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Your vanilla persona - 11/8/2007 10:22:12 PM

Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
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I was looking through some old threads regarding submissive men who had dominant or aggressive personas in the vanilla world (the cop, trial lawyer, fire-fighter, etc., who is submissive only in his personal relationships with women).

It got me to wondering whether the reverse phenomenon holds true as often. That is, do many Dommes hold down jobs or lead lives in the vanilla world that would be interpreted as submissive/ passive/ meek, etc.? Or is there more consistency between their public and private temperments?

Always curious, ATP

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/8/2007 11:47:37 PM

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I'm a dom 24/7 and if you meet me in the nilla world I seem passive and submissive.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/8/2007 11:53:49 PM

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From: Nashville, TN
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I am a Domme, and in my vanilla life, I am a department manager. I dont know that you could call my position dominant or submissive by nature, I manage 6 people, but answer to 6 others.
AS for meek, personalitywise I am ALWAYS aggressive, so that wouldnt change.

DV

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 4:06:39 AM

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I find that I differ depending who I'm with.

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 4:36:51 AM

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That's kind of a yes and no for me. I don't have much authority in my job and don't manage anyone, but it deals with collections so I have to be pretty tough. I deal with a lot of temper tantrums.

(in reply to canupleaseme)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 5:06:04 AM

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I'm not a good follower never have been but I can be a great colleague if I believe in the project and the goals/agenda.

The rest of the time I'm very comfortable with any authority I've earned or am given. Since I very very very rarely have had problems that other female college professors report, I think my comfort with authority is one of the reasons I do so well in my field. Students pick up quickly who isn't going to BS them and who they can attempt to push around.

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(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 5:20:12 AM

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I'm Dominant all the time it doesn't shut off and I am perfectly comfortable in my own skin. I don't try to control other people (except my sub, my employees when needed and my replicant) and I am not a brat who demands everything my own way from everybody. I own my company so I'm in charge there. I am actually laid back regardless of who I am around.

~Lashra

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 6:43:51 AM

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From: San Diego, California
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Replicant???

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 7:31:08 AM

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In our case both are true....he is a trial lawyer, and I come across as rather mild most of the time.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 8:58:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aimtoplease101

....do many Dommes hold down jobs or lead lives in the vanilla world that would be interpreted as submissive/ passive/ meek, etc.? Or is there more consistency between their public and private temperments?

In 30+ years, I've met my share of Dominas. They ranged from full-time stay-at-home moms to head-shrinkers, teachers, nurses.... I have never found a reliable correlation between a woman's occupation, or her "public persona", and her "Domina potential".

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 9:15:13 AM

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My child, unmentionable , replicant etc...

~Lashra

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 9:35:56 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: canupleaseme

I find that I differ depending who I'm with.

This is one of the most natural and honest posts I've ever seen here.

The fact is that dominance and submissiveness are relative. No matter what somebody calls themselves, D/s does not happen in a vacuum. What goes on between two individuals determines the relative dominance and submissiveness of each, and that varies with different pairs. There are a hell of a lot of self-professed dominants out there that could absolutely NOT be dominant with me. But some could wrap me around their little finger with ease.

(edited because I forgot to respond to the OP): I'm definitely not submissive in vanilla life. I value teamwork, cooperation, and rational decision-making and division of labor based on relative advantage. If things are going well, I don't care who is acting as leader, or if there is no leader. I don't feel the need to be seen as the leader, but I lead when I think it's appropriate and/or necessary. On the other hand, I can't stand egotistic people who always try to be in charge, and I bristle at people who try to be dominant like that.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 11/9/2007 9:47:57 AM >

(in reply to canupleaseme)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 10:32:35 AM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Customer service is a big part of my job, and I am very good at making furious clients happy campers. My colleagues think highly of me. However, I absolutely lack the ability to kiss ass.

