the non-manipulative way:

Bottom: I'd really be up for a slow good flogging scene and teach you some techniques.
Top:  Great idea!
*top starts flogging bottom*
Bottom: OK now try stepping back a few so you don't hit around the shoulders as much
*top steps back*
Bottom:  Great, now try a few different swings- hit with the tips, and then with the body, let it flop and try flicking your wrist
*top complies*
*bottom gives sounds to communicate level of happiness as top hits differently*
Bottom: Now try a few different rhythms, fast or slow or mixed up
*top tries a few rhythms*
Bottom:  Great, now just go where you feel like going
*top proceeds to finish out the scene following his instinct, occasionally asking bottom if this is going well and getting feedback*

The bottom pretty much was in control of the scene and directed the flow of it, thus topped from the bottom.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to aslv2kneel)
Profile   Post #: 59
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Switch >> RE: Dominant bottom? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.051