I am myself everywhere I go, but I vary my behavior to fit the task. I am the go-to person for many, many things, though I am a cog as far as the company goes. My clients and colleagues see a calm, experienced, expert person who does not take any shit. Dominant? Submissive? How about professional!

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 1:02:50 PM

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This is an interesting post. Thanks, ATP.

I'm a med student. Although it takes a little Dommeliness (?) to navigate the competitiveness, crazy hours, and ruddy biochem, I find myself in a fairly nurturing role most of the time. Especially when interacting with patients or volunteering at the clinic, I need to be patient, gentle and willing to put up with a lot.

I also have a young UM. IMHO, this is the most submissive role on the planet.

I do enjoy the lifestyle as a stress reliever and a chance to be selfish. It isn't the only reason, but it's definitely there.

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 3:20:00 PM

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I'm a teacher and I work with the military. I've been told I'm like a drill sgt. I'm good at my job because of my aggressiveness and ability to push others to bring out the best in them while being nurturing and sensitive to their feelings and limitations. I also have hellspawn and consider myself to be...sub to them. When they are hungry you can't say "you'll eat when I say so." LOL.

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 3:30:49 PM

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There are many people who are "balancers", with a higher drive to dominate or to submit in their personal lives depending on how much or how little they are expected to express those tendencies at work. These people aren't necessarily all fixed at the same level of dominance or submission, but when the environment at work or at home pushes them further in one direction, they may feel a higher drive to go in the other direction.

Personally, I'm fine with situationally deferring to someone who has practical reasons for needing to be in control of a situation or a task, and to some extent to someone who is paying fairly for my time, energy and expertise. They'll get what they pay for, which is to say my best efforts to perform competently and do the job well. I'm not at all comfortable with personally deferring on the job or anywhere else, so I don't. I generally try to keep my demeanor to "neutral, polite professional" outside of my personal environment, which is to say neither submissive nor dominant.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 4:22:06 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

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We bought a puppy last week and he is adorable, but a feisty little bugger

At the breeders, he had to be separated because he would attack the other puppies. Really attack them. Until the poor little things were howling and crying. He was a determined little Top Dog

But I was worried he has no common sense and will challenge much bigger dogs (and get himself killed).

So the breeder took our little darling out into the yard and let 2 much larger dogs out. They ran straight at him snarling, growling and biting. I was horrified but the breeder told us to do nothing. I thought our little puppy would be mauled to death

Instead he ran and when they caught him (inevitably) his ears were flattened, he was squatting low and looking up at them, pleadingly.

"There" the breeder said "he knows when and how to submit"

My dog knows how to function in the pack and so do I. When to dominate and when to submit.

IMO humans who claim to "always be Dominant" (or - egads! - they might not be a real Dominant) lack some basic emotional intelligence. Domination/submisison is a constantly fluid interaction.

In answer to the question, my subs (living with me in 24/7 D/s) have included an airborne paramedic (fearlessly jumping out of choppers in air-sea rescues), a heart surgeon (leading a big team in life saving surgery), a lawyer and a CEO.

They submitted at home because they wanted to. They knew when to dominate and when to submit to be happy in life.

I have the fewest - if any - power struggles now with the lawyer, funnily enough. He might be more docile than his predecessors or I might be more experienced - who knows?

My own job? I have written elsewhere that my job requires me to exert a lot of power over others and engage in conflicts and dispute reolution. No-one meek in my profession would succeed.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/9/2007 4:33:11 PM >

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 6:14:48 PM

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My vanilla submissive side I am quiet. I don't speak less I am spoken to. I am not really a door mat. You kind of don't want to mess with me.I get alot of soft smiles. I don't fight off the guys as aggressively as i should.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 10:55:09 PM

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I'm at my best when I'm in front of a classroom full of adults...and in charge.

Master Fire

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RE: Your vanilla persona - 11/9/2007 11:07:50 PM

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I am completely the opposite to the outside world in my everyday life.

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